Is it hypocritical redux; to be attracted to fat while remaining thin?

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Mainegal

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As a thinner woman who is most attracted to sbhm/ssbhm's, I have found that the "type" of men i am attracted to aren't attracted to me because of my size - lucky wonderful bbw/sbbw/ssbbw 's!!!

We are attracted to who we are attracted to- as an almost 50 year old person, it's difficult to move beyond looks when meeting folks on the internet.
 

BigElectricKat

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As a thinner woman who is most attracted to sbhm/ssbhm's, I have found that the "type" of men i am attracted to aren't attracted to me because of my size - lucky wonderful bbw/sbbw/ssbbw 's!!!

We are attracted to who we are attracted to- as an almost 50 year old person, it's difficult to move beyond looks when meeting folks on the internet.
I get what you are saying on so many levels. I have a somewhat similar problem, although I'm not a thinner person. I'm a little too fat for the women who like them thin and a little too thin for the ones who like 'em bigger. But as you said, looks are what we see first when dealing with the internet so it's all we have to go by unless and until you have a chance to evaluate other things.
 

luckyfa

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Physical attraction isn‘t a one-way-street. Assuming that a thin person shouldn‘t want to desire a fat partner implies that the fat partner automatically desires a fat partner as well. Reality shows that there are thin people who desire fat partners and that there are fat people who desire thin people. My wife and I are the best example: I love fat women and my wife loves lean athletic men. It so happens that my wife is fat and I am thin. We‘re both well aware of our contrast and love the extra kick we get out of it.
 

Broseph

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I don't think it's hypocritical. My experience suggests that the reasons "why" I'm attracted to fat partners are not really "logical" in the sense that my beliefs about the world are (hopefully most of the time) logical. So I don't think attraction is a domain where logical consistency applies. Who says only those who are similar in body size can be attracted to one another? Or that a person has to wish to have the same body type as their partner before they can be attracted to them? Would we say the same thing about culture or language? Age? Hair color? Political belief? Gender? I've spent a long time trying to understand why I'm an FA, reading psychology and philosophy, trying to justify it etc. It's been good for me to let go of that whole thing and just embrace it as a beautiful and perfectly acceptable fact of my life :) Anyway, those are my thoughts on the issue.
 

y2kboris1

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This Lucky. I've often wondered the same thing. As best I can tell it, I am the only one in my entire family who fancies bigger women (bigger people in general; none of my female family members like as best I know like bigger men); so I am the only one. I don't know if being an FA is genetic or if it's because of environmental factors (nurture) or both, but that has always made me scratch my head. To be fair it might originate from my Dad's side, but from the best I can tell, my Dad wasn't into bigger women either (both my Mom and his ex before my Mom were smaller women), and supposedly my grandfather on my Dad's side, my grandmother was this super-petite, tiny. skinny, little blonde lady, so I'm not sure there either. Maybe I DID inherit it from my grandmother? (reversed maybe?) My grandfather was supposedly a really big dude, like 6"5 solid muscle, barrel chested, redheaded man, who was also fat, and had anger issues. From the way my Dad described it to my Mom. and then her to me my grandfather was the kind of person who would get agitated at the slightest things and always be hot-headed so their temperaments were completely opposite one another, as was the nature of their physical manifestations. Course my Dad was about average-sized to thinner/taller, but supposedly when my Mom and my Dad met, she wasn't like fat-fat, but she was slightly chubbier than she usually was. Interesting thoughts to chew on though...
 

Shotha

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This Lucky. I've often wondered the same thing. As best I can tell it, I am the only one in my entire family who fancies bigger women (bigger people in general; none of my female family members like as best I know like bigger men); so I am the only one. I don't know if being an FA is genetic or if it's because of environmental factors (nurture) or both, but that has always made me scratch my head. To be fair it might originate from my Dad's side, but from the best I can tell, my Dad wasn't into bigger women either (both my Mom and his ex before my Mom were smaller women), and supposedly my grandfather on my Dad's side, my grandmother was this super-petite, tiny. skinny, little blonde lady, so I'm not sure there either. Maybe I DID inherit it from my grandmother? (reversed maybe?) My grandfather was supposedly a really big dude, like 6"5 solid muscle, barrel chested, redheaded man, who was also fat, and had anger issues. From the way my Dad described it to my Mom. and then her to me my grandfather was the kind of person who would get agitated at the slightest things and always be hot-headed so their temperaments were completely opposite one another, as was the nature of their physical manifestations. Course my Dad was about average-sized to thinner/taller, but supposedly when my Mom and my Dad met, she wasn't like fat-fat, but she was slightly chubbier than she usually was. Interesting thoughts to chew on though...
I was long puzzled, as to why I was attracted to fat men. According to family history, my mother's side of the family were concerned that my mother would be "left on the shelf", as she rejected one suitor after another. She finally met my father, who was a fat man, and they had a whirlwind romance and got married as soon as they could. I reckon that my preference for fat men comes from my mother. I had to put a lot of effort into putting on weight but, when it finally worked, it went all on my belly, just like my dad.

I don't think that there is anything hypocritical about being attracted to fat people but not wanting to be fat oneself. After all the majority of people are attracted to members of the opposite sex with wanting to be a member of that sex.
 

