Got fat shamed by my dad. (And random vent)

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Angelette

Chris Farley's fiancee.
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May 6, 2022
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396
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Washington state
I apologize if this might be the wrong place to post this vent.

I'm not going to go into details because it's personal. But to sum it up, my dad days ago implied my body was unacttractive. He then later tried to cover up his opinion by saying my breasts were attractive. The whole conversation made me uncomfortable. I'm unsure if this is considered sexual harassment or not. My siblings (who are minor age) were even there.

Anyways, I wanted to let this out. I am sorry if I ruined anyone's day. I had no one to talk to because I'm on a 3 month break from social media. I really want to stay away from my unhinged dad not only because of the incident, but he also messes up my mental health. He one time kicked down my door because I accidentally gave away his cinnamon roll to my sister. He never had anger issues until during my teen years.

I unfortunately don't have enough money to move out. Houses in America are expensive. My job isn't very stable either. Getting laid off this week. My only hope is waiting for a spot for a better paying position and someday working at a different job.

Hope you guys have a wonderful day and stay safe.
 

littlefairywren

Wren aka ISFJ
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I'm really sorry that your dad said something to you that would have no doubt cut deeply. Um, his reparative comment about your breasts meeting with his approval is inappropriate, and I feel it does dance around sexual harassment. I didn't have a father growing up, but I'm pretty sure that's not the kind of thing that you're supposed to hear from one.

On the whole it doesn't sound like a healthy environment, so I'm also sorry that you're in a bind as far as your living situation.

Oh, and there's no need to apologise for your post. Sometimes it's good to vent, and thus to feel heard.

For what it's worth, I'm sending you virtual hugs, Angelette. 🤗
 
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Donna

🎶 Melophile & Bibliophile 📚
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Never, ever, apologize for expressing your feelings! :)

Your father's comments about your body are highly inappropriate in my opinion. The door kicking incident sounds like straight up abuse. As LFW mentioned, it doesn't sound like your home is a healthy environment for you. My knee jerk reaction is to say get out, but I see that it might not be an option for you.

With the cost of everything, but especially housing, being so high and wages being so low, I often worry about the younger generation. Do you have relatives with whom you could stay until you get your employment situation settled and are able to save enough for deposits and moving costs? Maybe a close friend/their family? Do you attend church, or university, or participate in any civic or social organizations? You might reach out for help from the folks at one of those places. If not, you might have to just do what you 'gotta' do until you are able to move out.

One thing you need to do, no matter where you live, is to set boundaries. It's not easy, but you will want to put in the extra effort to protect your mental health. Talk to a professional about the emotional/verbal abuse. If his abuse turns physical, contact the authorities. Depending on where you live, there are victim's services available for survivors of domestic abuse. You might be surprised at the resources you can find using Google.

I hate that you have to endure this. Body shaming is so difficult to deal with when it comes from family, friends or acquaintances. So many times, it's wrapped up in a veneer of "concern". If I had a nickel for every time someone I loved/cared about shamed me while saying, "I'm just worried about you because I care," I would never have to worry about paying bills again. Stay strong, and when you don't feel strong, don't be afraid to vent and/or reach out for help.
 

tracii 4591

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I am so sorry you had to endure that. What he said was not appropriate at all.
My Mom has to mention my weight every time I visit which is twice a week to help my Dad with his mechanic jobs.
She is brutal and I do let her know what she says is mean and hurtful sometimes.
It goes in one ear and out the other ear. She reminds me of Archie Bunker from all in the family TV show.
Not racist just insensitive and rude.
 
Joined
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As a father with daughters, I'd never comment on my daughter's breasts! Any father that would see anything other than the little girl he brought home from the hospital has issues. My daughter has kids and I still see her as my baby girl and would smoke the first person that insulted her. You deserve better
 
Joined
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@Angelette You've done the right thing in starting a thread to talk about such things. I hope that you get support from it and some constructive ideas about getting out of your present situation. The more you talking with sympathetic people, the more likely you are to find a friend, who can offer practical help, e.g. a room that you can rent.
 

extra_m13

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this is precisely the place to express and to vent... i am sure you arebeautiful and there are always places to celebrate curves. thanks for being here.
 

Angelette

Chris Farley's fiancee.
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It's been a while since I logged on here! Thank you all for the kind support and advice.

I'm going to look at the job postings board weekly and maybe I will find ways to make extra money on the side. Such as selling creations. It's going to take a while. Eventually I will seek to an online therapist.
 

Suzdasalyn

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I am so sorry to hear about the fat shaming you've experienced from your father. It's incredibly hurtful and unfair for anyone to be made to feel bad about their body, especially by a family member. It's especially concerning that your siblings were present during this conversation and that he also commented. I had a similar problem with my mother as a teenager. It's not easy to deal with and can lead to many complexes and self-esteem issues. Women who have experienced body shaming and low self-esteem are often targeted by blackmailers and sextortionists, as they are seen as vulnerable.
 
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Angelette

Chris Farley's fiancee.
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Joined
May 6, 2022
Messages
396
Location
Washington state
I still get fat shamed occasionally when I am out shopping but I don't know those people so their opinion means nothing to me.
To be honest and I am not blowing my own horn but I get more compliments than I do negative comments on my weight/size.
While I am sorry to hear that I don't think that's a comparison to someone who raised you for your entire life and still lives with you.

I don't think there's such a thing as having thick skin. It's pretty much bottling up your own feelings and trying to not show emotion. At least in my own experience.

Before anyone pulls the unpredictable "just move out" card yes I am saving up for that.
 

Jamie2056

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Dec 30, 2022
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Hillsboro OR
I want to reiterate "never ever apologize for your feelings " what your dad said was creepy as hell! As a parent to an adult daughter that was just wrong. I seriously hope things improve for you and you're able to get out of that toxic living situation.
 

SSBHM

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I remember seeing my dad after about 3 years not seeing him and the first thing he said was, "wow, you really let yourself go! you look huge." I didn't know how to react or what to say. It hurt though, too.
 

tracii 4591

Well-Known Member
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Mar 28, 2020
Messages
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Location
kentucky
It happens BBB and you can't force people not to judge you.
My Mom has gotten better..........a little but she was brought up in a rude family of loud obnoxious people.
So glad I'm more like my Dad he is soo nice.
 
Joined
Jan 11, 2021
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Location
Manawatu, New Zealand
Something to remember when someone makes an attack like that something has gone through the brains that has made them recoil. They dread being that way themselves. It looks like a path to isolation. When I look at tracii 4591 picture I picture myself standing behind, arms wrapped around, her soft padded rump pressed with occasional bonce against my upright component.
I would like to wrap my arms around her chest and hold, massage, caress her side breast up by her arm pits. A lot of carnal action from there.
They are thinking no one wants to touch that or be seen touching that. Gosh the pleasures they will never ever know.
 

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