*Big, big hugz* finding love isn't easy. I know many fat girls who've had no difficulty finding and keeping it, but I haven't, still looking, and can tell you've been hurt too. I just wanted to say - keep strong, don't settle, don't take shit just so you're with somebody. Either God will send you the person who will be your perfect fit or there's something more you're meant to be getting out of this journey as a single person. Either way, you aren't alone, and I hope that one who'll adore you as you are and be proud of you as you are, comes along soon.
How do you feel about thin partners who like you fat?
- Thread starter Fascinita
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There's gonna be a whole slew of 'em in Mass pretty soon, and Jersey not long after that... and then I think they're heading to Mass again. We'll have to further research their migration patterns.
In all seriousness, it's one thing to talk to people online but meeting FAs in PERSON? OUT FA'S? It's pretty cool.
And, I raise this topic with almost every thin guy I talk to just because I find it interesting too (well, and because i'm a wee bit paranoid still). I mean, I talk to people on a FEEDING-centered website that are marathon runners, personal trainers, a bodybuilder. I bring it up, you know, "Why are you so... not fat?" And I always get the same response, "it doesn't look good on guys" or the "guys are supposed to be thinner" or I even had some guy tell me "Well, it's nature. your bodies are meant to have more body fat biologically."
So who knows. I mean, we preach on here all the time that you can't help who you're sexually attracted to, right? From a somewhat-FAish perspective myself, I like fat on me. I like fat on women. I'm ok with fat on guys, but as i've been growing up more, I feel like my tastes are more leaning toward leaner guys, and I've been known to date/hook up with very, very THIN women. I have to admit, I kinda like being the fat one in the relationship, so it doesn't bother me if my partner wants to stay thin, it's a win-win situation really.
I may have misinterpreted your intial question, or perhaps because of the larger context I added more meaning than you intended. I guess it's just because the focus was on body size, saying "thin partners" and focusing on body preferences, etc. It's probably just my own hangup in wanting to keep away from having body size be the primary and defining attribute of me or someone else while in a relationship. That's why I really loved what GEF said about wanting to be accepted at any weight, and striving to do the same for her partner.
Apologies if I misconstrued your question.
Flutterby68
My Cups Runneth Over
aussieamazonwoman
Well-Known Member
You know another comment I would like to make after reading the discussion in this thread is this...
In my early 20's, with a terribly low self esteem myself, I had a few experiences with men, where I thought if they found me attractive, there must be something terribly wrong with them. I learnt that if I saw myself a certain way any poor man had no chance with me because I would be looking for his flaws to justify how screwed up he was for liking me, therefore reinforcing my own negative view of myself. Then a man fell absolutely in love with me and it totally freaked me out that I WAS beautiful to someone and made me realise that the world didnt revolve around my own negative egocentric obsession with how fat I was.
Over the years I have gotten to like myself mostly, and interestingly when a man comes along who I don't think is worth my time or energy or affection I just don't go there. As a result I appreciate the nice ones for their lovely qualities instead of looking firstly for the flaws.
In my early 20's, with a terribly low self esteem myself, I had a few experiences with men, where I thought if they found me attractive, there must be something terribly wrong with them. I learnt that if I saw myself a certain way any poor man had no chance with me because I would be looking for his flaws to justify how screwed up he was for liking me, therefore reinforcing my own negative view of myself. Then a man fell absolutely in love with me and it totally freaked me out that I WAS beautiful to someone and made me realise that the world didnt revolve around my own negative egocentric obsession with how fat I was.
Over the years I have gotten to like myself mostly, and interestingly when a man comes along who I don't think is worth my time or energy or affection I just don't go there. As a result I appreciate the nice ones for their lovely qualities instead of looking firstly for the flaws.
Thanks for these insights, Kris. I've heard many comments along those lines, too.
Of course, for me, that doesn't make sense. It's like saying men were "meant" to be big and strong and women to be soft and delicate. Or something!
