USBBW, gluttony, immobility, XXWG - the story of a woman and her daughter who gave up all to satisfy an addiction to eating.
Mutya Buena sat in the back on a taxi on the way back from her manager's office after they had announced to the media her pregnancy with her boyfriend, Jay.
It was November 12th, 2004, and she was due to give birth in April the next year. She had some very busy months ahead of her. She and the girls were recording a new album in America over the Christmas period, then she was giving birth in April, and then, in June, they were off to begin promoting the album for the foreseeable future. It all seemed a bit much, but an exciting chapter of her life was about to be written.
On the way back to her flat she called the rest of the Sugababes, Heidi and Keisha, and told them she had made the announcement to the press. They both seemed happy it went so well, and they arranged to do lunch in a few hours.
They only went to a local café near Keisha's place to chat about their trip to America. They were leaving on the 15th, so were spending most of their time packing and preparing to be away from home for so long, something they never really enjoyed but had done many times before.
I don't know what to have, you guys. I am so hungry, but I shouldn't, said Mutya, looking her menu up and down.
Heidi looked up from her menu, You're eating for two now, Mutya. How far along are you now?
Four months in a few days.
And, look at you, you're hardly showing yet.
True, I'm not that big yet.
Remember, you're eating for two, said Keisha.
Alright, then. I will have the ¼ lb cheese burger with fries and then some of the cheesecake, said Mutya to their waitress. You know I might enjoy this eating-for-two thing, she smiled to her band-mates while they made their smaller orders.
They next saw each other at the airport with their masses of bags and loved ones to wave them off. Heidi had her boyfriend, Dave Berry; Keisha had her secret boyfriend with her and a few members of family. Mutya had her slightly older, 26-year-old boyfriend, Jay: the soon to be father of her baby and her mom. They flew first class over to California and got a limo over to their rented house, courtesy of their record label.
The first thing Mutya did as soon as they got in the house was go to the kitchen and get something to eat. Her desire for food had definitely increased since the idea of 'eating for two' had taken hold, and on the plane over she had something to eat nearly on the hour, every hour. Heidi and Keisha went to look around the house and met up with Mutya in the kitchen.
This place is great, four bedrooms, two en suite, a gym, a plasma screen, a terrace out the back and air conditioning.
Sweet, the fridge is fully stocked, too. Oh can I have on of the en suite rooms?
I suppose, as you're expecting. Me and Heidi will toss for the other.
The Sugababes weren't going into the studio until the beginning of December, so they had until then to get some of the writing done. They worked together for the majority of songs, but each wrote at least one by themselves, with Mutya writing two on her own. With all of this writing going on, they didn't spend too much time out of the house. They didn't know anybody in America, so couldn't go out with friends and they couldn't go out drinking because they were all under 21. They did go to the beach a few times and out shopping but most days were spent, pen in hand, out on the terrace or just around the house.
Mutya soon began to feel a bit homesick, mainly due to her pregnancy and her crazy hormone fluctuations. Heidi and Keisha both knew she would be emotional while away from home, so they tried to comfort her in any way they could.
Are you alright, babe?
Yeah, I'm fine; I just miss Jay.
I know; is there anything I can do to make you feel better?
No, no, I'm OK really.
Hey, I think there is some ice cream left in the freezer!
Thanks, you read my mind,
Comfort food was the easy fix for her homesickness, something she was doing more and more often. In the morning, she would get up to a hearty breakfast, then snack while writing or watching TV, then lunch and some more snacking then dinner, which they often went out for, be it takeout or a restaurant. Dessert was something Mutya always made time for, and, then through the evening, there was more snacking and sometimes something to last her through the night.
The two weeks flew past, and they had lots of writing done. The next 20 days, they worked with a producer to put the lyrics against music and alter it when they found something that didn't sound right. Their producer came up with some great ideas, and, after only a few songs, they knew they had something pretty special. They were going home on the 20th of December to spend Christmas and New Year at home in England, then they were heading back out to America for another two weeks to finish up in January.
The flight back was a bit rough, with Mutya feeling sick, and the turbulence made things even worse. Even though most women tend to skip breakfast during morning sickness, Mutya even managed to get her airline breakfast down while feeling ill and the plane rocking around. When they got back, they all went home to see friends and family. Heidi went back up to Liverpool, and Keisha and Mutya went their separate ways in London. Mutya stayed with Jay on her first night back and then alternated between his place, her flat and her parents' place.
