Getting tired....anyone else too?

Discussion in 'Daily Living' started by da3ley, Jun 15, 2019.

  1. Jun 15, 2019 #1

    da3ley

    da3ley

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    Hello,

    I am posting this because if anyone understand the larger person it is this board. I just want to say that daily life is becoming very hard emotionally and physically. Its hard to get around bc of the undiagnosed pain in my feet. I am just losing hope here, and its become a little hard to talk to anybody especially family. I don't know what to do anymore. I am a shut in , day in day out . I lost my job 4 years ago and haven't been productive in anything pretty much.. I feel like I am in a dark abyss and I struggle just to keep from going in eternally. I am over 500lbs and I sometimes wonder if its just best to not be here anymore. Does anybody have any advice for me please? I would greatly appreciate you and your advice.

    Thank you,
    Dana
     
  2. Jun 16, 2019 #2

    happily_married

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    I think every person grapples with uncertainties on some level. You may feel alone in your fight against these demons because you’re fighting demons that are unique to you. But you’re not alone in the sense all of us are fighting our own demons too. Some are doing better that others, or enjoying a momentary respite against the enemy’s assaults, but it’s just a matter of time before the attacks resume.

    You’re in a low spot right now but you never know when it’ll turn around. Or maybe it never will but you learn to manage it. Or if you question “why me” today maybe you’ll come across someone who also struggles with similar demons and you’ll realize you are uniquely qualified to help that person.

    Who knows?

    I don’t really have advice to offer but I can encourage you that no matter how hopeless the fight may appear it’s only truly hopeless when you give up.
     
  3. Jun 16, 2019 #3

    Funtastic curves

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    Screenshot_20190615-213004_Google.jpg

    My mom experienced a nervous breakdown and tried to commit suicide in front of me when I was around 11 years old.

    My daughter at the age of 12 was sexually assaulted and that led her into to a depression that had her wanting to take her life.

    I say all of this to say help is always available. If you find that a family member or close friend is not understanding to your issue at the moment I've provided a toll free number where someone is available 24/7. It's free and confidential.
    I found that talking your issues out is half the battle.


    As far as your health is concerned ( your feet problem) please seek new doctors for help until you can have it resolved. I suffer from lymphedema and it took many years and doctors for my diagnosis to be determined. So please don't give up hope

    I pray you find comfort as well as relief from your pain.
     
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  4. Jun 16, 2019 #4

    Tracyarts

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    I can absolutely relate. Lately just moving has become a struggle. Between fatigue, chronic pain, 90+ degree weather, ozone alert days, and breathing trouble... just moving from room to room inside my home is a challenge.

    I was in this exact same place almost 20 years ago when I was around 30, and managed to pull myself out of it. And it was hard. It took a near obsessive commitment to nutrition and physical therapy over the span of a few years. But I did it.

    But now? I'm 20 years older and have dealt with multiple major medical issues. Developing an autoimmune disease, having a stroke and a TIA, chronic venous insufficiency, peripheral neuropathy, some yet to be diagnosed pulmonary issue, and perimenopause.

    I had to go to the doctor one afternoon last week and had such a struggle just getting myself cleaned up and dressed that I had a huge crying meltdown and told my husband that I was sick of pain and fatigue and struggle and doctors and diagnostic procedures and needles and pills and just wanted to go into a long term care facility and die in peace.

    If I had unlimited funds, I would check myself into some kind of convalescent spa for a few months.
     
  5. Jun 16, 2019 #5

    Bama

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    Not being a doctor and not knowing the full scope of your symptoms it can be difficult to determine what may be causing the pain in your feet. But, because I also suffer from horrible pain in my feet and it went without being diagnosed for a long time, I wonder if you may be suffering from something similar. The next time you go to the doctor, ask them about vasculitis, if this hasn't been looked into already. There are several different types and the type that I'm dealing with causes a burning sensation. Also, ask about the possibility of blood clots as well. Not trying to cause you worry but that was also one of my issues that was contributing to my pain. I'm still in pain, but, now that the blood clots are gone, the pain is reduced since I'm only dealing with the vasculitis now.

    In reference to your emotional health, it may help for you to open the curtains and blinds on the windows. It won't do any good to tell you to get out more because you're probably not ready for that yet. But, getting some natural light into the home can really make you feel better. Do your best not to sit in the dark. If you are ready to get out and go to the park or to a friends house, then do that. Otherwise, let some light in the house to brighten up your day. I know that sounds a little corny, but, believe me, it works. I'm a bit of a shut-in myself.

