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InsecureGirl

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NFA said:
One of the most important things to remember is that even the most self-confident and secure person isn't going to be perfect. They will still have moments of doubt and insecurity. They key is in not beating yourself up over those moments. Not expecting to be perfect. You can accept that you will have moments of low-self-esteem without accepting those moments of low-self-esteem. Learning to be comfortable in your body takes time and its always important to be patient and to understand that there will be bad days. But the goal is worth the time and energy and you WILL be happier and healthier for it. This is part of the process of recovering from disordered eating. You can have a healthy and non-judgemental relationship with food and with your body. Good luck.
Thanks :) I wouldn't say I have disordered eating anymore.. the thoughts are still there, but not the actions.. and certainly not my weight. I hope my self esteem will raise and be more confident.. and thank you again.
 

InsecureGirl

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Vanessa said:
First of all. Here's a big virtual bear hug for you. It's full of warmth and its nice and cosy so I hope you accept it. :)

Secondly in regards to clothes I've been very surprised with Evans in the UK right now. I just came out of there with bag of really nice clothes. Very hip. I used to avoid that place like the plague but they seem to be stepping up their act with the styles.

It's very very difficult to be in your 20's and be big. I survived my 20's by just getting on with it. But I generally loathed the majority of my 20's - so I know where your head is at in terms of feeling you don't fit in.

I learned that smiling and walking tall worked wonders. But we're all made differently and have different needs so it's up to you (with guidence and support) to find your own way into a certain sense of happiness. It may take a while but you will get there.

I do feel there are issues you need to discuss with someone more professional and I hope you'll find the strength to do that. But I too am very pleased you found your way to this board. (I'm new here too) and it's a nice community.

Being thick skinned is unfortunatly part of life - I won't say I don't have moments where I go 'I wish I could look a bit like this that or the other', but those moments are few and fleeting. It takes hard mental work within yourself to overcome the self doubt and the peer pressure - but it can be done! It just takes patience, time and to let go of past emotional brusies. It's also worth reading up on why people act negativly towards people and things they don't understand. Ask yourself: Are they happy? Are they content? Why are they so offended? Mostly, and I'm generlizing, it's because they lack something themselves.

You cannot please everyone. That's another good one to remember. It works on so many levels.

You've made a huge step by just writing down your thoughts. Keep doing that. Feel proud that you've done that for yourself. And each time you share your thoughts pat yourself on the back!!

And for good measure - here's another cuddle. :)

Vanessa x
Thank you!

*Cuddles back*

And Evans is where I get my clothes. hehe. It has changed in style, but they don't have a large selection (no pun intended) You just have to pick through the stuff there.. evans online is a wonder! Love it.

Sorry you had such a difficult time in your 20's.. *hugs* I hope things are much better for you now.. you seem to be a wonderful person and thank you for taking the time out to write all of that back.

Wow, everyone's so friendly :D
 

Tad

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When I first read your message this morning I didn't have time to write a response, and now that I do have time others have said pretty much everything I was going to say, and probably done it better. So I'll just throw in a few small odds and ends that I don't think were covered yet.

- There are others on these boards who have dealt with various eating disorders, perhaps you can talk with some of them about things that helped them get control of these issues.

- It is really important to remember that you can be appreciated for being who you actually are. So much of worrying what others think is really beating ourselves up for not being someone else. You aren't whoever else, you are you, and without doubt you make a pretty darn awesome you. It may be a ways off still on your journey of self-acceptance, but what I always say is to focus on being the best *you* that you can be, without trying to be someone else. It is usually amazing how much easier it is to actually be you, and how fast you can grow and develop. Or to put it another way, a cat will never have much success learning to fly, but when it starts really running there will be little in the world that can catch it.

- Whether or not you get out of the house, make sure you get some physical activity. It is amazing how that can deal with stress and generally make you feel better. You can be fat and fit--and I can assure you a chubby, active, gal with long blonde hair and big blue eyes will turn LOTS of heads!