She was getting comments about how 'healthy' she was looking. She had outgrown most of her clothes while away in America and looked pregnant, instead of just chubby like she was when she left for the USA. But she didn't just have a belly; her hips had widened like most women's do when they are pregnant, but her thighs, arse and face had plumped up a bit too. She either didn't care or notice because any increase in girth was put down to the baby and perfectly normal.
As it was coming up to Christmas, Mutya had to go shopping to get gifts, and every time she went out, she went to a fast food place, one of her favourite places to go. She loved KFC the most but would settle for what was closest, most of the time.
She wasn't just eating a lot of fast food; when with Jay, he always made sure the mother of his baby had plenty of food and snacks to keep the baby well-fed. At her own flat, she filled the fridge with her favourite food and ate a lot when there because she didn't want to leave perishable food there. But, when she was at her parent's house, she ate the most. Her mother believed in the eating-for-two principle even more then she did.
Mutya, you should be eating now. I know you have been dieting for your career, but this isn't the time to be watching calories. So, when you're here with me, your momma will make sure you and the little one get plenty to eat.
She got there Christmas Eve morning and went to Jay's flat on Boxing Day night after dinner. She had consumed fifteen meals, five a day, and all the snacks she could eat. Her presents were not important because she just wanted to be with family, but everybody was happy with what she had bought them because she had the cash to indulge all her family.
New Year's Eve was spent sober out with friends. Not being able to drink or take anything else she might on this sort of occasion was a buzz killer for her. But she had a good enough time and got home early at 2:00 and in bed at 2:30 - after a bite to eat.
Soon, they were due to fly out again to finish up their vocals and put down some new songs in the USA. Other then work, which they did for up to 12 hours a day, Mutya ate. American food came in massive portions, and there was so much choice for somebody with cash to spend and a big appetite. Meals were twice the size of home, so she could eat two massive plates of food with no guilt under the guise that she is eating for two, when it was closer to eating for four. Chocolate bars were twice the size; bags of crisps were up to four times the size and the vast selection of sweets she hadn't sampled before meant she bought in bulk and ate in bulk.
Even though they were there for only two weeks, Mutya outgrew most of her clothes, due to the baby and the increase in her own personal weight. She used the extra room in her bags and packed them with her favourite junk food that was only available from America, along with some gifts for the family.
At just about six months along, Mutya went to see her doctor and was told she was too big.
Ms Buena, over the last few months you really have put on a bit of weight!
I know, but I am pregnant and eating for two.
Did you know that you only need an extra 300 calories a day when carrying a baby?
300. Is that it? That can't be right!
It is, between 300 and 400.
OK, so what could happen if the baby is big?
Other then an uncomfortable birth, it may be born premature simply due to its size. There are some links between overweight babies and health risks later on in life, including diabetes and some heart problems.
Oh, I will bear that in mind.
Other then that, you and the baby are looking fine: a good strong heart beat and it seems to be in the right position. All I have to ask you is do you want to know the sex?
Well, me and Jay wanted it to be a surprise, but I really want to know.
Alright, Mutya, you are going to have a little bouncing baby girl!
Mutya smiled, Great!
With just under three months left until the birth, Mutya rented out her flat to a young couple because she couldn't see herself living on her own when the baby was born, at least not for the first few months. Jay had a room made up for the baby in his flat, and Mutya put most of her things from her flat into his. The rest of her things were put in her old bedroom back in her parents' place. She would be out on the road in June, and the baby would live between Jay and her parents, so making both places seem like home made sense.
Eight months in, it was mid March, and Mutya was sitting on her Mom's sofa, chomping down a Big Mac. Her doctor's advice of cutting back on her food and only eating 300-400 more calories a day then usual had fallen on deaf ears. She'd only lasted a day before reverting back to her big meals and constant snacking. She looked nine months pregnant, sitting in the lounge with a very tight maternity dress on which looked like it would burst around her middle. Double chin, flabby arms, huge hips, massive arse, chubby thighs and a huge stretch mark covered belly.
She finished the Big Mac in near record time and put her hand into the MacDonald's bag next to her for another and started ripping it open, while chewing the last of the one she had just finished. Some women have cravings for pickles, some for weird combinations of food mixed together and some for things as bizarre as coal or soil. This is because their body is lacking in certain vitamins or minerals, which the food they crave contains. Mutya's cravings were for Big Macs, lots of Big Macs. She had at least five a day, her only real exercise being her waddling off to MacDonald's to get them. She happily sat and ate her MacDonald's lunch, knowing everything was all lined up perfectly for the baby; all her clothes and toys were bought. She had done her reading up finishing four entire books on motherhood, from cover to cover.
