FA Spirituality

Discussion in 'Fat sexuality' started by bigplaidpants, Jan 31, 2007.

  1. Jan 31, 2007 #1

    bigplaidpants

    bigplaidpants

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    I'm fairly new here, but just gonna jump right in. I know my story isn't a new one.

    For me, realizing I was an FA was a kind of spiritual awakening. It was more than just a thing I figured out. I had been fascinated by fat folk since I was a child. (I'll never forget the first time I discovered the Guiness Book of WR) I dated a few big girls in school, yet ultimately drifted away because I was a typical teen-ager, but also because I felt conflicted. I LOVED being with big girls (I didn't know what a BBW was then). I was captivated by their size, softness, and conspicuous femininity. But, I also had this awful "self-loathing" that comes with constantly questioning yourself. I didn't cave when friends of mine joked about liking big girls. Yet, I had not really accepted it myself. At the time, I didn't know how. I didn't have a name for my sense of eroticism or sexuality. I didn't know what an FA was. All this was, heck, 15+ years ago.

    Over time, when I finally woke-up to being an FA during and after college (Dim, btw, helped tremendously with this), it was like a light came on. Soon, I was married. But, looking back, it's still like I was an virgin. (weird?) When I finally made love with the same wonderful woman, loving her - but also loving it b/c I loved she was soft, curvaceous, and fat - intimacy took on a spiritual quality. Since then, I literally look at the world in a different way.

    How long does this FA-buzz last? :D I've had it for at least a few years!? :rolleyes:

    I lurked here for a long time, but didn't post just because I was busy. I'm a stay-at-home dad. Both my wife and I are in school. I just didn't have time. But, one of the things that stirred me out of lurking - besides just plain wanting to - was one of Jay West Coast's posts in "My First True BBW Experience" thread. AnnMarie, our illustrious moderator, liked it enough to tag it in her sig.

    I really resonate with Jay's post.

    I'm convinced, and think most would agree, sexuality and spirituality are linked. Right? There's a kind of spiritual experience that is formed or expressed in particular kind of sexual experiences. Sex, of course, doesn't have to be spiritual. (Sometimes, it's better when its not ;) ) But the erotics between an FA and BBW, seem to me, over the long-run form a kind of spirituality. If you're an FA, you have a different sense of bodily sensuality, a special role for fantasy, a certain understanding of the body's size, softness, and proportionality. As some kind of straight-guy, all this is link with femininity. But, of course, it doesn't have to be.

    Ya catchin' me?
     
  2. Jan 31, 2007 #2

    sean7

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    Interesting post.

    I think the spirituality part comes with being with a person who you can grasp with, regardless of their physical appearance. That being said, it is appearances that first attracts you to the person, so...

    I think what makes it over the top for an FA and a BBW is that both parties have had obstacles in dealing with their size/preference. And when both parties meet for the first time, all that built up energy, that longing, finally comes to fruition. So ya, the relationship can have a unique element in their relationship with regards to spirituality and sexuality.
     
  3. Feb 1, 2007 #3

    Fatgirlfan

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    I discovered that I liked fat girls at an early age. Before I hit puberty I liked
    fat girls(especialy older teens). When I hit puberty I had an overwhelming attraction for fat girls. I was a young man in college and was open about it to my friends, even though liking fat girls in the 80's was not look upon as acceptable. I always thought that I was how God intended me to be. He created fat girls and he created someone to love them. So, I am just doing what God thinks is rights.(BG):p

    also, I am way behind on my posting quota and I need to make up some ground.
     
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  4. Feb 1, 2007 #4

    Observer

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    How long does it last?

    Well, I remember pestering a cute chubette in the fourth grade just because I wanted to - never reacted to any of the other girls the same way. She passed into history when the district changed boundaries, but it was only the beginning.

    Many years and many BBW dates later I married a young lady who was a good deal bigger than my first attraction. I've never been sorry.