Basically, I don't buy into essentialist notions of gender. If women's bodies are "meant" to have more fat, "biologically," does that mean that men who are fatter and women who are thinner are somehow biological freaks? There's a better way of understanding difference than that!So I end up seeing those kinds of comments as virtual shrugs--just another way of someone saying, "There may be a basic contradiction in it, but that's just what I'm into, and so it makes sense to me." Which I'm fine with--the only time I'm not fine with it is when it becomes a mantra that someone tries to impose on others. I think in those cases it becomes very problematic.
No apologies necessary! I was trying to tease out more of what you meant, and I may have failed miserably.
TallFatSue
Well-Known Member
Exactly, and I'm glad to hear your new bf feels that way. That was one of several reasons I knew my guy was "the one". His previous girlfriends were thin, though, so I had my doubts. Then the first time we were majorly kissing and fondling, he reached under my top so I naturally expected him to fondle my breasts. Nope, he fondled my belly instead. "What are you doing?" "I want to get to know all of you." Good answer! :smitten:
Hubby is more than happy to let me wear the fat in our household, because that happens to be the natural order of things. His attitude is fat is best when it's female, and for that I am thankful.
I see what you did there! Fat = Pants!Hubby is more than happy to let me wear the fat in our household, because that happens to be the natural order of things. His attitude is fat is best when it's female, and for that I am thankful.
Could you say more about what you think your hubby means by "best," as quoted above?
TallFatSue
Well-Known Member
Oky doky. I just asked my husband to remind me again why female fat (and my fat in particular) is best. Bear in mind that Art is an engineer. He mentioned that in scientific terms the physiological, metabolic and structural functions of fat are pretty well known. (Sue = ZZZZzzzz....) However he swiftly added that the biology textbooks have a glaring omission about fat being soft, warm, curvy, huggable, inviting, comforting, jiggly, electric to the touch etc. as well as sugar and spice and everything nice. Good answer ... I think.I see what you did there! Fat = Pants!
Could you say more about what you think your hubby means by "best," as quoted above?
He also said I'm the first and only fat girl he ever dated, and in our 27-plus years of marriage he's exposed to an abundance of fine feminine fat every day in our household, so I have shaped his ideals. Aha, I brainwashed him! How cool is that? I gotta be me.
Somehow I doubt these sorts of steamy hot romantic exchanges will ever find their way into a romance novel, but they work for us. :smitten:
When I was with my ex, he openly told me that I was beautiful and that he was attracted to both thin and fat women. However, at times he would say he needed to work out more because he was getting fat (and I promise you there was not a bit of fat on his body). Sometimes it made me wonder how he could like my fat if he thought fat was a negative thing for himself.
Overall, however, it doesn't bother me. Just makes me lift my brows a little...
Overall, however, it doesn't bother me. Just makes me lift my brows a little...
The only time I'm bothered by a thin guy liking me fat, is if he freaks out at the tiniest hint that he's gained weight. Then again, I've noticed a lot of the thin, lanky guys want to work out the bulk up muscle (or fat, in one case). Whether from childhood bullying or whatnot, they've gotten the mindset that being thin and lean is akin to scrawny, and no one wants a weakling.
I guess I'm pretty bisizual, or pansizual, as the case may be. I like androgynously thin, to obese, and the bodies of Olympian competitors are pretty damn fine, too. The only body shape I don't like is the hard, round beer gut look. (Which is probably why I'm not as attracted to feedees; but I love me a foodee who gains without trying.) I like my guys "bigger" than me, even if that just means they're taller (which, at 5'2, isn't hard).
I have no relationship/sexual experience to talk of, really. Guys from online dating sites stop talking to me once they see a pic of more than my face. And I'm not interested in just sex, so I don't really even talk to those guys. Assholes tend to weed themselves out early.
I guess I'm pretty bisizual, or pansizual, as the case may be. I like androgynously thin, to obese, and the bodies of Olympian competitors are pretty damn fine, too. The only body shape I don't like is the hard, round beer gut look. (Which is probably why I'm not as attracted to feedees; but I love me a foodee who gains without trying.) I like my guys "bigger" than me, even if that just means they're taller (which, at 5'2, isn't hard
).I have no relationship/sexual experience to talk of, really. Guys from online dating sites stop talking to me once they see a pic of more than my face. And I'm not interested in just sex, so I don't really even talk to those guys. Assholes tend to weed themselves out early.