- You might want to post on the fashion board about your shopping woes. The pool of knowledge and expertise on there is simply amazing. Dollars to doughnuts (or Pounds to peanuts perhaps?) if you tell them roughly where you are in England, within a couple of days you'll have a number of really useful places to go check out.

- Welcome one more time--I think Dimensions is a pretty special oasis, and I just love it when new people find their way here :)

Regards;

-Ed
 

InsecureGirl

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TheSadeianLinguist said:
I guarentee most thin girls so aren't even thinking that. I don't really care what the person next to me looks like. ;)
hehe.. I'm glad! But I still can't stop the paranoid thoughts, considering a lot of people out there are very cruel.. thankfully none of them are here! :)
 

InsecureGirl

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missaf said:
Welcome to the boards. Something to consider here is that many many MANY women are blazing a trail for other fat women to learn to feel secure with themselves, at any size. This is the root of the SA movement. Regardless of what other people think, YOU are a treasured, cherished and wonderful human being who just needs a prop up here and there to learn that in a personal way :)

Try and read as much as you can here, and as always, contribute! We love to hear from new posters, it stimulates conversation and new ideas :)
Yay, thanks for that. Made me smile.. :)

And I definitely will keep reading the board.. and I will contribute, probably so much that you'll all be fed up of seeing me around. haha
 

InsecureGirl

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JoyJoy said:
Hi!! Welcome to the boards! I completely echo what Vanessa said...you're at a difficult time in your life in regard to self-acceptance and peer pressure, but with all of the periods of self-doubt, you've got to allow yourself times to self-talk your way into feeling good about yourself, even if it's just for a moment or two. Focus on what is great about you and give yourself pats on the back for those things. The more you do that, you'll find the insecure times less and less powerful.

Also, a good thing to keep in mind is that many times when we feel all eyes in the room are on us, thinking they are judging our appearance, often it's all in our head and the people in the room are too wrapped up in themselves to really be thinking about what we look like. And, like Vanessa said, if people do feel the need to belittle us, it's usually because they're compensating for some shortcoming of their own. This is where being thick-skinned comes into the picture. In the end, you're the only one who can allow other people to have the power to make you feel bad....and the best one to build yourself up the way you need.

I was close to your size when I was in my early 20s, and I also felt badly about my appearance. I spent a lot of time hiding and crying in my tea because I didn't feel good about myself. I wasted a lot of time living in fear and insecurity and as a consequence, I missed out on many opportunities to do some great things with my life. I'm 40 now, and looking back, my greatest regret is that I hid myself away for so long just because I was afraid of what other people would think of me. If you take nothing else from my words, I hope that you will use my experience to your advantage.

The best advice I can give, though, is to keep talking about it...to yourself and others who can support you and build you up. These forums are a great place for that, and it sounds like you've found a great friend in wagimar, also (Kudos to you, wagimar!). We have many beautiful people from the UK who come here (and to the chatroom) as well, so perhaps you can find someone close to you to spend time with who can also help you in your journey. Good luck! Happy to have you here!
Thanks :)

I'm sorry you had it bad too in your 20's... that makes me sad knowing people have felt the same I have. I hope things are much better for you now.

I'd kinda like to find someone close, it'd be nice. And thank you for the warm welcome :)
 

InsecureGirl

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edx said:
When I first read your message this morning I didn't have time to write a response, and now that I do have time others have said pretty much everything I was going to say, and probably done it better. So I'll just throw in a few small odds and ends that I don't think were covered yet.

- There are others on these boards who have dealt with various eating disorders, perhaps you can talk with some of them about things that helped them get control of these issues.

- It is really important to remember that you can be appreciated for being who you actually are. So much of worrying what others think is really beating ourselves up for not being someone else. You aren't whoever else, you are you, and without doubt you make a pretty darn awesome you. It may be a ways off still on your journey of self-acceptance, but what I always say is to focus on being the best *you* that you can be, without trying to be someone else. It is usually amazing how much easier it is to actually be you, and how fast you can grow and develop. Or to put it another way, a cat will never have much success learning to fly, but when it starts really running there will be little in the world that can catch it.