The second day of April was the big day, Mutya's waters breaking in mid-afternoon. She got a taxi to the hospital with her parents, but when she arrived, Jay was already there and so were Heidi and Keisha. The baby was big, and the birth went on through the evening and into the night. At 11:38pm, April 2nd 2005, Mutya gave birth to her daughter, with Jay holding her hand. 11lb and 3oz was the recorded weight of the baby and Mutya knew why it hurt so much when she held her chubby firstborn for the first time.
Four days later, she was on her way to her mom's house with little Kate Buena wrapped up in her arms. Kate was Jay's mother's name; she had died when he was younger. With her hormone levels all over the place, Mutya felt proud, scared and excited all at the same time.
But something that wasn't new and strange to her was her hunger. For the rest of April, she ate almost as much as she had when she was pregnant. One walk a day around the park was the only time Mutya went out to get any exercise; the rest of the time she was looking after and bonding with Kate. By now, she had all healed up from the birth, but was still not sleeping with Jay because she wasn't quite feeling up for that yet. He had to wait a little longer, which was driving him mad. Another thing annoying him, other then Mutya still not wanting to move in with him or sleep with him, was her appearance. She wasn't bothering with makeup, putting her hair in a ponytail to save styling it like she always used to and was still wearing her maternity clothes. His fears of Mutya turning frumpy were appearing to come true, but it was early days yet. When she and the girls were off promoting the album, then she would have to get dressed up all nice again and maybe start thinking about shifting the baby weight.
May 21st was Mutya's 20th birthday and her first night out since having the baby. Getting out with her friends sounded great, but leaving her baby behind became a little daunting.
Are you sure you can handle her all night, mom?
I'm sure; you go out with your friends.
I can stay if you want.
No, you won't!
OK, I will just be a few hours then.
Mutya, I insist you don't come back until tomorrow.
I will call you then, OK? asked Mutya, to which her mom nodded.
Go and get yourself all made up then. It will be nice to see you all dressed up; it's been a while.
It's hard to find stylish maternity wear, mom, and, since I gave birth, getting dressed up hasn't been my priority.
Do you have anything to wear? Anything nice?
You know, I don't think I do. I am still a bit big for my old gear, and I can't wear this stuff I have on now.
Mutya's mom looked at her watch, When are you going out?
8:30, they are picking me up.
That's plenty of time; you have just over three hours before then. Get a taxi into town and go and buy something, then have a quick shower and stuff when you get back.
I will still have to do my hair and makeup.
Call them and say you might be late, then.
Sounds like a plan, mom, thanks, said Mutya, pecking her mom on the cheek and calling a taxi on her mobile phone.
A happy birthday started to become a bit depressing when she went to try on some designer clothes and found them far, far too small. Each size up she tried, the more worried about her weight she got. She ended up buying a very low cut, very tight black dress as she refused to get another bigger size. She already had shoes, so she didn't bother shopping for those, and she didn't have the time even if she wanted to. She got home at 7:45 and dove right into she shower. The rest of the time leading up to 8:30 was a frantic session of trying to make herself pretty by sorting her hair, which hadn't been cut in near to four months, and doing her near signature heavy make-up.
Are you sure you tried that on? It looks a bit tight.
Mutya tugged at her dress for what felt like the millionth time. Yes, I tried it on, but I didn't want to buy a bigger size. I think I put on more weight then I had thought over the pregnancy.
What do you weigh?
Dunno, said Mutya with a frown, hang on, I think it's time to go and see the damage. She walked off to the bathroom and hopped onto the scale. The number rolled past 100, 120, 140, which was her highest weight before conceiving, 160, 180 - Mutya's eyes widened - 190, 200, 210, 213lbs. God, mom, I weigh 213 lbs!
I didn't think it would be that much.
I just have had a baby, though.
I know, I gained more weight when I had you.
God, 80 lbs! I will start the diet tomorrow! Right, it's almost half past; I just need to get my bag together and I'm off.
After not drinking for so long, Mutya could hardly handle her drink and was drunk only after a few beers. It was 10:20 when she last remembered checking her watch, but woke up at Keisha's flat at noon the next day with a hangover and a dry out. In the past, she would just lounge around there all day and go home when she was feeling better, but after a drink and a wash in the bathroom Mutya set off home to see her baby.
Over the next few weeks, Mutya had to get back in the swing of working again. Relearning songs, doing their so-called dance routines and trying to train her voice back up after not singing properly for months. Once all the songs were in her head and she was all caught up, they were off to promote the new album by releasing a single. One thing bothering her was her weight; since her birthday she had started to be featured in the newspapers. Every story about her was calling her fat, and they affectionately dubbed the Sugababe a 'Sugablob.'
