FA Relationships

Dimensions Magazine

Help Support Dimensions Magazine:

Tad

Dimensions' loiterer
Joined
Sep 29, 2005
Messages
13,666
Location
The great white north, eh?
Loopy, the problem with a fetish is that you can't just make it go away when it isn't convenient. A true fetish is something that you have to have to get sexually excited, so if someone has a weightgain fetish, without weightgain..... doesn't matter how much they may love their partner, they aren't going to be getting excited. (at least, that is my understanding of fetishes). So it isn't a matter of how much they love their partner (although refusing to help their partner get off would be a different story, and willingness to try some sort of therapy could also be an issue....nothing is ever black and white entirely of course)
 

loopytheone

Staff member
Administrator
Global Moderator
***
Joined
Dec 14, 2012
Messages
4,779
Location
England
Loopy, the problem with a fetish is that you can't just make it go away when it isn't convenient. A true fetish is something that you have to have to get sexually excited, so if someone has a weightgain fetish, without weightgain..... doesn't matter how much they may love their partner, they aren't going to be getting excited. (at least, that is my understanding of fetishes). So it isn't a matter of how much they love their partner (although refusing to help their partner get off would be a different story, and willingness to try some sort of therapy could also be an issue....nothing is ever black and white entirely of course)
Ah, yes, I know that, though I was under the impression that it wasn't a 'true' fetish that the OP had, for want of a better word. I just don't know a word for getting off on an idea without it being a necessity for sexual arousal so I guess that is where I am being confusing. Trust me, I know that you can't turn off a fetish, I have had to explain this to my own partner.
 

bigmac

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jun 24, 2007
Messages
10,349
Location
,
Totally agree with all of this. Dims and FF have hundreds of married men with blank profiles who have been members for years and years, and who look at the sites daily because they have a "fat woman shaped hole" in their lives.

To the OP, I'm guessing she doesn't know about Dimensions site either and your membership here? ;)

Guys like looking at images of naked women. Now there's news.

You do realize that even those of us with a sexy fat woman in our lives can enjoy looking -- sometimes with our significant other.
 

mediaboy

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jun 27, 2007
Messages
995
Location
,
Well finish the story man, was down for your veritable buffet of love or did she get freaked out and report you to the police of normalality?
 

Ruby Ripples

Dis Member
Joined
Aug 30, 2006
Messages
3,489
Location
,
Guys like looking at images of naked women. Now there's news.

You do realize that even those of us with a sexy fat woman in our lives can enjoy looking -- sometimes with our significant other.
Yes of course I do "realise" that, and nowhere in my post did I even hint otherwise. That's nothing to do with what I was saying. However, thanks for sharing.
 

Emma

Well-Known Member
Joined
Sep 30, 2005
Messages
3,863
Location
,
Guys like looking at images of naked women. Now there's news.

You do realize that even those of us with a sexy fat woman in our lives can enjoy looking -- sometimes with our significant other.
I don't think "significant other" means what you think it means. It means a person who chooses to spend their life with you. Not a pillow that you have drawn a smiley face on :)
 

bigmac

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jun 24, 2007
Messages
10,349
Location
,
I don't think "significant other" means what you think it means. It means a person who chooses to spend their life with you. Not a pillow that you have drawn a smiley face on :)
In case you didn't know I am married (even have five kids).
 

waldo

***
Joined
Dec 19, 2006
Messages
509
Location
usa
I live with and love a girl that I've been dating for two years. She's moderately proportioned, with a nice body and fairly big boobs - the dream of most guys lives. As an FA, I would love to see her gain, and this is often the source of my fantasies. I'd love to see her gain, and encourage it, but the thought of either coming forward with my feelings or simply encouraging it makes me feel like a creep. We've discussed getting married, having kids and starting a life together - I am totally cool with this and would be honoured to live my life with this woman. Here's my question:

I'm an FA, and have been my whole life. Do I reveal this to my girlfriend, since we hold no secrets, or not? Is this the kind of sacrifice one makes for their partner, and should there be no secrets in a lifelong relationship?

I am very interested to hear what you all think, so please let me know. I'm assuming there are a few of you out there that have been through this, so please help me out if you can.

Little late to the discussion here but I assume you may still be mulling over this situation and would appreciate further input. And others are certainly lurking out there for which this topic will be of relevance.

The line that sticks out for me is:

"I'm an FA, and have been my whole life."

According to your profile page, you are 29 years old. And since you have been an FA all this time, is this something that your friends and family are at all aware of? Have you actually had a relationship with any fat women (I mean a real relationship, not just booty call).