- Whether or not you get out of the house, make sure you get some physical activity. It is amazing how that can deal with stress and generally make you feel better. You can be fat and fit--and I can assure you a chubby, active, gal with long blonde hair and big blue eyes will turn LOTS of heads!

- You might want to post on the fashion board about your shopping woes. The pool of knowledge and expertise on there is simply amazing. Dollars to doughnuts (or Pounds to peanuts perhaps?) if you tell them roughly where you are in England, within a couple of days you'll have a number of really useful places to go check out.

- Welcome one more time--I think Dimensions is a pretty special oasis, and I just love it when new people find their way here :)

Regards;

-Ed
Thank you for your welcome.. I can never get too many.. it's funny how I was worrying that nobody was going to reply. This seems silly now. haha.

And yeah, I should have put that on the fashion board.. but somehow it ended up incorporated into my rant.. *giggles*

I wish it were true that I turn heads, unfortunately most people seem to go 'Nice face.. but you'd look a lot better if you lost weight.' And you're just like... :huh: thanks for that..

Anyway, many thanks again.. this place does seem pretty special already. :)
 

Jes

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Wagimawr said:
Don't worry - Jes starts off weird, but then she keeps getting weirder every time she posts, so it's cool. :D You were just warmly welcomed.
oh, i see.
and not a single one of you here wants to see me go, and i know it! I could buy and sell every single one of you!!
 

SexxyBBW69

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welcome to Dims.....

& I know how you feel I once was unhappy with how I looked & I realized I am beautiful fat or thin which I have been both. I have gained weight from unhappiness & now I just eat because I am fat & happy & love food.

You came to the right place there are some wonderful people here who understand & I am sure soon enough you will see for yourself just how beautiful you are..

xoxox
 

InsecureGirl

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SexxyBBW69 said:
welcome to Dims.....

& I know how you feel I once was unhappy with how I looked & I realized I am beautiful fat or thin which I have been both. I have gained weight from unhappiness & now I just eat because I am fat & happy & love food.

You came to the right place there are some wonderful people here who understand & I am sure soon enough you will see for yourself just how beautiful you are..

xoxox
Thank you! :)

I'm glad you feel better now and stuff.. and people do seem really nice here. And beautiful.. :blink: well.. lets take one thing at a time.. haha
 

lipmixgirl

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hey iggie,

i cannot bare to call you "insecuregirl" - therefore i rename you iggie... where to begin? where to begin??? well, first off, i totally get what you are saying about england... the brits were downright awful when it came to size acceptance... i lived in grand old oxford for a time in my early 20's... almost 10 years ago now, (shaking my head... i'm so old), i am sure that things have changed a bit... perhaps not much, but a bit... in fact i was just commenting the other day how i was virtually impressed that evans had some kinda cool clothes online! the clothes were so frumpy back in the day...

anywho...

a couple of issues to discuss... rock on, wagimawr for bring you out of your shell... if we still had rep, wagi, would be getting it!!!!

getting on the scale? no one should fear a number... the number is a gauge... i recommend getting on the scale... as for your doctor, if the doctor wanted to tell you that they were disgusted with you and that you needed to diet, i have news for you, if your doctor is the ass that you have projected in your mind, i guarentee you that he/she would not need that number to tell you that they were disgusted and you needed to diet... seeing you would have been quite enough... (as i have personally experienced)

body dismorphia - whilst i have not met you, i am calling you out as dismorphic... it takes one to know one... when i am with my fat dim girls, no matter what size they are, i feel that my size is comparable - even if they weigh 100+ pounds more than i do... when i see pictures, then i can see a difference, but when i am with them, i cannot... when i am amongst average sized society, and i am conscious of my size, then in my mind there is no question that i am the largest person around - even if it may not be true...

