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BigElectricKat

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It's not just a preference for all of us. Some of us are not conditioned to recognize beauty that isn't compatible with our emotions, so this is definitely not the same for everyone. Speaking personally, I've found that the largest challenge I face is finding someone with whom I can share my feelings (fat or thin, man or woman,) and not being treated like scum for having done so. All the positive thinking in the world won't make that problem go away.
I get where you are coming from. However, isn't that how it is for everyone? Most people have some difficulty in finding a person to truly share their feelings, likes, dislikes, ideas, emotions with in a genuine and unfettered way (this as opposed to just finding someone for sex). I've really taken to vetting any potential paramours before making the decision to "jump in with both feet" so to speak. That is perhaps why I'm still alone after these few months (but that's a tale for another day).
Bottom line, I think Dims and other similar sites are great places to connect with like minded people and share without being judged too harshly.
 

TwoSwords

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I get where you are coming from. However, isn't that how it is for everyone? Most people have some difficulty in finding a person to truly share their feelings, likes, dislikes, ideas, emotions with in a genuine and unfettered way (this as opposed to just finding someone for sex). I've really taken to vetting any potential paramours before making the decision to "jump in with both feet" so to speak. That is perhaps why I'm still alone after these few months (but that's a tale for another day).
Bottom line, I think Dims and other similar sites are great places to connect with like minded people and share without being judged too harshly.
I fully agree with your approach. You need to be able to connect on a personal level first and foremost, and that's exactly what I was talking about; the ability to find someone with the qualities needed to really listen and share without jumping to incorrect conclusions about you.
 

BigElectricKat

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I fully agree with your approach. You need to be able to connect on a personal level first and foremost, and that's exactly what I was talking about; the ability to find someone with the qualities needed to really listen and share without jumping to incorrect conclusions about you.
That's like panning for gold: You go where you think something a nugget may lay, stick your pan in the water and scoop up a bunch of stuff, swish it around, letting all of the junk fall by the wayside, and then sift through the dirt to (hopefully) find what may be valuable! And you may have to do that several times before you find what you are looking for.
 

AmyJo1976

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What are you worried about being judged about? If you are honest and open about how you feel, then no woman should judge you. If she does then you've found the answer to whether or not she's the right one for you. If you lie, or are embarrassed about your preferences, then you had a problem to begin with and should address that before you try to find a partner.
 

BigElectricKat

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What are you worried about being judged about? If you are honest and open about how you feel, then no woman should judge you. If she does then you've found the answer to whether or not she's the right one for you. If you lie, or are embarrassed about your preferences, then you had a problem to begin with and should address that before you try to find a partner.
Maybe it's a case of sharing too much too soon. I can see where that could be a time when someone judges (perhaps too quickly themselves). I can see a scenario where a guy or gal just let's it all hang out right off the bat without first feeling out a person in the hopes that they'll be like minded. And when it turns out that they're not, it can feel like a judgment on your character.
 
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AmyJo1976

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It can be and I understand that point. My BF held back on his preferences to a point in the beginning. It was great to start out, but then it started to cause him problems. Actually cause both of us problems. He would hold back on things and it would cause problems, not only in the bedroom, but sometimes in just normal convo. Say like if something was brought up, he would dodge the subject. It wasn't until after we had a fight and almost broke up that he confessed to me what was on his mind. I was very understanding in what he had to say. Of course it was his preference for bigger women, as if dating me didn't make in obvious. He just had a hard time coming out with it. There were other things too, but that was the gist of it. Long story short, it's been amazing sense. He doesn't have this demeanor about him that he's trying to hide something. I feels like we're one together! :)
 

BigElectricKat

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It can be and I understand that point. My BF held back on his preferences to a point in the beginning. It was great to start out, but then it started to cause him problems. Actually cause both of us problems. He would hold back on things and it would cause problems, not only in the bedroom, but sometimes in just normal convo. Say like if something was brought up, he would dodge the subject. It wasn't until after we had a fight and almost broke up that he confessed to me what was on his mind. I was very understanding in what he had to say. Of course it was his preference for bigger women, as if dating me didn't make in obvious. He just had a hard time coming out with it. There were other things too, but that was the gist of it. Long story short, it's been amazing sense. He doesn't have this demeanor about him that he's trying to hide something. I feels like we're one together! :)
Exactly!
 

loopytheone

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I find it really interesting hearing other people's stories about how they meet people etc. I've only ever been in two long term relationships and both of them started with me knowing that other person was an FA. And in one case, them knowing that I like their chub too. So the idea of getting into a relationship with someone before mentioning this to them is foreign to me and very interesting
 

Shotha

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I always make my position clear from the start. I'm fat and I'm staying fat and I'm only interested in guys with the same aims. I also make it clear that I'm openly gay and am not interested in closeted gays. I can't be bothered with all the hiding and subterfuge. I believe in honesty. It prevents a lot of problems.
 

happily_married

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This thread is due for an update.

