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Harley and Ivy: The Problem with Pies (~BBW (Mult), Intrigue, Revenge, Stuffing,~XWG)

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~BBW (Muliple), Intrigue, Stuffing, Revenge ~XWG - two super villianesses wreak vengence on an adversary

Harley and Ivy: the Problem with Pies
by Crinos and TehPinkelephants.

[Editor’s note: over in Deviant Arts this tale lay unfinished after four years and four chapters; it was then picked up and completed by another author. With a nod to the Star Trek episode that inspired the title if not the plot line and their common permission it is now presented in its entirety.]

Part 1:

(Note, this takes place in the animated DC Comics Universe, after the events of the Justice League episode “Wild Cards”)

Harley Quinn walked dejectedly into the abandoned factory and slumped down in an easy chair, when she did, her pet hyena’s got up and padded over, nuzzling there depressed owner.

It had been a cinch for Harley to escape Arkham. With most of the Justice League either busy or recovering from the battle with the royal flush gang, there was no one available to recapture her.

Not that they would try anyway, it was a widely accepted fact that Harley was second banana material; only dangerous if paired with a genuine criminal like Poison Ivy or…

“Mr. J.” Harley choked out, holding back tears. She had planned to spring the Joker when she escaped, but thanks to that psychic witch Ace her beloved Puddin had a brain that was little more than Puddin.

Ace! Harley’s thoughts returned to that abnormal freak, it was all HER fault! Not only did she lure Mr. J away from her, but she also turned him into a vegetable! Harley balled her fist and slammed it into the arm of her chair, causing the hyenas to scatter.

“Ace! You better hope you’re a light sleeper,” Harley said to no one in particular, “Because I’m not gonna rest till I avenge Mista J!”

Upon uttering the name of her beloved ex employer, Harley’s rage went back to depression and she collapsed into her chair. She was in no condition to fight with someone like Ace, she’d need to work through her pain first, and then she could focus on inflicting pain on Ace.

Harley looked around the abandoned factory. Mister J had restarted this abandoned pie factory to celebrate the completion of his bomb plan. He planned to hold a big party there with Harley, Ace, and the rest of the royal flush gang once they had managed to drive everyone watching their TV program mad with ace’s psychic power.

And for the party, they needed pies.

A lot of pies.

The factory was fully automated, so there were hundreds upon hundreds of cream pies, the kind that clowns threw around during shows (which were the only kinds of pies the Joker enjoyed). With the machines fully stocked they could continue to produce pies for a long time.

Harley stood up and walked over to a nearby picnic table covered with pies. Harley picked up one of the pies in her palm, dipped her finger in it, and tasted.

“Mmmmm!” Harley closed her eyes and savored the sweet taste of the pie. Normally she watched her figure for Mr. J’s sake, but since he was out of the picture, and since Harley needed some comfort food anyway, she decided to indulge.

Dragging the table loaded with pies over with her free hand, Harley sat down and started to eat the pies, One after another, after another after another after another….

Six months later

Pamela Isley (AKA Poison Ivy) stepped off the plane and entered the Las Vegas airport. She had received a call the other day from her off again on again partner in crime Harley Quinn, saying she wanted to pull a job. Ivy was glad to hear from her friend after such a long time, she knew how devoted Harley was to that crackpot the Joker (though WHY she was so devoted was beyond her. She’d worried that Harley had done something crazy after the royal flush incident.

Upon exiting the Airport, Ivy saw a large red limo parked by the driveway, standing in front of it was your rank and file criminal goon, holding up a sign that said simply, “Pam.”

Ivy walked up to the goon and looked at him, “Harl sent you?”

“Yup.”

“I was kinda expecting Harl to come in person.”

“Unfortunately Miss. Quinn was unable to appear in person, but I’ve been given express instructions to bring you to her.”

Ivy shrugged. “Alright, if you say so. Lets get going then.”

Ivy and the goon entered the limo and took off, they drove for a bit, coming to a abandoned pie factory.

“So this is where Harl’s staying? Pretty odd place to hang out, but whatever.” Ivy said as she exited the limo, she began walking toward the door when she noticed the goon wasn’t following.

“Aren’t you coming…” Ivy said, turning around, but as she did, the limo sped away, leaving her stranded.

