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How do you deal with friends making fun of big girls?

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Jim Miller

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I either don't have friends who make fun of fat people, or don't have friends who are fool enough to make fun of fat people where I can find out about it. Mostly the former, I assume.

Seriously, it hasn't come up in years. A great way to avoid bigots is not to be friends with them.

The closest problem that does tend to happen is that I have had several female friends (and one male one) who suffered from body image issues because of society's well-known attitudes toward fat people. Sometimes their self-hatred could rise to the level of bigotry. I have usually tried to respond by just being a good friend, you know? Listening, being supportive, and encouraging them to build their self-esteem, pursue their ambitions, and confront their troubles. That sort of thing. The fat-hate was usually secondary and diminished in the face of a more positive self-image and worldview.
 

StickMan

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I've been lucky. None of my friends have ever really made fun of big girls (or big guys, for that matter) other than a certain ex, whose weight was only ever brought up in contrast to mine. (Seeing as she was mid-sized when we dated and a legitimate BBW now, and I'm what you might call...sparse.) any fat jokes aimed at her were only meant in a "oh look how mismatched those two were, isn't it hilarious" kind of way.

If they did I'm not sure how I'd react to it. I've seen fat-shaming elsewhere (including from a different ex, aimed at the above ex. Misplaced jealousy is a wonderful thing, isn't it?) but I've never been in a position to confront the one responsible.
 

Tracii

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A couple of years ago I was waiting for my BF to pick me up at work for a dinner date and the co-worker(always make snide fat comments) I was chatting with took notice of a guy walking down the street and said look at that big guy you two would look good together.
I said yeah he is kinda cute but not my style.I like taller guys.
She said I figured you are pretty big and thought big girls dated big guys.
I said I look for the person on the inside not whats on the outside.
She agreed personality was the most important thing.
My BF pulled and got out of his car and started walking thru the lot.
She said wow that older guy is soo handsome nice suit too very classy.
I said yeah he is gorgeous you ought to see him naked, well I gotta go TTYL.
The look on her face was priceless.
 

omr

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My experience leads me to believe that your question is part of a larger spectrum.

I mean, if I just answered how I respond in that particular situation, I would smile and disagree with whomever said those comments. "Are you kidding? I like X. *Discussion*"

However, my anecdotal experiences on the other side of this question leads me to believe that its hard to address the question if it's only phrased as making fun of fat people.

The most drastic example I have is when a creative project I was modeling in was leaked and became a viral picture online. Many discussion boards put up the pictures as eyecandy and people would discuss the merits of every girl in the picture. Some folks derided every girl but the underweight one as being too fat. Other folks explained that they'd rather do everyone *but* the underweight girl. Everyone discussed the merits of the beauty and the possibly sexual pleasure and sexual positions you'd get with every girl.

I wasn't surprised. I've been getting objectified crap thrown at me often. But the men -- and I mean, particularly the men -- involved on the creative side of the project were shocked. They'd participated in that sort of discussion online before, but these were objectifying statements about the sexual merits and bodies of their friends.

Most of the people on the project were so shocked by seeing the connection between casual conversation and the dismissive, judgmental, objectifying comments about people they care about that they now often remember that when they get into those objectifying conversations. Remembering that you're talking about our friends and family doesn't stop the social push to objectify, but being a person that remembers and thinks before speaking is, I think, the first step to respecting the people around you. Doesn't matter if it's someone quickly deriding a stranger for their weight as if their mouth is on autopilot or if it's just a long discussion of someone as if they're only a body or sexual object. And as you can see from my first response to your question, even I find myself in positions where I'd naturally discuss people as objects. I just recognize it, try to point it out in myself and others, and try to mitigate the societal effects of it.

Thanks for caring about the people who are being called out and derided for their bodies. :)
 

Weirdo890

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I don't have friends who do that, and if I did, we wouldn't be friends any longer.
 

The Fat Man

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I take it with a grain of salt really. My close close core group of friends know the kind of girl a tend towards, they still give me shit about it in a fun "dude" kind of way. It never really bothers me. Some people have preconceived notions or habits or social norms the have a hard time breaking. I'm trying to just put it out there that I like big girls... if one of my buddies wants to bust my chops a little I'd never dream of getting all pissed off. They aren't being malicious they're just being guys. We talk crap to each other all the time. I'm always ragging on one of my friends that goes for the plastic Barbie doll type over and over again... a type of girl that physically does absolutely nothing for me but I respect that he likes what he likes but I'll still give him shit about it. That's just guys.

