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how do you heal a twice broken heart?

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mermaid8

mermaid
Joined
Aug 22, 2010
Messages
107
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i know this may sound a bit pathetic and attention-seeking to some of you out there, but i am merely looking for some answers.

In the last 10 yrs i have been in two long relationship one was 4 years and the other was three yrs and both men have feared marriage and commitment. I never spoken of marriage too often or too soon but both times they left me after years of effort and countless hours of love.

The first relationship i made mistakes and failed to communicate my feelings to my boyfriend. So i know why that relationship failed, but the last relationship i worked hard to not repeat the mistakes from my past romances. Nevertheless, he still left with an earth-sized whole where my heart used to be. He said the relationship wasn't making him happy anymore, he wasn't satisfied, but he can't tell me why it wasn't making him happy anymore. He says that it wasn't me and i didn't do anything wrong...it's him, he needs to be alone and single for a while. He tells me that he loves me but he's just not happy - period. I built my world around him (i know that may sound weird to some people or sound like dependency) and i built a future with him in my mind. I saw both of us sitting a porch with gray hair drinking sweet tea ( i know it sounds corny but i want that kind of love) and now i'm left with an earth-sized whole in my heart, a searing unending pain and a ton of unanswered questions.

How am i suppose to open my heart to another man and trust that he won't destroy it and leave me with the broken pieces of a dream gone awry? I swore to myself after my first break-up that i wouldn't open my heart so easily and that the next guy was going to be the right guy. The next guy was going to accept my flaws and find my body sexually attractive. My boyfriend, who just broke-up with my yesterday (over the phone) was that guy. He accepted my flaws and loved my curves so much that he couldn't keep his hands off of me. We were happy and communication was never a problem....we had a mature relationship and a year into the relationship i let him into my heart and now two years later he left me holding the broken pieces of my future.

How am i suppose to move on? my first break-up nearly killed me...i don't think i have the strength to find any joy, love, or happiness ever again. I want so badly to be someone's everything, to be loved and cherished, to have a man that will commit to a life with me. I don't know where to go from here.
 

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