The excuse of pregnancy weight was wearing thin even for her by the end of June, but dieting had always been hard for her and losing this much weight seemed impossible. Mutya's weight began to fluctuate as she tried fad diet after fad diet. Atkins didn't pan out because Big Macs have carbs; Slim Fast didn't pan out because to her a drink is not a meal, so she ended up eating a meal on top of the shake. Weight Watchers was too time-consuming with all the meetings and weighing, especially as she was travelling all the time. She tried and failed with other diet plans, losing a bit of weight and then putting it back on again. The canteen food they were exposed to while touring around the UK and Europe was rarely healthy, and any spare time she could have spent in the gym was with her baby. Even time at home Mutya couldn't or wouldn't diet, because she had to see friends and family, shop and spend time with Kate.
Over June, July, August, September, October and November they released an album and four singles, travelled up and down the UK doing TV shows, radio and interviews and even went to Europe, publicising themselves all over the continent. Over this time, Mutya's weight went up and down, reaching a low of 194 and a high of 234, which she was now currently on.
The band was starting to fall apart; they were arguing more then ever and at the centre of it all was Mutya. Her weight was giving them bad press; she was always too busy to rehearse with Heidi and Keisha because she spent all her time on the phone to or with Kate. Mutya was messing up performances and always pushed for time off when they could have been working. The baby was coming first, and Heidi and Keisha were losing sympathy.
At the end of November, it all finally kicked off, on their bus on the way back from a show in Birmingham. Mutya had messed up her lines and dance routine, and they were discussing what had gone wrong.
No, Mutya, you went left again when we went right.
I thought I was meant to go left?
No, we changed that three weeks ago. Remember the meeting we had and then all the times we told you? said Heidi sternly.
I think I missed that meeting.
For a change, said Keisha under her breath.
They talked some more, and the conversation got more and more heated. I'm a mom now! I can't come to every little meeting! cried Mutya.
You're a mom; you're a mom! I have heard that all day everyday, and I am going to scream if I hear it one more time!
Keisha agreed with Heidi, Mutya, you're going to have to decide what is more important, the band or your kid.
You can't give me an ultimatum like that, Keisha! It was you and me who started this band. We had a member leave, and we still carried on. Now, I have had a baby. We can't call it quits after just a few problems.
It's not just a few problems though, Mutya! You're messing up the dance routines; you're getting the songs wrong; you're missing meetings and, besides that, you're fat! shouted Heidi.
The van was silent, it was the first time anybody had mentioned Mutya's well-publicised weight gain. After a few seconds, Mutya got up from her seat, whipped the tears from her face and walked over to Heidi. She screwed up her face and slapped Heidi across her face. A not very lady-like fight broke out. Hair was pulled; faces were scratched and slaps were thrown. Mutya dived on Heidi, pinning her to the seat, and Keisha dove into Mutya, knocking them all to the floor for a vicious fight. The bus was pulled over, and the driver had to come into the back and break it all up.
They stood out on the side of the motorway, Heidi with a red mark on her face and her hair all messed up. Keisha's top was torn, and she had scratch marks on her arms, and next to her was Mutya, the only one still crying from the far more painful vocal injuries then her physical ones. She, too, had a red slap mark on her face and scratch marks on her chest, arms and stomach, which was exposed after her t-shirt had been ripped to pieces.
The driver made sure they had all calmed down before getting them back on the bus; he had Mutya up front with him as it seemed best to keep her away from the others. Once back in London, the girls all went their separate ways and got calls the next day to meet up with their manager to discuss what had happened.
They all met up in a restaurant for lunch and talked about why the fight had broken out and how they might go forward from there.
I have talked to the record label, and we have decided that some time off might be the best thing to do. Originally we had you down for the week over Christmas and new years, he said, looking through his diary. I have arranged it for you guys not to meet up again until January 4th. Any questions?
Nobody said a thing, so he told them they could go. But as Mutya stood up, he took a hold of her arm and sat her back down again. Mutya, I need to have a word. It seems the main reason for this fight breaking out is you.
What! she interrupted.
Hear me out; it's not just those two who have noticed your let's say, unpolished performances. You have been asking for time off all the time, and, well, I guess you have seen what they have been calling you in the paper.
So it's all my fault then.
I need you to seriously think if you still want this Mutya. Can you be a good mom and a good singer? I want an answer on the 4th; think about it.
OK, said Mutya, knowing she had to choose.
And one more thing, as you have a month off, try and go to the gym or something; the newspapers are really having a field day with you.