agoraphobia... not cool... like my dear friend, the obstreperous ms. j. says, life is a dance- you are either dancing or watching... and with agoraphobic behavior - you aren't even watching... you are 20 - don't let life pass you by...
if you are not seeking professional help for your dis-eased relationship with the outside world, i highly recommend it - even if you feel that you are "ok"....

ana? mia? emotional eating? if you are not seeking professional help for your dis-eased relationship with food, i highly recommend it - even if you feel that you are "ok".... taking action to improve your mental health now will improve your physical health as well....


consumption of thin... you appear to be consumed with what everyone else is thinking... you are projecting what everyone else is thinking... you are "reading minds" ... such behavior is downright unhealthy... the only person you should be thinking about is you - period.

i must suggest to you that the fat is not the problem, but a byproduct of the problem... even if you were to wake up tomorrow and magically had a thin body, your life and problems would still be your life and problems... thinness is not a cureall for the ills of life... if that were the case all thin/average sized people would be amazingly happy... which we know is not the case at all...
the only difference by being thin is that people are just generally nicer in surface social situations....

no one can make you happy but you... to become happy you must be honest with yourself... if you want to make a change in your life - you are the only person who can do it - no one else... not parents, family, boyfriends, girlfriends, lovers, or even a spouse...

when you get to the root of the problem, i'd be willing to bet large sums of money that fat is the symptom - not the cause...

the big apple has spoken...
::exeunt:: :bow:

p.s. if you are interested in getting some cool clothes, do check out the fashion thread and if you see something from torrid.com or any other american clothier and want it shipped to you, i am happy to work out a deal...


 

Punkin1024

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Just chimming in with another Welcome. I can't add anything else to what Vanessa, JoyJoy, NFA, edx and others have already said. Just wanted you to know that this place is a wonderful place to find support, new friends and fun. Hope you keep posting and find advice that you feel you can follow. :)
 

Tina

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LoveBHMS said:
Secondly, and i hope others will take this in the spirit which it is offered, not everyone was intended to be heavy, and not everyone can take on the "fat and happy" attitude. Some can [and thank heavens for that, since I find fat guys really sexy] but some can't.
I have a problem with this kind of a post on Dimensions, of all places. Now, I get that you wrote it in the spirit of helping, or whatever, but I would almost always recommend self-love and building a positive self-perception before telling a person (a person who has hardly had a chance to do some of the healing that can be found here, and a person you don't know at all) they might not be meant to be fat. This, to me, seems harmful in the sense that the rest of the world can tell her that; she should get something different from this place, and I'm glad to see that she has.

Building a positive self-perception at any size is the most important first step, because it will always serve you, no matter what you weigh, InsecureGirl. In my mind, it is the most important work you can ever do for, and on, yourself. Have you read Cindy's What is your SA (size acceptance) history? thread? If not, it is the best place you can start here. There are many, many stories of heartache and ultimately, strength, to be found there -- starting with the original post. This is a jouney that is lifelong and positive. It is something you can decide to change about yourself -- to feel positively about your body, no matter what society dictates, and no matter how much advertisers and weight-loss and beauty corporations want to make money off of your (and all womens') body insecurity. This is the story of my journey within the thread. The changes I have made will serve me no matter what size I am, just like a positive change in self-perception will serve you.

Now, I'm not saying that it's not a good thing to exercise and eat healthfully, because it certainly is. If food is our fuel and we give our bodies nothing but crap, it won't run right, body or mind. And if you don't get much movement in, muscles start to shrink and that's not good either. Eating well, getting a little bit of sun, and moving your body will all work to the good, and help to clear the mental cobwebs out, and give a more fresh perspective than staying inside all of the time, that's for sure. If you find you would benefit from these things, for your physical and mental health, I suggest small, consistent changes in that area.

Most of all, again, I recommend you read the accounts of the people here who have changed our mental mindset when it comes to our self-perception. Doesn't mean one is 'cured,' because surely I am an eating-disordered sugar addict and I will always be one. I have these old, destructive mindsets, formed in my youth, about my self-worth as applies to my body. They will come back to me when I am vulnerable, if I don't chase them away.