    Now, I want to get to the core of your message. The most important take away from your message. I really hope that you read all of the replies to your message and that you don't take action on your message. When I read your statement, "I am over 500lbs and I sometimes wonder if its just best to not be here anymore.", it really caused me concern. Please, do not take your life.
     
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  6. Jun 16, 2019 #6

    Orchid

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    I can fully understand is tiring/exhausting to be homebound. I am homebound too and only get out of my house for medical appointments. I can relate to foot pains part of it was related to a lack of vitamin D. I had to ask for bloodtest for vitamin D and it came back way too low. So I take daily dosages here are very conservative on Rx.
    I also have osteoarthritis allover which also affects feet. Sometimes I do foot baths for some relief. I used to do bath tub but my spine has OA so can not bend to get in bath and wrists/hands affected too so getting into a bath tub I had to give up some years ago, unfortunately. I also use foot salves for achy feet like wintergreen essential oil mixed into a salve of shea butter. Not oil because that is too slippery for feet. Or eucalyptus essential oil and lavender essential oil mixed into a plain body cream.
    Keep off feet. Raise feet when sitting down. In bed have sturdy pillows to put feet on and elevate feet a bit.
    Foot bath mix of sea salt/ epsom salt and Arm & Hammer baking soda in warm water in a plastic square pail that fits feet is a way of reducing foot pain, swelling. My set up is this on a cloth on floor and a plastic jar of cool water next to the foot bath to rinse feet remove salty water afterwards and some dry soft towel for drying feet. The 3 ingredients is 3 equal parts I keep it mixed into a jar and have a little formula spoon in jar to use to scoop out few spoons for each foot bath. Duration of foot soak is 15 to 20 minutes. A small kitchen timer egg helps. One can also do herbal baths like rosemary either fresh from garden or from kitchen spices cabinet.
    I do not know what specific foot pain salves are sold in USA but drugstore and pharmacy has these.
    I also have foot pains due to water retention from the heart failure and doing the foot baths helps for this too.
    Around home in house I am usually on comfortable slippers as I find shoes achy on feet. For my dr appointment I manage to get into shoes for short stint of time.
    Another thing I use as home remedy analgesic is Vicks Vaporub on feet ankles.
    My GP told me I also have slight beginnings of heel spurs which is bony growth under heels lots of middle aged folks have these he says. I only wear heels few years in my early 20s and rest of decades always sensible low shoes. I did get X rays for feet but dr here tells me my foot is reasonable compared to what they see. As I mentioned here is very conservative with Rx meds etc. My cardiac meds do not mix with pain meds so I am only allowed a little paracetamol. So I use home remedies for some relief.
    Feet troubles foot pains is horrible.
    I know. Watch you salt intake reduce sodium in foods as that helps with swelling.
    Took a long time to figure out my foot issues had multiple causes and to top it off my cardiac meds have as side effect all sorts of bone/joint pains.
    Peri menopause and menopause also aggravate existing health issues and not much mention is made of this.
    But it is mayor influence in the feelings of not wanting to continue on a very hard road. No one knows when it is their day. Somehow we must be here for a reason. Life is sometimes a bit of a mystery...
    My cardiologist told me on friday I have function capacity of 2/3 of normal person. I did mention my foot/hand aches as it reduces my capability of doing my own housekeeping, cooking, baking and my several hobbies. The hobbies are to take my mind of things. I try to keep busy doing all sorts of little things throughout the day otherwise the day is very long and empty. After college/uni my health was getting worse but GP think was due to not getting work/job so I have decades of housewife mere existence. My DD is now home summer vacation but studies overseas at a midwest college and the S/ O is sort of bored so I do not talk much about my health things and just do daily things. They go do fun things go out to dinners etc and I am just home. Soon they go summer vacation/holiday road trip and I just stay home. I miss travels.
    Your post I can empathize is very hard such situation.
    If possible try to see a dr about your foot pains and get some help with this issue.
    Myself I do not have the diabetes but folks with the diabetes get neuropathy pains and that is very painful too.
    Google searches foot pains bring up a lot of information. Obesity and foot pain also brings up a lot.
    Our weight will not disappear overnight ever, hence why I look for all sorts of things that might bring some relief for the achy feet.
    I too have the fantasy of going to the spa as previous poster mentioned. Have a good sunday and take care.
     
