"It seems you've been working harder than any of us! Take a break, alright? I will try and speak to you again next week." The second he signed off, Christine flopped backwards onto the bed with more force than was strictly necessary.
"Stupid!" She kicked at the duvet, narrowly missing her laptop. When she closed her eyes, she could see the image from her dream so clearly - she could even summon the sensations she'd experienced, the warmth and scent and palpable tension, as though she'd been there. The implications seemed clear. "Ugh, she doesn't want me to make any pissing progress!" Christine smacked her hand down on the bed, her frustration finally melting into despondency. Maybe she had been a little tired… and hopefully that meant this entity wasn't able to just, switch her off and intimidate her whenever she wanted to. Because make no mistake, that had been an intimidation tactic. This is what you're looking for. It won't make any difference. It was a bloody good thing she had something to get her out of the house.
The walk to Susie's gave her an opportunity to decompress. Blasting Florence and the Machine through her headphones and moving briskly got her jitters out, letting her get ready to enjoy a proper evening - not just sifting through books to find scraps of relevant information followed by staring at her paws.
"Chris!" Susie, a slight woman with long blonde waves, pink cheeks and ever-present red lipstick, yelped and threw her arms around Christine's neck as soon as her door was open, buzzing with energy. "What's going on! I'm so sorry I haven't had the time to hang out, I'd have loved to see you right after you got back but I was an idiot about this essay and there was this resit as well, but it's alright I passed it just fine but that's not important, what's going on with you! I'm so glad you're here, seriously, I've been in the study cocoon for like a week straight and having someone over makes you clean up, you know, not that it looks incredible but trust me it's better than it was-" Susie continued in her typical fashion as she welcomed Christine in, walked her up to her flat and made her a cup of tea. It was half empty by the time Christine got to really speak.
"It's okay Suse, I've been busy too."
"Oh my god is it about that bracelet you found?" Her friend clapped once and doubled her excitement, if such a thing were possible. "It's so crazy dude, it's like you're in The Mummy. You've even got a Brendan Fraser!"
"What, who?"
"The German guy!" Oh dear. "I know he has a name but he's Chubby Brendan Fraser now. And who's the lady, the librarian - which is appropriate - Rachel Weisz! You could pull off Rachel Weisz." Untrue, but appreciated.
"Thanks, Suse, but it's been a lot more reading and a lot less adventuring than you're imagining." Susie raised an eyebrow.
"Adventuring, is that what you're gonna call it?"
"Call what?"
"You know!" She giggled, scandalised, "you barely had the time to text all month. Nothing in the evenings, but when you do pick up the phone, there's always plenty to say about this guy. I know what's up, kid."
"Ughh," Christine shook her head, unwilling to entertain this line of questioning. "I'm sorry Suze, but we're not - adventuring together - anymore. It's nothing bad but I'd really rather talk about something else."
"Aw, I'm sorry. You can always be Rachel Weisz solo, you know." A commiseratory hand found its way to her back, where it gave a gentle pat. "Go on then, how was it? Tell me everything." So Christine related the small details of her trip, the flights, the hotel and the dig and the small dramas and jokes that cropped up among the other students - avoiding Elias. It was nice to revisit the memories she'd made that didn't necessarily involve a boy… the quiet, warm evening she spent on the hotel balcony with a borrowed set of chisels and a still half-finished sculpture of an iguana, the massive blini Tanya made for dinner that ended up looking uncannily similar to Australia, even the mishandling-related mistakes she made, which had become harmless and funny ever since her lingering fear that Thomas secretly couldn't stand her for messing up had been quashed. More or less.
The game was comparatively stagnant, ending 1-1 after numerous near misses and uneventful penalties on both sides, but it didn't matter to Christine - almost, anyway - because of the pure joy of the mental reset. Listening to Susie explaining her troubles with this new lecturer (apparently there are people who can send you almost immediately to sleep with naught but the sound of their voice and a deck of slides) and the essay she'd been hurling herself up against, it did more to relax her than, well, anything had in quite some time. Enough that when the game was over, and half a box of takeout curry was cooling on the coffee table and a glass of wine was swirling in her hand, she said,
"Suse, listen, I'm having some guy trouble." Immediately one hand was on her shoulder and the other was on her free forearm, attentive energy pouring out of Susie like a waterfall.
"Go on." Christine took a long sip of wine. "Is it Brendan Frasier do you miss him -"
"It's him, but it's also another guy,"
"Another guy!?" The traditional pose of the supportive friend was abandoned in favour of that of the ecstatic gossip, "there's two! Who is the mystery lad, did you meet him on the trip? Two Brendans!?"
