Hi everyone! I'm new and it is nice to join the board

Discussion in 'Fat in the Media' started by jjgreen14, Jan 5, 2007.

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  1. Jan 5, 2007 #1

    jjgreen14

    jjgreen14

    jjgreen14

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    Hi
    Name's JJ. Been reading the posts for a long time and this year finally drummed up the courage to join all of ya in becoming a poster. For this new year, I thought I'd try and be more assertive and take the bull by the horns.

    My question for the board is how and when did you come to embrace rather than hide your feelings toward fat as well as if you had any advice for someone "coming out of the closet" with these feelings.

    Thanks
     
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  2. Jan 5, 2007 #2

    Violet_Beauregard

    Violet_Beauregard

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    Welcome....I'm kind of a newbie myself! I'm also kind of new to accepting my fat feelings. With the help of a great guy, I've come to figure out that my size is a great thing. I never thought that men liked big women, but after he opened my eyes, I see that the truth is the complete opposite. It's liberating.... embrace your feelings and enjoy them!
     
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  3. Jan 5, 2007 #3

    Seth Warren

    Seth Warren

    Seth Warren

    May she always be True

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    I don't know if this is much help at all but for me personally, I just pretty much stopped giving a shit about what other people thought. Not necessarily the plan for everyone, but it made me happier.
     
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  4. Jan 5, 2007 #4

    djewell

    djewell

    djewell

    el judeo

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    welcome! so much newness around here!
     
  5. Jan 5, 2007 #5

    Tad

    Tad

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    mostly harmless

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    I'm glad you joined us :) The short answer to your question is keep coming to Dimensions and talk about it, and you'll probably figure most of it out for yourself.

    But being me, I also have a long answer :doh:

    Sometimes words are very clear in what they mean, and sometimes they aren’t. I happen to think that this particular metaphor--the closet thing-- obscures as much as it clarifies. I think that more than a simple yes or no, there is really at least three aspects to this. There is what you think in your own mind, what you do and say around big women, and what you are willing to tell others about your preferences. Probably in the mix too, but a little less directly, is how you want to be seen by others. But each of those may also vary based on when, where, and with whom.

    So, to begin at the beginning, you have to know your own mind. You say that you are an FA, I presume therefore that when it comes to raw physical attraction you prefer bigger women. Now, what about social attraction. That is, picture your future, say ten years from now, living with someone, be it in a suburban house with a white picket fence or a funky loft downtown or a cute apartment that you don’t spend much time in because of all that is going on in your life. You get up Saturday morning and she is already up. You sit down at the table with her to plan your weekend. What does she look like, what is she like, and what sort of activities are you planning individually and together? Or how about not so far, next New Years, if it is to be the most amazing New Years Eve party of your life (not staying home quietly, you have to think going out), and you are going to be with a girlfriend, what is she like? Or you win a romantic trip to Venice, Italy, from your local radio station for Valentine’s Day. Going through the hassles at the airport isn’t bothering you, because you are with someone you love being near and are so happy to be going somewhere with: what is she like? Or a simple but big one: picture getting married to your perfect gal. What does she look like and how you feel standing up in front of a hundred or more family and friends with her. You need to have all of those lined up in a similar way and working with your physical attraction before you are ready to get too involved. Or to put it another way, make sure that you are not in a closet in your own mind.

    After that, the rest is honestly probably easier. If you can be clear on what you want, going after it is not so hard once you get started. You have to actually show your interest to big gals, and generally be a gentleman around them. You have to be willing to tell them that they are attractive to you. And you need to work on doing this no matter who is around. One of the worst things some closeted FA do is use BBW for sex, without ever revealing in public their interest. Don’t be that guy. For me, this is probably the most critical step. You treat people well and tell your partner that she is beautiful, I don’t have a problem with what you are doing. Part of treating with respect is not denying if asked, of course.

    The next step that some people take, but to me is more optional, is pushing out to others knowledge of your preference. That is, actually telling friends and families and maybe others, in some reasonably clear way, that you are more attracted to fat women. More power to you if you do this, however to me it is a grand gesture, with less real importance in the long run than the previous point of how you behave. But for some people this gesture is important, they need to have how those important to them see them and how they see themselves line up reasonably well. For others they just do what they want, and let the rest of the world figure out the why of their behavior for themselves, and there is no reason for a grand gesture. Likewise, for some women it will be important that you’ve made it explicitly clear ahead of time, for others so long as you treat them properly and make it clear that you insist others treat them properly, then that is the important part.

    You can get lots of advice here on proper behavior, how to make sure you do it, how to tell others. I think the first part though you really need to sort out for yourself, that whole what do you want your long term partner to be.

    Hopefully I haven't just scared or bored you away from the boards :eek:

    Regards;

    -Ed
     
  6. Jan 6, 2007 #6

    jjgreen14

    jjgreen14

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    Thank you everyone for taking time out to post a reply

    Violet, thanks for the advice and I will do my best to heed your advice

    Seth, I wish I had the same boldness and lack of apprehension that you do

    Ed, you really gave me a lot to think about and the long reply was perfect for helping me out. I agree that I have to take time and sort things out for myself. The advice is much appreciated.

    Thanks again
    Have a wonderful weekend
     
  7. Jan 6, 2007 #7

    ChrisVersion2

    ChrisVersion2

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    Party hard and often, but not forgetting to be smart and mature!
     
  8. Jan 6, 2007 #8

    Fairia

    Fairia

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    Blimpgirl = superheroine

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    Welcome JJ. I'm still new to feeling more open about my fat side. I did take the initiative to dress a little more confidently and flaunt some of my features and also liking how my belly feels.
     

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