Mutya Buena
By Zarbon
By Zarbon
Mutya Buena sat in the back on a taxi on the way back from her manager's office after they had announced to the media her pregnancy with her boyfriend, Jay.
It was November 12th, 2004, and she was due to give birth in April the next year. She had some very busy months ahead of her. She and the girls were recording a new album in America over the Christmas period, then she was giving birth in April, and then, in June, they were off to begin promoting the album for the foreseeable future. It all seemed a bit much, but an exciting chapter of her life was about to be written.
On the way back to her flat she called the rest of the Sugababes, Heidi and Keisha, and told them she had made the announcement to the press. They both seemed happy it went so well, and they arranged to do lunch in a few hours.
They only went to a local café near Keisha's place to chat about their trip to America. They were leaving on the 15th, so were spending most of their time packing and preparing to be away from home for so long, something they never really enjoyed but had done many times before.
I don't know what to have, you guys. I am so hungry, but I shouldn't, said Mutya, looking her menu up and down.
Heidi looked up from her menu, You're eating for two now, Mutya. How far along are you now?
Four months in a few days.
And, look at you, you're hardly showing yet.
True, I'm not that big yet.
Remember, you're eating for two, said Keisha.
Alright, then. I will have the ¼ lb cheese burger with fries and then some of the cheesecake, said Mutya to their waitress. You know I might enjoy this eating-for-two thing, she smiled to her band-mates while they made their smaller orders.
They next saw each other at the airport with their masses of bags and loved ones to wave them off. Heidi had her boyfriend, Dave Berry; Keisha had her secret boyfriend with her and a few members of family. Mutya had her slightly older, 26-year-old boyfriend, Jay: the soon to be father of her baby and her mom. They flew first class over to California and got a limo over to their rented house, courtesy of their record label.
The first thing Mutya did as soon as they got in the house was go to the kitchen and get something to eat. Her desire for food had definitely increased since the idea of 'eating for two' had taken hold, and on the plane over she had something to eat nearly on the hour, every hour. Heidi and Keisha went to look around the house and met up with Mutya in the kitchen.
This place is great, four bedrooms, two en suite, a gym, a plasma screen, a terrace out the back and air conditioning.
Sweet, the fridge is fully stocked, too. Oh can I have on of the en suite rooms?
I suppose, as you're expecting. Me and Heidi will toss for the other.
The Sugababes weren't going into the studio until the beginning of December, so they had until then to get some of the writing done. They worked together for the majority of songs, but each wrote at least one by themselves, with Mutya writing two on her own. With all of this writing going on, they didn't spend too much time out of the house. They didn't know anybody in America, so couldn't go out with friends and they couldn't go out drinking because they were all under 21. They did go to the beach a few times and out shopping but most days were spent, pen in hand, out on the terrace or just around the house.
Mutya soon began to feel a bit homesick, mainly due to her pregnancy and her crazy hormone fluctuations. Heidi and Keisha both knew she would be emotional while away from home, so they tried to comfort her in any way they could.
Are you alright, babe?
Yeah, I'm fine; I just miss Jay.
I know; is there anything I can do to make you feel better?
No, no, I'm OK really.
Hey, I think there is some ice cream left in the freezer!
Thanks, you read my mind,
Comfort food was the easy fix for her homesickness, something she was doing more and more often. In the morning, she would get up to a hearty breakfast, then snack while writing or watching TV, then lunch and some more snacking then dinner, which they often went out for, be it takeout or a restaurant. Dessert was something Mutya always made time for, and, then through the evening, there was more snacking and sometimes something to last her through the night.
The two weeks flew past, and they had lots of writing done. The next 20 days, they worked with a producer to put the lyrics against music and alter it when they found something that didn't sound right. Their producer came up with some great ideas, and, after only a few songs, they knew they had something pretty special. They were going home on the 20th of December to spend Christmas and New Year at home in England, then they were heading back out to America for another two weeks to finish up in January.
The flight back was a bit rough, with Mutya feeling sick, and the turbulence made things even worse. Even though most women tend to skip breakfast during morning sickness, Mutya even managed to get her airline breakfast down while feeling ill and the plane rocking around. When they got back, they all went home to see friends and family. Heidi went back up to Liverpool, and Keisha and Mutya went their separate ways in London. Mutya stayed with Jay on her first night back and then alternated between his place, her flat and her parents' place.
