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KHayes666

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I don't feel guilty at all anymore.

Because so many of my friends jump for joy when they lose weight, why should I feel guilty for liking them fatter? If anything that makes me a better friend for not judging them when others did.

Of course they could turn out like someone I know and turn around to give the middle finger to anyone who likes fat people because they support an unhealthy lifestyle...and even then I don't feel guilty.

Why should I feel guilty for what I'm attracted to, because so many fat girls want to lose weight I should feel bad? Even my own fiancee wants to lose a lot of weight and I have no problem with that. Why should I care or feel guilty for liking her just the way she is or whatever she will be?
 

butch

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One thing that I know for myself, which I think many FAs may not have to think about, is how little control we all have about our health and longevity. I have been told, directly and indirectly, since childhood that I was going to die because I was fat. I was never told 'when,' but each and all assured me it would be earlier than it would be otherwise if I weren't fat.

So, the outcome of this was two-fold: 1) because I was dead fatty walking, I became less invested in treating my body 'well,' since I was gonna die anyway, why bother? 2) I stopped fearing my own death, in terms of letting the specter of mortality dictate how I lived my life, which may just be another way of saying point 1.

Thus, when people begin to worry about my health, I wonder why they think there is some guarantee out there that I will live a long, healthy life if I was thin. Don't they know thin people who 'went before their time'? Don't they know thin people who suffer with Lupus, HIV, cancer, rheumatoid arthritis, and all sorts of conditions, diseases, and afflicitons that compromise one's quality of life?

I also wonder, don't they know people who 'don't fit in' and struggle against a world not built for them? Whether it is a world that keeps cab drivers from stopping to pick up a passenger due to racial stereotyping, or the lack of assitive technology allowing a deaf person to communicate with a hearing person? Imagine being a transgendered person and trying to find clothes that fit and flatter, or a little person looking for a car that they can comfortably operate.

If a thin FA has not had to struggle with these questions in their own life, or in the lives of loved ones who aren't fat, then they live with so many layers of privilege that I wonder what kind of world they live in? I would urge FAs to look around and see how many people, not just fat people, struggle to live happily and healthily in the world, and to not discount the ways that fat people exist with marginalization like other stimgatized groups by assuming they have more 'control' to make themselves less marginalized.

That is what FA guilt boils down to, assuming that fat people are more responsible than any other group for their own ability to function in a world that refuses to grant them legitimacy, and feeling bad that one is somehow keeping a fat individual from their 'full potential' to assimilate into thin society.

It is as if thin people are allowed, without any moral judgement, to have health problems, to be grumpy at a world that keeps them down, to sometimes not have access to the material things one wants, and fat people aren't, that instead they have no 'right' to the indignities that come to all of us human beings living on the planet.

I for one reject that. I am a viable, valued person, with a rich and beautifully complex life, even if I can't fit in a chair in the doctor's waiting room, if I have a rash in my folds that is hard to treat, if my clothing options are limited, and I get paid less than thin women for the same job. Just like a thin person is a viable, valued person, with a rich and beautifully complex life, even if they have less padding to keep them comfy in hard chairs, if they have a nasty case of psoriasis, if they can't afford the nice clothes their job demands, and they struggle to find a job with a living wage because they don't have a bachelor's degree.

If you want your partner to have smooth, non-messy, easy lives, date a Real Doll. Otherwise, recognize that partnership involves the mess and muck of being human with a body that will never be perfect, and just as your fat partner brings their own set of messy lives, you thin people have just as messy, complicated lives, with bodies that are just as vulnerable to the random suckiness of illness, disease, and even death, as us fatties.
 

Surlysomething

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One thing that I know for myself, which I think many FAs may not have to think about, is how little control we all have about our health and longevity. I have been told, directly and indirectly, since childhood that I was going to die because I was fat. I was never told 'when,' but each and all assured me it would be earlier than it would be otherwise if I weren't fat.

So, the outcome of this was two-fold: 1) because I was dead fatty walking, I became less invested in treating my body 'well,' since I was gonna die anyway, why bother? 2) I stopped fearing my own death, in terms of letting the specter of mortality dictate how I lived my life, which may just be another way of saying point 1.