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  7. Jun 17, 2019 #7

    loopytheone

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    I'm really sorry you feel this way, Da3ley.

    I don't really have much advice that hasn't already been said, but I agree that you should try seeking help for your mood as it seems like you have depression. It's really hard to tackle any other health issues when your depression is dragging you down so much. Even though it doesn't seem like it sometimes, things will get better for you in the future, I'm sure.

    Is your foot pain not diagnosed because you haven't mentioned it to a doctor, or because they dismissed it? Everybody here has given great advice, pain should always be taken seriously and you might need to see another doctor if yours isn't helping. Vascular issues, neurological issues and physical issues can all cause a lot of pain in feet. Depending on what type of pain it is, medications and topical creams might be able to help.

    I'm really glad there are so many people here that can give really good advice.
     
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  8. Jun 17, 2019 #8

    Sonic Purity

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    Before we get going on this topic, oh XenForto software, you crack me up with how broken you are! In a fit of massive indiscretion, i just now attempted to add an avatar photo. The process appeared to fail. Then i looked at some other page, and there the photo was, without having allowed me any chance whatsoever to adjust it. And now as i type this, it’s gone again. I cannot even guess what y’all might or might not see. Broken Broken Broken Broken Buggy Buggy Buggy Buggy. (I’m broken and buggy too.) Not the first time i’ve had issues with this forum software.

    Setting that aside, onto the topic…

    Oh how i relate to the emotional and physical pain, isolation, wondering why i’m here, thinking it would be better if i was not here! Indeed, i’m wondering whether i’m wasting everyone’s time with this post. (There are reasons i’ve been away from the community.)

    By chance and circumstance, i happen to inhabit a “Thin Privilege” body, and yet my struggles parallel yours, Dana. For me it isn’t really foot pain, rather extreme inflamed digestive system pain that keeps me from being able to eat normally 100% of the time year-in, year-out, and currently is in a flare-up such that i can only take in liquids, and sometimes not even those. “But you look good!” people say. {Yeah maybe passable on the surface, but the problems are inside!} Having to have a severe, convoluted, ever-shifting bizarre diet along with deep chronic depression, being a victim of multiple traumas (just learned about this in the past few months. I’d had no idea), and being nearly solitary-confinement socially isolated are my reasons i live the life of a recluse.

    How isolated?: some days ago, Loopy sent me a message. It was very exciting: someone remembered that i exist! Wow! Seriously, it’s like that. Loopy, my mother, my housemate/ex… that’s about everyone who knows i’m alive, and not all of them care. I lost my job 21 years ago, and am very deep into the financial Twilight Zone, with the added stress and insecurity that entails.

    Productive? Not me, not in terms of what matters to society. What happened for me back around 2010 is that i felt completely abandoned by all forms of healers (allopathic “western” medicine, “alternative”), none of whom seemed able to help with my digestive issues. This was the point i truly turned away from the few people with whom i was interacting, and in a way went further inside. As an anti-suicide measure, i started writing fictional stories. Fatlovesex stories, the same kind found here on Dimensions, and elsewhere around our community. It took me out of the reality of my death-spiral real life into a fantasy world under my control, where no one gets sick unless i wanted them to get sick, fat people and admirers love each other freely, honestly, and joyously, and there are happy endings i struggle to find in real life.

    Along with about a year of house remodeling in 2011 and other occasional tangential projects (mostly for my mother, or related to the crazy Apple technologies world), story writing is about all i’ve been doing since autumn 2010. It’s the only thing that gives me a sense of purpose and joy.

    All the above blather is meant to be setup, to draw parallels to your and my unique yet possibly similar in some ways experiences. Now we turn straight into what you wrote. I’m going to re-quote in pieces down here…

    If i had a dollar for every time in my life i’ve felt that way, my financial situation would be far better. As one who in my past has been suicidal, i’ve given “not being here” a great deal of careful, contemplative thought. For me and many others, it’s about Making The Pain Stop. Physical, emotional, any and all kinds of pain that may be so severe that not existing seems like a good solution.