She was getting comments about how 'healthy' she was looking. She had outgrown most of her clothes while away in America and looked pregnant, instead of just chubby like she was when she left for the USA. But she didn't just have a belly; her hips had widened like most women's do when they are pregnant, but her thighs, arse and face had plumped up a bit too. She either didn't care or notice because any increase in girth was put down to the baby and perfectly normal.
As it was coming up to Christmas, Mutya had to go shopping to get gifts, and every time she went out, she went to a fast food place, one of her favourite places to go. She loved KFC the most but would settle for what was closest, most of the time.
She wasn't just eating a lot of fast food; when with Jay, he always made sure the mother of his baby had plenty of food and snacks to keep the baby well-fed. At her own flat, she filled the fridge with her favourite food and ate a lot when there because she didn't want to leave perishable food there. But, when she was at her parent's house, she ate the most. Her mother believed in the eating-for-two principle even more then she did.
Mutya, you should be eating now. I know you have been dieting for your career, but this isn't the time to be watching calories. So, when you're here with me, your momma will make sure you and the little one get plenty to eat.
She got there Christmas Eve morning and went to Jay's flat on Boxing Day night after dinner. She had consumed fifteen meals, five a day, and all the snacks she could eat. Her presents were not important because she just wanted to be with family, but everybody was happy with what she had bought them because she had the cash to indulge all her family.
New Year's Eve was spent sober out with friends. Not being able to drink or take anything else she might on this sort of occasion was a buzz killer for her. But she had a good enough time and got home early at 2:00 and in bed at 2:30 - after a bite to eat.
Soon, they were due to fly out again to finish up their vocals and put down some new songs in the USA. Other then work, which they did for up to 12 hours a day, Mutya ate. American food came in massive portions, and there was so much choice for somebody with cash to spend and a big appetite. Meals were twice the size of home, so she could eat two massive plates of food with no guilt under the guise that she is eating for two, when it was closer to eating for four. Chocolate bars were twice the size; bags of crisps were up to four times the size and the vast selection of sweets she hadn't sampled before meant she bought in bulk and ate in bulk.
Even though they were there for only two weeks, Mutya outgrew most of her clothes, due to the baby and the increase in her own personal weight. She used the extra room in her bags and packed them with her favourite junk food that was only available from America, along with some gifts for the family.
At just about six months along, Mutya went to see her doctor and was told she was too big.
Ms Buena, over the last few months you really have put on a bit of weight!
I know, but I am pregnant and eating for two.
Did you know that you only need an extra 300 calories a day when carrying a baby?
300. Is that it? That can't be right!
It is, between 300 and 400.
OK, so what could happen if the baby is big?
Other then an uncomfortable birth, it may be born premature simply due to its size. There are some links between overweight babies and health risks later on in life, including diabetes and some heart problems.
Oh, I will bear that in mind.
Other then that, you and the baby are looking fine: a good strong heart beat and it seems to be in the right position. All I have to ask you is do you want to know the sex?
Well, me and Jay wanted it to be a surprise, but I really want to know.
Alright, Mutya, you are going to have a little bouncing baby girl!
Mutya smiled, Great!
With just under three months left until the birth, Mutya rented out her flat to a young couple because she couldn't see herself living on her own when the baby was born, at least not for the first few months. Jay had a room made up for the baby in his flat, and Mutya put most of her things from her flat into his. The rest of her things were put in her old bedroom back in her parents' place. She would be out on the road in June, and the baby would live between Jay and her parents, so making both places seem like home made sense.
Eight months in, it was mid March, and Mutya was sitting on her Mom's sofa, chomping down a Big Mac. Her doctor's advice of cutting back on her food and only eating 300-400 more calories a day then usual had fallen on deaf ears. She'd only lasted a day before reverting back to her big meals and constant snacking. She looked nine months pregnant, sitting in the lounge with a very tight maternity dress on which looked like it would burst around her middle. Double chin, flabby arms, huge hips, massive arse, chubby thighs and a huge stretch mark covered belly.
She finished the Big Mac in near record time and put her hand into the MacDonald's bag next to her for another and started ripping it open, while chewing the last of the one she had just finished. Some women have cravings for pickles, some for weird combinations of food mixed together and some for things as bizarre as coal or soil. This is because their body is lacking in certain vitamins or minerals, which the food they crave contains. Mutya's cravings were for Big Macs, lots of Big Macs. She had at least five a day, her only real exercise being her waddling off to MacDonald's to get them. She happily sat and ate her MacDonald's lunch, knowing everything was all lined up perfectly for the baby; all her clothes and toys were bought. She had done her reading up finishing four entire books on motherhood, from cover to cover.