This is one I’ve been hesitant to share, but here we go!

Something that has always frustrated me is when you tell people you prefer plus size women, or fat girls, or however you want to put it, and they assume that means you find all overweight women attractive. Or they trot out some crazy extreme example like “so you’d take it to Honey Boo Boo’s mom?” (Sorry for the dated example, I’m just citing one I’ve actually been asked.)

Just like guys who don’t like fat chicks don’t necessarily like every skinny girl they see, guys who do like fat chicks likely don’t find someone attractive JUST BECAUSE SHE’S FAT! And right along with that is the assumption I have a fetish and I’d put my little buddy inside any woman who weighs more than 300 pounds...

I wouldn’t mention it if I hadn’t encountered it.
 

extra_m13

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yes, i absolutely agree and concurr. and while yes... being fat is one important element not all fat girls are the same in terms of personalitie or even just plain beauty or shape. the struggle is the same, finding the person that can make you whole goes beyond how heavy she is
 

Shotha

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Something that has always frustrated me is when you tell people you prefer plus size women, or fat girls, or however you want to put it, and they assume that means you find all overweight women attractive.
I think that this is a common mistake that people make with other people's preferences. It's like the reaction that we used to see towards gay men. Some people would react to a gay man's presence at an event with comments about how none of the other men present would be safe. We still far from having other members of society understanding how anyone can prefer fat people as partners. We need to get people to understand that it doesn't mean that we find all fat people attractive. In my case, I'm attracted to fat men but there are many more things that go into making a man attractive to me. I can well appreciate that heterosexual FA men have the same things happen to them. Not all fat people have the same build and how the dress, how they speak, how they behave, their attitudes and values and many more things play a part in attractiveness. If we want people to understand us, then we need to explain these things to them. However, our happiness doesn't depend on other people understanding us.

The issue about us being fetishized is interesting. I don't think that the preference for fat people is a fetish. Many would disagree with me over this point. My thoughts about this have been unclear for a long time. However, I have recently started to ask myself a couple questions. Why does the preference for a certain body type, in my case for fat men, make me a fetishist? If I'm a fetishist, then why aren't all of the people, who will only go with thin people, fetishists? Is their preoccupation with one body type different from my preoccupation with one body type? I'd love to get a T-shirt printed with the following words:

NO-FAT-CHICK-NIKS
ARE
FETISHISTS
 

LizzieJones

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Something that has always frustrated me is when you tell people you prefer plus size women, or fat girls, or however you want to put it, and they assume that means you find all overweight women attractive
I get the same reaction when I tell people that I like big, older, tall men. I don't find them all attractive .
 

Blockierer

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It does't matter what society thinks, preference or fetish. In my case I've always wanted a fat women. Not only to satisfy my sexual desires, e.g. I'm getting aroused by a wobbling fat belly. No, I had the feeling I should share my life with a fat woman in a society who does not understand this preference or fetish.
I had to realise that it doesn't matter what others think about my preference for fat. It's my fat fantasy that counts. At one point in my life I started to be completely open about my preference. Then I was able to date fat women. Now I'm married to 400 lbs woman.
 

Starling

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I haven’t had a problem with people thinking my preferences were ‘bad’ or ‘weird’ as an adult, but I’ve also never met a guy in real life who was as big as I was interested in while also being as good looking as I like. Most of the people I’ve dated are Cute Chubby Guys rather than Big Handsome Men. I’ve always fantasized about dating a crazy handsome guy who was 350 or so, but have never met anyone who matched that description in real life. Part of it being that with the exception of college in the Midwest, I’ve always lived places in the US and Canada that were quite fit (by NA standards at least).

I fell in love with an amazing guy who was about 230 lbs, which is quite small for my taste. Even though he’s since gained 30/40 lbs, I still sometimes wrap my arms around him and wish there was a bit more belly, love handle, or rear to hold on to. But that’s not a bad problem to have, plus I think my husband likes that I think he’s a little skinny for me. He says it’s a nice change from constantly being told to lose weight by SOs.
 

Shotha

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It does't matter what society thinks, preference or fetish. In my case I've always wanted a fat women. Not only to satisfy my sexual desires, e.g. I'm getting aroused by a wobbling fat belly. No, I had the feeling I should share my life with a fat woman in a society who does not understand this preference or fetish.
That's an interesting point. People think that our attraction towards fat people is just a sex thing. Fat men, in my case, don't just get me sexually aroused. They're people that I fall in love with. I have romantic feelings for them. I send them Valentine cards and flowers. I wan't to settle down for life with them. I don't have casual sex. It doesn't interest me. If I go out with a guy, I'm always hoping for more than a one-night stand. Despite all of this, people still think that I do it just for the sex. Many people don't realize that FA's can have very deep feelings for there partners. They fail to realize that we love a fat person, because they could never love one.
 
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