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Life is Short. Have an Affair. (Dating service for cheaters)

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FaxMachine1234

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That's true, but like I said, if a cheating spouse is going to cheat, what difference does it make if they use a dating site specifically for cheaters? I dunno, I know it probably sounds kinda messed up, but if I had a husband I suspected of cheating on me, I'd start to insist on using condoms (assuming a married couple wouldn't use them) or just have no sex at all.
You'd consider still having sex with him?!
 

bigsexy920

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The whole idea is not logical. Lets face it - married people don't need their own site to find people to cheat with.

Seems to me like they do just find without one.
 

Victim

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It doesn't help that some people go out of their way to find married men and women. Homewreckers DO exist.

Story time.

I was at a gaming session a few years back and the GM walked to the store to get more soda and munchies. Two others in our group went with him. I was in his house alone with his wife, who was making a cake. Suddenly, a finger slathers the left side of my neck with frosting and she pulls my head aside and tries to lick/suck the frosting off. I did not find this amusing in the least, and shoved her away.

Theresa was informed of this and approved of my response. Her opinion of this person has always been quite low, often porcine in nature. I guess her perception was a lot better than mine. Yet another reason I married her.

A few months later.

Me, Theresa, and a friend were in the car and the conversation drifted towards this person, when I told our friend that this woman had made a pass at me. He responded "I bet that took the cake." At that point I'm laughing so hard I have to pull over until I calm down. He was wondering what was so funny, and I told him about the frosting incident and I was laughing at his cake reference. Then HE started laughing so hard we had to wait for him to calm down before going on.
 

furious styles

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howabout this slogan : "life is short; shatter your child's future development while you still have the chance!"
 

TraciJo67

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LOL, life is more complicated than you think.
Not for me, it isn't. I do understand the logic in the point that you are trying to make. And if I found myself in that terrible position ... of knowing that my husband cheated on me ... I can't say for sure that I'd leave him over it. Two years ago, yeah. No question. Now that we have a son, I can't just think of myself.

But ... if I found out that he'd registered at a site like this dating service for cheaters, I know that I could not forgive him. There's something just so piggish about it. It's premeditated. There's no way I could ever trust him again. An affair with an office mate or a casual acquaintance, I could ... if not understand, at least see how it could happen, and believe that it wasn't planned. Affairs happen. Nobody is disputing that. Speaking only for myself, in order for my marriage to survive such a thing, I'd need to believe that I could eventually trust my spouse again.

But it takes a special kind of single-minded selfishness to sign up for a "cheaters anonymous" dating service. That, I could never forgive.
 

troubadours

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According to the way our society views marriage, they probably shouldn't. But there it is.

uhm, society's views on marriage? have you ever been cheated on? i hear that it's kind of a fucked up thing. lives get ruined, people are scarred emotionally forever, that sort of thing. and that's why it's fucking wrong.
 

FaxMachine1234

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LOL, life is more complicated than you think.
I think you're making it more complicated than it has to be. If you can suppress your disgust that your partner's cheating on you so far that you'd still be willing to make to love to him/her, that's troubling. Is self-respect no longer even a factor anymore?
 

Admiral_Snackbar

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From what little I saw on the site, it doesn't sound like it's priced for the Yahoo Married and Looking crowd. The interview I saw somewhat well-dressed people living in nice homes looking for an above-bar affair. Perhaps it is an undercover escort service, who knows.

There is a "Secret Lives of Women" series on We, and it profiles a lot of different lifestyles, everything from extreme body modification to women that practice Wicca and (surprise), other lifestyles such as polygamy and polyamory.

One episode detailed mistresses: Women who were happy dating a married man and knew all the issues around it, but were somehow happy with it. Another woman basically made it clear that she only dated high-profile men (doctors, businessmen, etc.) and was fine with being a mistress, or depending how you looked at it, an escort. She was not a beauty queen to be sure, but she was very educated and well-spoken, and she indicated that it was this quality that made her pleasant company at dinner and various functions.

I do recommend the series, although it tends more to lascivious topics than generic ones (she's not just a bodybuilder, she does bikini wrestling with men who come to her home and pay for her services).
 

Green Eyed Fairy

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This woman's secret life usually consists of me skipping shaving my legs just this once and eating too much before bed.......

Gawd, I should get married so I can have an exciting life again.....:doh: :p
 

olwen

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GUESS WHAT? if that's the case, then these people should NOT BE MARRIED.
uhm, society's views on marriage? have you ever been cheated on? i hear that it's kind of a fucked up thing. lives get ruined, people are scarred emotionally forever, that sort of thing. and that's why it's fucking wrong.
You seem really angry about this. Okay. When I say "society's views on marriage" what I mean is that there is more than one model for this kind of "connection." There are polyamourous and polygamous households who do just fine. They've found a model that works for them. I also happen to think that conventional morals/models/views on marriage are a bit inadequate. There's too much unhealthy discourse and social policy about controlling sexuality, and not enough about how to communicate effectively with the partners you do have and how to make a long term relationship work. There are also MANY reasons why people get married and love isn't always one of them.

