Little piece of advice

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franchescassbbw

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molligmag, if you don't mind me saying so, you are hawt! I'm sure there are plenty of big women out there who would love to be with you. If I wasn't married I would!

I think just about everyone on here has given you the advice to break it off with this woman and get a + size woman. One you are truly attracted to.

This woman does not deserve to not be loved. It isn't fair to her and isn't fair to you.

My advice, do the right thing.
 

Jes

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It seems that somebody has too much time off here....
no--i have enough time to call your gf if you want! offer is still on the table!]

and stacie, i think you make a really good point. being with someone who doesn't find you attractive can be so very damaging. and while i think we always think we're hiding that from a partner, we're not. that disinterest, or dislike, can turn to resentment and that's noticeable. I think a lot of people who don't want to be honest and be the 'bad guy,' make themselves so unlikeable (intentionally or untinentionally) that the other person breaks it off, but not without a lot of heartbreak, anger and disappointment, first. Why put someone through that when he or she hasn't done a thing to deserve it. It's not her fault that she doesn't weigh a bajilliondy pounds. I still say: if you don't want to break it off with her b/c your friends and family won't understand, what does that say about you, OP?
 

molligmag

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no--i have enough time to call your gf if you want! offer is still on the table!]

and stacie, i think you make a really good point. being with someone who doesn't find you attractive can be so very damaging. and while i think we always think we're hiding that from a partner, we're not. that disinterest, or dislike, can turn to resentment and that's noticeable. I think a lot of people who don't want to be honest and be the 'bad guy,' make themselves so unlikeable (intentionally or untinentionally) that the other person breaks it off, but not without a lot of heartbreak, anger and disappointment, first. Why put someone through that when he or she hasn't done a thing to deserve it. It's not her fault that she doesn't weigh a bajilliondy pounds. I still say: if you don't want to break it off with her b/c your friends and family won't understand, what does that say about you, OP?
don't wind off your personal problems from the past on me.
You are making a fool out of yourself here.
Read back and see how your react on me, very unrespectful.
Do you watn to make it a personal vendetta against me.....
 

Jes

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don't wind off your personal problems from the past on me.
You are making a fool out of yourself here.
Read back and see how your react on me, very unrespectful.
Do you watn to make it a personal vendetta against me.....
look, i've made a fool out of myself here plenty. i have no problem with that. it's par for the course. and i can't say i respect your actions, which is where the frustration is coming from on my part. i think when you go to the internet for opinions, you'll get opinions. you certainly got mine! i'm not sure why you'd come here to ask what you should do in your own relationship. why not talk to your gf? why not decide what you want, and then talk to her? there's no way that's going to be an easy or pleasant talk. you know that, we know that. she's the only one who doesn't know it--but she will! what did you hope to gain by asking us what you should do? do you just want to feel better about breaking things off? i can understand that. do you want us to tell you you should break it off, that her temporary pain is less important than your ultimate happiness with a more sexually desireable partner? do you want us to tell you that you should just stay with someone you love even though you don't want to bone her? do you want us to agree with you? disagree with you? feel sorry for your plight? your subject line is asking for advice--and i'm confused as to what you hope to gain by asking us what you should do. or feel. or say. or want. Which is it? Like pork said, we all know what you want. Are you wanting us to make you feel better about going for it?? What is our role, here, to your mind?
 

LillyBBBW

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look, i've made a fool out of myself here plenty. i have no problem with that. it's par for the course. and i can't say i respect your actions, which is where the frustration is coming from on my part. i think when you go to the internet for opinions, you'll get opinions. you certainly got mine! i'm not sure why you'd come here to ask what you should do in your own relationship. why not talk to your gf? why not decide what you want, and then talk to her? there's no way that's going to be an easy or pleasant talk. you know that, we know that. she's the only one who doesn't know it--but she will! what did you hope to gain by asking us what you should do? do you just want to feel better about breaking things off? i can understand that. do you want us to tell you you should break it off, that her temporary pain is less important than your ultimate happiness with a more sexually desireable partner? do you want us to tell you that you should just stay with someone you love even though you don't want to bone her? do you want us to agree with you? disagree with you? feel sorry for your plight? your subject line is asking for advice--and i'm confused as to what you hope to gain by asking us what you should do. or feel. or say. or want. Which is it? Like pork said, we all know what you want. Are you wanting us to make you feel better about going for it?? What is our role, here, to your mind?
Possibly he's looking for a fresh perspective, someone not as emotionaly connected or immersed in the situation who can offer their insight or personal experiences. Unlike many of the people who do this from time to time he takes the time to come back here and respond to the people who've posted. His decision is apparently made according to what he has said here already. I suppose he'll do what he does when he feels the time is right, no sooner and no later. The thread could continue on as people continue to post to it.
 