    Now I'm a four time grandpa and I'm still likely to grope her at any reasonable opportunity - and she at times wonders the same as you, will I ever get tired of it? Based on the now over half century record, I doubt it. Not unless she does.
     
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  5. Feb 1, 2007 #5

    bigplaidpants

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    Being new here, perhaps I'm livin' my FA-enthusiasm a bit out on my sleeve. Oh, well. Spiritualizing fat admiration might weird folk out.

    Thanks for your responses.

    To come clean: I was in full-time ministry for 6+ years. (religious people scare me, too.) I'm now studying theology again and trying to think about sexuality and God together.

    Thinkin' too much? Maybe.

    This place has just always made me *giddy* like a kid in a candy store. I do think there's something spiritual that goes on in folks around fat sensuality, big bodies, and fat admiration. It's more than a taste. It's something that lives in your skin.

    Bangin' the FA drum.....:D
     
  6. Feb 1, 2007 #6

    Jon Blaze

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    I was talking about what I call the "Preference Potential" in my gigantic Dr. Phil blog. I believe it to be that age between 11-16 (Or however long it takes you) in which you walk towards maturity. On your way you carry something a preference like Fat Admiration, Bisexuality, et cetera... Whatever the case maybe. I think what you said sounds about right.
    Fat Admiration Potential anyone? :D
     
  7. Feb 1, 2007 #7

    Durin

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    I think part of this Spirituality you are talking about has to do with kinship. I find that there is a connection between Fat People. A few of my wife and I's friends are also in the plus size variety and I think there is a connection, like there is with people who have other comminalities.

    :bow:
     
  8. Feb 1, 2007 #8

    LillyBBBW

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    Don't sweat it Plaid. I see you're going to fit in very well around here. :D
     
  9. Feb 1, 2007 #9

    James

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    Hi Bigplaid

    Totally catchin ya :)

    I absolutely relate to your post and just wanted to chip in with a few thoughts I've been having recently...

    In my experience, the whole process of realising I was an FA,...conquering the adolescent worry of peer judgement, becoming open, confident and proud to state how you feel about big girls was an immensely satisfying journey of self acceptance... One that wasnt easy to start, but one that I'm more than glad I went through when I did.

    I define it as the moment when I stopped thinking "woe is me...if only I could be attracted to slim girls", and instead realised just how blessed I was to be able to see the beauty of fatness, how lucky I was that I would experience something so damned amazing in a way that non-FAs just couldnt imagine.

    and I'm still learning about it all... and about myself

    much more recently, In the last year or so, I've come to appreciate other, more important things about being an FA... things that go beyond just being at ease and open with liking fat girls. The most important things about a quality girl have actually not a lot to do with their size. (Sounds obvious I know... but physical attraction can blind a guy to relationship reality sometimes...) It hasnt come about from a relationship, just a great friendship but for the first time, I've felt how it feels to properly connect with someone on the same wavelength as me... to click... on all levels, not just physical. To know that I should not have to feel guilt, or explain my preference, or to be depended upon to feel whole...

    I know now that understanding the overiding importance of the "whole package" is what being a proper FA is about. I totally sure that for me to aim for anything less is pointless now.

    Its far more than just being ok with saying "I like fat chicks..."

    Its about saying "I like this fat chick I'm with the most and I'm bursting with pride to know and be with her... she rocks!!!"

    :D
     
  10. Feb 1, 2007 #10

    Green Eyed Fairy

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    Reading your post, I got the impression that you are in celebration of your still somewhat new self acceptance. Yes, you finally accepted your preference for BBW but then again, you also accepted yourself exactly how you are. That's always a reason to celebrate.