“…In.” Ivy stood there for a second, trying to think things through. Something seriously weird was going on. She decided to be prepared for the worst.

Getting into her briefcase, she pulled out her mini crossbows, after getting it on, she kicked in the door and rushed in.”

The factory was dark, strewn around were empty pie plates, Ivy kicked the discarded plates aside as she made her way to the center of the room.

“Harl? You here?”

Suddenly, what seemed to be Harley’s voice came from the darkness, it sounded like her, but it was deeper, and somewhat more sinister.

“Hey Red! Great to see ya!”

Ivy spun around, looking for the source of the voice, but in the darkness she saw nothing,

“Harley, what the heck’s going on? Why did you call me here? And why didn’t you meet me at the airport?”

“Sorry I didn’t make contact with you earlier, but I’ve been busy, using Mr. J’s secret funds, I’ve managed to build my own criminal empire right here in Las Vegas.”

Ivy smiled, “That’s great Harl! Good for you! But why call me here?”

“I need your help, Its finally time for me to avenge what happened to Mr. J. To get back at that bitch Ace for what she did to us, both of us.”

“I don’t understand, what do you mean what she did to both of you?”

Harley sighed, “Maybe you’ll understand when you see me in person.”

As if on cue, the lights came on in the factory, and Ivy could see Harley, sitting in an oversized chair in the corner.

Ivy just stared aghast at her criminal friend. Harley had grown huge! From Ivy’s guess, her friend must have weighed at least 700 pounds. Her once trim hourglass figure had ballooned out to ridiculous proportions, becoming a massive squishy sphere of fat, her breasts were massive, straining to bust out her clearly altered costume, her thighs and arms were massive and doughy. And her face was round and plump, her once delicate cheekbones replaced with enormous chipmunk cheeks and jowls.

“H-h-Harley!?!” Ivy said, still not believing that the enormous blob before her was her old friend. “Is that you? What happened?”

Harley sighed, reached over to a nearby table, and picked up a pie.

“These happened, these blasted pies.”

Ivy raised an eyebrow, “Pies happened?”

Harley nodded as she pulled a slice free from the pie and began to eat, talking through chews. “Yes, losing Mr. J hit me real hard, so I turned to food for comfort, once I started eating these pies, I couldn’t stop. And now I’m a big fat pig.”

Ivy, despite herself, started to laugh.

“Oh my word! I can’t believe you let yourself go, over the Joker of all people! It’s too much!” Ivy fell to the floor laughing, Harley just glared at her.

“Are you just about done?”

Ivy stopped laughing for a second and looked at Harley again, who now had whipped cream smeared on her face, she started laughing again.

“Apparently not.”

Ivy rose from the floor, tears coming from her eyes “I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it!”

Harley smiled a bit, “Its alright, I suppose it is pretty funny, now about Ace…”

“Hold on Harl, first things first. We need to get you to lose some of that weight. Now I can recommend a vegetarian diet, low carbs, that should help shed those pounds and…”

“Ivy, I don’t want to lose the weight.”

“What?”

“To be perfectly honest, I like being this big, it makes me distinguished, and the guys who work for me are real intimidated by my size.”

“You can’t be serious Harl! Who ever heard of a fat gangster?”

Somewhere, perhaps over in the Marvel Universe, The Kingpin sneezed.

“I’m serious Ivy, I like this size, In fact, I was kinda hoping you’d join me.”

Ivy blinked, “Uh, no thanks, I cant afford to become a blimp at the moment, let’s just focus on why I’m here.”

Harley nodded, “Ace. I have big plans for my payback on her, but I need your help.”

“Doing what?”

“You’ll see, In the meantime, join me for some pie?” Harley said, kicking a cart full of pies over to Ivy with her massive leg.

“Harley, I’m not gonna gorge myself and become a blimp alright?”

“Oh come on, just one pie?”

Ivy rolled her eyes and picked up a pie, “Alright if we can get on with business afterwards, Ill eat some pie.”

Ivy took a bite of the pie and was amazed by the taste; so rich, so creamy, before she had realized it, she had devoured the whole thing.

“Wow, that’s good pie, I can see how you could get fat eating the stuff.”

“There’s plenty more Ivy, help yourself!”

“Oh no I couldn’t…” Ivy looked at the remaining pies, her mouth watering, “Well… maybe one more…”
 

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