Jes

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mark, another thought: why not post an ad to a local dutch site looking for just a sexdate? do you think your gf would be into the idea of an open relationship sexually? you know, you could find a pearshaped woman that you enjoyed for sex, local to you, and then still have your love relationship intact, and your thin gf could have the same with a man she finds sexually appealing. holland is liberal--a sexdate could make everyone happy!
 

Russ2d

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I know it would be better to break up with her and to pursue my own happiness and let her find the right man for her
You've answered your own question

If she is not going to be a BBW and you are "very unhappy" than you are not physically compatible. Nothing to be ashamed of, and there is nothing wrong with being friends with someone you don't find desirable but like very much.
 

molligmag

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mark, another thought: why not post an ad to a local dutch site looking for just a sexdate? do you think your gf would be into the idea of an open relationship sexually? you know, you could find a pearshaped woman that you enjoyed for sex, local to you, and then still have your love relationship intact, and your thin gf could have the same with a man she finds sexually appealing. holland is liberal--a sexdate could make everyone happy!
I asked here that, she doesn't want that.
Which I can fully understand, because she is not a sharing person in this way.
I respect that fully.

In my first posting I said;
"Is the physical and sexual part more important than the emotional and caring part?"
This is where I wanted your opinion about, because I can't make the decision.
 

MissStacie

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We're against making both you and your girlfriend miserable...here is your question:

In my first posting I said;
"Is the physical and sexual part more important than the emotional and caring part?"
This is where I wanted your opinion about, because I can't make the decision
.

No, the physical and sexual part is not MORE important than the emotional/caring part, its JUST AS important. Both physical and emotional go hand in hand in a loving, mature, stable, FULFILLING relationship. In order for a relationship to be good, you've got to have both of those things that are good for BOTH parties, or its just not gonna work. Imagine if SHE told YOU that she'd not wanted you, not been attracted to you for some time but stayed because she LOVED you? You'd feel awful. I know how this feels to be YOU, I've been in a relationship where you wanted the person at first and then things change and you find yourself not wanting them at all. You love them and care for them, but the "zing" is just not there. Where did it get me? Divorced, thats what. I realize now how much time I lost without that tug in the pit of my belly, without the urge to touch my partner for no good reason other than to just FEEL them. Its great to be LOVED, but wow..to be WANTED is exquisite!

As humans, sexual need is a base feeling. We all have it and its ingrained in us as sexual beings to have the arousal feelings. Don't you want to have that with a woman again? At least, the one that you love? Don't you want HER to have that from a man? You're doing her a HUGE disservice staying when you don't feel it.

Please, for not only her sake, but for yours....make a decision and start making a truthful admission to her that its not working and things need to change.

Oh..and Jes wasn't attacking you, she's merely being honest and ballsy..thats why we wuv her so much!

Best of luck,
Stacie
 

molligmag

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Hello Stacie,

thank you for your wise words.
Yes you are absolutely 100% right.
It feels I am wasting my time and hers.
She deserves somebody wanting her, which I can't give her.
But it so damned difficult. I love her so much, when I look at her and think about how I should tell her that I am going to leave her, I start crying.

But I have to do what's best for both of us.
End this relationship.

Thank you for all your kind words and advice!
Mark
 

MissStacie

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And I wish you luck. Its not gonna be easy, and you'll cry like baby and so will she. But if she says she's shocked, she'll be lying to herself and to you. Or, maybe you're a good actor and she really has no clue. Either way, be strong and don't waiver, you'll live and so will she. Hopefully with someone that both of you will both love AND lust for!

Hugs,
 

speakeasy

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Sometimes I come to a thread like this, and I read what the OP says, and I come up with a question, but then as I read each reply, it gets more and more bizarre and uncomfortable, like Dante marching through the circles of Hell, and by the time I get to the frozen lake at the end I'm like, "I forgot why I came here. Time to bail."