It doesn't bother me to be with a thin man, nor a fat man. I'm not hugely for (or against) body builders but have noted a tendency to want to give shoulder love bites (!) to guys with, say, David Boreanaz' shape, in recent years. Maybe it's just that shoulder bulk, not necessarily the "cut" thing. Hrmmm, must study this more. :blush:
It does seem a little odd to me when a guy worries over weight gains but it's his body and I wouldn't feel right telling him not to. I would mention it made me a little sad but there's absolutely nothing wrong with working out and being stronger, either. I still have a strong anti-exercise grudge going but if I had a guy who was into work outs, walking or swimming (or something) I'd probably be more likely to do it as well. Buddy system, and all.
It does seem a little odd to me when a guy worries over weight gains but it's his body and I wouldn't feel right telling him not to. I would mention it made me a little sad but there's absolutely nothing wrong with working out and being stronger, either. I still have a strong anti-exercise grudge going but if I had a guy who was into work outs, walking or swimming (or something) I'd probably be more likely to do it as well. Buddy system, and all.
Candy_Coated_Clown
Well-Known Member
If a woman comes across this, as a BBW, I don't think each woman would know how to tell whether or not this man just has a strong physical preference for a larger build or if his "attraction" is coming from a need to control how attractive she is to others, out of his own insecurities, so that the woman is kept for himself.
FA's have preferences but maybe the test in the above situation is to see how a particular FA will continue to love a woman even if she does lose some weight.
A man like that, when confronted, would most likely deny that's what he's doing or he might turn it around and say, "You're just insecure about your weight and you don't believe I really like you fat! That's why you want to lose weight and look like what society tells you to look like!"
Talk about mindfuckery...
chicken legs
yawn
you make some really good points. I have seen it Alot. It takes alot of time and understanding to bridge the gap of social habits between thin/althletic and fat to have anything more than a sexual relationship. Thats why as a Fa I like Dims because under normal circumstances I wouldn't be able to even talk to a person of size. The daily habits (mind set) of a fat person are really different...well at least to me..than a smaller/fitter person. Plus, when I see a huge person, I totally freeze up. Escapist laughs because I still do it to him ,even after a year of being together, when I don't see him for a long period of time (ok a few hours:blush
.At 32, I still have a hard time combining sex and friendship into one relationship.
Maybe I'm misunderstanding what you mean, but I really don't think I agree with this. But before I jump to conclusions and feel the need to defend something you might not even be attacking...can you just clarify what you mean by "social habits"?
I can tell you exactly what she means because this comes up on our daily life. She is an extreme sports person. There is no way I'm about to go sky diving, or bungy jumping with her. As she gets back to where she wants to be physically I have to be willing to make changes myself or just live separate lives. She's not trying to be mean, it is just how it is.
As a once athlete (and now Super Huge person) I can totally understand where she is coming from. When your partner can't keep up with you, how much fun can you really have together? Are you really even together when one of you has to sit all the activities out besides lounging around the house?
Thanks for the explanation. I will say that based on my own experience, I believe that while this certainly can happen (like in your case), it's a generalization that goes beyond thin/fat dichotomies and lifestyles. There is no such thing as a "thin" lifestyle or a "fat" lifestyle - there are people who live more "active" or "inactive" lives, sure, but it doesn't necessarily line up neatly along thin/fat lines (meaning: there are plenty of inactive thin people and active fat people). Not to invalidate your own experience which obviously is your own, but I just think that needs to be said.
chicken legs
yawn
Well I only used my ex for sex (for about 10 years). We had totally different lives. I liked working out at the gym for at least an hour, doing yoga, then go out dancing till daylight ..on top of going to work and school. Then for more shits and giggles I would jump out of planes, bungy jump, indoor rock climb, etc. However, he just liked to go out to eat, hang out, play video games, and watch movies. So when I did my thing it was without him. When I planned to do these things, it was without him. When I talked about these things, it was with someone else. I actually hung out with other memebers of his family and thats how we met but we really didnt do anything together but have sex because he didn't enjoy the things I liked doing. Plus, I was usually so tired from doing all those things, all I did around him ..was sleep on him...especially when it came to movie time.