Tad

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I don't have a reference, but I read somewhere that a lot of the details of our sexual attraction seem to form from age 2-4, while we get a bit of a hormone surge. We remember very little from those years, so by the time we have enough identity to remember our feelings/thoughts that stuff has 'always been there.' Basic sexuality more likely sets in in embryo, and the division between what is genetic, what is epigentic, what sets in embryo based on hormone exposure, and what sets during those toddler years is still not all clear.
 

Shotha

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I don't have a reference, but I read somewhere that a lot of the details of our sexual attraction seem to form from age 2-4, while we get a bit of a hormone surge. We remember very little from those years, so by the time we have enough identity to remember our feelings/thoughts that stuff has 'always been there.' Basic sexuality more likely sets in in embryo, and the division between what is genetic, what is epigentic, what sets in embryo based on hormone exposure, and what sets during those toddler years is still not all clear.
Interesting. I agree with you about sexuality. It's now clearly established that sexuality is determined by the time that we're born. I must find out more about the other stuff. I know that by the age of four I was already interested in fat people. I wanted to be a fat man and so I started padding around that age. When people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I used to answer something cool like "An astronaut" but I really wanted t o say "A fat man". It's interesting that my liking of fat people manifested itself so early but being gay didn't become obvious until puberty.
 

loopytheone

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I can confirm that I was infautated with fat people from way before the age of 4, at least. My memories get hazy around 2 years old, but I definitely remember having what I would now describe as fat/tight clothing/stuckage interests from before I went to school at 4 years old.

I honestly think it is something you are born with. Whether or not it is genetic, epigenetic, hormonal... eh, who knows. The same could be said for sexuality in general, I think. I think most of it is decided, to some extent, before you are born. I doubt we will ever figure out the mechanics of it, and it could have random chance involved, even. I kind of think it is best that there are some things we don't understand 100% on a mechanical level, though.
 

FFAFarmher

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To answer the thread question. I don't think there is anything hypocritical with finding fat attractive while not wanting to be fat yourself. I for LOVE contrast.

On what @Tad said that's very interesting! It interesting to look back on what could have added up to having a fat preference. I definitely have always been wired with an attraction towards bigger softer bodied men. I think it might have very well started in toddler years. My Grandpa who lived with us was a big, heavy man. Every morning I would spend an hour or so cuddled up on his belly while he was in his easy chair watch birds, was my favorite spot snuggled up on Grandpa. And most of the people in my family are bigger. I don't know if also being on the autism spectrum and having a fondness of everything soft to the touch also contributed too who knows. But I definitely wouldn't want to not have a fat preference/attraction
 

mathfa

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I mean, I am an underweight person. A few years ago I did struggle with some dysmorphia and minor anorexia, although the reason I'm so thin is more genetics, I eat a ton nowadays and am only moderately active. I've had certain feelings about overweight people since I was a young kid, but it didn't really crystalize until I was 10, and I didn't recognize it as sexual till I was more like 14.

I don't really see it as hypocritical. My girlfriend likes thin, nerdy types, is she hypocritical for liking that because she's overweight? Of course not. You don't have to look like what you are attracted to. People with dark hair can like redheads without dyeing their hair. Short people can like tall people without having to grow :p

I avoid using the "a man can like a woman without being one" argument because sexual identity is more fundamental than a preference like what is being discussed in this thread. And yes, I call being an FA a preference, I'm not sure we would view it as an identity if it wasn't for all the marginalization experienced.
 

luckyfa

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I don't really see it as hypocritical. My girlfriend likes thin, nerdy types, is she hypocritical for liking that because she's overweight? Of course not. You don't have to look like what you are attracted to. People with dark hair can like redheads without dyeing their hair. Short people can like tall people without having to grow :p
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I fully agree with you. It can‘t be hypocritical because it‘s all about mutual taste in a relationship. I love my wife being fat and she loves me being thin and we both love our contrast. How can this ever be hypocritical? Eventually, it all boils down to saying that fat people should only date fat people, that they‘re not supposed to date according to their preference. Isn‘t this the exact opposite of fat acceptance?
 

Shotha

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I fully agree with you. It can‘t be hypocritical because it‘s all about mutual taste in a relationship. I love my wife being fat and she loves me being thin and we both love our contrast. How can this ever be hypocritical? Eventually, it all boils down to saying that fat people should only date fat people, that they‘re not supposed to date according to their preference. Isn‘t this the exact opposite of fat acceptance?
Someone recently asked me, if I only date fat guys, because I'm fat and it's all I can get. The reason that I date fat guys is that I find them attractive, almost exclusively so.
 

luckyfa

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Someone recently asked me, if I only date fat guys, because I'm fat and it's all I can get. The reason that I date fat guys is that I find them attractive, almost exclusively so.
That‘s the flip side of the issue. To be happy themselves, some people have to make assumptions about other people‘s preferences and their motivations
 

Shotha

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That‘s the flip side of the issue. To be happy themselves, some people have to make assumptions about other people‘s preferences and their motivations
The question came from a much younger man, whom I try to help to be more confident in himself. He's a lovely fat gay boy but he only knows about fat people's relationships through TV and cinema. Here in New Zealand that does not instill confidence into young fat people. Obviously, my preference for other fat men was only confirming his expectation that only fat men will be available. I would rather have people ask me this question rather than see them remaining ignorant of the fact that FA's come in all shapes and sizes. He's now happier and more confident and has made himself over as a bear. He makes a lovely bear. I look forward to seeing him find love one day.
 

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