How do you cope when you get together with smaller acquaintances, and they see you struggle with steps or long distances? Do you use humor, frankness, or some other approach? I can feel their sympathy – and quiet judgement, too -- as they watch me slowly navigate a flight of stairs or grow fatigued during a long walk. It sometimes feels as though I lose my footing as an equal simply because my body works differently.
And, while I know that kidney failure and a bad knee contribute to this midlife challenge, all that they see is my fatness – not as a neutral part of who I am but as the manifestation of “tsk, tsk, poor self-care.” (In all fairness, that may be partially true because I never managed to make peace with lifelong compulsive eating.) But, in any case, here I am. I’m searching for grace and dignity in this round body that’s slow, broken, and still very much worthy of respect.
My posts these days are rarely this personal, but I really need your wisdom.
And, while I know that kidney failure and a bad knee contribute to this midlife challenge, all that they see is my fatness – not as a neutral part of who I am but as the manifestation of “tsk, tsk, poor self-care.” (In all fairness, that may be partially true because I never managed to make peace with lifelong compulsive eating.) But, in any case, here I am. I’m searching for grace and dignity in this round body that’s slow, broken, and still very much worthy of respect.
My posts these days are rarely this personal, but I really need your wisdom.
