I Owe My Mother

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Emma

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I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT .
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM .
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born
in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
 

Sandie_Zitkus

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Yeah I owe me mother too - but I think I owe her a swift kick in the ass.
 

DebbieBBW

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Great post, really made me LOL more than once and I needed a good laugh:D


this one is my fav...

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store witth me"
 

swamptoad

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I like this one:

7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

Josh (my wife) says this all of the time to her younger cousins' that we both are taking care of. :D
 

Blackjack

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CurvyEm said:
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
Bill Cosby wants his joke back. You know, this one, where his father tells him exactly that. I'm pretty sure that it predates the internet, since it was in the 70's.

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
If I had a dime for every goddamn time I've heard basically that in chat I wouldn't need to work for at least a year.
 

Fuzzy

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I'm sure Bill Cosby got his from someone else... like his own father...

"For years, I thought my brother's name was Dammit! and Mine was Jesus Christ!"
 

BBW Betty

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I've heard a number of these before, but it's always good for a laugh.

Thanks, Em!
 

JoyJoy

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The scary thing is....after hearing these from my mom, I've said some of the same things to my own kids. Especially this one:
4. My mother taught me LOGIC
"Because I said so, that's why."
 

Jane

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When I said this one to my son, (The One Time)

7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

I sat him down and apologized to him, and promised to never do it again.
 

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