I'm fairly new here, but just gonna jump right in. I know my story isn't a new one. For me, realizing I was an FA was a kind of spiritual awakening. It was more than just a thing I figured out. I had been fascinated by fat folk since I was a child. (I'll never forget the first time I discovered the Guiness Book of WR) I dated a few big girls in school, yet ultimately drifted away because I was a typical teen-ager, but also because I felt conflicted. I LOVED being with big girls (I didn't know what a BBW was then). I was captivated by their size, softness, and conspicuous femininity. But, I also had this awful "self-loathing" that comes with constantly questioning yourself. I didn't cave when friends of mine joked about liking big girls. Yet, I had not really accepted it myself. At the time, I didn't know how. I didn't have a name for my sense of eroticism or sexuality. I didn't know what an FA was. All this was, heck, 15+ years ago. Over time, when I finally woke-up to being an FA during and after college (Dim, btw, helped tremendously with this), it was like a light came on. Soon, I was married. But, looking back, it's still like I was an virgin. (weird?) When I finally made love with the same wonderful woman, loving her - but also loving it b/c I loved she was soft, curvaceous, and fat - intimacy took on a spiritual quality. Since then, I literally look at the world in a different way. How long does this FA-buzz last? I've had it for at least a few years!? I lurked here for a long time, but didn't post just because I was busy. I'm a stay-at-home dad. Both my wife and I are in school. I just didn't have time. But, one of the things that stirred me out of lurking - besides just plain wanting to - was one of Jay West Coast's posts in "My First True BBW Experience" thread. AnnMarie, our illustrious moderator, liked it enough to tag it in her sig. I really resonate with Jay's post. I'm convinced, and think most would agree, sexuality and spirituality are linked. Right? There's a kind of spiritual experience that is formed or expressed in particular kind of sexual experiences. Sex, of course, doesn't have to be spiritual. (Sometimes, it's better when its not ) But the erotics between an FA and BBW, seem to me, over the long-run form a kind of spirituality. If you're an FA, you have a different sense of bodily sensuality, a special role for fantasy, a certain understanding of the body's size, softness, and proportionality. As some kind of straight-guy, all this is link with femininity. But, of course, it doesn't have to be. Ya catchin' me?