    Sometimes when the pain is extreme, and maybe one’s biochemistry is out of balance (from pharmaceuticals, food or lack thereof, etc.) the urgency to Make The Pain Stop is extreme, and Suddenly Not Existing becomes exceedingly appealing. From my past studies of methods of suicide, along with some real-world case histories (including those of two people i knew), i concluded that the risks are far, far too high: odds are too good that any attempt i might make to end my life would result in failure: more pain and suffering, likely with permanent incapacitation far more severe than those with which i’m already dealing.

    This became all too real to me afresh this past October, when i had a sudden unexpected near-death medical emergency (acute urinary retention). I already thought my life was over and worthless, and had it been a non-painful or less painful experience, you’d not be reading this now. It was excruciating, so i had to beg my housemate/ex to drive me to the emergency room, starting a horrid, complex, extended adventure of suffering which is in no way over all these months later. Here’s the interesting thing about that: in that moment of near-death, i suddenly realized i REALLY wanted to live! Really really strongly! I hadn’t felt 100% non-suicidal like this in many decades!

    In a way this is a scarier place to be, knowing that suicide is wholly off the table (more than in the past), yet lacking sufficient tools to deal with the vast emotional and physical pain. It remains my primary challenge, presently.

    I’m so happy you reached out, Dana! Hopefully with the passage of days and hours since you posted, the pain has abated enough for you to latch onto whichever glimmers of hope come your way. Your post moved this human at this end enough to post here for the first time in many months, wishing i could somehow help more. Wishing i could reach out through the screen and gently hold your hand, just to shift the biochemistry within each of us, in a direction reducing pain so we could each find ways to go on, and maybe for a fleeting moment make a caring, human connection.

    Is there anything at all that gives you joy? Or that you strongly suspect might give you joy? Or that might take you away from your in-the-moment experience and pain, the way my stories did and still do for me? My easiest-access expressive medium is the written word—what’s yours? Art? Crafts? Food? Making videos? Go deep inside and find your passion: it’s likely hiding in there, waiting for you to let it come out and play. If it seems impossible, pursue it anyway. If it disrupts your life, let it—maybe that’s what you truly need for your healing (i have, for mine).

    Sometimes small steps are all we have to Make The Pain Stop, even though we truly need big, sweeping changes ASAP. I’m with Loopy: there’s some really good advice from others in this message thread. Going from Orchid’s post, vitamin D is soooooooo critical to health, in myriad ways. I’ve read that actual sun exposure is better in some aspects than supplements, though supplements are vastly, profoundly better than taking no action at all. I do both—sun exposure and vitamin D3 supplementation, and it absolutely has and continues to help, with mood, emotions, and a range of physical issues. It almost certainly will not be enough on its own, though is likely to be one key aspect of your healing. I go for about half an hour a day of sun exposure in the peak 11 AM to 3 PM sunlight hours (that’s with the Daylight Saving time shift. Normally and in a sane world, it’s 10 AM to 2 PM local sun time) weather permitting, and one 5,000 IU D3 pill in the morning. Dark times of year/string of sun-free days, i sometimes bump the supplement to a second pill a day, especially if my depression is spiraling down or i’m having other issues where i know the vitamin D helps.

    Sun or no sun, being outside in fresh air can help. It has absolutely helped me get through this past very rough half-year-plus. There were sleepless nights last November leaving me with no daytime energy to do anything other than lie outside on the chaise lounge on comfortably warm parts of the day. Hopefully you have some form of outdoor option. Sitting or lying down is totally legit.

    We’re strangers to each other, as i am with pretty much everybody everywhere (i sure have appreciated conversing in private with Loopy in months past), so this offer may be of no value: if you want to write or talk or otherwise interact whether on this or other subjects, please consider contacting me. (This offer is open to anyone reading this, not just da3ley.) I’ve not been on this message board much, not wanting to drag down our online community with my seemingly endless thrashing suffering in my struggle through life (nor wanting to be further triggered reading about happy people having sex when i haven’t had so much as a loving hug in 4 years and sex for decades). I’m most reliably reachable via standard email at fasonic@siber-sonic.com, and yes i just put my email address in a public post (i’m a spam KillahKillahKillah, baby!