Thus, when people begin to worry about my health, I wonder why they think there is some guarantee out there that I will live a long, healthy life if I was thin. Don't they know thin people who 'went before their time'? Don't they know thin people who suffer with Lupus, HIV, cancer, rheumatoid arthritis, and all sorts of conditions, diseases, and afflicitons that compromise one's quality of life?

I also wonder, don't they know people who 'don't fit in' and struggle against a world not built for them? Whether it is a world that keeps cab drivers from stopping to pick up a passenger due to racial stereotyping, or the lack of assitive technology allowing a deaf person to communicate with a hearing person? Imagine being a transgendered person and trying to find clothes that fit and flatter, or a little person looking for a car that they can comfortably operate.

If a thin FA has not had to struggle with these questions in their own life, or in the lives of loved ones who aren't fat, then they live with so many layers of privilege that I wonder what kind of world they live in? I would urge FAs to look around and see how many people, not just fat people, struggle to live happily and healthily in the world, and to not discount the ways that fat people exist with marginalization like other stimgatized groups by assuming they have more 'control' to make themselves less marginalized.

That is what FA guilt boils down to, assuming that fat people are more responsible than any other group for their own ability to function in a world that refuses to grant them legitimacy, and feeling bad that one is somehow keeping a fat individual from their 'full potential' to assimilate into thin society.

It is as if thin people are allowed, without any moral judgement, to have health problems, to be grumpy at a world that keeps them down, to sometimes not have access to the material things one wants, and fat people aren't, that instead they have no 'right' to the indignities that come to all of us human beings living on the planet.

I for one reject that. I am a viable, valued person, with a rich and beautifully complex life, even if I can't fit in a chair in the doctor's waiting room, if I have a rash in my folds that is hard to treat, if my clothing options are limited, and I get paid less than thin women for the same job. Just like a thin person is a viable, valued person, with a rich and beautifully complex life, even if they have less padding to keep them comfy in hard chairs, if they have a nasty case of psoriasis, if they can't afford the nice clothes their job demands, and they struggle to find a job with a living wage because they don't have a bachelor's degree.

If you want your partner to have smooth, non-messy, easy lives, date a Real Doll. Otherwise, recognize that partnership involves the mess and muck of being human with a body that will never be perfect, and just as your fat partner brings their own set of messy lives, you thin people have just as messy, complicated lives, with bodies that are just as vulnerable to the random suckiness of illness, disease, and even death, as us fatties.
"dead fatty walking" - amazing! This made me *LOL*. And I don't do that often.

;)
 

white_shinobi

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I would say I feel a bit concerned sometimes about being an FA, the whole morality issue, as with anything that involves sexual attraction.

I have just accepted it to be a part of who I am now. I don't have some dark past that drives me to control and dominate my partners or force them to gain weight and be dependent. Its like trying to determine what attracts anyone else to someone. As long as I keep reality and morals in check I don't see any reason to feel guilty about being attracted to fat women.
 

FATcha

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During my marriage to a fat women I lost all guilt for desiring and loving her; that was until her family attacked me and my love and desire saying it was hate and hidden contempt.

The love of fat women may take some time for people[including the ones doing the loving] to get used to.
 

AnFa

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I literally hate myself sometimes due to my being an FA. I just wish I could wave a wand, and take away all the challenges being overweight can sometimes bring. The thought that what I find almost uncontrollably sexualy attractive can be damaging to ones health brings my guilt out in full effect. Since I was 11 I've dreamed of being with a 400-600lb woman. I seriously doubt I ever will though, and can't honestly say I'd handle it well due to that guilt even if I could. It really, really, really sucks.
 

amidsttundra

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This is a subject close to my heart and especially significant in my previous relationship.

I'd always fetishized very very large women, but I had never had the opportunity to date a very large girl as there were simply none in my area. Then I met a girl online. She was 420lbs and gorgeous, we exchanged messages and eventually I went to see her, the relationship took off very fast and I made a conscious effort to read up on as much as I could about relationships with very large people.

