How were you in "the closet?"

Discussion in 'BBW/FA Board' started by Judge_Dre, Apr 9, 2009.

  1. Apr 21, 2009 #21

    roddles

    roddles

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    Well I guess when I was younger I would make fun of fat girls to fit in. I wouldn't however say it was a matter of being in the closet because I didn't no there was such thing as an FA as someone else already said. And when your younger being independent is not easy until you hit a more mature age.

    I am however under the impression that people who constantly bag out fat people are secretly FAs or are at least very intrigued by it
     
  2. Apr 21, 2009 #22

    kioewen

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    I find this astonishing. Is this at all common? How dismal if it is.

    For my part, I always had an impulse to vocally defend full-figured girls I liked if they were being made fun of. This was true whether it was in their presence, or if they were not around. (Most of the time the making fun happened behind their backs.)

    It wasn't a desire to be some kind of white knight, as I soon learned that it wasn't much appreciated, and sometimes ended up doing more harm than good. But the impulse was always to defend.

    I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the idea that anyone could actually make fun of what they secretly like. I know I've heard of this before, but I always thought it was a myth. It's hard to comprehend.
     
  3. Apr 21, 2009 #23

    LillyBBBW

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    It is actually quite common, at least in my experience. Some of the worst young homophobes I encountered are now living out of the closet. As far as FAs go I had a terribly bully who harassed me daily on the school bus. I wanted my brothers to come up to the bus and gang beat him to a pulp but they wouldn't take the bait. Instead they assured me that the guy probably had the hotsies for me. They affirmed that no guy puts that much effort and focus on a person on a daily basis without something going on. I didn't believe it but their prophetic words turned out to be true, he is an FA. Everybody doesn't respond like that of course but it's common enough to have become a cliche now even beyond size issues. A guy teasing one girl in particular on a regular basis will be accused of liking her by an astute observationist eventually.
     
  4. Apr 22, 2009 #24

    Scorsese86

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    I have never been in any closet. No, not really. I remember, when I discovered girls, the only one that got me turned on, where the bigger one. I thought that was a bit weird to begin with, but, so what? So when I was around 16 or so, whenever someone asked me what kind of girls I liked the answer was "chubby and cute". Btw, everyone who knows me knows I like bigger girls. It just like one guy I know, everyone knows he prefers redheads. Or another one, he prefers tall girls. Everyone has their own preference.
     
  5. Apr 23, 2009 #25

    ZosofanCMR

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    Oh boy was I in the closet, my FA-ness was like my biggest secret, I felt almost shameful about it. Mostly due to my brother who is very anti-big girl. Anyway, now that I'm older, it doesn't affect me as it once did, the need to fit in and conform has faded and so had my shame about my preferences....so yeah, there ya go
     
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  6. May 5, 2009 #26

    swamptoad

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    I was never really in "the closet" as far as the dating scene goes. Always been with plump, heavier set women. Though I have had a really cool friend that I had a crush on .. and she was not heavy set at all. We spent a lot of time together. And I had some physical attraction to her. Alas, we stayed just friends and just hung out a lot in my teenage years. :)
     
  7. May 10, 2009 #27

    bmann0413

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    I didn't even know I was in the closet until I came into the FA community. It was then I realized that I was in it and I needed to get out. Well, let me rephrase that. I was out of it already. I just needed a push to join the rest of the folks. Jonny B helped me with that. lol
     
  8. Aug 14, 2019 at 4:11 PM #28

    Broseph

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    I was certainly in the closet as a teenager and into my twenties. There were moments where my FAness shined through, though. A few years before I came out, I came out to a friend. He was complaining to me that his girlfriend had gained weight, that this bothered him deeply. After his little ran he paused, expecting me to agree or validate I think. I told him, "Well, I'm into bigger girls, so I wouldn't tell her to lose weight. But I get it if that bothers you. Everybody has their thing." That took the wind out of his sails, as they say. He hasn't complained to me about his girl's weight since then. Maybe he knows he doesn't have a sympathetic audience--indeed, I've complained to him about how much I'd love it if my girlfriend gained, say, 150 lbs.

    I guess I'm out of the closet now. Joining DIMS and posting here has been a part of that coming out. But I'm not going around telling everyone about it. If and when it comes up, I don't back down. A part of me is really excited to share this with others. My girlfriend (unfortunately not BBW) knows about it and was a bit shocked. She thinks its cool though. But I suspect she thinks it's like coffee or books or something--just a thing I like. It's hard to communicate that it really has shared me in profound ways.
     

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