Little piece of advice

Dimensions Magazine

Help Support Dimensions Magazine:

olwen

Disco Bear
Joined
Feb 22, 2008
Messages
6,945
Location
,
I have this friend I've known for eight years who has said to me numerous times how much he likes "chubby" girls, yet continues to date waifs. His last girlfriend was perhaps a size 10 with B cup boobs and he broke up with her because besides being boring (not that thinner women are all boring), he thought she was too skinny. So here I had hope that he was coming to terms with his preference for chubby girls. Last week he told me about the new girl he's dating who happens to be more like a size 6. My heart sank. He's 27 years old and still can't seem to act on his feelings. I know him, so I know that after a few months he will begin the she's-too-skinny-dance and then he'll ask me if he should break up with her.

I'm glad you have decided to not be like him.
 

spaz-fa

Well-Known Member
Joined
Dec 7, 2006
Messages
60
Location
,
I have this friend I've known for eight years who has said to me numerous times how much he likes "chubby" girls, yet continues to date waifs. His last girlfriend was perhaps a size 10 with B cup boobs and he broke up with her because besides being boring (not that thinner women are all boring), he thought she was too skinny. So here I had hope that he was coming to terms with his preference for chubby girls. Last week he told me about the new girl he's dating who happens to be more like a size 6. My heart sank. He's 27 years old and still can't seem to act on his feelings. I know him, so I know that after a few months he will begin the she's-too-skinny-dance and then he'll ask me if he should break up with her.

I'm glad you have decided to not be like him.
This is what I find the most frustrating/hardest thing about size acceptance and being an FA either you're with a bigger person and skinny people are upset or you're with a skinny person and a bigger person is upset... :confused: just stating my opinion and letting off some steam this isn't directed at anyone
 

LillyBBBW

Wig Snatcher
Joined
Sep 30, 2005
Messages
9,774
Location
,
This is what I find the most frustrating/hardest thing about size acceptance and being an FA either you're with a bigger person and skinny people are upset or you're with a skinny person and a bigger person is upset... :confused: just stating my opinion and letting off some steam this isn't directed at anyone
I'm pretty sure you know that fat and thin are not the issue here. On closer inspection you will notice that there is much pain inflicted and many casualties at the hands of people who can't seem to figure themselves out. This is what is troubling. If you fell madly in love with a woman who dumped you after three years when she finally felt free to admit she's really a lesbian you'd be davastated and feel betrayed. If she did this to many men never actually admitting that she prefers women this would be annoying to say the least. Nothing is wrong with her loving men or women but experimenting when people's feelings are at stake is pretty awful. A foolish mistake you've made is understandable but over and over? No.
 

Chimpi

into the shining sun
Joined
Feb 5, 2006
Messages
2,795
Location
,
She went over the moon!! She thinks that I have some kind of disease that needs to be cured. To her opinion our relation should be stronger than the fact I love BBW's so much. Now she want to see a therapist with me to see how this can this be cured. Should I go to the therapist with her to save my relation? Is she right about that our relation should be stronger that the fact I long to be with a bbw? I think not, but I hate to seperate like this and let her think that I some kinda freak and end our relation in a fight...
It's hard...any advice??
Well, you touched base on the fact that she believes that being a "Fat Admirer" is just a phase, rather than a part of who you are. I do not think she is entirely listening to you when you tell her that you like big women. Unless you're not telling her, or beating around the bush some how. But it is of my opinion that she feels that it is not normal to be a "Fat Admirer", and it is important for you to be rid of that agony. And better for her, because she will be able to find a man who will love her 140 pound body.

No, you should not invest your time or money into seeing a therapist. Being a "Fat Admirer" is not something you can, or should cure. It is who you are, it is a part of you. Have you fully accepted that? Are you positive that you're comfortable with who you are? If you were accepting of yourself as you are, you would be able to see that therapy will not cure your relationship.

She's openly saying that "love is more important than sexual desire". Where in a lot of senses that is very true, having a sexual relationship is also very important. Go back and reread MissStacie's post. Read it 5 times over, every day, if you need to. It is important for you to understand that you are not fully investing your sexual soul to her, and it is important for you to understand that you should be able to do that for your partner.

If your relationship ends and she feels that you are a "freak", then that is her issue that she will keep with her. She obviously does not see it as an issue; she sees you being some sort of weird sexual creature that shouldn't have the impulses that you do indeed have. I think it's the best for both of you to let it go. Wise up man, you can do it. If you honestly loved her that much, you'd have the ability to let her go and allow some one else to fulfill every desire she has. Same for you.
Sure, it's hard. Life is hard. You'll have more troubles in future investments. It's part of the "game", so to speak.

/ My opinions and views.
 

topoftherange

Juvenile Senior Member
Joined
Oct 8, 2005
Messages
112
Location
,
I can't comment for the OP, but I can say for myself that my sexual desire
is not nearly as intense after a few years of being with the same person as it
was initially.

This has been the pattern in 3 long-term relationships that I've had and all my
partners have been BBWs/SSBBWs.

