I was skinny and then got fat

Dimensions Magazine

Help Support Dimensions Magazine:

Jayaplump

New Member
Joined
Mar 28, 2021
Messages
3
Location
LA
First off this is a bit tough to share.
I've been struggling with the embarassment that comes with this..combined with this urge to just let it happen and give into wherever this leads.

Long story short..I used to be really thin. Like 5'8 and 115 lbs thin, bones jutting out, people were concerned kind of thin.

I've been single for most of my life and I was just utterly obsessed with dieting and running. I was pretty miserable, not gonna lie... I never felt small or pretty enough and was always doing these crazy low calorie diets..

..that slowly changed after I got into my first long term relationship in 2019 and genuinely felt lovable regardless of how I "looked."

the one thing is, my boyfriend smoked alot of weed. He also ate out a lot, ordered in a lot and Doesn't go to the gym. I didn't think any of this would be an issue but his habits ended up rubbing off on me over the past two years and it just got harder to meal prep and go to the gym when I'd rather be lazing at home with him.

Within the first year of our relationship I put on some weight.. people were saying that I looked much better and healthier and they were really glad that I didn't look like I was going to collapse, lol. It was actually a fairly normal weight at my height.

At first it was really weird filling out my pants In a way that I haven't before. I've never been able to pinch anything on my stomach, my pants have always been a US 0. It was also a weird shift to finally decide that hey, I'm happy and I just want to eat with my partner without guilt. For the first time I would just eat until I was full and then keep going. We would get so high and order ANYTHING and everything we wanted. Pizza, McDonald's, Indian food, Chinese food..you name it. I legit hadn't eaten like that before in my life and the thing about being high is you don't really feel how full you are, you just want to keep going. There was honestly no better feeling than falling asleep cuddling my boyfriend with a full stomach while feeling high and giddy and glowing.

Within the past year I ended up going on birth control and that combined with our smoke and snack sessions all throughout quarantine lead to me putting on a fair bit of weight even after that.
I'm just starting to really feel it now.
Feeling wise: I pretty much feel like I am perpetually bloated even in the morning even l before I eat. My stomach used to be COMPLETELY flat, just skin and abs and now my belly button is deep. I have love handles now. I have thick rolls on my back even if I'm standing straight (without bending to one side) and my bra cuts into them.

Lol. My BF's family is on the heavier side and when we went to visit his mom recently she seemed overjoyed lol. She said she's glad that "I'm filling out so nicely" and she said she was worried for my health when she first saw me. She complimented my lovely figure a lot and just says that she's glad I'm eating well.

Typing this out is so weird. I never expected to be "this"person because I was always the skinny girl but here I am. Just wanted to share. I struggle between wanting to lose it and almost feeling like fuck it. Just keep going. Anyways just wanted to share, nice to meet you all :)
 

Tad

Dimensions' loiterer
Joined
Sep 29, 2005
Messages
13,536
Location
The great white north, eh?
Nice to meet you! And around here we are obviously more inclined to the "fuck it. Just keep going" side of things, but people will support you in whatever feels right for you.

And it would be interesting, as the world opens up more again, to hear if you find you are being treated any differently compared to when you were remarkably skinny.
 

mathfa

Active Member
Joined
Sep 29, 2019
Messages
39
Location
New england
Welcome!

Like Tad said, most folks here either have taken the "fuck it" path or prefer partners who took that path (or both!). But ultimately, this is a decision you have to make based on what will make you happiest. Everyone has different preferred lifestyles, and has different ideas about what they want to look like, and how important that is to them. Part of body acceptance means recognizing that.

Anyways, hopefully you'll find that most people here are supportive and friendly!
 

Latest posts

Top