They don't call it "self-work" for nothing, but it is the most worthwhile thing you can do for yourself. Welcome. :)
 

Tad

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InsecureGirl said:
I wish it were true that I turn heads, unfortunately most people seem to go 'Nice face.. but you'd look a lot better if you lost weight.' And you're just like... :huh: thanks for that..
I've tried writing long replies, but I can't seem to put into words the feeling in my head. So I'll keep it short instead: trust me, you are attractive, and can turn at least some heads. The thing is, you have to project that attitude. If you are going around feeling like you are not attractive, or that everyone is judging you harshly, that comes out in your body language. When you can go out, projecting "I look good and I know it," then trust me there will be plenty of people out there agreeing with you.

-Ed
 

GPL

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Welcome, welcome, welcome!
Hope you really enjoy this place! I'm sure we dim-people love you:kiss2:

Tight hugs, GPL.
 
S

saucywench

Tina said:
I have a problem with this kind of a post on Dimensions, of all places. Now, I get that you wrote it in the spirit of helping, or whatever, but I would almost always recommend self-love and building a positive self-perception before telling a person (a person who has hardly had a chance to do some of the healing that can be found here, and a person you don't know at all) they might not be meant to be fat. This, to me, seems harmful in the sense that the rest of the world can tell her that; she should get something different from this place, and I'm glad to see that she has.

Building a positive self-perception at any size is the most important first step, because it will always serve you, no matter what you weigh, InsecureGirl. In my mind, it is the most important work you can ever do for, and on, yourself. Have you read Cindy's What is your SA (size acceptance) history? thread? If not, it is the best place you can start here. There are many, many stories of heartache and ultimately, strength, to be found there -- starting with the original post. This is a jouney that is lifelong and positive. It is something you can decide to change about yourself -- to feel positively about your body, no matter what society dictates, and no matter how much advertisers and weight-loss and beauty corporations want to make money off of your (and all womens') body insecurity. This is the story of my journey within the thread. The changes I have made will serve me no matter what size I am, just like a positive change in self-perception will serve you.

Now, I'm not saying that it's not a good thing to exercise and eat healthfully, because it certainly is. If food is our fuel and we give our bodies nothing but crap, it won't run right, body or mind. And if you don't get much movement in, muscles start to shrink and that's not good either. Eating well, getting a little bit of sun, and moving your body will all work to the good, and help to clear the mental cobwebs out, and give a more fresh perspective than staying inside all of the time, that's for sure. If you find you would benefit from these things, for your physical and mental health, I suggest small, consistent changes in that area.

Most of all, again, I recommend you read the accounts of the people here who have changed our mental mindset when it comes to our self-perception. Doesn't mean one is 'cured,' because surely I am an eating-disordered sugar addict and I will always be one.
Thank you, Tina. You answered that far better than I could have. I'm still feeling a bit knee-jerky even now, over 12 hours after first reading that response.
Tina said:
I have these old, destructive mindsets, formed in my youth, about my self-worth as applies to my body. They will come back to me when I am vulnerable, if I don't chase them away.
Boy! Isn't that the truth!

Part of the reason I added the poll to my thread/sticky was because I feel that, although the end result of becoming fat is more or less the same (that we are fat, d'oh), those of use who grew up fat have different developmental issues than those who didn't start becoming fat until later years. And because our negative tapes run longer, they are harder to erase, no matter how educated or insightful we are. I'm dealing with one of those core issues right now and, no matter how much I know about cognitive behavior (Jes;) ), my reflexive response puts me right back to the emotional state of a 4-year-old girl. I know what I'm feeling is irrational, but the fact that I feel it at all, much less have to work my way out of it, annoys me.
Tina said:
They don't call it "self-work" for nothing, but it is the most worthwhile thing you can do for yourself.
So true.