The second day of April was the big day, Mutya's waters breaking in mid-afternoon. She got a taxi to the hospital with her parents, but when she arrived, Jay was already there and so were Heidi and Keisha. The baby was big, and the birth went on through the evening and into the night. At 11:38pm, April 2nd 2005, Mutya gave birth to her daughter, with Jay holding her hand. 11lb and 3oz was the recorded weight of the baby and Mutya knew why it hurt so much when she held her chubby firstborn for the first time.
Four days later, she was on her way to her mom's house with little Kate Buena wrapped up in her arms. Kate was Jay's mother's name; she had died when he was younger. With her hormone levels all over the place, Mutya felt proud, scared and excited all at the same time.
But something that wasn't new and strange to her was her hunger. For the rest of April, she ate almost as much as she had when she was pregnant. One walk a day around the park was the only time Mutya went out to get any exercise; the rest of the time she was looking after and bonding with Kate. By now, she had all healed up from the birth, but was still not sleeping with Jay because she wasn't quite feeling up for that yet. He had to wait a little longer, which was driving him mad. Another thing annoying him, other then Mutya still not wanting to move in with him or sleep with him, was her appearance. She wasn't bothering with makeup, putting her hair in a ponytail to save styling it like she always used to and was still wearing her maternity clothes. His fears of Mutya turning frumpy were appearing to come true, but it was early days yet. When she and the girls were off promoting the album, then she would have to get dressed up all nice again and maybe start thinking about shifting the baby weight.
May 21st was Mutya's 20th birthday and her first night out since having the baby. Getting out with her friends sounded great, but leaving her baby behind became a little daunting.
Are you sure you can handle her all night, mom?
I'm sure; you go out with your friends.
I can stay if you want.
No, you won't!
OK, I will just be a few hours then.
Mutya, I insist you don't come back until tomorrow.
I will call you then, OK? asked Mutya, to which her mom nodded.
Go and get yourself all made up then. It will be nice to see you all dressed up; it's been a while.
It's hard to find stylish maternity wear, mom, and, since I gave birth, getting dressed up hasn't been my priority.
Do you have anything to wear? Anything nice?
You know, I don't think I do. I am still a bit big for my old gear, and I can't wear this stuff I have on now.
Mutya's mom looked at her watch, When are you going out?
8:30, they are picking me up.
That's plenty of time; you have just over three hours before then. Get a taxi into town and go and buy something, then have a quick shower and stuff when you get back.
I will still have to do my hair and makeup.
Call them and say you might be late, then.
Sounds like a plan, mom, thanks, said Mutya, pecking her mom on the cheek and calling a taxi on her mobile phone.
A happy birthday started to become a bit depressing when she went to try on some designer clothes and found them far, far too small. Each size up she tried, the more worried about her weight she got. She ended up buying a very low cut, very tight black dress as she refused to get another bigger size. She already had shoes, so she didn't bother shopping for those, and she didn't have the time even if she wanted to. She got home at 7:45 and dove right into she shower. The rest of the time leading up to 8:30 was a frantic session of trying to make herself pretty by sorting her hair, which hadn't been cut in near to four months, and doing her near signature heavy make-up.
Are you sure you tried that on? It looks a bit tight.
Mutya tugged at her dress for what felt like the millionth time. Yes, I tried it on, but I didn't want to buy a bigger size. I think I put on more weight then I had thought over the pregnancy.
What do you weigh?
Dunno, said Mutya with a frown, hang on, I think it's time to go and see the damage. She walked off to the bathroom and hopped onto the scale. The number rolled past 100, 120, 140, which was her highest weight before conceiving, 160, 180 - Mutya's eyes widened - 190, 200, 210, 213lbs. God, mom, I weigh 213 lbs!
I didn't think it would be that much.
I just have had a baby, though.
I know, I gained more weight when I had you.
God, 80 lbs! I will start the diet tomorrow! Right, it's almost half past; I just need to get my bag together and I'm off.
After not drinking for so long, Mutya could hardly handle her drink and was drunk only after a few beers. It was 10:20 when she last remembered checking her watch, but woke up at Keisha's flat at noon the next day with a hangover and a dry out. In the past, she would just lounge around there all day and go home when she was feeling better, but after a drink and a wash in the bathroom Mutya set off home to see her baby.
Over the next few weeks, Mutya had to get back in the swing of working again. Relearning songs, doing their so-called dance routines and trying to train her voice back up after not singing properly for months. Once all the songs were in her head and she was all caught up, they were off to promote the new album by releasing a single. One thing bothering her was her weight; since her birthday she had started to be featured in the newspapers. Every story about her was calling her fat, and they affectionately dubbed the Sugababe a 'Sugablob.'
