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i was wondering has anyone gave up on looking for their dream girl or guy?

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penguin

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And then what do you do when you start getting depressed because you can't find one person that meets your most basic standards? How long do you stay single? 5 years? 10 years? 20 years? 50 years? More?
Would you rather be in a shitty relationship than single? If so, date whoever asks you and put up with whatever crap you get. If not, figure out what it is you want in life and how to go about doing it. It's okay to be single. It's okay to enjoy being single. I recommend everyone learn how to do it at some point in their life.

I have standards for what I want in a partner and a relationship, and I'm not going to budge on them. I have preferences and things that are nice as well, and those are things that can be changed.

I am not going to expect a partner to fix what's wrong or lacking in my life. I am a whole, complete person as I am. A good partner and a healthy relationship will enhance that and things will then be better all around, but I'm not going to get into a relationship to be happy. I'm happy single. I am the only one who is responsible for my feelings and I take ownership of them, good and bad. If I get into a relationship, it's because I've found someone I want to spend my time with, someone I want to have in my life, who brings me joy by simply being them.

I deserve happiness, love and respect, from a prospective partner, but more importantly, from myself. I respect myself enough to know that it's better to be single than to be in any relationship. I want a good relationship. Some may think I'm picky or choosy but damn it, I'm worth it.
 

ConnieLynn

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And then what do you do when you start getting depressed because you can't find one person that meets your most basic standards? How long do you stay single? 5 years? 10 years? 20 years? 50 years? More?
Honestly, I don't get depressed over being single.

You can be in a relationship and be more lonely than you ever were alone. Do you really want to give up your core morals or change who you are to find someone? Would you be happy in that situation?

I've been in a very long relationship, and I've been through a long stretches of being single. Being single doesn't depress me. Being in a relationship with a partner who did not share my core morals when put to the test depressed the hell out of me.

Don't get me wrong, I'd be happy in a great relationship. But it has to be the right one. If it doesn't happen, I'm happy being single for however many years. I have a great life, lots of love and joy from friends and family, and I give thanks for my blessings by living. Spending time searching for 'the one' is a waste of valuable living time:)
 

Totmacher

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Yes. That's called "life" -- or at least, it is for everyone who doesn't win the luck of the genetic lottery when it comes to looks or personality.
No no no. The song clearly says, "If you have lost the genetic lottery you no longer need to improve your personality." . This would imply that was the accepted method for improving one's chances of landing a mate.

And think about it: in most societies in the past, people were lucky not to die in starvation or war, so really, finding "true love" is pretty much a luxury of a comfortable lifestyle. In the grand scheme of things, living without love isn't as bad as, you know, famine, disease, war...
How far back and/or afield are these societies you speak of? I happen to live in a society where I and everyone I meet or interact with is capable of obtaining all necessities (and pretty much anything else beside, "true love") through the exchange of money. This money is readily obtainable through work and, while not ubiquitous, jobs aren't exactly difficult to obtain on a subsistence basis. This situation is not uncommon.

I severely doubt anybody reading this has any more experience with famine, plague, and war (OK, maybe war) than I do. From what little experience has been related to me I can tell you that those three particular apocalyptic horsemen seem to be quite an aphrodisiac. Either the only people I've associated with are the greatest lovers the third world had to offer or maybe people didn't let things like starvation, illness, and maybe not waking up tomorrow slow the romance down. Quite frankly I think I could deal with all that crap if it were part of some faustian contract for a dream relationship.

Honestly, I don't get depressed over being single.
That's just great and I really admire your independence, but please find it in your heart to tolerate (or at least ignore) those of us who do. Tot is quite a delicate little flower in some respects.

You can be in a relationship and be more lonely than you ever were alone. Do you really want to give up your core morals or change who you are to find someone? Would you be happy in that situation?
Well, at least until a bit before I figured out that's what was happening.

I've been in a very long relationship, and I've been through a long stretches of being single. Being single doesn't depress me. Being in a relationship with a partner who did not share my core morals when put to the test depressed the hell out of me.

Don't get me wrong, I'd be happy in a great relationship. But it has to be the right one. If it doesn't happen, I'm happy being single for however many years. I have a great life, lots of love and joy from friends and family, and I give thanks for my blessings by living. Spending time searching for 'the one' is a waste of valuable living time:)
Very happy to hear you have a great life. Wish I could say the same. May you find someone.
 

Brenda

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""And then what do you do when you start getting depressed because you can't find one person that meets your most basic standards? How long do you stay single? 5 years? 10 years? 20 years? 50 years? More?""