Her weight had caused a myriad of problems, not so much with her health although she couldn't walk far and had a bad back caused by an issue not related to her weight but exacerbated by it, but specifically - socially - she had grown quite introverted and hated going out. She said she knew she was beautiful and loved her body, but she couldn't deal with the way people viewed her; she'd suffered depression and put on 130lbs in just 3 years so her change from large to very large had occurred quite quickly and emotionally she hadn't come to terms with her size and her back gave her a good excuse to stay at home.

She had resolved to loose weight and had bought an exercise bike. I really wanted to support her endeavour, we'd be able to do more stuff together and she'd alleviate her back problems. But I kept enabling her to eat, a large part of our foreplay was around feeding and stuffing and the way she lost control around food drove me crazy and that in turn turned her on. She wasn't loosing weight and sex was still amazing. But I knew I was sabotaging her efforts and I told her I was. She knew, but she also knew I worshipped her and that made her happy. But I also knew she was not getting better. I was an enabler trapping her in way of life in which I was the only bright part. I loved that I made her happy but hated how my enabling was narrowing her life. We had been talking about going on holiday to Scandinavia when she'd lost some weight, but we had to cancel, she'd lost about 2lbs despite her best efforts.

I had to move to Glasgow for my course, I'd entered the merchant navy and I was acutely aware that I wouldn't be around to look after her all the time and if she gained weight it'd really threaten her mobility. She couldn't travel to see me because of her back and social anxiety and I couldn't afford to see her. We drifted apart and recently I've found out that she's begun loosing weight, I'm glad that it's making her happy and she's more mobile, but I think if we ever got back together she'd probably gain it all back.

I hate that, not only do I sabotage efforts to lose weight, but do it consciously as much as I try and be supportive. I love fat girls but I am constantly guilty about the impact being fat has on their lives. I try to absolve my guilt by being a supportive partner in every other respect, make them feel special and loved (she'd been bullied because of her weight in previous relationships). I was making her happier, surely that would count for something health-wise. But I know it's bull and I also know that I would be less physically attracted to her when she lost the weight. I love being an FA, but the morality of it has always been the hardest part and now my preferences ere towards very, very large girls I really have to modify the way I am in relationships.
 
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Azrael

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@amidsttundra

I think that's more feeder guilt as opposed to just strictly FA guilt.

The fact that you explained that you "kept enabling her to eat" and the fact that a lot of your turn on was based on feeding and stuffing makes me think that's more of the case as opposed to just strictly FA guilt.

Mind you, there's nothing wrong with feeder activities just so long as it is done with the right person...
 

amidsttundra

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@amidsttundra

I think that's more feeder guilt as opposed to just strictly FA guilt.

The fact that you explained that you "kept enabling her to eat" and the fact that a lot of your turn on was based on feeding and stuffing makes me think that's more of the case as opposed to just strictly FA guilt.

Mind you, there's nothing wrong with feeder activities just so long as it is done with the right person...
Yes and no, I identify myself as a feeder and my ex partner knew I identified myself thus and also she found stuffing herself a massive turn on. She didn't identify as a feedee, but she was certainly aware that it was something I was interested in and I knew food was a large part of her sexuality even if her weight was not.

However, food was what had made her fat, because I loved her at that weight I enabled her to eat. I didn't actively force her to eat outside of foreplay but I didn't help her break the cycle of food being a central part of her life after her depression kicked in. I wouldn't necessarily identify that as feeder guilt because I wasn't actively encouraging weight gain, I was encouraging the maintenance of weight.

I see where you are coming from, but first and foremost I am an FA. I am attracted to fat, I am also a feeder, but I don't engage in it unless it is shared. However this is where a grey area emerges, because there are plenty of posts within this thread where FA's have identified a desire not to see their partners loose weight. First and foremost, with my ex, that was the main thing. 400lbs was a magical number for somebody who'd never been in a relationship with a girl over 250. I know it's number counting, but the extra weight also appealed to what I as an FA found attractive.