I have also found that while the physical aspect of the relationship has
dwindled, the mental aspect has improved immensely.

This is a dilemma for me because the more you care for someone mentally
that you're having a relationship with, the harder it is to acknowledge that
the physical aspect isn't working well any more, and I'm always trying to
convince myself that things will improve although this doesn't seem to be the
case.

I can't help feeling that some of the other replies to this thread seem to
be over-simplifications.

As people get older, their libidos diminish as well, yet they stay together
in apparently happy relationships.

Perhaps the mental side of things is more important than the physical side,
especially in the long-term.
 

SoVerySoft

No fat no flavor
In Remembrance
Joined
Sep 29, 2005
Messages
11,261
Location
,
I can't comment for the OP, but I can say for myself that my sexual desire
is not nearly as intense after a few years of being with the same person as it
was initially.

This has been the pattern in 3 long-term relationships that I've had and all my
partners have been BBWs/SSBBWs.

I have also found that while the physical aspect of the relationship has
dwindled, the mental aspect has improved immensely.

This is a dilemma for me because the more you care for someone mentally
that you're having a relationship with, the harder it is to acknowledge that
the physical aspect isn't working well any more, and I'm always trying to
convince myself that things will improve although this doesn't seem to be the
case.

I can't help feeling that some of the other replies to this thread seem to
be over-simplifications.

As people get older, their libidos diminish as well, yet they stay together
in apparently happy relationships.

Perhaps the mental side of things is more important than the physical side,
especially in the long-term.
This is a really excellent post, and a perspective that is usually not brought up in these (very common) threads.

You should post more often!
 

love dubh

douchebag reform school
Joined
Mar 4, 2006
Messages
1,728
Location
,
I can't comment for the OP, but I can say for myself that my sexual desire
is not nearly as intense after a few years of being with the same person as it
was initially.

This has been the pattern in 3 long-term relationships that I've had and all my
partners have been BBWs/SSBBWs.

I have also found that while the physical aspect of the relationship has
dwindled, the mental aspect has improved immensely.

This is a dilemma for me because the more you care for someone mentally
that you're having a relationship with, the harder it is to acknowledge that
the physical aspect isn't working well any more, and I'm always trying to
convince myself that things will improve although this doesn't seem to be the
case.

I can't help feeling that some of the other replies to this thread seem to
be over-simplifications.

As people get older, their libidos diminish as well, yet they stay together
in apparently happy relationships.

Perhaps the mental side of things is more important than the physical side,
especially in the long-term.

All well and good, but it's non-topical. This isn't the natural decline of sexuality/libido in long-term relationships with a partner whose body type you have a preference for. This is an issue between a man with FA tendencies and his thin girlfriend. Not "thin" like some posters think 250lbs is thin, but actually thin - like a size 8. Therefore, it's not a natural decline in sexual desire but a lack of desire to begin with. They clicked mentally and all, but the zinger in his thinger wasn't there. It is only fair for him to break up this relationship, seek some therapy to get a backbone, and let himself and his ex enjoy life with partners for whom they have a preference, and who prefers them.
 

topoftherange

Juvenile Senior Member
Joined
Oct 8, 2005
Messages
112
Location
,
Thank you SVS, a compliment from you is highly valued by me. :)

love dubh, you could well be correct about my answer being off-topic,
which is why I stated that I couldn't speak for the OP.

However the fact that the relationship in question had lasted 8 years did
make me wonder whether there was also an element of "loss of intensity"
due to time.

I also do not recall the OP complaining about a lack of desire during the
initial stages.

I think my main point was that I don't always consider it to be a clear-cut
case of splitting-up in a relationship when the sparks aren't flying anymore.

I think that 80% of marriages wouldn't last, if everybody did that.

One needs to weigh up (if you pardon the pun), all the factors in the relationship
and most important of all, if you think you'd be happier together or happier apart.

This will differ from one couple to another.
 

LillyBBBW

Wig Snatcher
Joined
Sep 30, 2005
Messages
9,774
Location
,
Thank you SVS, a compliment from you is highly valued by me. :)

love dubh, you could well be correct about my answer being off-topic,
which is why I stated that I couldn't speak for the OP.

However the fact that the relationship in question had lasted 8 years did
make me wonder whether there was also an element of "loss of intensity"
due to time.

I also do not recall the OP complaining about a lack of desire during the
initial stages.

I think my main point was that I don't always consider it to be a clear-cut
case of splitting-up in a relationship when the sparks aren't flying anymore.

I think that 80% of marriages wouldn't last, if everybody did that.

One needs to weigh up (if you pardon the pun), all the factors in the relationship
and most important of all, if you think you'd be happier together or happier apart.