    Congratulations :D
     
  11. Feb 1, 2007 #11

    James

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    Hey Green Eyed Fairy,

    I dunno if thats for me or Bigplaid but thanks :D... I've been an FA, open and cool with it for years and years, but in a sense yeah, I do feel pretty fresh about it again now in some ways... its tough to explain :D

    basically, as a valued friend here (;)) just repped me to say "growth is a good thing" :D
     
  12. Feb 1, 2007 #12

    Green Eyed Fairy

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    It was for the OP but I admire any person that is open and follows their heart. I have been working on self acceptance over the past couple of years and felt the need to celebrate with everyone else , too :)
     
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  13. Feb 1, 2007 #13

    James

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    and we're celebrating with u! :D

    some rep going your way G.E.F ;)
     
  14. Feb 2, 2007 #14

    bigplaidpants

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    Durin, you're right. There's something to the notion a "fat community." If this webboard isn't a testament to that, nothing is. And, with a community comes a some kind of spirituality - secular or otherwise....at least in my line of work. :)

    Thanks.
     
  15. Feb 2, 2007 #15

    Jay West Coast

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    What I wrote was very long and generally lacked cohesiveness. LOL...It's in your PM box.
     
  16. Feb 2, 2007 #16

    bigplaidpants

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    GE Fairy - Keen. [Let's bring back that 70's word.] You're right. Self-acceptance is a layered experience, I think. It's one thing to accept you're an FA - to have a term, an identity, for what defines you erotically. [is that a word?] It's another thing to claim it, express it, live it, flaunt it. Yet, again, for me at least, it's been yet another graduation to find myself in a community. I don't really know any other FA's personally. Not really.

    Being "out" in a forum where ppl can feel ya, identify, and celebrate with you.

    Priceless.

    Thanks.
     
  17. Feb 2, 2007 #17

    Say Hello to the Angels

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    As one who has felt chafing insecurity about being open about (not to mention celebrating) both his spirituality and his preferences for women, I can say that I appreciate this thread more than I would have a few years ago-- which is not to say that I'm finished developing along those lines yet. As a spiritual mentor in my life told me once, "We are all adults in training"-- which sounds campy, of course, but it's true. Right now I am figuring out that sometimes I may have to accept myself for who I am, rather than twisting myself into something I may only want to be as a result of influences that I picked up from others and failed to think about for myself. And ultimately, I think that self-acceptance is what this board is all about.
     
  18. Feb 3, 2007 #18

    liz (di-va)

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    Dead serious ramble ramble ramble...

    I've been thinking about this post a lot since I read it; I wanted to respond but haven't entirely known what to say, because you're mostly talking about this phenomenon mostly in terms of the "long run," which is cool and nothing I'm trying to sandbag or drag off topic. But since you're gathering responses...what you're talking about feels relevant in more than just that context. At least as I experience it from the other side (as a BBW, I mean that).

    There is something about being fat and loving fat, putting those two states together, that makes you, while more of your body and in your body, simultaneously forced to step outside yourself, very much of the body and outside of it at the same time. I guess that's true of any intimacy, but there is something about the connection between two people in that context--about the new thing you create together--that is really unique. You can experience different, sweet versions of it with platonic friends, like Durin was saying--there is a kind of intensity of appreciation and validation that vibrates between me and my closest fat friends I don't have with others. And with lovers or boyfriends...I guess I don't know particularly how to describe it and some of it's too intimate to talk about, but it has a quality of meeting a very deep need and creating endless giving at the same time.

    Maybe too, if we talking about people who are really happy being FAs and people who are really happy being fat, we're talking about people who know a fundamental life lesson some people don't. That level of acceptance, whether hard-won or easily-worn, but regardless nothing the rest of the world's encouraging, really doesn't exist everywhere, and I forget that. There is something about intimacy within that life lesson that is like coming home--as Jay said. Not exactly in an end-of-the-road sense--more like you're stepping into this better, happier world, where there no self-consciousness (that sounds hopelessly idealized, but it feels true, whether we're talking about long-term intimacy or a one-night stand). Where it's all good, kinda, very inside-out, strangely, since it's a physical attraction first that's driving this, rather than outside-in.