I wasn't sabotaging her efforts to loose weight because I wanted her fatter, I was sabotaging them because I didn't want her thinner. And I knew that was wrong.

In general terms, I do not find myself feeling guilty that I am attracted to larger girls. If I renounced my FAism today there wouldn't suddenly be a lot less fat girls in the world and those that there were (say if every FA renounced his preference) would simply end up enmeshed in the usual bullying relationship many of my former partners have recounted with "lads" who wanted them to slim down to their ideal, so their partner could appeal to their peers. I understand the dichotomy of my argument having identified myself as a feeder, but to me, there is a significant difference in consensual weight gain than passive aggressive body bashing by the person who is supposed to adore you.
 

terpsichore

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most of the big people I know are plagued with self-esteem issues as well as with aches, pains, and various health problems. I realize this isn't always the case, but the big people I know (including my man) have got it pretty rough. It is very, very difficult for me to come out and say, "I am attracted to fat people and weight gain" then, because I know I'd get my throat ripped out. "How can you sexually objectify something which puts them through so much misery?"
this is how i feel too. actually made a kind-of-similar thread in the BHM/FFA forum but it didn't show up. i guess it's awaiting approval from the mods since it was my first post?

anyway, yeah. i feel bad about being attracted to fat guys, because literally all of the ones i know are not happy with themselves, uncomfortable and self-conscious. and i don't want anyone to feel that way! especially someone i like. and my tastes as an FFA are pretty tame - I generally go for guys who are just chubby or slightly overweight. but i feel like a bad person for being attracted to something that makes the objects of my attractions so miserable.
 

ranterc

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My guilt is not about liking larger women..not directly

my guilt kicks in after certain phone conversations .. conversations that turn me on or how i feel when she tells me how she feels lately about all the weight shes gained
when i think about the things she loves to eat , and how she looks for me to encourage her ,
" omg i really want a peice of cake, i'm not even hungry i just really want so cake"
"so go eat cake"
"but its 3am its too late"
"just go eat cake if you want cake"
"but im going to get huge.... fine ill go eat"..
and shell eat it wile we're on the phone, i can hear her going to the kitchen , movements of plates , forks.. and then going back to her room to eat... "mmmm this is sooooo good"..she absolutley loves to eat
while this conversation goes on i picture her eating that extra late night desert and how it can only add to the weight shes been gaining, and it turns me on
this more or less is a repeat scenario. she feels guilty about eating the cake or ice cream or what ever , but i think it makes her feel less guilty if i tell her its ok.. that she should eat when she wants and not worry about it..
so why do i encourage her? of course its because i love all the weight she's gained..
but i know how unhealthy all those sugary deserts are.. before i eat certain things i look at the packaging to see how much sugar there is in it so as to discourage myself from eating that garbage..yet i encourage her when she looks for encouragement
Lately shes mentioned , because of a video she saw of herself, that she wants to go back down in weight..she was 195lbs when we first got together about 1 year and a half ago .. she's upto about 230 .. that was when she last weighed herself maybe 2 0r 3 months ago . im pretty sure shes gained abit more and so is she but she wont weigh herself .i told her that i liked her the way she is now but what was more important is her feelings about what she looked like .. and i meant it.. but i wished she could just be happy with at the very least, her current weight.Ideally , for me , she would just keep eating and keep gaining.. every so often she'll mention these feelings but she'll keep eating as usual..and every time i hope it will be the same, that she'll just keep eating as usual..." i want to lose weight but i just love to eat so much". is what she'll say. i'll give her some advice on dieting , portions etc.. but i'll always make sure to let her know that i'm just giving that advice because she's talking about diet not because i 'm not happy with her appearance .. and i know she knows this "if it was up to you i'd be 500lbs" and she laughs ..
the only thing that makes me feel some what less guilt is that she knows my motives, she knows that i like her weight and have absolutly no issues with her gaining more..
im not making her eat more than she wants.. she's admitted loving how it feels when she's stuffed ..."omg i am so full" she says as she keeps eating .. i only encourage her to eat when she seeks it ..
but does that make it ok?
 

Azrael

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@ranterc, those types of things would honestly annoy me.