Don't get me wrong, I am not here to bash any 'closet FAs'. BUT if that term describes you Fingermonkies or anyone else reading this, then you need to work on yourself before you can be a proper partner to any woman.

And I really don't buy this about how you would like your woman to gain weight "but it is not a deal breaker" if she does not. Either your desire to be with a fat woman is strong enough that you are indeed an FA, or this is just something that intrigues you regarding being with a fat woman and you should have had the opportunity to 'get it out of your system' by now.

Now you may indeed love the woman that you are with, but if she does not satisfy the essence of your sexuality, then your relationship is a house of cards. As Ruby so aptly put it, you are at risk of having a fat woman sized hole in your life that never subsides (and no, having a fatty mistress on the side will not fill this void but only add more guilt and shame).

As Bigmac said, there's plenty of hot fat women out there, go find you one that will be a good wife and be a good husband to her. It isn't that complicated. The key is to have the balls to go for what you want and tell anyone that doesn't like it to suck rocks ;)
 

leina2009

Active Member
Joined
Nov 7, 2013
Messages
39
Location
, Female
I just love how everyone says that it won't be able to work because she wasn't a feedee to begine with. I was 120 pounds, fitness nut, and long story short, I got with my boyfriend who's a feeder, and now I'm over 200 pounds and wanting to gain more. Have some faith. You never know how she will take it or what she will decide to do. Tell her, and hope for the best. You never know what could happen. :) good luck!
 

GamerGainerGirl

FatFairyBabe
DimensionsModel
***
Joined
Sep 28, 2013
Messages
64
Location
,
Definitely don't give up on her if you love her just because YOU haven't been honest about your desires. While I disagree with others here that sexuality is a deal breaking thing in a relationship ( love and lust are two different things) I will also say I was in her shoes not long ago. I have been in a long term relationship with my FA fiancé, who told me about his desires about 4 or 5 years ago now. At first I was startled, and confused because I had been raised in a very fat hating family. Having always been a chubby girl I hated my fat because of how my family spoke of it and the things they said or did on a daily basis (they seemed under the impression that if they made me hate my body and feel 0 self confidence I would miraculously transform into a skinny person)
I loved him a lot and I was willing to learn more about it and try it out for him.. Now here I am pushing 300lbs and working on gaining more :)

If you introduce her to dims it will probably help a lot. I never saw this site for a long time and I would struggle with societies feelings vs his feelings a lot. After I found dims I realized how common this actually is and that I am not alone :) I also have come to realize I was fit for this lifestyle all along. I adore food more than basically anything lol. I get depressed if I have to deprive myself. I am overjoyed to stuff myself with delicious foods. I guess I was a... Closet feedee? xD and I would never have even known that was a thigh had he not introduced me to this "world"

So yes, talk to her :) If she can't handle the knowledge of your desires then the relationship may not be a good idea to continue anyways. There are plenty of people with (I hate using the term but) "fetishes" that they have but do not act on in long term relationships.
 

Extinctor100

Looking for Angels
***
Joined
Dec 11, 2011
Messages
360
Location
, Male
I just love how everyone says that it won't be able to work because she wasn't a feedee to begine with. I was 120 pounds, fitness nut, and long story short, I got with my boyfriend who's a feeder, and now I'm over 200 pounds and wanting to gain more. Have some faith. You never know how she will take it or what she will decide to do.
After I found dims I realized how common this actually is and that I am not alone :) I also have come to realize I was fit for this lifestyle all along. I adore food more than basically anything lol. I get depressed if I have to deprive myself. I am overjoyed to stuff myself with delicious foods. I guess I was a... Closet feedee? xD and I would never have even known that was a thigh had he not introduced me to this "world"

So yes, talk to her :) If she can't handle the knowledge of your desires then the relationship may not be a good idea to continue anyways. There are plenty of people with (I hate using the term but) "fetishes" that they have but do not act on in long term relationships.
I agree with SO MUCH of these two replies more than most of the other comments thus far.

While I concede that it's easier/better in a lot of ways to find someone already fat and date them, rather than getting your currently-non-feedee partner to gain, the fact of the matter is that people don't realize the intricacies of their own sexuality without relationships that allow them to explore and experiment. All our defining sexual traits are "in the closet" at some point as we are young and then express themselves at the right time. You'll never know if she is secretly ashamed of her repressed desire to stuff herself and gain weight unless you open the dialogue about it and give her a chance. My girlfriend never realized that all the times she would sneak into the kitchen to secretly snack, or her tendency to always eat until she was beyond-full, were just a shadow of things to come. It was when she met me and was introduced to a love of fat/gaining that she realized that she got an immense amount of happiness and satisfaction from it and now has realized that is a part of her own sexuality and not just mine.