Oh, and, welcome to Dimensions, IG. This place will change your life if you let it. :)
 

Tina

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Cindy, the first step is awareness. The fact that you are aware that you are doing it comes first. Then catching yourself after you've done it is next. After that, you will begin to catch yourself right before. Sometimes you will be able to stop yourself, and sometimes you won't, but if you remain on top of it, the number of times you will be able to stop it will far outweigh the times you won't. 'Tis true, dear. :)

You are so right about developmental issues and how they differ if one has grown up fat or not. Worlds apart, the two are. Congrats on starting what I find to be the most inspirational thread on all of the boards. :) Thank you.
 

InsecureGirl

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Wow, I just woke up and have seen all these responses :shocked:

So, I'm going to try to reply the best way I can for 8:30 am!

lipmixgirl: Firstly, thank you for taking the time to reply to me.

getting on the scale? no one should fear a number... the number is a gauge... i recommend getting on the scale... as for your doctor, if the doctor wanted to tell you that they were disgusted with you and that you needed to diet, i have news for you, if your doctor is the ass that you have projected in your mind, i guarentee you that he/she would not need that number to tell you that they were disgusted and you needed to diet... seeing you would have been quite enough... (as i have personally experienced)
Sounds simple doesn't it? I don't know why I have this irrational fear of being weighed.. I know how stupid it is, I should just grit my teeth and think to myself that it's just a number.. it's hard to explain.. I just have this fear of it, maybe I'm too scared to face up to the fact that the number isn't going to be as low anymore.. and as for my doctor, well I'm sure they can see I'm plumper than I should be for my age/height.. I hate those stupid charts! I don't know if anyone else feels the same, but they are made to make you feel inadequate if you don't fit within their stupid guidelines.. and I swear those things haven't been updated for years.. the average woman has gone up in size, as has the average man. I refused to step on the scale when they asked me, which in essence probably looked extremely weird considering everyone else does it without question.. but I just couldn't.. I had already predicted what they were going to say in my head and none of it was good.. I probably wouldn't have even gotten a response.. but it was the possibility that they could be mean to me about it that made me go 'Nope, not getting on that thing..'

body dismorphia - whilst i have not met you, i am calling you out as dismorphic... it takes one to know one... when i am with my fat dim girls, no matter what size they are, i feel that my size is comparable - even if they weigh 100+ pounds more than i do... when i see pictures, then i can see a difference, but when i am with them, i cannot... when i am amongst average sized society, and i am conscious of my size, then in my mind there is no question that i am the largest person around - even if it may not be true...
You know, I often wondered this myself.. if I was suffering from something that makes me see something totally different.. but again.. I have the whole issue of saying to my doctor about it because I am fatter than most girls my age.

agoraphobia... not cool... like my dear friend, the obstreperous ms. j. says, life is a dance- you are either dancing or watching... and with agoraphobic behavior - you aren't even watching... you are 20 - don't let life pass you by... if you are not seeking professional help for your dis-eased relationship with the outside world, i highly recommend it - even if you feel that you are "ok"....
Had lots of help with this.. none of it successful though, cognitive behavioural therapy among the things tried on myself.. now whenever I've asked about any further help they say 'counselling' - which I think is no good to me, I can talk about my problems until the cows come home.. but they're not going to sort themselves out by telling people about them. Stupid British Doctors *Shakes a fist at them*

ana? mia? emotional eating? if you are not seeking professional help for your dis-eased relationship with food, i highly recommend it - even if you feel that you are "ok".... taking action to improve your mental health now will improve your physical health as well....
Really don't think there is anything wrong here, since I'm not underweight.. I'm overweight... so they won't even acknowledge that something might be wrong with my head about it.. since in body I don't have show anything that they'd associate with it.

p.s. if you are interested in getting some cool clothes, do check out the fashion thread and if you see something from torrid.com or any other american clothier and want it shipped to you, i am happy to work out a deal...
I checked out torrid.com and wow there are some really nice things there! I'd have to find out what the size differences were and stuff and how expensive it'd be.. I couldn't help but wondering if the boots were a wider fit around the calf too, they look it.. but you can never be too sure with these things. But they do have some really nice stuff.. so thank you for bringing it to my attention. And thank you for saying you'd be happy to work out a deal if I wanted anything shipped over, that means a lot! :) Everyone's so nice here.

