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How do you handle compliments in your relationships?

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Well-Known Member
Oct 13, 2011
Hey there gang, long time lurker, first time poster, 21 year old woman and fat admirer. I'm grateful to have found the community, and no longer feel so alone in my lifelong love for fat men and women.

I've been in a pretty fantastic relationship for several years with a guy who has the body type of my dreams (and more importantly has a fantastic personality). Obviously this isn't my problem. He knows about my preferences, and thinks I'm completely insane but is glad of it, though he has a lot of trouble imagining that other women might share my preference.

(As a side note, I've noticed that online, everyone seems to be familiar with the idea of BBWs and men who like them, and bears and men who like them, but they so rarely seem to be aware of the existence of women who are into big men. I wonder about whether there really are more male than female FAs, or whether there's a perception gap going on somewhere - perhaps it's a failure of imagination, or a result of the stereotypes about women being less visual than men. Any theories?)

Anyway, what I'm wondering is this: how do you feel about complimenting someone you're involved with on a feature of theirs that they often dislike and you love? My boyfriend really dislikes and is embarrassed about his belly, but loves his food, so even though he gets plenty of regular exercise through his job, the belly isn't going anywhere. Even though he knows that I love it, I find it really hard to strike a balance between complimenting him on things I like whilst avoiding accidentally insulting him by suggesting that he's looking particularly wonderfully round on some day. I tend to go for saying something like, "I love the way you look" or "I love your shape as it is right now", "I love your tummy/legs/back", or more explicit equivalents, though really I wish I could say something like, "I love how much tighter that shirt is looking lately", or, "I love how round and soft you are". I think I've found a decent balance - honest compliments that don't remind him of aspects of his looks he doesn't like - but I'd love to hear how other FFAs handle this. (Well, really I'd love to hear how everyone handles this, because I'm sure that this is an even more difficult issue to navigate when the object of your affections is a woman who may have spent her life in a culture that REALLY ramps up her body issues.) There doesn't appear to be any language available that is both flattering and truthful to describe big men's bodies as there is for women - I can't call him voluptuous, curvy or the like, and there's no word for man-boobs or belly bulge that he, as a non-FA, is going to consider flattering rather than insulting. The added dimension here is that we're not entirely monogamous, and when we recently hooked up with someone else, I think it meant a lot to him to be considered attractive by a "normal", non-FA lass, so I would hate to make him feel like he's out of the range of attraction for women who don't have as much of a defined preference as I do - I don't want to take away that confidence.

So ladies, how much do you hold back or modify your language when complimenting or talking dirty to your significant others? And men, what would you prefer to hear, and what makes you uncomfortable?

Let me know if I've breached any etiquette - always happy to learn!