It annoys me because it feels like being such a tease and being extremely indecisive.

The next time that someone goes like that I would tell them to make up their damn mind (that's not what you should do just what I would probably end up doing due to frustration).

Like really....

Are they going to try and lose the damn weight or are they going to just proceed to eat more junk food?

They should quit bouncing back and forth because I can honestly see why doing that can be really frustrating for any type of feeder because you don't know what you should do.

Do you tell them your answer and to go get more food? OR do you go and tell them no because they SAID they wanted to lose weight.

Are they asking you because they know what your answer is going to be in the firstplace or is it due to them actually not being sure.

You just can't win in that scenario.

So yea...I'd probably just tell her to make up her own mind.
 

myownway

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@ranterc

Man, I can understand you quite well... I don't think her attitude is going to change and I think you might have to deal with that uncertainty for a long time if not always, but here's the good thing: she will most probably continue gaining. As for me, I found my solution in helping my wife stay healthy, while leaving the weight loss thing totally up to her and when she does want some treat, I never say "maybe you shouldn't", especially she is not really into junk food. So as long as you are aware of and ready for the fact that you might have to curb your desires if you notice any symptoms of your lady's health worsening, I guess you are doing nothing wrong now. Although it is true that I am far from objective.
 

choudhury

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I can't say that I ever felt guilt about it. Then again, there are two things to consider:

1. I am not personally attracted to extreme obesity (immobility, etc.). My partners have all led perfectly normal and have all been healthy, including my wife, who is in her mid-40s. She sometimes suffers sore feet, knees, and other aches and pains that aren't helped by her weight (she's probably around 250) but nothing catastrophic. I honestly think that if she did develop serious health problems I would gently support any initiatives she took to lost weight, even though it be sort of anti-erotic.

2. My wife would be fat with or without me. She loves to eat. Early in our relationship, I positively encouraged her to eat, but eased off that when I realized that she was going to gain weight no matter what I did. Now I just discreetly enjoy it. So, what is there to be ashamed about in loving and desiring someone for who they really are?
 

myownway

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2. My wife would be fat with or without me. She loves to eat. Early in our relationship, I positively encouraged her to eat, but eased off that when I realized that she was going to gain weight no matter what I did. Now I just discreetly enjoy it. So, what is there to be ashamed about in loving and desiring someone for who they really are?
That's quite an interesting perspective :). I like it.
 

choudhury

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That's quite an interesting perspective :). I like it.
Well, thanks!

I understand that guilt can come from the more extreme end of FA preferences. But a fair bit of FA guilt seems to come from force-feeding or extreme, life-compromising obesity or situations where, say, the FA is dating a relatively thin woman and wants her to gain, leading to tension in the relationship etc.. My whole thing is - why? Find yourself a lady who is naturally on the heavy side and who loves to eat. This doesn't mean launch into massive feeding sessions. Just let her be herself and feel she can be herself around you. Given that half the population is overweight, these ladies are out there.

When I first got to know my bride to be, she was maybe 165 - keeping in mind that she is short, maybe 5'2. I was intrigued by her pot belly. More to the point, she had an obvious appetite. Nothing dramatic, nothing out of some FA fantasy story. But, you know, on maybe our third date she made me dinner, and I noticed that her portions were pretty big; she probably ate more than I did, then commented later that she was "full." I noticed she never turned down food (and I was happy to provide lots of sweets, etc.). These are the sorts of clues that your woman is going to stay fat and probably get bigger.

Sure, there were more dramatically exciting moments, when she'd be SO full after a restaurant meal that she'd have to sit down walking a couple of blocks to the car, or stuff herself so full that she'd have to undo her pants sitting on the sofa. The one time I tiptoed into "feeder" territory was when we went out to dinner and she was too full to finish. I commanded her to finish her plate, and she immediately did (later moaning about being "incredibly full"). We could, I suspect, have had a whole feeder-feedee thing, but it was ultimately never about that... more just about her BEING the fat chick (now fat lady!) she naturally is. That's what's most exciting, at least to me.

