The whole advantage of going to a bar or other traditional singles setting is built around 1) the sheer numbers of roughly compatible people involved (age, class, interest) and 2) that most people are drinking, at least a little, and are therefore a little less inhibited. So, in aggregate, this factors substantially as a social elixir. But for people otherwise at the margins (different/distinct look, personality,interests, p.o.v. etc...) this is typically offset by (at least the appearance of) increased-competition. From everything else in the entire environment, that's also placing some demands on their interest's attention. Including their own friends, other people they're out with, that they also have to give some polite consideration to. (This is unless, of course, going up to an entire group of people and engratiating yourself with literally everyone at once happens to be your forte- in which case it's more probable that you are already, in fact, an actual player. And, in that case, everything else functions as prop or tool in your own performance.) So, that's why some portion of higher-functioning nerds will actually tend to do bit better just within their own personal, respectful domains of nerd-dom. Like, for one who plays the dulcimer or accordian, maybe there's a good number of people who're like "w-w-wHut's the matter with that guy?" Or " what's such a big deal about him?!" But then, back in the small pond of that particular guy's your own local bluegrass community, it's like he's some sort of rock star or something. So,maybe, for some of you, it's that you happen to be approaching these guys within their own personal element of rock-stardom. Where're they're necessarily distracted by all that comes with that; and so, therefore, it just requires that much more to maintain their undivided attention. Or, conversely, you just need to find a rock-stardom of your own. From within which you can wield a more direct influence over whatever the social dynamics might be.