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NaeusofStryx

It's all good
Joined
Dec 9, 2018
Messages
15
Location
Virginia
Sometimes in life, it helps for me to think in terms of eternal recurrence: if you had to live your life exactly the same way over and over again for eternity, how would that affect the decision you are about to make? (no past decisions, they're already done and gone)

The idea is to put into perspective how important the decision is for your life, your happiness, instead of succumbing to some other pressures we have in our lives, which may be superficial and not that important. If you're having concerns on whether it's moral to go your separate ways based on physical attraction, I think this is the wrong perspective; that's an idea based in social pressure ("Will people think I'm a bad person for/Am I shallow for..."). A more appropriate concern is whether or not you can stay in a marriage with no physical attraction. Everyone is different when it comes to how important physical attraction/interaction is to them, so just be true to yourself. Life is hard, so also cut yourself some slack and show yourself a little compassion.

Life isn't linear, either, and sometimes it's a winding road to figure out who we are. These are the situations that make life interesting and rewarding despite the hardship. To me, it's worth all the discomfort to be who you really are, to be true to yourself. We can't go back and alter the past, and to deny one's own nature is to live in avoidable suffering. I can't presume to know how difficult it is to be married to someone you're not really into, but honesty and compassion are the two best tools your have at your disposal. If you're honest with yourself and your partner, you have done everything you can.
 

Unbasher

Well-Known Member
Joined
Dec 23, 2018
Messages
421
Location
Germany
Thank you for putting so much thought into the matter. Do you mean, if I had to live my life all over again, would I make the same choices BASED ON MY KNOWLEDGE TODAY AND THE PERSON I'M NOW or the things I know and the person I was AT THAT TIME?
 

NaeusofStryx

It's all good
Joined
Dec 9, 2018
Messages
15
Location
Virginia
My fault if I didn't articulate it the best. The idea in the thought experiment is that you're already going to relive the past as it has been, exactly as it has been. All the good times and the bad. To put it another way: you're making a movie, that you'll have to watch over and over. You've already shot the first half, which is your past up to this point. That part is going to print.

But, if you have to live your same life over and over again, how would you move forward from here? From right now? Would you choose to live forever in a loop where: you stay in a marriage without physical compatibility, or would you choose to part ways and find someone who has all the qualities that make you happy?

The point of the thought experiment is to show you that you have the power to make choices, and to choose the path that you think will bring you happiness; to not get bogged down in fear of what other people think, or the fear of short-term discomfort. If it doesn't make sense, don't worry, it's not for everyone. Just be honest with yourself about what you truly want, and let that guide you.
 

Unbasher

Well-Known Member
Joined
Dec 23, 2018
Messages
421
Location
Germany
Strys, thank you for elaborating. It is an intriguing thought experiment that I'll definitely give a go. I'm grateful to you all for putting so much thought into this. I should have joined this community much sooner.
 

Starling

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Joined
Jun 20, 2008
Messages
199
Location
,
@Unbasher - have you checked to see if your husband would be interested in some of the more ‘vanilla’ aspects of an FFA relationship? For instance, if he’s willing to eat a big meal and let you rub his belly after once or twice a month?
Or anything along those lines that won’t change his body into something he doesn’t want, but will also let you have some fun sexually? Or maybe even giving him a nice massage all over, you might learn he has some hidden soft spots that you can focus on when you’re in the mood.
 

Unbasher

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Joined
Dec 23, 2018
Messages
421
Location
Germany
Starling, good thought. We have indeed tried some of those things but they weren't enough for me :-\ they only e emphasized how little he still us by comparison.
 

SSBHM

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Joined
Jan 18, 2015
Messages
834
Location
,
Starling, good thought. We have indeed tried some of those things but they weren't enough for me :-\ they only e emphasized how little he still us by comparison.
How big do you really think you like a guy?
 

Unbasher

Well-Known Member
Joined
Dec 23, 2018
Messages
421
Location
Germany
I can only judge by the pictures and videos that rev my engine: soft, squeezable and big all over. A juice butt, a belly bulging over the beltline and thighs that rub together.
 

bigisland

Well-Known Member
Joined
Feb 23, 2009
Messages
125
Location
, Ontario, Canada
Unbasher I now see your recent story with a different point of view. I think many of us can sympathize with your situation, to be married to someone you love is all important.
Is there someway you can reach a level of personal satisfaction through fantasy or other means?
Good luck I hope you come up with a satisfactory solution with ou a broken heart.
 