The recent holidays saw her gain even more weight. She can hardly button her blazers anymore, her belly bulges out against her slacks. I'm loving it. You can't go wrong with a girl who just naturally overeats. :wubu:
 

myownway

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Well, thanks!

I understand that guilt can come from the more extreme end of FA preferences. But a fair bit of FA guilt seems to come from force-feeding or extreme, life-compromising obesity or situations where, say, the FA is dating a relatively thin woman and wants her to gain, leading to tension in the relationship etc.. My whole thing is - why? Find yourself a lady who is naturally on the heavy side and who loves to eat. This doesn't mean launch into massive feeding sessions. Just let her be herself and feel she can be herself around you. Given that half the population is overweight, these ladies are out there.

When I first got to know my bride to be, she was maybe 165 - keeping in mind that she is short, maybe 5'2. I was intrigued by her pot belly. More to the point, she had an obvious appetite. Nothing dramatic, nothing out of some FA fantasy story. But, you know, on maybe our third date she made me dinner, and I noticed that her portions were pretty big; she probably ate more than I did, then commented later that she was "full." I noticed she never turned down food (and I was happy to provide lots of sweets, etc.). These are the sorts of clues that your woman is going to stay fat and probably get bigger.

Sure, there were more dramatically exciting moments, when she'd be SO full after a restaurant meal that she'd have to sit down walking a couple of blocks to the car, or stuff herself so full that she'd have to undo her pants sitting on the sofa. The one time I tiptoed into "feeder" territory was when we went out to dinner and she was too full to finish. I commanded her to finish her plate, and she immediately did (later moaning about being "incredibly full"). We could, I suspect, have had a whole feeder-feedee thing, but it was ultimately never about that... more just about her BEING the fat chick (now fat lady!) she naturally is. That's what's most exciting, at least to me.

The recent holidays saw her gain even more weight. She can hardly button her blazers anymore, her belly bulges out against her slacks. I'm loving it. You can't go wrong with a girl who just naturally overeats. :wubu:
Well I won't go into telling my own story - you can check it in the "confused FA/conflicted foodee" topic that I have started if you're curious, but basically I did exactly what you said. Once I realized that I am into fat chicks and I like if they get even a good bit fatter as the time passes, I started having my eyes open for one. Luckily for me, it didn't take long before I met a girl who was a bit fat already, loved food and wanted someone who won't be trying to force her go on a diet, and at the same time was wonderful human being. 7 years later and we've been married for 2 years. And I guess my only part in her getting fatter meanwhile was providing her with a fat-friendly environment with accessible good food. Other than that, I guess just has the "fat girl" in her - she likes food and all bodily pleasures and her body simply shows it!
 

sarahreign

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I don't understand why there should be any guilt felt when it ALWAYS takes 2 to tango..especially in the feedism fetish. If the female/male didn't want to get fat, they wouldn't. And if they want to lose weight, they have every right to. Why should an FA feel guilty for liking bigger women? I can see maybe where liking the extreme obesity where the person can't even get out of bed could make one feel guilty- BUT there rare cases where that extremely obese person LIKE being that big so I don't think any guilt should be felt. For any FA who feel guilty because their feedee/significant other MAKES them feel that way, isn't right. Why would somebody intentionally MAKE somebody they are with feel guilty for eating that XL slice of cake? THat just sounds like something completely different like attention seeking or some needy type behavior. I know that if I gain, it is because I want to...and if I happen to lose it is because I want to. Nobody should be put through a guilt trip for something they like!
 