I am finding it hard to believe that you can't find anyone to be with if you have "basic standards". There are just so many fat single women out there who are actively looking for partners. So either your standards aren't all that basic or you have some issue that you need to address about your life or personality.
 

superodalisque

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What a depressing thread. So, basically, the whole concept is flawed and we should lower our standards to be happy with what we get? Oh, and on top of that, if what we get's not good enough we should be happy to be alone.
... or maybe we should take people as they come and experience the gifts they have to give. it could be that a person could be missing out on some kind of awesome surprise they could never even imagine if they limit their experiences. maybe its just better to be open to the good things coming our way than to get lost in some prescription we have that can't even begin to describe the things we want that we don't even know we need or want yet? i probably once thought that baby food was all i needed to taste in the world. what if i was so busy concentrating that, that i never tasted the joys of adult food because i refused to try anything outside of my own limited imagination? sometimes dreams can be exactly like the allegorical cave we never leave because all they can contain is what we know or what we think we know.
 

superodalisque

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And then what do you do when you start getting depressed because you can't find one person that meets your most basic standards? How long do you stay single? 5 years? 10 years? 20 years? 50 years? More?
thats when we have to start to think about whose standards we're meeting. sometimes we attract the kind of person we want by working on ourselves. are we the kind of person who attracts the kind of people we're interested in? if we aren't attracting that kind of person then we're probably not ready for that person just yet. just maybe if we're getting depressed being on our own it might be a good idea to figure out how to love ourselves and be happy within ourselves first. happiness is not something other people can bring to us. another person is not responsible for making us happy or keeping us from being depressed. its up to us and we have to figure out what that takes for ourselves. a partner can only add to someone's life. they can't be their life.
 

tigerlily

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i was just wondering has anyone gave up on looking for their dream girl or guy. because i was just asking and if anyone has given up please let me know because i am thinking about it alot as of late.
Sven
H'mm. Depends on what you mean by "dream guy/girl". I have standards that won't allow me to put up with abusive or controlling behaviour, and on that particular thing I refuse to budge. But if we're talking about a whole set of ideals that reads like a laundry list of must-haves...meh. I think that's waaay too hard for me, personally to pursue, though I did try when I was younger.

But, I would urge you and others in your likewise predicament to not give up if it's something that you truly want. Also, be aware that for a life goal you have chosen to pursue love, which is the HARDEST game to win. The HARDEST. It's a very admirable ambition, but you need to be very strong to do it.

I'm going to play devil's advocate here...


What if you do have realistic needs in a partner and still don't find it?

What point do you give up your core morals, or have to change who you are just so you're not alone?

And then what do you do when you start getting depressed because you can't find one person that meets your most basic standards? How long do you stay single? 5 years? 10 years? 20 years? 50 years? More?
Good add on question! For me, I could potentially go forever without taking less than I feel I deserve when it comes to a partner. The media says that I need a partner to complete me. But there again the media also says that large people are not attractive. I've pretty much come to the conclusion that they are sometimes full of shit.


Would you rather be in a shitty relationship than single? If so, date whoever asks you and put up with whatever crap you get. If not, figure out what it is you want in life and how to go about doing it. It's okay to be single. It's okay to enjoy being single. I recommend everyone learn how to do it at some point in their life.

I have standards for what I want in a partner and a relationship, and I'm not going to budge on them. I have preferences and things that are nice as well, and those are things that can be changed.

I am not going to expect a partner to fix what's wrong or lacking in my life. I am a whole, complete person as I am. A good partner and a healthy relationship will enhance that and things will then be better all around, but I'm not going to get into a relationship to be happy. I'm happy single. I am the only one who is responsible for my feelings and I take ownership of them, good and bad. If I get into a relationship, it's because I've found someone I want to spend my time with, someone I want to have in my life, who brings me joy by simply being them.

I deserve happiness, love and respect, from a prospective partner, but more importantly, from myself. I respect myself enough to know that it's better to be single than to be in any relationship. I want a good relationship. Some may think I'm picky or choosy but damn it, I'm worth it.
Word. :)
 

PhiloGirl

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Hm, this one got me. Have I given up? I don't know that I ever really began searching. I've been out to a BBW club or two in my area... met a guy there that I dated briefly (and against my better judgment) before I realized it was a bad decision on my part to put up with being disrespected. At that time, I so badly wanted a relationship. I still do, but I hope I've learned not to go head-over-heels for any sort of attention from a prospective match. I think I could be the flip side of your question - someone who is wary of actively searching in the first place.
 