The excuse of pregnancy weight was wearing thin even for her by the end of June, but dieting had always been hard for her and losing this much weight seemed impossible. Mutya's weight began to fluctuate as she tried fad diet after fad diet. Atkins didn't pan out because Big Macs have carbs; Slim Fast didn't pan out because to her a drink is not a meal, so she ended up eating a meal on top of the shake. Weight Watchers was too time-consuming with all the meetings and weighing, especially as she was travelling all the time. She tried and failed with other diet plans, losing a bit of weight and then putting it back on again. The canteen food they were exposed to while touring around the UK and Europe was rarely healthy, and any spare time she could have spent in the gym was with her baby. Even time at home Mutya couldn't or wouldn't diet, because she had to see friends and family, shop and spend time with Kate.
Over June, July, August, September, October and November they released an album and four singles, travelled up and down the UK doing TV shows, radio and interviews and even went to Europe, publicising themselves all over the continent. Over this time, Mutya's weight went up and down, reaching a low of 194 and a high of 234, which she was now currently on.
The band was starting to fall apart; they were arguing more then ever and at the centre of it all was Mutya. Her weight was giving them bad press; she was always too busy to rehearse with Heidi and Keisha because she spent all her time on the phone to or with Kate. Mutya was messing up performances and always pushed for time off when they could have been working. The baby was coming first, and Heidi and Keisha were losing sympathy.
At the end of November, it all finally kicked off, on their bus on the way back from a show in Birmingham. Mutya had messed up her lines and dance routine, and they were discussing what had gone wrong.
No, Mutya, you went left again when we went right.
I thought I was meant to go left?
No, we changed that three weeks ago. Remember the meeting we had and then all the times we told you? said Heidi sternly.
I think I missed that meeting.
For a change, said Keisha under her breath.
They talked some more, and the conversation got more and more heated. I'm a mom now! I can't come to every little meeting! cried Mutya.
You're a mom; you're a mom! I have heard that all day everyday, and I am going to scream if I hear it one more time!
Keisha agreed with Heidi, Mutya, you're going to have to decide what is more important, the band or your kid.
You can't give me an ultimatum like that, Keisha! It was you and me who started this band. We had a member leave, and we still carried on. Now, I have had a baby. We can't call it quits after just a few problems.
It's not just a few problems though, Mutya! You're messing up the dance routines; you're getting the songs wrong; you're missing meetings and, besides that, you're fat! shouted Heidi.
The van was silent, it was the first time anybody had mentioned Mutya's well-publicised weight gain. After a few seconds, Mutya got up from her seat, whipped the tears from her face and walked over to Heidi. She screwed up her face and slapped Heidi across her face. A not very lady-like fight broke out. Hair was pulled; faces were scratched and slaps were thrown. Mutya dived on Heidi, pinning her to the seat, and Keisha dove into Mutya, knocking them all to the floor for a vicious fight. The bus was pulled over, and the driver had to come into the back and break it all up.
They stood out on the side of the motorway, Heidi with a red mark on her face and her hair all messed up. Keisha's top was torn, and she had scratch marks on her arms, and next to her was Mutya, the only one still crying from the far more painful vocal injuries then her physical ones. She, too, had a red slap mark on her face and scratch marks on her chest, arms and stomach, which was exposed after her t-shirt had been ripped to pieces.
The driver made sure they had all calmed down before getting them back on the bus; he had Mutya up front with him as it seemed best to keep her away from the others. Once back in London, the girls all went their separate ways and got calls the next day to meet up with their manager to discuss what had happened.
They all met up in a restaurant for lunch and talked about why the fight had broken out and how they might go forward from there.
I have talked to the record label, and we have decided that some time off might be the best thing to do. Originally we had you down for the week over Christmas and new years, he said, looking through his diary. I have arranged it for you guys not to meet up again until January 4th. Any questions?
Nobody said a thing, so he told them they could go. But as Mutya stood up, he took a hold of her arm and sat her back down again. Mutya, I need to have a word. It seems the main reason for this fight breaking out is you.
What! she interrupted.
Hear me out; it's not just those two who have noticed your let's say, unpolished performances. You have been asking for time off all the time, and, well, I guess you have seen what they have been calling you in the paper.
So it's all my fault then.
I need you to seriously think if you still want this Mutya. Can you be a good mom and a good singer? I want an answer on the 4th; think about it.
OK, said Mutya, knowing she had to choose.
And one more thing, as you have a month off, try and go to the gym or something; the newspapers are really having a field day with you.