As her boyfriend, I feel I'm blessed with two things now... First, I'm with someone who I already enjoy on so many levels of compatibility and commonality, and I will get more of this beautiful woman to enjoy and shower with adoration and love. Secondly and unexpectedly, we both realized that I didn't have insecurity about what would happen if she lost the weight in the future. I'd been attracted to her at 120 lbs, and 200 lbs, and I'll be attracted to her at those weights again if it happens. While I know it differs for others, my perspective is that I like ice cream and of course I want more, but I doubt I'd refuse to eat any if the next bowl had a little less. :p
 

polfa777

Member
Joined
Jun 29, 2007
Messages
5
Location
,
Hi all,

I wouldn't dare to give anybody advice on how to manage their relationships but this thread made me want to share my experience.

I am an FA with a female gaining fetish, married with 2 kids to an average built woman. I've been with her for the last 15 years and I'm happy. Our sex life is satisfying and I am attracted to her at most size. I am not sure how others function: maybe for some the fatness is necessary to be aroused - for me it isn't despite the fact that my identity as an FA is strong and indisputable.

I laid all the cards on the table many times but my wife woudn't want to gain weight. I am perfectly OK with this - I have absolutely no right to demand something like that from another being.

I am definitely one of those married man with blank profiles who browse these forums often that were mentioned in one of the posts above. It is true that I am missing a fat woman im my sex life but I wouldn't go as far as to calling it "a hole in my life". True, it is a desire that is not getting met but not the only one. I can live with that. True, I try to ease the tension that it creates by looking at the beautiful women pictures here. I can live with that too. Don't other married men watch naked ladies online?

This need does actually get quite painful and advances closer to the foreground when our sex life dwindles perodically - like now when my wife is breastfeeding which reduces her libido.

My personal insight about sexual desires is that they can't really get quenched. This is why I find the "fat woman shaped hole" simile very accurate. I am not sure though if this hole can be filled by a fat woman - perhaps the case with the fetish is that the hole can never be filled. The desires are always there and we have to learn to manage them without denying them. Hence I never considered leaving my wife because I love her and our relationship works on so many levels.

This is my piece of mind...
 

Extinctor100

Looking for Angels
***
Joined
Dec 11, 2011
Messages
360
Location
, Male
My personal insight about sexual desires is that they can't really get quenched. This is why I find the "fat woman shaped hole" simile very accurate. I am not sure though if this hole can be filled by a fat woman - perhaps the case with the fetish is that the hole can never be filled. The desires are always there and we have to learn to manage them without denying them. Hence I never considered leaving my wife because I love her and our relationship works on so many levels.
This is the unspoken point of clarity, clearly and wonderfully stated: we don't have to have this discussion with the assumption that us not getting 105% of what we want, leaves us miserable and unfulfilled. Very well said, sir, because it is true.
 

Azrael

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2011
Messages
129
Location
,
This is the unspoken point of clarity, clearly and wonderfully stated: we don't have to have this discussion with the assumption that us not getting 105% of what we want, leaves us miserable and unfulfilled. Very well said, sir, because it is true.
It's really a personal thing really...

Some people out there can manage with their weight gain fetish in the fantasy side and some people can't.

Some can live perfectly fulfilling relationships without feederism while many others feel empty without their feederism kink fulfilled.

It's a person by person thing.
 

bigmac

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jun 24, 2007
Messages
10,349
Location
,
This is the unspoken point of clarity, clearly and wonderfully stated: we don't have to have this discussion with the assumption that us not getting 105% of what we want, leaves us miserable and unfulfilled. Very well said, sir, because it is true.
Yes, as the Rolling Stones said so long ago "you can't always get what you want ... but ... you get what you need."
 

Aurora

Kushy Curves
Joined
Oct 2, 2005
Messages
828
Location
,
This post is old. I wonder if he ever told her?

I'm also of the mind that there are a *lot* of people (men and women) out there who would be happy to indulge in life if they knew their partner would be into it. When you grow up in a world that's constantly telling you fat is bad, effectively brainwashing you, it can be difficult to open your eyes to other possibilities. The love and support from a partner might be all that's needed to awaken a whole new sense of freedom, confidence, and self love. I think a lot of it has to do with self acceptance, which in a lot of ways is just as taboo as fat.
 

mustbefat

New Member
Joined
Aug 19, 2010
Messages
4
Location
,
I'm now with a girl that weights 231 lbs.