Unbasher

Well-Known Member
Joined
Dec 23, 2018
Messages
421
Location
Germany
Is there someway you can reach a level of personal satisfaction through fantasy or other means?.
That's what I've been doing secretly ever since I've found out about my preference. The problem is, our sex life has been thoroughly impacted by this tim since then: as much as I love my husband as a person, I can't get aroused by his body and therefore never initiate sex anymore. Only when I admitted to my preferences did my husband admit how frustrated he was with my lack of sex drive. The thought of reviving it and keeping it alive though fantasies only feels daunting. Does that make sense?
 

bigisland

Well-Known Member
Joined
Feb 23, 2009
Messages
125
Location
, Ontario, Canada
That's what I've been doing secretly ever since I've found out about my preference. The problem is, our sex life has been thoroughly impacted by this tim since then: as much as I love my husband as a person, I can't get aroused by his body and therefore never initiate sex anymore. Only when I admitted to my preferences did my husband admit how frustrated he was with my lack of sex drive. The thought of reviving it and keeping it alive though fantasies only feels daunting. Does that make sense?
Yes it dose, but in my limited experience I’ve found in any good relationship there is compromise, give and take and love.
You may be able to work this out your very capable mind.
 

AmyJo1976

DM Supporter
Joined
Dec 7, 2011
Messages
2,476
Location
USA
That's what I've been doing secretly ever since I've found out about my preference. The problem is, our sex life has been thoroughly impacted by this tim since then: as much as I love my husband as a person, I can't get aroused by his body and therefore never initiate sex anymore. Only when I admitted to my preferences did my husband admit how frustrated he was with my lack of sex drive. The thought of reviving it and keeping it alive though fantasies only feels daunting. Does that make sense?
I agree, to resign your sex life off to fantasies, just because you love your spouse and are married is not a good path to take and I don't think he would care much for it if you told him such. If you maintain a relationship based on pure fantasy, then that relationship becomes a fantasy itself. If there's no compromise that you both can come to and be happy together, then you should move on and find what you're looking for. It may be hard, but you will both be happier in the end. Remember, you may love him sincerely, but it's a different type of love you're longing for. I love my mother, I can't stand her most of the time, but I love her and I don't have to live with her or look to her for sexual satisfaction, if that makes any sense.
 

Unbasher

Well-Known Member
Joined
Dec 23, 2018
Messages
421
Location
Germany
Thank you for not judging me. There are mean communities out there that lash out at members who have a sincere problem, but not here.
 

AmyJo1976

DM Supporter
Joined
Dec 7, 2011
Messages
2,476
Location
USA
You shouldn't be judged here. You're looking for comfort and possibly to here from people that share your likes and experiences. Hit me up anytime if you need someone just to blow off steam to that will not judge you. :)
 

SSBHM

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Joined
Jan 18, 2015
Messages
834
Location
,
I agree, to resign your sex life off to fantasies, just because you love your spouse and are married is not a good path to take and I don't think he would care much for it if you told him such. If you maintain a relationship based on pure fantasy, then that relationship becomes a fantasy itself. If there's no compromise that you both can come to and be happy together, then you should move on and find what you're looking for. It may be hard, but you will both be happier in the end. Remember, you may love him sincerely, but it's a different type of love you're longing for. I love my mother, I can't stand her most of the time, but I love her and I don't have to live with her or look to her for sexual satisfaction, if that makes any sense.
Glad you clarified that. I was getting so confused.

I do love me some chocolate cake, donuts, cookies, ice cream, and pizza, but it's strictly platonic I assure you. :)
 

SSBHM

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jan 18, 2015
Messages
834
Location
,
You shouldn't be judged here. You're looking for comfort and possibly to here from people that share your likes and experiences. Hit me up anytime if you need someone just to blow off steam to that will not judge you. :)
Hope my comments aren't insensitive. I just wanted to lighten the mood a bit.

Not that lightening is always a good thing. I like being heavy. The heavier the better usually.

Off to snack time!
 

SSBHM

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jan 18, 2015
Messages
834
Location
,
Thank you for not judging me. There are mean communities out there that lash out at members who have a sincere problem, but not here.
I hope no one is judging you, or makes you feel judged here.

Life is definitely very, very, very complicated.

I think you're being courageous expressing your thoughts, and hope you find some way to resolving your frustration.

Life isn't easy, fair, and it definitely doesn't follow a straight or direct path. Luckily, I like my paths curvy, circular, and even round! lol
 

TwoSwords

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jan 7, 2017
Messages
631
Location
, Male
My preferences have caused me a lot of shame in the past. Why would a thin, “pretty” girl prefer fat men? I guess I’m realizing that they’re beautiful and individuals themselves and if I prefer it, so be it.
Believe me when I say; most fat guys will be eager to accept this about you. It's generally much more common for guys to have accepted their weight, and it tends to be easier to find a fat guy who also likes being fat, than it is to find a fat girl of the same type. Also, a guy's usual reaction to hearing something like this about a girl, even if he does disagree with her would be "Huh. This is kind of quirky, but it's cool."
 

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