This will differ from one couple to another.
There is an atmospheric element to this story that makes it slightly unique though. This guy hails from the Netherlands where fat girls, even chubby girls are in short supply if they exist at all in his region. The choices may not have been readily apparent so he could either be unfulfilled in this relationship or unfulfilled in another. The pretense was there from the beginning simply because that is what his expectations were. Of course I'm guessing. Far be it from me to put words in the mouth of the OP but possibly the elements of time as you've described made it much more difficult to keep up the facade. I'm also theorizing that this environment at Dimensions was helpful in bolstering his resolve to make the decision that he knew in his heart was the right one when everything around him is completely hostile towards him going forward. It is hard to swim against a current when it is all you know. He comes here to this place and sees that an alternative can and does exist and he becomes subconciously aware that he is potentially robbing himself and his mate of the truly fulfilling life that they both deserve.

I'm curious though on what he plans to do with his life now.
 

molligmag

Well-Known Member
Joined
Oct 11, 2005
Messages
133
Location
,
Thank you all for your contributions!

(/quote; Perhaps the mental side of things is more important than the physical side, especially in the long-term/unquote)

This is exactly what my girlfriends throws me at my feet. She says; "come on our relationship is more than just the shape of my body." She feels it like an insult and says it makes our 8 year relation ship a total lie. I know in my heart she is partly right. But I am also surpressing the feeling now for eight years that I want to share my life with a beautiful fat woman.

Current situation is that I called a therapist to talk about this.
In Holland you have wait lists to see a therapist, so we cannot go earlier than end of April. I am now staying at a friend for the time being. We didn't speak the final words, but in my heart I know it's over. I even feel a bit releaved to be honest.

To be continued.....
 

velia

unabashedly obese
Joined
Jun 15, 2007
Messages
265
Location
,
Hi there..


You deserve better, and she does more than you. After all, she's been with you for 8 years and you've not wanted her. How sucky is that??? If she doesn't have an esteem issue before now, she will when she finds out that she's not aroused you in years.

Stacie
That's the gospel truth. I have compassion for people who, part of the way through a relationship, discover that they're an FA. Its a completely different story to know that someone you're dating is not remotely appealing to you, and to stay in that relationship for YEARS. Its a wonder to me that people so often fail to consider the affect their choice to stay in a relationship like this has on their "significant" other.

Ending such a relationship might be difficult, but it is, quite simply, cruelty to let it continue. Even if it hurts you, at least have the decency to release her from this relationship. She'll likely already be blindsided, best to end it now, before anything more complicated happens.
 

Fascinita

Jeez, we're blessed!
Joined
Aug 21, 2007
Messages
4,152
Location
,
Thank you all for your contributions!

(/quote; Perhaps the mental side of things is more important than the physical side, especially in the long-term/unquote)

This is exactly what my girlfriends throws me at my feet. She says; "come on our relationship is more than just the shape of my body." She feels it like an insult and says it makes our 8 year relation ship a total lie. I know in my heart she is partly right. But I am also surpressing the feeling now for eight years that I want to share my life with a beautiful fat woman.

Current situation is that I called a therapist to talk about this.
In Holland you have wait lists to see a therapist, so we cannot go earlier than end of April. I am now staying at a friend for the time being. We didn't speak the final words, but in my heart I know it's over. I even feel a bit releaved to be honest.

To be continued.....
Hey I think I saw your ad at another site, seeking rubenesque women for dating. Sounds like you're following your heat. (I suppose it could be anothr molligmag!) But aren't you still trying to wok it out with your girlfriend? Or is your "heart" telling you "it's over" for good now (as you say above)??? Just curious, since I've been following this "thread" awhile.
 

molligmag

Well-Known Member
Joined
Oct 11, 2005
Messages
133
Location
,
Hey there!
The last breaking news....
Yesterday we both spoke out the magic words; we broke up.
We both agree it will be better for each one in the long run.
It hurts still a lot though and I know for sure I will love her for ever.
Now I hope to find some peace in my mind and hope to meet lots of interesting women in the BBW world.
 

Fascinita

Jeez, we're blessed!
Joined
Aug 21, 2007
Messages
4,152
Location
,
Hey there!
The last breaking news....
Yesterday we both spoke out the magic words; we broke up.
We both agree it will be better for each one in the long run.
It hurts still a lot though and I know for sure I will love her for ever.
Now I hope to find some peace in my mind and hope to meet lots of interesting women in the BBW world.
Oh, dear. But if you're in love with your ex, will you ever be able to love one (or more) of the BBWs you meet? Or maybe you're just looking to have fun with BBWs for now, until you're ready for another commited relationship. I'm sure you'll work it out.

Thanks for sharing.

Give my best wishes to your ex GF!
 

amber83

New Mommy!
Joined
Mar 12, 2008
Messages
108
Location
,
Ah wow...tough to do the actual break-up. Veel gluck...you are handsome and will have no problem.
 

molligmag

Well-Known Member
Joined
Oct 11, 2005
Messages
133
Location
,
Ah wow...tough to do the actual break-up. Veel gluck...you are handsome and will have no problem.

Veel geluk ja!
Thank you for the compliment.
Now I want some mind peace and after a while I hope to meet a beautiful girl like you!
X
 

Latest posts

Top