She's great. I'm at 224 lbs, so we're a fat couple.
 

choudhury

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 8, 2006
Messages
142
Location
,
This is/was an interesting thread. I guess most people have to negotiate a gap between their purely sexual "ideal" and reality. For example, most non-FA guys seem to fantasize about porn stars/supermodels/actresses and yet end up with women that are some distance from that "ideal." And most women end up with someone other than Daniel Craig or whoever.

An FA (or feeder) being with an average-sized woman could be seen as similar in principle. The difference is that where women who look like porn stars are a rarity, BBWs abound. But lonely FAs still often find themselves falling into relationships with partners who are obviously not their ideal type.

Another thing to consider, and I hope I'm not offending anyone here, but most FAs probably do not consider all BBWs equally sexually attractive. So even if you do end up with a BBW, it may not be your "ideal" BBW. That's life.

I did date a three or four non-BBWs before hooking up with my wife. Most of those relationship failed to last very long, but the reason was generally not a lack of erotic chemistry. One thing is almost certain, though - none of these women would have responded well to my proposing that they gain weight. And I'd think a "feeder" who wants to fatten up a thin girl is going to have a harder time finding their ideal than one who just finds a BBW who loves to eat.

(Finally: I'm not sure I agree with the use of "feeder" to describe an FA who loves weight gain. Speaking for myself, I sure do love weight gain, but I draw absolutely zero sexual charge from being the cause of it. My wife is 270 lbs and has gained about 100 lbs over 19 years and it's all from her own steady over-eating. I love THAT, as I love each additional pound).
 

ClashCityRocker

Outer Space Potato Man
Joined
Oct 5, 2005
Messages
1,371
Location
,
This is/was an interesting thread. I guess most people have to negotiate a gap between their purely sexual "ideal" and reality. For example, most non-FA guys seem to fantasize about porn stars/supermodels/actresses and yet end up with women that are some distance from that "ideal." And most women end up with someone other than Daniel Craig or whoever.

An FA (or feeder) being with an average-sized woman could be seen as similar in principle. The difference is that where women who look like porn stars are a rarity, BBWs abound. But lonely FAs still often find themselves falling into relationships with partners who are obviously not their ideal type.

Another thing to consider, and I hope I'm not offending anyone here, but most FAs probably do not consider all BBWs equally sexually attractive. So even if you do end up with a BBW, it may not be your "ideal" BBW. That's life.

I did date a three or four non-BBWs before hooking up with my wife. Most of those relationship failed to last very long, but the reason was generally not a lack of erotic chemistry. One thing is almost certain, though - none of these women would have responded well to my proposing that they gain weight. And I'd think a "feeder" who wants to fatten up a thin girl is going to have a harder time finding their ideal than one who just finds a BBW who loves to eat.

(Finally: I'm not sure I agree with the use of "feeder" to describe an FA who loves weight gain. Speaking for myself, I sure do love weight gain, but I draw absolutely zero sexual charge from being the cause of it. My wife is 270 lbs and has gained about 100 lbs over 19 years and it's all from her own steady over-eating. I love THAT, as I love each additional pound).
pretty concise answer here. i will say, however, that being transparent about one's preferences, sexual and otherwise, tends to lead to a happier relationship. bringing to one's significant other's attention the FA (or WG, as the case may be) factor adds a level of comfort which is integral in a strong relationship, regardless of whether or not the concerned party is willing to participate physically. one thing i've found is that, even in cases where i'm involved with someone thinner/athletic, mere appreciation of my preference is enough to get the engine going. hearing whomever i'm involved with speak about her own weight gain or overeating is often enough, powered by our mutual feelings for one another. while, yeah, it would be great for her to gain an incredible amount of weight, the fact that she is willing to cater to my own sexual preferences, in however minute a capacity, is more than enough to keep the physical/sensual fire burning.

then again, i have been in a situation where a girlfriend has gained a decent amount of weight while with me (however unintentional). and that was marvelous, but then again, she reached a point where she was no longer comfortable, and that's where reality kind of hits and it then falls on me to curb my own desires and work to support her wishes. it's a give and take in any relationship, and i feel that the most important element is complete and thorough communication.

this was terribly long-winded, and i apologize, but i hope it was at least helpful!
 

Latest posts

Top