KHayes666

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I don't understand why there should be any guilt felt when it ALWAYS takes 2 to tango..especially in the feedism fetish. If the female/male didn't want to get fat, they wouldn't. And if they want to lose weight, they have every right to. Why should an FA feel guilty for liking bigger women? I can see maybe where liking the extreme obesity where the person can't even get out of bed could make one feel guilty- BUT there rare cases where that extremely obese person LIKE being that big so I don't think any guilt should be felt. For any FA who feel guilty because their feedee/significant other MAKES them feel that way, isn't right. Why would somebody intentionally MAKE somebody they are with feel guilty for eating that XL slice of cake? THat just sounds like something completely different like attention seeking or some needy type behavior. I know that if I gain, it is because I want to...and if I happen to lose it is because I want to. Nobody should be put through a guilt trip for something they like!
For the longest time on Dimensions the feeders/wannabe feeders/FA's were made to feel like absolute crap for what they partook in, admired or fantasized about. The other half of the equation was deemed as poor souls that didn't know any better. I remember reading posts about how feedees were taken advantage of, didn't know anything, blah blah blah and it drove women like Ashley crazy because they'd post about how they were ok/could speak for herself. Yet these people pretty much ignored her to continue their crusade against fetishists.

I'll speak from my own experience. I'm an 18-19 year old kid fresh out of high school with a part time job and I've got women in their late 30's and 40's telling me how much of an asshole I am on a day to day basis because I liked the idea of/encouraging women to gain weight because I had figured out it made my dick hard a year and a half earlier. So when you're being shat on for not only what you like but for who you are, you start to feel ashamed of not only yourself but of your fantasies, thoughts, ideas, etc.

Luckily those miserable human beings are long gone (mostly anyway) and younger members have a bit more freedom to explore their sexuality than I did at the same age. Still, the point remains when you have a toxic atmosphere and are still in a developmental stage, you're going to feel bad about yourself in a hurry.
 

Loki666

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Millersville, MD
I know that I hate myself a lot of the times for being an FA. Ever since I was about 8 years old I had fantasized about being with a larger woman and that's all I ever wanted because after some self reflection I pinpointed it back to my days when I used to be in the cub scouts and I had this den mother who I wouldn't say was really big but she definitely was a BBW and she had always been very kind to me when my Mother really hadn't been. Anyway, right now I'm in this predicament where my wife has been contemplating getting WLS to lose weight to get back to her original weight she was when we had first gotten together back in 2009 when she was around 180 pounds at 5" and now she is at 270, but her highest weight was around 290 I think and she has this extremely rare chronic skin ailment called HS which she has been taking this extremely high dose of this medication called doryx to help maintain her abscesses from swelling up with puss and oozing. When she was first diagnosed it was over a year ago a little after we had gotten married and when she was diagnosed she was at Stage 1.5 going into 2, in this disease there are 3 stages and once you get to the 3rd stage the only way to treat it is by surgery and skin grafts. Anyway, she also has a spine degenerative disease which she was told if she doesn't lose up to 100 pounds she will most likely be in a wheel chair within the next three years. Anyway, I feel guilty because the only real reason I don't want her to be able to lose the weight has nothing to do with anything but my desire to want her to stay sexually appealing to me, and also my fear of her leaving me for someone else in the near future after she loses all the weight. Just to let you know a little bit more about myself I have never tried to get her to gain weight purposely, I have never coerced her into feeding sessions or anything, and I have also tried to help her with her diet last year by joining in with her diet and trying to change all of my eating habits to help her better be able to succeed in her being able to obtain her goals.

But throughout this whole process I have never been able to shake the fear or guilt that I have for wanting and desiring for her to be able to remain at her size even if I know it's not something she truly wants. I went to her WLS seminar last night and all I could do was sit there and grind my teeth and just kept hoping that the whole thing was a dream. I know the Bariatric people have a support group for what they're all going to go through, but I am struggling in my own ability to be able to try and accept this whole thing and be able to speak to about my own problems about being an FA who just can't seem to shake the want or desire to be able to always have somebody the size that I like. Just like somebody stated before about wishing about having a magic wand to be able to remove these urges, I really wish that I could and be able to just get on with my life because all I do is feel guilty about every iota about who I am right now. I mean is this what defines me is my FAism? Or is this just a symptom of who I am on a much larger level? I don't know what to do, I mean I go see couples counseling with my wife and I even talk to my therapist about my sexual issues and nothing seems to have been working, and in fact I feel myself regressing. Anyway, this is all I have and I keep praying for God to remove the urges and wants and just for me to be able to move on with my life and be able to try to have a healthy relationship with my wife.
 

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