Tina: Thank you for posting a response :)
Building a positive self-perception at any size is the most important first step, because it will always serve you, no matter what you weigh, InsecureGirl. In my mind, it is the most important work you can ever do for, and on, yourself. Have you read Cindy's What is your SA (size acceptance) history? thread? If not, it is the best place you can start here. There are many, many stories of heartache and ultimately, strength, to be found there -- starting with the original post. This is a jouney that is lifelong and positive. It is something you can decide to change about yourself -- to feel positively about your body, no matter what society dictates, and no matter how much advertisers and weight-loss and beauty corporations want to make money off of your (and all womens') body insecurity. This is the story of my journey within the thread. The changes I have made will serve me no matter what size I am, just like a positive change in self-perception will serve you.
I will definitely have to give that thread a read! I'm still wading through a lot of the stuff on here and it will take me some time, but I think I will definitely look at that next.

edx: Thanks again for your response :)

I've tried writing long replies, but I can't seem to put into words the feeling in my head. So I'll keep it short instead: trust me, you are attractive, and can turn at least some heads. The thing is, you have to project that attitude. If you are going around feeling like you are not attractive, or that everyone is judging you harshly, that comes out in your body language. When you can go out, projecting "I look good and I know it," then trust me there will be plenty of people out there agreeing with you.
You are so right, I need to be more confident within my body and instead of looking insecure about my size I should be proud and then others will see my confidence and attractiveness will follow.. let's hope that dimensions can give me that support I need to go 'You know, I might not be a size 8 (that's thin for UK sizes) but damn it, I look good!'

GPL: Thanks for leaving a message here..

Welcome, welcome, welcome!
Hope you really enjoy this place! I'm sure we dim-people love you

Tight hugs, GPL.
*Hugs back* Thanks! I think the people make it a nice place to be :)

saucywench:

Oh, and, welcome to Dimensions, IG. This place will change your life if you let it.
Thanks! I definitely hope so!

Fuzzy: Thank you for your warm welcome! :)
 

LoveBHMS

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Tina said:
I have a problem with this kind of a post on Dimensions, of all places. Now, I get that you wrote it in the spirit of helping, or whatever, but I would almost always recommend self-love and building a positive self-perception before telling a person (a person who has hardly had a chance to do some of the healing that can be found here, and a person you don't know at all) they might not be meant to be fat.
I understood this might not be well received, and I was back and forth about whether or not I should go ahead and write it, but let me explain why I did. In many women's journeys towards self acceptance [about size or anything else] I've found we can beat ourselves up over not only a facet of our appearance we don't like, but also over our inability to accept something with which we're not happy. Women's magazines [at least in the US and I assume elsewhere] often feature stories of women who struggle with the notion that they should accept something they don't like or that they aren't good enough feminists if they want a nose job or breast reduction [or augmentation] or even to color their hair. Sometimes those conflicts are just as difficult as conflicts over appearance, i.e. "I'm supposed to be self confident and love myself whatever I look like." And if you just can't gain that "walk tall and proud" attitude and really really know you'd look and feel better without grey hair or with a nose job, you should do what you can not only to look better but to give yourself the freedom to do so. There was a thread on the WLS board where somebody asked almost timidly if it was ok to post about weight loss, as if she were nervous she'd somehow betray the SA cause if she gave in to a desire to lose weight.

I just felt with what this young lady was going through, she should think about the option of not "forcing" herself towards self acceptance if she truly prefers or feels happy at a smaller size. It not always "if you just try hard enough, you can like being big." She might not want to be big, she might feel physically uncomfortable or have other isssues. We just don't know, and clearly none of us is as useful as a therapist or ED professional in this regard.
 
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