I think you're making it more complicated than it has to be. If you can suppress your disgust that your partner's cheating on you so far that you'd still be willing to make to love to him/her, that's troubling. Is self-respect no longer even a factor anymore?
My parent's marriage wasn't a good one, in fact the majority of my married relatives on both sides of my family ended up divorcing, all for different reasons. I watched the women stay with and put up with cheating husbands for many reasons: 1) The sake of the kids - because they needed the extra income the men brought in to pay the bills and help raise the kids. 2) religious reasons - you stay married no matter what, so they stay married a lot longer than they should have out of of some effed up sense of religious duty, but whatever. 3) They actually love each other despite all the trouble and think they can work it out. They manage to forgive but if the cheating happens again and again then eventually they leave.

So, yeah, life is more complicated and less black and white than you want it to be.
 

FaxMachine1234

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You seem really angry about this. Okay. When I say "society's views on marriage" what I mean is that there is more than one model for this kind of "connection." There are polyamourous and polygamous households who do just fine. They've found a model that works for them. I also happen to think that conventional morals/models/views on marriage are a bit inadequate. There's too much unhealthy discourse and social policy about controlling sexuality, and not enough about how to communicate effectively with the partners you do have and how to make a long term relationship work. There are also MANY reasons why people get married and love isn't always one of them.

My parent's marriage wasn't a good one, in fact the majority of my married relatives on both sides of my family ended up divorcing, all for different reasons. I watched the women stay with and put up with cheating husbands for many reasons: 1) The sake of the kids - because they needed the extra income the men brought in to pay the bills and help raise the kids. 2) religious reasons - you stay married no matter what, so they stay married a lot longer than they should have out of of some effed up sense of religious duty, but whatever. 3) They actually love each other despite all the trouble and think they can work it out. They manage to forgive but if the cheating happens again and again then eventually they leave.

So, yeah, life is more complicated and less black and white than you want it to be.
I'm seconding Troubadours; if you don't want to committed to one person for the rest of your life, DON'T GET MARRIED. It seems ridiculous to pledge yourself to one partner and then to jump to someone else or to have them "share" you with another man or woman. That's not society "controlling" you, that's basic morality and consideration for other people desperately trying to assert itself. And as for polyamorous couples...how did "Jules et Jim" end again?

And fine, there are circumstances where the woman or man can't leave, but you're defending the cheating itself, which I object to. It's also different to be married to a cheater as opposed to someone who cheated, like, once. One offense can be forgiven; a habitual transgressor shouldn't get a continual free pass because society isn't "unconventional" enough or some BS.
 

Thrifty McGriff

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Morality is hilarious, especially when people try to shove theirs down others' throats. In the end, it is just another waste of time.
 

TraciJo67

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I'm seconding Troubadours; if you don't want to committed to one person for the rest of your life, DON'T GET MARRIED. It seems ridiculous to pledge yourself to one partner and then to jump to someone else or to have them "share" you with another man or woman. That's not society "controlling" you, that's basic morality and consideration for other people desperately trying to assert itself. And as for polyamorous couples...how did "Jules et Jim" end again?

And fine, there are circumstances where the woman or man can't leave, but you're defending the cheating itself, which I object to. It's also different to be married to a cheater as opposed to someone who cheated, like, once. One offense can be forgiven; a habitual transgressor shouldn't get a continual free pass because society isn't "unconventional" enough or some BS.
Ekim, I actually agree with everything that you're saying here, but I don't believe that Olwen was suggesting any of this. She's approaching the issue of cheating from a pragmatic POV. I don't think she's defending it in any way -- just expressing, from her experience, that it's not always a black 'n white issue of "You cheating bastard ... I'm LEAVING!" There are reasons why people cheat, and why people stay. They aren't necessarily good reasons, or ones that we understand, but then ... we're having an academic discussion here, aren't we? If my circumstances were similar to those that Olwen outlined for her mother, I'm not sure what choices I'd make. Fortunately, I've never been in that position, nor had to make such awful choices. So I won't judge them.
 

Sandie_Zitkus

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You seem really angry about this. Okay. When I say "society's views on marriage" what I mean is that there is more than one model for this kind of "connection." There are polyamourous and polygamous households who do just fine. They've found a model that works for them. I also happen to think that conventional morals/models/views on marriage are a bit inadequate. There's too much unhealthy discourse and social policy about controlling sexuality, and not enough about how to communicate effectively with the partners you do have and how to make a long term relationship work. There are also MANY reasons why people get married and love isn't always one of them.

So, yeah, life is more complicated and less black and white than you want it to be.

