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I'm the guy who hates the hot guy thread, let's talk about it here

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Carl1h

figure O
Joined
Jun 23, 2006
Messages
357
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This is a continuation from a discussion in this thread:
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=42051

Moved it here so that the discussion could continue without derailing the other thread. I'm referencing my post here and the general discussion that followed, also.
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showpost.php?p=787671&postcount=48

We return to our discussion, in progress...

You are a BHM and I am a BBW. Here we are, discussing a topic--just one human being to another, like regular folks do, without any regard to whether each of us finds the other attractive.

I agree there, who we find attractive isn't an issue, how we treat is other is the issue.

But I have to say that a bunch of fat women telling me that as a fat man my feelings are less important than their own doesn't exactly make me feel particularly accepted....
Could you point me to where that was said, specifically? I'm not trying to argue with you, I'd like to see it for myself, in print. When I see it, then I could possibly argue for your points, not against them (not that that is my intent, anyway).
No one actually said that, I felt like they had, though. After I posted against that Hot Boy thread there were women from the main boards who I had never seen on the FFA/BHM board come to argue for the existence of the hot boy thread, seemingly so that we could know how wrong we were. Of course there were also women who came to let us know they thought we were right, but overall it did leave me with the feeling that the enforcers had come to visit.

...if you want the fat guys to post more on the other boards here you should be prepared to accept their opinions without deriding them for feeling threatened.

Your statement here about that thread is, IMO, an example of how the female majority polices the boards and marginalizes other voices.
Huh?

I had no particular thread in mind when I wrote what I did. I don't keep up with things here in that great of detail, as a rule. I was only speaking of a general sentiment that I sense here in general.

I was the one who started complaining about the hot boy thread, and I thought you mentioned the hot boy thread in your response to my post here because you knew that I had brought it up and still had some axe to grind against me about it. I see that I was wrong about that and that I was being too defensive.

If some fat chicks want to nurture a thread about non-BHMs they find attractive, or, conversely, if the BHMs nurture a thread about non-BBWs they find attractive, why should the people who are not included in that particular thread take it so personally, and feel so threatened?
It was you who brought up a specific thread. I had to click on the link you provided to know what you were referring to. You know, I want to appreciate the points you're trying to make about how the majority's voice is heard louder and all that stuff, but then you lost me with your accusations. Please explain how I was doing whatever it is you seem to think I was doing. You started a thread, something you said in your OP sparked an interest for me to respond, because I have questions, so I posted...isn't that how this board stuff works?

I didn't bring up the hot boy thread, you brought it up, and you brought up the subject of why people take that thread personally or feel threatened. I would say I feel marginalized by it... threatened seems like a word that is chosen to make someone else sound weak. Whether or not you knew that you were complaining about me, you were in fact complaining about me and I wanted my to bring in my side without hi-jacking the poll thread, the best way I thought I could do that was to link to my original post about it.

If I think that a thread idolizing skinny people as objects of desire is out of place on a fat acceptance site, does that mean I am not welcome?
No. Why should it? All it means is that you have an opinion, just as everyone else here. You have a right to feel that your opinion is valid, it doesn't mean that you can or should expect everyone to agree with that opinion. I for one don't have a problem at all with who or what people want to idolize on this site. Personally I feel that (speaking as one person with one opinion about this one thing you have to say...if this is truly how you feel)...
...a thread idolizing skinny people as objects of desire is out of place on a fat acceptance site...
...is unrealistic, among other things. There. I said it. I took issue with one thing you said. It wasn't a complete devaluement of you as a human being, or you as a BHM, or your attractiveness or desirability or what have you--What does any of that have to do with this one thing you said?

I don't understand what you want or expect everyone else to do by making such a statement. Fat people aren't the only ones who frequent Dimensions. That's a fact. Fat people are not, by virtue of their being fat, attracted solely to fat people. That's a fact. What would you have Conrad do--issue some sort decree in a booming, biblical pharaoh-type voice, something like, "There Shalt Be No Idolizing of Skinnies in Dimensionsland. It is Done." *commence thunder and lightning* Speaking of Conrad--you know, the guy who created this site, lo those many years ago--have you seen him? He's a skinny dude! And--and--a bunch of folks here, women and men, fat and skinny, think he's attractive! The horrors!
I said before that a thread full of pictures of the FAs here, whatever their size or of the significant others, whatever their size, would (IMO) be perfectly fine, because this is the only place you're going to see that, and the FAs are part of the community (I doubt that any of those hot celebrities are). Is it really so hard to find pictures of hot celebrities that there has to pictures of them, not just everywhere else, but here as well? Am I the only person who sees these sort of places as a refuge of sorts? I don't look at those pictures and see anyone there that looks like me, and yet somehow, I am not supposed to take away the message that people like me aren't hot? The message that because I am fat, I am not hot, is a negative message that I can find most anyplace, I come to places like this to get away from that message. I don't expect fat women to date only fat men, but I do expect fat women to understand the commonality of our problems and that fat men need to have a respite from the criticisms of the outside world, just like fat women do. I don't want Conrad to issue any edict, I want people to behave with consideration toward each other without having to be forced to do it.

But suggesting that people get their hot, skinny celebrity fix somewhere else is just asking too much, I guess.

I think the issue here (and I admit that I am reading between the lines) is: can't you prefer not to date fat guys without people trying to make you feel guilty?
I'm not sure I understand what you're asking by the way you've phrased your question. It seems to have something to do with the way you feel when fat women express an appreciation or admiration for a particular body type that just happens to not be your particular body type. Am I close?
What I was unsuccessfully trying to say was that what I got out of the last part of your post was that you were asking whether you couldn't just prefer not to date fat guys without people trying to make you feel guilty. I thought that you were referring to the fact that the poll choice said, "Don't hate me for loving the skinny men!" As I said, I chose that wording because I was trying to be playful. If you were responding to my saying that I've heard from BHMs that they don't go to the main boards because the fat women only like the skinny guys and I heard from BBWs that they don't go to the BHM/FFA board because the fat guys only like the skinny women. I wasn't criticizing, I was just reporting what I had heard. It's not any sillier or wrong one way than it is the other.

Were the fat women in that thread that you referenced saying that all fat men were gross? Were they saying that you were gross? I'm confused. If they were doing that in that thread, or anywhere else, I suppose they should be chastized for being so crass; sometimes it is best to keep such opinions to ones' self. But, if you felt hurt or undesirable because some women were expressing and discussing what they find attractive--and they were not dissing you personally or directly (you yourself admitting to reading between the lines there)--I guess the onus is upon you to figure out why you felt that way; it's not anyone else's responsibility. Is it? The same applies to anyone else here (including me) who internalizes such thoughts and feelings over something posted here that is not specifically directed to them or about them.
So, anyone can post whatever they want as long as the don't explicitly cross the line? There is never any meaning to what anyone says beyond the precise meaning of every word? That's a nice debate tactic, but it isn't true. I'm fat, I can get hurt and told I am undesirable from almost every person on the planet, you don't think it makes a difference if I also get it here? I'm internalizing issues? The onus is on me? Blame the victim much? Is this the advice you would give a fat woman who said that people made her feel ugly because she is fat?

Don't feel like you have to pull out all your big guns to win this one, the issue of Carl vs. the Hot Boy thread has already been decided and Carl lost.

Yet I am still here.
 

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