"F' you man, lolz... btw I <3 you dude, I wanna' see what's best for you." *punch in the shoulder*

If I truly don't want it to be a big deal, a complete non-issue that I like big girls... why should I make it one around my buddies?
 

Critters

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I had to call out a family member over her attitude about fat people. My mother. Which really disappointed me, because I'm not skinny anymore myself. She often made comments, upon seeing a large person out in public or on TV, that they were disgusting, that they should be ashamed to have 'let themselves get like that', that they had to be spectacular gluttons and totally lazy.
I finally said to her that she didn't know them, didn't know why they were big. I said that it would be just as easy for someone to pass such ignorant judgements about me, not knowing that I have to take a certain medication that has totally screwed up my metabolism and that there's a reason I'm heavier than average now. I told her that it disappointed me and hurt me that she held those attitudes and that it made me feel ashamed of her when she showed her ignorance like that.. after all, she should know better. I said that I found it just as sad and shocking and wrong as if she had made a racist comment.

She seems to have taken it to heart, since she hasn't made an ugly remark about a fat person around me or within my hearing since I called her out on her bad behaviour all those years ago. That said, I've never 'come out' as someone who prefers fat men to her, and since I'm currently single, feel no real urge to do so. If I find a wonderful fat fellow with whom to share my life, I'll tell her, but until then I'm fine with letting that particular sleeping dog lie for now.
 

ClashCityRocker

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i ask them if they've ever been with a big girl. the answer is almost always no, at which i laugh hysterically and call them ignorant for hating on something about which they know NOTHING. media is a powerful thing i guess.
 

Big Cutie Brianna

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I agree that it's situational.

There are serious situations (a specific person, or a close friend talking to you privately) where it's appropriate to have a discussion about these issues, provided you're respectful of other people. I've talked to friends about it one-on-one where we really talked about the issue.

A situation like you describe, in a group that's making comments that they probably think are harmless, you can always say something like "I thought she was attractive/pretty/cute/whatever" or even "I prefer women like that." Your friends, provided they are really friends, will respect that.
totally if they are REALLY your friends, they will respect you, and not make rude comments around you sweetie, I know myself, when my friends talk about others at times, maybe racial comments towards other ethnicities, i call them out right away, and ask them not to, or say, "You know that's really rude, i don't appreciate hearing that, and i'm not going to stay around, if i have to continue listening to you express your rude distaste for certain people. thanks."..
and people/friends usually stop. some haven't, hence, i'm not friends with them anymore. but you always have a choice, leave if your uncomfortable, and don't like it, or have them handle it, OR just sit there, cause you're too afraid to say something. Do the right thing sweetie:)
 

Falling Boy

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I "had" a friend like this. He also knew that my wife (now ex) was a big girl. I found it completely disrespectful and told him on several occasion. That was 7 years ago and we haven't talked since. I think that's probably the best way to deal with it lol
 

germanfa91

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First of all, thanks everybody for your answers :)

In the meantime, I found the courage to come out of that FA closet and since then, no more rude comments were made, at least I didn't notice any. Nice to see that simply telling the truth turned out to be good way, and that my friends are not the dicks some people on here may have thought they were ;)
 

Blockierer

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First of all, thanks everybody for your answers :)

In the meantime, I found the courage to come out of that FA closet and since then, no more rude comments were made, at least I didn't notice any. Nice to see that simply telling the truth turned out to be good way, and that my friends are not the dicks some people on here may have thought they were ;)
Congratulations.:)
I think it's stupid not to admit a preference for fat people. As an avowed FA life is more easier than a life in the closet.
 

YoJoshua

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I sometimes go over the top, saying, "Whaaaaat??? I LOVVVVE big girls, man! BIG belly, BIG ass, BIG mutherf--kin' thighs, WOAH NELLY, baby! You don't like 'em? More for me, man - BRING IT! You ever check out big girls on YouTube? Hundreds of thousands of red-blooded men can't be wrong! Stick is for the dog, meat is for the man!"

And so on.

But like C said, depends on the situation.
 

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