LovelyLiz

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... or maybe we should take people as they come and experience the gifts they have to give. it could be that a person could be missing out on some kind of awesome surprise they could never even imagine if they limit their experiences. maybe its just better to be open to the good things coming our way than to get lost in some prescription we have that can't even begin to describe the things we want that we don't even know we need or want yet? i probably once thought that baby food was all i needed to taste in the world. what if i was so busy concentrating that, that i never tasted the joys of adult food because i refused to try anything outside of my own limited imagination? sometimes dreams can be exactly like the allegorical cave we never leave because all they can contain is what we know or what we think we know.
This is such a wonderful post, honestly. Seeing life as a gift, seeing people in our lives as gifts...such profound and deeply true stuff. It was just what I needed to read today, and since I'm unable to rep you again at the moment, I wanted to just thank you in this way. Seriously, it was just the reminder I needed right now. Thank you.
 

Chimpi

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Sometimes, people rely solely on, say, statistical matching rather than traditional dating - where you attempt to find a perfect or near-perfect match before you dive into communication, as opposed to walking up to someone you may or may not already know and ask them out. (<-- generic summation)

I can understand that traditional dating can be exhausting in a sense - you're searching for a partner to live your life to the fullest. You've come to this point where you're asking this question, which implies that you have yet to find that person, thus the people in your past have never quite been right for you. It's understandably discouraging at times, but you have to remember that you have to get your feet wet in order to continue forward.
I believe there is always at least "one right person" out there for each and every one of us. In order to find any of these persons, we have to spin the wheel, or search through the wheel to find them.

Don't give up.
 

HeavyDuty24

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Sometimes, people rely solely on, say, statistical matching rather than traditional dating - where you attempt to find a perfect or near-perfect match before you dive into communication, as opposed to walking up to someone you may or may not already know and ask them out. (<-- generic summation)

I can understand that traditional dating can be exhausting in a sense - you're searching for a partner to live your life to the fullest. You've come to this point where you're asking this question, which implies that you have yet to find that person, thus the people in your past have never quite been right for you. It's understandably discouraging at times, but you have to remember that you have to get your feet wet in order to continue forward.
I believe there is always at least "one right person" out there for each and every one of us. In order to find any of these persons, we have to spin the wheel, or search through the wheel to find them.

Don't give up.
i do agree,i dont ask for much in a relationship,honesty,humor to a certain extent,good hygeine,compassion,thoughtfulness,caring,things like that.you would think that would be the easiest to find but turns out it really isn't.it could have something to do with me or my life or situation yes,then sometimes it's just bad luck.lol
 

Diana_Prince245

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Oh, I gave up looking for my dream guy years ago. I'm more focused on finding the man who's right for me, even if he isn't skinny, tatted up, and into restoring old cars.
 

pickleman357

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I like that outlook. be happy and own your happiness and a relationship is just the icing on the cake that makes what was good better.

I gotta think about that... that's deep... i like it!
 

HeavyDuty24

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I like that outlook. be happy and own your happiness and a relationship is just the icing on the cake that makes what was good better.

I gotta think about that... that's deep... i like it!
yes me too! i learned to put deep thought in that some time ago.lol i think it is very true in a sense.when your looking for it,you hardly ever seem to find it.but when your not looking there it is! lol it's like when your being you and just living your life the rest will follow.
 

Lovelyone

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And then what do you do when you start getting depressed because you can't find one person that meets your most basic standards? How long do you stay single? 5 years? 10 years? 20 years? 50 years? More?
For me it's been 44 years, but I won't be giving up any time soon. :)
 

Shosh

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I am 41 years old and have never been married, but I have finally met the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with.
Maybe there was a reason I have not been married before or happy in other relationships, because I was meant to be with this particular man.

I think you should never give up searching for the one. It may take a long time, but it is worth it.
 

SarahLaughsAlot

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Hmm, i don't think anyone should ever give up or settle for less than what they want in a person. i'm just used to being rejected to i kinda reject myself before i give the other person a chance, i know it's a problem. I'm really numb to it i've had the friends speech so many times, i know it by heart, it would be nice for something more to develop with someone special. I also, i don't know if i'd call it a bad thing but i don't look for forever, with someone right yet. so many people get serious way to soon, i like slow old fashion 'courtin ;) lol. for everyone brought up south of the mason dixon line, knows what that is. but i'll never give up on finding someone maybe not perfect, but perfect for me. oh and he has to not get embarrassed easy in public. lol ;) if you wanna know you'll just have to find out
 

NoWayOut

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And yeah, I think I'm just going to go for the single life. Everyone who's married in my line of work looks so unhappy.
 

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