"No, there aren't two Brendans, I might've mentioned him to you before, it's the guy who lives in my building, you know? Face like thunder but pretty when he wants to be, big round glasses, tall, Indian lad -"
"And of appropriate stature, shall we say?" One blonde eyebrow was raised.
"Extremely so, as it happens, yes."
"More than Brendan Fraser?"
"Yes, but call him Elias, please -"
"He's Brendan Fraiser until Mystery Man gets a name!" Christine rolled her eyes dramatically, provoking Susie to continue, "if you know his name..? Is he giving you trouble and you don't actually know?"
"Krish, it's Krish."
"Krish! Okay. I think I remember - isn't he the one you couldn't even get to talk to you? What changed?" Ah.
The truth would have been nice to reveal. Easy, too. She wouldn't even have to move from her spot on the sofa. Christine looked over at Susie with a tipsy gaze, the gears turning in her head slowly but carefully.
"Tell me something first, Suse. Do you believe in fate?" Susie didn't hesitate for a second before answering,
"No. There are no higher powers influencing our actions, that's what I think. True, it's just my opinion, but if you ask you shall receive and all that." There was a brief pause. Susie's answer didn't surprise Christine, but it did little to comfort her, instead landing her in something of an awkward position. She didn't want to break the silence, having no readily prepared alternatives for the truth but also no desire to shatter her friend's worldview. Such a thing can be brutal. Christine, of all people, knew that. "Did something crazy happen? Some wild coincidence?"
"Yeah. He saved me from a, uh, a car." For the second time that night the truth came to her aid. "I don't know why but I just froze. He grabbed me right out of traffic."
"Holy ****. That's a Prince Charming move right there." Christine shook her head, unsure how to phrase the next part,
"But I don't want to just hang out with him based on, uh… I don't know, pretense. I like him. But I miss Elias. But I don't think Elias and I would work long term, so I want to make this thing work with Krish, but he wants nothing to do with me unless I'm-!"
"What, he only wants a damsel in distress?" That idea really made the eyebrow arch. "I mean **** that, you're not Snow bloody White, that-"
"It's not his fault," Christine groaned, "he didn't fawn over me then suddenly go cold or anything, I just get this feeling about him, and I want to get to know him better so badly, but he's one of those people who doesn't let people in." Susie shook her head.
"Chris…" the gentler tone of voice was accompanied with a tender side hug. "You can't force this thing to happen. If you're coming to someone with something… you have to meet them on their own terms. And if those terms are bad for you then you should accept that and back off."
"I know."
"And I get that it's hard for you… this whole exciting thing with Elias is coming to an end, and it's unfortunate, and maybe if things were different they'd be different, but they are the way they are. If I were you, I'd grab some nice heavy tinder dates, a thing of Bourbon and scream along to Never Mind the Bollocks until things make sense."
"That's a very you solution, Suse."
"Well, you might want to try it some time," Susie chuckled, giving her friend a squeeze. "Go into recovery mode. I'll even watch Star Trek with you if you need."
"Oh, you really think I have it bad for this guy, huh?"
"Chris, baby, it's obvious. You never want to talk about boys, and I know that's because I'm obnoxious about it, but that's only because you don't ever bring me this stuff!"
"I find myself in a unique situation," Christine mumbled, "so, you know. Any and all advice."
"I'm flattered," said Susie with a grin. "Come on, I have some ice cream in the freezer, it's traditional for relationship talks. You want some..? I'm getting the ice cream. It's happening."
A good thirty minutes later than she'd initially planned, Christine was walking home. Tipsier, consequently slower, and infinitely more introspective than she'd hoped to be at that time. It wasn't that Susie hadn't been supportive. It wasn't that Christine didn't appreciate her advice. It wasn't even as though things were going all that badly - with more thought, she realised just how encouraging her earlier call really was, even if it was tinged with a frustrating ending. Although it was an ending which in itself had, it seemed, given her some more clues. Nothing to be sniffed at, especially when she couldn't afford to leave anything on the table.
The real question was less binary than she'd thought. Not, who should I be pining over, option E or option K - but, how do I get over them both? The temptation of nostalgia and of course, an easy solution, pulled her towards Elias, despite the knowledge that any comfort he might give her could so easily collapse. The trembling anticipation of something new, of rebellion, that vibrated under her skin like electricity - that adrenaline shot through with the bitter likelihood of rejection - pushed her in Krish's direction. The two forces acted on her in totally different ways, and as such, she doubted there was a solution that could effectively neutralise them both.
