FA Frustrations

Discussion in 'FA/FFA forum' started by huge, Jan 14, 2015.

  1. Jun 9, 2018 #101

    JDavis

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    I think the odds of an FA doing well compared to a non FA partly depend on age. In middle to late age there are way more single women then men, due to men dying younger than women. People also peak in size at around age 50. I think FA men have it way easier than non FA men at middle age. And FA men have it way easier than FFA women at middle age.
     
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  2. Jun 10, 2018 #102

    TwoSwords

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    In my experience, being "sexually appealing" is not in any way the main attribute of motherhood. Being a teacher, a caretaker, a comforter and a provider (in certain ways,) are all much stronger attributes of motherhood, while "sexual appeal" :rolleyes: is more about attracting a mate, than it is about motherhood.

    Uh... No. I mean, if you're talking about how you can't "talk about your prefs" with other people, then that would be a minor speed bump. However, not being able to tell a woman how you really feel about her cuts the relationship off at the throat.
     
  3. Jun 10, 2018 #103

    Never2fat4me

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    Think you're confusing things, TS. Speaking from an evolutionary perspective, it has been a male's imperative to mate with as many women possible in order to maximize the survival and expansion of his genes, while the female has focused on finding someone who will provide good, strong genes that will maximize the survival of her offspring and a good provider who will help ensure the safety (and survival) of their offspring. In humans, this has resulted in men looking for a shapely, attractive woman who will bear plenty of offspring that are as healthy as possible, while woman seek a man who is able to help feed the family well and keep them safe from others. More recently, we have had the luxury of things like "love" and not having to worry so much about our survival, but these things are hard-wired into us and, while not providing absolute direction for the course of our lives and relationships, still have a role in how we think. What you have described is, indeed, an ideal of motherhood to which we all would aspire. But you cannot tell any of these things from simply looking at someone, and looks still are generally what attract men first to a woman ("is she going to provide strong and healthy children?") while women seek something a little more substantial ("is he going to be a good provider?"). This is reflected (generally, not absolutely) in porn for men and women: for men, it is mostly pics and vids, where for women, it is a lot more about romance and complex stories (like "Fifty Shades of Grey".)
     
  4. Jun 11, 2018 #104

    BountifulBabs

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    Yes and frustratingly so. I'm a FA and attracted to BHM's only. Unfortunately, I get hit on by guys who are muscular or average size. I seem invisible to BHM's, despite my flirting and interest.
     
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  5. Jun 11, 2018 #105

    BigElectricKat

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    That would seem odd on the surface. But often, people ignore the the cerebral connection they may have with someone in favor of the physical connection that they don't have and vice versa. I often wonder why a person is attracted to certain types of people, especially the distinctive physical attractions.
     
  6. Jun 11, 2018 #106

    BountifulBabs

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    The science of attraction is very complex, I guess. I was with and married an average sized man. We had the intellectual/spiritual attraction, but not the sexual attraction. I thought it would come over time, but no. But with large men, I never have that problem. Intellectual and spiritual attraction is important, but physical and sexual attraction also matters and it can't be made or manufactured. Everyone has their individual needs and desires, and (as long as it's consensual) that's okay. People shouldn't be faulted or guilted because of their preferences (as long as it is legal).
     
  7. Jun 11, 2018 #107

    BigElectricKat

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    I agree, totally. I suppose that I could say the same for myself. For most of my adult life, I found that I was attracted to tall women. While "tall" is a relative term, at 5'7" you'd think I'd have had a difficult time finding a woman taller than myself to date. But as it turned out, it wasn't that hard at all. But over time, I noticed that I was ignoring that intellectual attraction for the physical one and that made for my relationships to falter. When I started to prioritize what a person feels and thinks and how it connects with my own thinking, things got so much better. But I agree with everything you've said here.
     
  8. Jun 12, 2018 #108

    BountifulBabs

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    I'm totally with you on that. We can't focus too much on one aspect of a person and forget the rest of what makes them who they are. Also, we need to be clear and focus about who we are as people and on what our values are. Thanks for the reminder.
     
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  9. Jun 12, 2018 #109

    BigElectricKat

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    Not a problem. And thank you for your input. You have a wonderful way of putting thoughts through with such clarity.
     
  10. Jun 14, 2018 #110

    BountifulBabs

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    Thank you too.
     
  11. Jun 17, 2018 #111

    TwoSwords

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    Maybe if you're a harp seal or a sea turtle, but in most mammals (and particularly, in human beings,) there's a period of care for the young, and it's during that period; necessary to maximize the chances that the young will be able to survive in the world, the traits of motherhood are most clearly demonstrated. Remember, motherhood is not about mating, but about the relationship between a mother and her children.

    Except that's false. Being shapely and conventional does not necessarily increase health.

    I find it strange how many people advance these sorts of ideas uncritically, based on theories, without taking into account the day-to-day experiences of the average man. The best evidence for the motives of human behavior is man, after all, and if one was ever going to find evidence to disprove this theory, this would be the place to do it. Indeed, would there even be such a thing as an FA if this theory were true in any way? I have never considered any of these factors in my search for companionship, so therefore, I must either be an exception; not produced by evolution like the rest of you, or else there must be an error in this theory somewhere. That's logic.

    Which have nothing to do with being a good provider either, so again, this doesn't support the theory. Indeed, when I look at something like Fifty Shades, I actually see a person who is a terrible provider, and the situation is even worse in series like "Twilight," where there are men who are potentially-wonderful providers, but who are treated like total scum by the central female figure of the work. On the theory/narrative that you've just proposed, books such as these should either not exist, or not be very popular.
     
  12. Jun 20, 2018 #112

    BigElectricKat

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    Talk about a frustration:

    Yesterday, I went to my local Subway to get a sandwich. There were two young ladies working there and both seemed either upset or overwhelmed at the amount of business that seemed to pop up (both in-store and drive-thru). Both seemed rather young (late teens or early 20's at best) from my perspective. Both were attractive but I guess the thinner one assumed she would be the center of attention. She was working the drive-thru and preparing those orders while her counterpart was taking orders at the counter. The young lady at the counter was simply gorgeous. She looked so much like actress Charlize Theron, it was uncanny. But imagine Ms Theron shorter, maybe 5'6", with about an extra 150 lbs, distributed on a sturdy, pear shaped body! Gently flaring hips, large shapely rear, and a nice-but-not-heavy top half. Her hands were lovely.

    As she was making my sandwich, I was making polite conversation as I could tell there was some sort of tension between the two prior to my arrival. But every time I would get plus-size Charlize to laugh or smile, the other girl would interject in the conversation. And when big Charlize would walk away for a moment, my eyes would naturally follow her and I think the thinner girl could see this sparkle in my eye. Plus the fact that I would basically tune her out momentarily. I almost ordered another sandwich just so I could hang around a bit longer. I think perhaps another customer before me gave the bigger gal a compliment and the thin one felt envious. I don't know.

    The frustrating part is that people sometimes assume they are more (or less) attractive based solely on size, which to me is ridiculous.
     
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2018
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