Thank you! Nobody is monogamous - nobody. According to the Christian church, monogamy means being a virgin until marriage and then only ever having sex with that one partner. So, in our society no one is monogamous. And who cares?? Who gives a rats ass what others do in their marriages? This is a pet peeve of mine. You think cheating is wrong? Don't do it.

If monogamy was natural - it would be easier. And more than one partner does not a cheater make. Not if it's OK with everyone involved.
 

Victim

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Thank you! Nobody is monogamous - nobody. According to the Christian church, monogamy means being a virgin until marriage and then only ever having sex with that one partner. So, in our society no one is monogamous. And who cares?? Who gives a rats ass what others do in their marriages? This is a pet peeve of mine. You think cheating is wrong? Don't do it.

If monogamy was natural - it would be easier. And more than one partner does not a cheater make. Not if it's OK with everyone involved.
If it is OK with everyone involved, then it isn't an affair and doesn't need to be hidden. Therefore the site still needs to have its database hacked and significant others informed.
 

olwen

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I'm seconding Troubadours; if you don't want to committed to one person for the rest of your life, DON'T GET MARRIED. It seems ridiculous to pledge yourself to one partner and then to jump to someone else or to have them "share" you with another man or woman. That's not society "controlling" you, that's basic morality and consideration for other people desperately trying to assert itself. And as for polyamorous couples...how did "Jules et Jim" end again?

And fine, there are circumstances where the woman or man can't leave, but you're defending the cheating itself, which I object to. It's also different to be married to a cheater as opposed to someone who cheated, like, once. One offense can be forgiven; a habitual transgressor shouldn't get a continual free pass because society isn't "unconventional" enough or some BS.
You're completely misunderstanding me. I'm not defending cheating. What I'm saying is that there are a lot of reasons people cheat and there are lots of reasons the person who’s been cheated on stays with the cheater. Reasons that have nothing to do with self esteem, but mostly finances. You think it’s easy to walk away when you have three mouths to feed and you can only pay all the bills with TWO incomes? Watch your kids starve, or put up with an asshole. Gee, which one would you choose? And we all don’t have huge supportive families to fall back on.

I’m not saying cheating is right. I’m saying it’s human. There’s all kinds of reasons why people cheat, and not always is it the fault of the cheater. And you can get married and be happy for years and then begin to loose interest in your spouse or fall out of love – years after the fact. How do you know they didn’t try to work things out with an uncooperative spouse? Maybe they came to an impasse, who knows. Maybe that should be taken into account when people think about marriage. It’s part of the reason I think the marriage model is flawed. Marriage is not an easy or simple thing. You think all your feelings will fall into line after you say I do, but people don’t work that way.

Wiccans have this belief that when you get engaged, you do it for a year and a day. During that time you get to examine, really examine why you really want to marry that person. It’s a time of deep soul searching. At the end of that year you know you’ve thought long and hard about every possible situation that could come up and whether or not you are capable of handling it, and each party has a long discussion about what their fears and hopes are. Then if you can agree or disagree amicably, then you get married.

Ekim, I actually agree with everything that you're saying here, but I don't believe that Olwen was suggesting any of this. She's approaching the issue of cheating from a pragmatic POV. I don't think she's defending it in any way -- just expressing, from her experience, that it's not always a black 'n white issue of "You cheating bastard ... I'm LEAVING!" There are reasons why people cheat, and why people stay. They aren't necessarily good reasons, or ones that we understand, but then ... we're having an academic discussion here, aren't we? If my circumstances were similar to those that Olwen outlined for her mother, I'm not sure what choices I'd make. Fortunately, I've never been in that position, nor had to make such awful choices. So I won't judge them.
Yes, exactly, thank you!
 

Sandie_Zitkus

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If it is OK with everyone involved, then it isn't an affair and doesn't need to be hidden. Therefore the site still needs to have its database hacked and significant others informed.

Why? You never know what arrangements couples have. And you know - some people stray only to figure out their spouse is who they wanted all along. And those marriages could be happily ever after.

I'm all for sticking my nose OUT of other relationships.
 

TraciJo67

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Why? You never know what arrangements couples have. And you know - some people stray only to figure out their spouse is who they wanted all along. And those marriages could be happily ever after.

I'm all for sticking my nose OUT of other relationships.
I think that clueless spouse's right to not get implanted with a venereal disease (or worse) trumps any rights of the cheating partner. I'm all for hacking the site and informing the spouses. If they already know about it, and are OK with it ... cool beans! It's not cheating!

Actually, I'm just a little bit indignantly tongue-in-cheek here. I'd never be the one to destroy a relationship, especially one with children involved. But I would love to see the cheaters sweating ... just a bit. Just enough to need a heavy-duty antiperspirant. Well, I'm lying. I'd rather they drown in their own stench, but I still wouldn't be in favor of notifying their spouses.
 

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