She ended up sitting down on a low stone wall. Not too far from her place. The pavement had begun spinning a little, definitely not 100% from the wine - she hadn't drunk that much - though it certainly hadn't helped the intensity of her thoughts. Christine stared into the middle distance, hands in her pockets, watching the leaves dance on a nearby tree. Its brick planter was already littered with orange and brown cast offs, but the branches were still filled with hangers on which twisted and fluttered in the breeze. She was trying to recall the plot of The Lobster. That movie where people were made into animals if they didn't have a romantic partner. That had Rachel Weisz in it too, didn't it? They were at a hotel to find a partner, but only for the first half, then they escaped into the woods. Things changed again after that, but… maybe she didn't want to remember the ending.
A shape caught her attention in the half dusk. A familiar figure, tall, broad. Crossing the road with a shopping bag in hand.
Krish.
Christine tried desperately to keep her expression under control. Seeing him in person again, especially at a time like that, was almost totally overwhelming. It was impossible not to watch him as he paused to close his coat and zip it up over his tummy, suddenly hitching when it came to the latter and, yes, it looked like he eventually had to suck in a little bit to make it do so smoothly. It closed right up to his chin, the plump flesh bulging over the collar as he walked past. Christine duly performed the traditional silent nod. He gave her a slightly quizzical look - like he wouldn't expect her to exist in the world outside their building - and returned it.
Krish disappeared around the corner, and Christine's attention returned to the leaves. One finally broke off, coasted on the wind, and landed on the pavement near Christine's feet, and something about the way it skittered along the floor made Christine want to -
She pounced. White paws closed over the leaf, and her tail swayed with pride, before she realised, ah. Cat again. The mild intoxication faded quickly, evidently left behind in her human body, but the recent sighting of Krish kept her from truly finding stability. A quick check of the surrounding area didn't turn up any of her belongings, implying that her phone and keys and wallet were residing in the same mysterious space as her clothing usually did - except for her necklace, naturally, which she didn't wear to remember Elias, which she didn't wear so Krish would be guaranteed to recognise her again. Surely they would all return in the morning. In the meantime…
Christine skittered around the corner and bolted for him. If these were the terms she had to work with, so be it.
"Stupid!" She kicked at the duvet, narrowly missing her laptop. When she closed her eyes, she could see the image from her dream so clearly - she could even summon the sensations she'd experienced, the warmth and scent and palpable tension, as though she'd been there. The implications seemed clear. "Ugh, she doesn't want me to make any pissing progress!" Christine smacked her hand down on the bed, her frustration finally melting into despondency. Maybe she had been a little tired… and hopefully that meant this entity wasn't able to just, switch her off and intimidate her whenever she wanted to. Because make no mistake, that had been an intimidation tactic. This is what you're looking for. It won't make any difference. It was a bloody good thing she had something to get her out of the house.
The walk to Susie's gave her an opportunity to decompress. Blasting Florence and the Machine through her headphones and moving briskly got her jitters out, letting her get ready to enjoy a proper evening - not just sifting through books to find scraps of relevant information followed by staring at her paws.
"Chris!" Susie, a slight woman with long blonde waves, pink cheeks and ever-present red lipstick, yelped and threw her arms around Christine's neck as soon as her door was open, buzzing with energy. "What's going on! I'm so sorry I haven't had the time to hang out, I'd have loved to see you right after you got back but I was an idiot about this essay and there was this resit as well, but it's alright I passed it just fine but that's not important, what's going on with you! I'm so glad you're here, seriously, I've been in the study cocoon for like a week straight and having someone over makes you clean up, you know, not that it looks incredible but trust me it's better than it was-" Susie continued in her typical fashion as she welcomed Christine in, walked her up to her flat and made her a cup of tea. It was half empty by the time Christine got to really speak.
"It's okay Suse, I've been busy too."
"Oh my god is it about that bracelet you found?" Her friend clapped once and doubled her excitement, if such a thing were possible. "It's so crazy dude, it's like you're in The Mummy. You've even got a Brendan Fraser!"
"What, who?"
"The German guy!" Oh dear. "I know he has a name but he's Chubby Brendan Fraser now. And who's the lady, the librarian - which is appropriate - Rachel Weisz! You could pull off Rachel Weisz." Untrue, but appreciated.
