FA mistakes?

Discussion in 'BBW/FA Board' started by Tad, Apr 7, 2009.

  1. Apr 8, 2009 #21

    Ernest Nagel

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    Booty Blindness, general superficiality especially when I was young. Size might draw my attention but what's inside is what holds it. Not understanding that well enough to articulate it clearly leaves room for many mistakes. I hope maybe this board can help with that a bit?
     
  2. Apr 9, 2009 #22

    Durin

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    Biggest FA mistake?

    I would sat the times that I look at my relationship through strictly FA colored lenses. Being able to be flexible is important.

    Before I was married I fell in love with a skinny girls personality. Ackward.

    :bow:

    What made it even worse was that she had just dieted herself down to a size where she felt guys would be interested in her. Just not good.
     
  3. Apr 9, 2009 #23

    LillyBBBW

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    I have visceral reactions to things that are really inappropriate at times. I saw an old high school friend of mine thanks to the wonders of Facebook. One look at her and I winced. She was so thin you could see her collar bones. The only person who saw me do this was the person I was with but there was no time to remark on it before greetings begun. My ignorant response was possibly the same as what another person's ignorant response would be when seeing me. To me being that thin looks painful and my neck starts to hurt. I wouldn't be surprised if people equated pain with being fat too. Mine was a gut reaction that hit before I could think it through. Everyone was telling her she looked great and I almost couldn't look at her. It bothers me that I can't fix this.

    If this is inappropriate for this thread go ahead and slap my hands away. I just couldnt think of anyplace else to put it.
     
  4. Apr 9, 2009 #24

    mergirl

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    I know what you mean..
    I get like that when i see really painfully thin people on tv..i cant look and i feel sad. I get this feeling whenever i see anyone that looks like they are in pain, so even though i am an Fa, i can get this if i see a very fat person on tv who is struggling and looks like they hurt. I cant look.
    So, i dont think seeing really skinny people with their bones jutting out and feeling bad and shocked is only an Fa thing..i think its a concerned human thing.
     
  5. Apr 9, 2009 #25

    Esther

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    This is totally it for me.
     
  6. Apr 9, 2009 #26

    Hole

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    When he/she is down about his/her weight, don't just reply with "I love you". It just makes him/her feel like you love them anyway DESPITE their appearance and that is not the case.

    Something I learnt a while ago.
     
  7. Apr 10, 2009 #27

    rollhandler

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    Hit the nail on the head here. My mistake was assuming that if it was ok for her to make a joke, a comment, or use size wording in discussions, that it was ok for me too as well.

    Certain days it was ok, other days were quite uncomfortable. I knew I was being complimentary in my own way, but it wasnt always taken that way even though she knew my intent wasnt to insult her.

    It took quite a while for me to understand that just because I adored and loved her it couldnt quite erase the sting of certain words and phrases heard over years and never in a complimentary or positive manner.
    Rollhandler
     
  8. Aug 14, 2019 #28

    Broseph

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    FA mistake--staying in the closet until age 28!! So many years when I could have been dating all the cute fatties around.
     
  9. Aug 14, 2019 #29

    John Smith

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    I have made so many miscaculations while flirting, but I don't consider to have made "F.A. mistakes" : just posed my point or made a move.

    One lady conplains about having "put a few couple of pounds" and she feel offended when I'm replying by what I'm geniunely thinking instead of what she wanted to hear? Fine, next.

    One lady complains about my wide range of sexual preferability for women of so many different sizes and shapes? Fine, next.

    An another one made a lenghty, concise statement about the "dangers" she risked when she used to be so-calledly overweight while I command somethihg for her and she cannit process the fact I wouldn't be bothered by whether she look like she actually are or does look fuller? Okay, next.

    I never truly hold a defeatist mindset while on the game. Don't waste your time and mental energy on pointless issues. You are a busy, professional Classic Man in Jidenna's words, not their goddamn personal psychotherapeutist.
     
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  10. Aug 14, 2019 #30

    Jimevil2000

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    I never really considered the term FA to describe myself. I don’t know why, because I’m very forward about only being attracted to large women. Even my dating profiles say those exact words.

    My biggest mistake would be assuming that woman who is willing to share her weight indicates either body confidence or acceptance. With societal pressures constantly hitting at all angles, even the most confident person will still question things.
     
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  11. Aug 16, 2019 #31

    Jimevil2000

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    Thats the inherent difference between men and women. We say what we are thinking and are answer/solution oriented. They speak to emotion and don’t want an answer, they just want to be heard.
     