    One of the positive qualities I look for in people is what I term a "physical imagination." I have a hard time with people who can't put themselves in the position of people who experience a different physical existence than they do--whether because of being old, or disabled, or smaller, or younger, or bigger, or just...in general. FAs already have to do that, confront that issue by liking larger bodies. You are already challenged by the large body's limitations and demands. Being FAs, you probably like all the demands :). That means...at the very least different synapses have been fired than in some dude's minds!

    I still think the best way to talk about the roots of FA attraction are firmly rooted in the corporeal. I mean, if somebody assumes I'm wonderful and special from looking at my body, how is that any different from assuming I'm slobby and lazy? It's not. I'd rather they just like my ass, and take it from there. But at the same time...there's no way around the fact that something else usually comes with the FA/BBW connection, some extra intensity or unique spirituality.

    Maybe it's in part because there is an intensity of FEEL. There is an extremeness of sensation from touching a fat person, heightened by the difference between looking and touching--sometimes it feels like you know less about how a person is going to feel from looking at them when they're fat than when they're skinny. Maybe it's because of the (balanced when added together, but side by side basically) different types of textures always reaching for each other, hard against soft, less squishy against more squishy. Maybe it's because being touched when you're fat simultaneously makes you feel contained and in your body, in a lovely way, and expansive in the nicest way too, as if your flesh is moving to meet them. Maybe it's because a person's fat asserts itself so much--any body part does--but with a fat chick there's so MUCH of her asserting herself, taking up space, not staying still, jiggling, asking to be seen, silhouetted against things, asking you to understand its physics. Being fat always creates more contrasts--between body parts, between yourself and others--that are always asking to be noticed. Then there's the fact that a fat body is more mutable, this ever-changing canvas of curves and creases. There's more of what's good in woman's body in a fat woman's body, if you ask me. Somebody who likes that best likes...the best :). Heh. Okay, sex is not a meritocracy--what you like is what you like--I'm not trying to be chauvanistic--but liking all the things that a fat body is/does/looks like/sounds like/doesn't do means...you can't hide. A fat person can't hide, and an FA can't hide, can't pretend you're not liking something that's probably standing out from its environment. It's all right there.

    So much of this stuff is not unique to fatness, but to intimacy in general. Don't think I've quite pointpointed what I was trying to that's unique about it all, but I think you're onto something. Thanks for letting me ramble...
     
  19. Feb 3, 2007 #19

    stan_der_man

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    I sort of know what you are saying. I saw this thread earlier and have been thinking about it, but didn't really know what to think, but I think that you came close to it Liz.

    I initially thought that "fat spirituality" was just the same feeling as being in a wonderful and liberating environment where you are with people that you admire, and enjoy their company, not necessarily a fat specific sort of thing.

    Back when I was single and dating, I met this girl through the BBW Friendship Express in the Midwest. She had a couple of apartment roommates, who from what I can tell weren't FAs in particular. (I'll call her "Kay") One of the roommates was an older guy in his 60s. At one point I was talking with him and he said that "Kay was so big that she seems to surround you when she is near". He seemed to be saying that in a nice way, and from a presumably non FA I always found that statement interesting. I've never really have been able to figure out what makes me attracted to large women; the softness of their flesh, sinking into them when you hug them, their sense of presence when you are with them, their bodily warmth or coolness, their weight?. That's the closest that I've been able to pin-point what I'm attracted to.

    Without trying to explain my spiritual beliefs (which I don't quite understand myself... and a lot of people would probably roll their eyes...) I tend to think that life forms in nature have energy, from their spirits, from the electrical impulses of their nervous systems, whatever... I wonder if a healthy, happy large person has more of this energy. And somewhat as you said Liz, the different parts of a large body, the muscles with a good amount of fat on them, allow you to feel this "energy" physically in a different way on yourself or on others when you touch them. I've recently gained about 50 lbs and like the way my body feels. I can feel the additional "me" and find it comforting.

    Just my ramblings added to yours...

    Stan
     
  20. Feb 3, 2007 #20

    Green Eyed Fairy

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    Thanks sweets :)
     

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