*bails*
 

Gordo Mejor

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Consider this advice from a BBW I respect.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt.

"You must do the things you think you cannot do." Eleanor Roosevelt.

 

Waxwing

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Hello Stacie,

thank you for your wise words.
Yes you are absolutely 100% right.
It feels I am wasting my time and hers.
She deserves somebody wanting her, which I can't give her.
But it so damned difficult. I love her so much, when I look at her and think about how I should tell her that I am going to leave her, I start crying.

But I have to do what's best for both of us.
End this relationship.

Thank you for all your kind words and advice!
Mark
Well, I'm glad that you came to the right decision, though I must admit a certain degree of distaste for...oh it doesn't matter.

Yes, you have to break up with her. She deserves someone who will love every part of her, and you can't do that. And you deserve to be in a relationship which fulfills everything you want. We all do.

But you also need to give her a shitload of apology about this. The relationship was begun under false pretenses (you knew you weren't attracted to her), and has essentially been a lie the entire time. She's your friend, she's not your lover. So you have to fall all over yourself letting her know that this is not her fault. It's going to hurt her, of course, but can maybe be eased if she knows that.
 

SoVerySoft

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...But you also need to give her a shitload of apology about this. The relationship was begun under false pretenses (you knew you weren't attracted to her), and has essentially been a lie the entire time. She's your friend, she's not your lover. So you have to fall all over yourself letting her know that this is not her fault. It's going to hurt her, of course, but can maybe be eased if she knows that.
Waxy, I think we often get into relationships for the wrong reason. I know I have. Somehow we think that what's wrong will go away, or magically become less important. Often our hearts are in the right place, but it turns out we've made a mistake.

I think that's what happened here. He isn't the devil.
 

molligmag

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Well the book is reaching it's final chapter.
Last thursday I told my girlfriend I wanted to leave her because of the fact I love BBW's and that my life never will be complete without a beautiful +size woman by my side. (ofcourse there were several discussions before this talk, in which I expressed my concerns about our relation) I told her personal and I wrote her a letter to explain it a bit more thourough. And I emphasised the fact that she deserves a man who is 100% there for her.

She went over the moon!! She thinks that I have some kind of disease that needs to be cured. To her opinion our relation should be stronger than the fact I love BBW's so much. Now she want to see a therapist with me to see how this can this be cured. Should I go to the therapist with her to save my relation? Is she right about that our relation should be stronger that the fact I long to be with a bbw? I think not, but I hate to seperate like this and let her think that I some kinda freak and end our relation in a fight...
It's hard...any advice??
 

TraciJo67

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Well the book is reaching it's final chapter.
Last thursday I told my girlfriend I wanted to leave her because of the fact I love BBW's and that my life never will be complete without a beautiful +size woman by my side. (ofcourse there were several discussions before this talk, in which I expressed my concerns about our relation) I told her personal and I wrote her a letter to explain it a bit more thourough. And I emphasised the fact that she deserves a man who is 100% there for her.

She went over the moon!! She thinks that I have some kind of disease that needs to be cured. To her opinion our relation should be stronger than the fact I love BBW's so much. Now she want to see a therapist with me to see how this can this be cured. Should I go to the therapist with her to save my relation? Is she right about that our relation should be stronger that the fact I long to be with a bbw? I think not, but I hate to seperate like this and let her think that I some kinda freak and end our relation in a fight...
It's hard...any advice??
I think that you should see a therapist *and* ditch your girlfriend.

A therapist might be able to guide you in learning how to assert yourself appropriately (and without needlessly hurting the people that you care about).

Breaking up with your girlfriend will be doing her a favor, in the long run. She may not see it now. But she's clinging to someone who doesn't value her for who and what she is. That's damaging her psyche in ways that she probably doesn't even realize, while she's focusing so hard on "saving" you and the relationship.
 

molligmag

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Any thoughts about the latest chapter?
Would appreciate it!!
 

LillyBBBW

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Any thoughts about the latest chapter?
Would appreciate it!!
Forget about the therapist. It is a waste of time and money for both of you and I dont see any good coming of it. The only thing worse than being broken hearted is broke and broken hearted. The ties need to be severed moll. No friendship lunches and back patting, you both need time to fully heal and you do her no favors by hanging around trying to help her understand. She wont. I know you care and it's difficult to do all this but just close the door and go.
 

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