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  12. Aug 16, 2019 #32

    John Smith

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    It is oftentimes due to gender-biased nuances in child education. Girls are raised up during the crucial years of their youth with the old-fashioned expectations that by acting out more emotional and lest resolving unto problem-solving savviness, they can bend any favours at their will.

    But we are not any longer living in the fifties.
     
  13. Aug 16, 2019 #33

    Jimevil2000

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    I don’t know that everything can be coughed up to gender biases. Men and women are inherently and biologically different. To pretend otherwise would be disingenuous.

    These differences manifest themselves in different ways. Some emotional or rational expression is also due to hormonal and cerebral differences by design.

    I use the example of my brother and I. Although we look alike and had the same exact upbringing (complete with whatever learned biases my parents bestowed upon us) we are as similar as we are different. I’m both thought, outlook and action. Just like men and women on a biological level.
     
  14. Aug 17, 2019 #34

    John Smith

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    We have different sexes, different physiological builts, but human brains does pretty much work the same when it pertains about both our emotional and reasoning spectrums. Only individuality, culture, life experience and self-perception does differs us as social animals. I'm not concerned about how humans acts differently when they are mating, are swayed bt their hormones or are making their toilet because that's not the question.

    Boys and girls are educated differently: that's a fact and it's normal. Only, the way girls are still educated nowadays depends yet from factors which are no longer relevant for over an half-century. I'm not saying girls might stop to be girls, I'm saying girls might stop to be raised up like Marilyn Monroe.
     
  15. Aug 17, 2019 #35

    extra_m13

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    this is a very good threat im sure most of us have committed at least one of the mistakes mentioned above. personally i can think of several. pointing out the gain before her. for sure, can be a big mistake, like, look, you have a bigger belly, that is -for them- not always a reason to celebrate. to make comments about her getting really big like if you are talking to a 75 kg and you are mentioning 150kg they will surely freak out and run, weirdly enough the best thing may be to make no comment at all unless you are asked a direct question and the answer must be very carefully chosen, only positive, never saying fat, and never saying gaining more, doubts arise from many angles, you just give her comfort
     
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  16. Aug 18, 2019 #36

    Shotha

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    The worst mistake that I've ever made is not asking the object of my affection out on a date or to meet up for a cup of coffee or something. It's basically not acting before the guy is no longer around. I was scared of what other people would thing about me dating fat guys and I was scared of asking a date from someone, who might think it strange that someone wanted to date him. The lesson to learn from this is to seize opportunities, when they are there. I found coming out as gay was much easier than coming out as an FA and I've heard quite a few gay men say the same thing.
     
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  17. Aug 18, 2019 #37

    happily_married

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    I made my fair share when I was coming out and as thankful as I am to have learned and bettered myself I am regretful of some of the collateral damage I probably left in my wake.

    I’d say the biggest mistakes I made involved being too enthusiastic. I wanted to make sure a woman knew I was okay with her weight. While a woman may actually want to know that she may not necessarily want it spelled out as deliberately and clumsily as I did. I probably sounded like a complete idiot at times and I still cringe sometimes looking back.

    Like I said, I learned and moved on. It worked out in the end for me so that’s good. And I hope some of those women who received blunt and indelicate answers from me or overly enthusiastic assurances that “I’m really into fat girls!” have also moved on and maybe don’t even remember me at this point.
     
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  18. Aug 19, 2019 #38

    Shotha

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    There's another mistake that I've made several times over. I've started dating a guy and gone to a gay pub or club one evening, only to find some guy call to us something like, "My God, Frank, is that the best you can get?" At first I responded by taking my boyfriend to the other end of the room or even to a different venue. I now see this as a mistake. If a guy is good enough to date, then he's good enough to stand up for. These days I tend to respond something like, "Yes, he's the very best I can get. I think he's the best looking guy in town. But thank you anyway for your concern."
     
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  19. Aug 19, 2019 #39

    loopytheone

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    Or just kiss your guy whilst making eye contact with the douchebags, that works too. Seriously, who says something like that to someone? People can be such idiots.
     
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  20. Aug 20, 2019 #40

    Ncmomof4

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    I agree there is definitely inherent differences. Most of us do come at things with emotion and feelings and being heard is very important and well as understood. We don't always want the solution but just to know that he hears what we are needing or just letting us vent without trying to fix. But I think those differences is also what draws men and women together, even if we drive ya'll crazy sometimes.
     
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