"Thanks, Suse, but it's been a lot more reading and a lot less adventuring than you're imagining." Susie raised an eyebrow.
"Adventuring, is that what you're gonna call it?"
"Call what?"
"You know!" She giggled, scandalised, "you barely had the time to text all month. Nothing in the evenings, but when you do pick up the phone, there's always plenty to say about this guy. I know what's up, kid."
"Ughh," Christine shook her head, unwilling to entertain this line of questioning. "I'm sorry Suze, but we're not - adventuring together - anymore. It's nothing bad but I'd really rather talk about something else."
"Aw, I'm sorry. You can always be Rachel Weisz solo, you know." A commiseratory hand found its way to her back, where it gave a gentle pat. "Go on then, how was it? Tell me everything." So Christine related the small details of her trip, the flights, the hotel and the dig and the small dramas and jokes that cropped up among the other students - avoiding Elias. It was nice to revisit the memories she'd made that didn't necessarily involve a boy… the quiet, warm evening she spent on the hotel balcony with a borrowed set of chisels and a still half-finished sculpture of an iguana, the massive blini Tanya made for dinner that ended up looking uncannily similar to Australia, even the mishandling-related mistakes she made, which had become harmless and funny ever since her lingering fear that Thomas secretly couldn't stand her for messing up had been quashed. More or less.
The game was comparatively stagnant, ending 1-1 after numerous near misses and uneventful penalties on both sides, but it didn't matter to Christine - almost, anyway - because of the pure joy of the mental reset. Listening to Susie explaining her troubles with this new lecturer (apparently there are people who can send you almost immediately to sleep with naught but the sound of their voice and a deck of slides) and the essay she'd been hurling herself up against, it did more to relax her than, well, anything had in quite some time. Enough that when the game was over, and half a box of takeout curry was cooling on the coffee table and a glass of wine was swirling in her hand, she said,
"Suse, listen, I'm having some guy trouble." Immediately one hand was on her shoulder and the other was on her free forearm, attentive energy pouring out of Susie like a waterfall.
"Go on." Christine took a long sip of wine. "Is it Brendan Frasier do you miss him -"
"It's him, but it's also another guy,"
"Another guy!?" The traditional pose of the supportive friend was abandoned in favour of that of the ecstatic gossip, "there's two! Who is the mystery lad, did you meet him on the trip? Two Brendans!?"
"No, there aren't two Brendans, I might've mentioned him to you before, it's the guy who lives in my building, you know? Face like thunder but pretty when he wants to be, big round glasses, tall, Indian lad -"
"And of appropriate stature, shall we say?" One blonde eyebrow was raised.
"Extremely so, as it happens, yes."
"More than Brendan Fraser?"
"Yes, but call him Elias, please -"
"He's Brendan Fraiser until Mystery Man gets a name!" Christine rolled her eyes dramatically, provoking Susie to continue, "if you know his name..? Is he giving you trouble and you don't actually know?"
"Krish, it's Krish."
"Krish! Okay. I think I remember - isn't he the one you couldn't even get to talk to you? What changed?" Ah.
The truth would have been nice to reveal. Easy, too. She wouldn't even have to move from her spot on the sofa. Christine looked over at Susie with a tipsy gaze, the gears turning in her head slowly but carefully.
"Tell me something first, Suse. Do you believe in fate?" Susie didn't hesitate for a second before answering,
"No. There are no higher powers influencing our actions, that's what I think. True, it's just my opinion, but if you ask you shall receive and all that." There was a brief pause. Susie's answer didn't surprise Christine, but it did little to comfort her, instead landing her in something of an awkward position. She didn't want to break the silence, having no readily prepared alternatives for the truth but also no desire to shatter her friend's worldview. Such a thing can be brutal. Christine, of all people, knew that. "Did something crazy happen? Some wild coincidence?"
"Yeah. He saved me from a, uh, a car." For the second time that night the truth came to her aid. "I don't know why but I just froze. He grabbed me right out of traffic."
"Holy ****. That's a Prince Charming move right there." Christine shook her head, unsure how to phrase the next part,
"But I don't want to just hang out with him based on, uh… I don't know, pretense. I like him. But I miss Elias. But I don't think Elias and I would work long term, so I want to make this thing work with Krish, but he wants nothing to do with me unless I'm-!"
"What, he only wants a damsel in distress?" That idea really made the eyebrow arch. "I mean **** that, you're not Snow bloody White, that-"
"It's not his fault," Christine groaned, "he didn't fawn over me then suddenly go cold or anything, I just get this feeling about him, and I want to get to know him better so badly, but he's one of those people who doesn't let people in." Susie shook her head.