    Love and Best Wishes to All,
     
  9. Jun 17, 2019 #9

    wrenchboy

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    This message applies to not just da3ley but everyone.
    I am personally tired of the traditional medical treatment system. It doesn't work. Of all the advances in medicine and knowledge of the human body we just seem to be getting sicker and sicker. Doctors go to school to be a doctor with the intent of helping people. And all they end up doing is for the most part is scribbling out scrips to treat the symptoms with out treating the cause.
    I have been hearing alot lately about functional medicine and the benefits of chiropractic care, oral health and a paleo diet. Such an insane amount of our food is filled with hormones and unnecessary sugars that include anything ending in "ose". (Sucrose, dextrose etc) .
    At a time when we should be healthy with the advances in sanitation and disease control. We are killing our planet and ourselves.
    What is the ultimate answer? I don't know.
    One of my favorite quotes is "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results ". Supposedly Albert Einstein but some researchers say that he never said it.
     
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  10. Jun 17, 2019 #10

    bubba350

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    Please seek some emotional help. Very often you can get counseling by a professional over the phone. Check what your insurance will cover. It might even be free.
    Talking to someone who is completely objective can be a relief.
    To often family wants to find a solution ,when sometimes just talking to someone is the first step. It can feel like a insurmountable challenge. But the first steps are small.
    To tear down this wall of anguish you must start one brick at a time.
    I now walk my dog at least 2 miles a day the first steps can be painful but if I push thru the rest get easier. As we get older the weight takes it's toll on are bodies.
    Like a older truck with a worn out suspension from to many heavy loads.
    All us fat folks know the first thing the doctors are going to harp about.
    Be firm with them if you are in less pain you can move more.
    Deal with the pain first. Find a good podiatrist get some x rays see if there is a physical reason for your foot pain. Good luck stay strong.
     
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  11. Jun 17, 2019 #11

    Sonic Purity

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    Or at least rarely works. Decades ago i had an interesting discussion with a co-worker from China, regarding “western” vs. “eastern” medicine. His take was that western excelled at mechanical procedures and emergency situations, e.g. fixing broken bones, and that eastern excelled at truly healing chronic, multifaceted conditions (the whole holistic approach thing).

    If i’d followed what all the doctors told me to do, i’d be dead now (and have no estate, because i’d be beyond broke). They used to call what i have (which they label Crohn’s Disease) an autoimmune condition. Some still do. “There is no connection to emotions” the expert doctor told me at the time of initial diagnosis, in late 1997. My intuition knew otherwise. Fast forward to recent years and knowledge (or greater awareness) of the intestinal microbiome and the vagus nerve gut-brain connection, and those with open minds are starting to come around and realize that prescribing drugs which shut down the immune system and have tuberculosis as a side effect may not be such a good idea. Others remain in that barbaric mindset.

    Last October, i had a medical emergency and didn’t have a choice: had to go to the E.R. Extricating myself (again) from that system took far too long, and as one might expect, collateral damage happened due to how that system works. Currently back to zero pharmaceuticals, and even with my plentiful remaining issues (which need some combination of bodywork and mental/emotional work and likely sauna-like detox), i’m better off for it.

    I know there are others here who report benefitting greatly from pharmaceutical treatment. That’s spectacular! Has close to never worked that way for me, personally, and i’ve seen far too many people go down the cascading drug decline spiral. Hopefully we will all be able to pursue the options which work for us.
     
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  12. Jul 17, 2019 #12

    da3ley

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    Thank you.
     
  13. Jul 17, 2019 #13

    da3ley

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    Thank you so much for taking the time. I really do appreciate this.
     
  14. Jul 17, 2019 #14

    da3ley

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    Thank you for the post.
     
  15. Jul 17, 2019 #15

    da3ley

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    Thank you for taking time to post. Good advice. tysm
     
  16. Jul 17, 2019 #16

    da3ley

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    Thank you for the post. Taking the time
     
  17. Jul 17, 2019 #17

    da3ley

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    I appreciate the offer of needing someone to talk to. That means alot to me.
     
  18. Jul 17, 2019 #18

    BigElectricKat

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    Certainly, I cannot bring any added value to the advice that all of these fine people have offered you. I can only say that in my experience, pain often brings change. And usually for the better. Being tired of a given situation is one thing, but if that situation causes you pain in some way, you'll either change things for the better (normally the desired result) or learn to cope with it (not the best result as the pain remains).
    My only advice would be, that is you desire to make change in your life, seek out others who've had to embark on a similar journey. Get help, tips, and guidance from people who have walked or are still walking the path you wish to take. Also, surround yourself with people who are supportive and non-judgmental. I'm sure many here have offered their support. I do as well.
    Best of luck and keep fighting!
     

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