"Chris…" the gentler tone of voice was accompanied with a tender side hug. "You can't force this thing to happen. If you're coming to someone with something… you have to meet them on their own terms. And if those terms are bad for you then you should accept that and back off."
"I know."
"And I get that it's hard for you… this whole exciting thing with Elias is coming to an end, and it's unfortunate, and maybe if things were different they'd be different, but they are the way they are. If I were you, I'd grab some nice heavy tinder dates, a thing of Bourbon and scream along to Never Mind the Bollocks until things make sense."
"That's a very you solution, Suse."
"Well, you might want to try it some time," Susie chuckled, giving her friend a squeeze. "Go into recovery mode. I'll even watch Star Trek with you if you need."
"Oh, you really think I have it bad for this guy, huh?"
"Chris, baby, it's obvious. You never want to talk about boys, and I know that's because I'm obnoxious about it, but that's only because you don't ever bring me this stuff!"
"I find myself in a unique situation," Christine mumbled, "so, you know. Any and all advice."
"I'm flattered," said Susie with a grin. "Come on, I have some ice cream in the freezer, it's traditional for relationship talks. You want some..? I'm getting the ice cream. It's happening."
A good thirty minutes later than she'd initially planned, Christine was walking home. Tipsier, consequently slower, and infinitely more introspective than she'd hoped to be at that time. It wasn't that Susie hadn't been supportive. It wasn't that Christine didn't appreciate her advice. It wasn't even as though things were going all that badly - with more thought, she realised just how encouraging her earlier call really was, even if it was tinged with a frustrating ending. Although it was an ending which in itself had, it seemed, given her some more clues. Nothing to be sniffed at, especially when she couldn't afford to leave anything on the table.
The real question was less binary than she'd thought. Not, who should I be pining over, option E or option K - but, how do I get over them both? The temptation of nostalgia and of course, an easy solution, pulled her towards Elias, despite the knowledge that any comfort he might give her could so easily collapse. The trembling anticipation of something new, of rebellion, that vibrated under her skin like electricity - that adrenaline shot through with the bitter likelihood of rejection - pushed her in Krish's direction. The two forces acted on her in totally different ways, and as such, she doubted there was a solution that could effectively neutralise them both.
She ended up sitting down on a low stone wall. Not too far from her place. The pavement had begun spinning a little, definitely not 100% from the wine - she hadn't drunk that much - though it certainly hadn't helped the intensity of her thoughts. Christine stared into the middle distance, hands in her pockets, watching the leaves dance on a nearby tree. Its brick planter was already littered with orange and brown cast offs, but the branches were still filled with hangers on which twisted and fluttered in the breeze. She was trying to recall the plot of The Lobster. That movie where people were made into animals if they didn't have a romantic partner. That had Rachel Weisz in it too, didn't it? They were at a hotel to find a partner, but only for the first half, then they escaped into the woods. Things changed again after that, but… maybe she didn't want to remember the ending.
A shape caught her attention in the half dusk. A familiar figure, tall, broad. Crossing the road with a shopping bag in hand.
Krish.
Christine tried desperately to keep her expression under control. Seeing him in person again, especially at a time like that, was almost totally overwhelming. It was impossible not to watch him as he paused to close his coat and zip it up over his tummy, suddenly hitching when it came to the latter and, yes, it looked like he eventually had to suck in a little bit to make it do so smoothly. It closed right up to his chin, the plump flesh bulging over the collar as he walked past. Christine duly performed the traditional silent nod. He gave her a slightly quizzical look - like he wouldn't expect her to exist in the world outside their building - and returned it.
Krish disappeared around the corner, and Christine's attention returned to the leaves. One finally broke off, coasted on the wind, and landed on the pavement near Christine's feet, and something about the way it skittered along the floor made Christine want to -
She pounced. White paws closed over the leaf, and her tail swayed with pride, before she realised, ah. Cat again. The mild intoxication faded quickly, evidently left behind in her human body, but the recent sighting of Krish kept her from truly finding stability. A quick check of the surrounding area didn't turn up any of her belongings, implying that her phone and keys and wallet were residing in the same mysterious space as her clothing usually did - except for her necklace, naturally, which she didn't wear to remember Elias, which she didn't wear so Krish would be guaranteed to recognise her again. Surely they would all return in the morning. In the meantime…
Christine skittered around the corner and bolted for him. If these were the terms she had to work with, so be it.