My Ex wants me back

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ssbwjedisweetheart

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Hey guys, I have a problem and i just want to get your input on it. Back in March i broke up with my boyfriend,because he wanted me to gain more and i told him no and because i felt like i was the only one trying to make our relationship work. Well i got an IM from him today and he tells me he misses me alot and wants me back. I told him that he hurt me and that i didn't want to,but that i would still talk to him. Do you think i did the right thing by telling him i would still talk to him? I don't know what to do because my heart is telling me to go back to him,but my mind is yelling 'are you crazy!':confused:

Please keep in mind that beside him i have never had a boyfriend. so I dont know if this is just my heart or what. I have on the other hand i have moved on and i am talking to other guys but so far nothing.
Please help:bow:
 

bobbleheaddoll

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sweetie...just my opinion...but if he was not putting in the effort previously, you need to ask yourself...do you think he has really changed? i also wonder why he waited 5 months to im you to mention that he misses you...

also, please don't go back to him just because you don't have someone else. that would be a mistake. it is better to be by yourself and have the possibility of someone who would want a real relationship rather than trap yourself in a situation with someone, just to have someone.

if you feel you can make it very clear that you will just be friends, than i say go ahead and talk to him. you are former partners and there should be no reason you can't be friends...just be sure that if the only reason he is talking to you is an attempt to pressure you into getting back together...than it may be time to go cold turkey and concentrate on the future and the possibilities it holds...good luck!
 

bmann0413

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bmann0413,
sweetie...just my opinion...but if he was not putting in the effort previously, you need to ask yourself...do you think he has really changed? i also wonder why he waited 5 months to im you to mention that he misses you...

also, please don't go back to him just because you don't have someone else. that would be a mistake. it is better to be by yourself and have the possibility of someone who would want a real relationship rather than trap yourself in a situation with someone, just to have someone.

if you feel you can make it very clear that you will just be friends, than i say go ahead and talk to him. you are former partners and there should be no reason you can't be friends...just be sure that if the only reason he is talking to you is an attempt to pressure you into getting back together...than it may be time to go cold turkey and concentrate on the future and the possibilities it holds...good luck!
Well, I was going to say "Smack the hell out of him" but what she said works too. lol
 

Wagimawr

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Plus, there's the whole "wanting a beautiful girl to do x thing that turns you on sexually never goes away" part.

If you didn't like his fetishes before, you won't like them any more now. If you didn't like his behavior before, chances are good you won't like it any more now. Be friends if you're sure that both of you can deal with it, otherwise don't worry about him.
 

ssbwjedisweetheart

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sweetie...just my opinion...but if he was not putting in the effort previously, you need to ask yourself...do you think he has really changed? i also wonder why he waited 5 months to im you to mention that he misses you...

also, please don't go back to him just because you don't have someone else. that would be a mistake. it is better to be by yourself and have the possibility of someone who would want a real relationship rather than trap yourself in a situation with someone, just to have someone.

if you feel you can make it very clear that you will just be friends, than i say go ahead and talk to him. you are former partners and there should be no reason you can't be friends...just be sure that if the only reason he is talking to you is an attempt to pressure you into getting back together...than it may be time to go cold turkey and concentrate on the future and the possibilities it holds...good luck!


Don't worry i wont be going back to him. He had is chance and lost it;)
 

mossystate

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He said he misses you and wants you back. He will take your talking to him as a foot in the door. He is going to do his best to convince you to go back to him. And...an IM? That's off the communication dollar menu.

Since this was your first boyfriend, and you don't have much experience navigating this kind of thing.....do NOT be his friend. Doesn't seem like you were itching to be his buddy these last 5 months, and there is a reason for that. I know that is not the popular thing to say, but, if you were the only one trying to make the relationship work...why continue to be that person, even with a friendship...

He wants more than friendship. Why waste energy on him.
 

Fascinita

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Since you broke up with him because he was lazy and self-serving, if he wanted you back on better terms (better than before), he'd be bending over backwards to show (not tell you) you how things are better now, right? It doesn't sound like he's doing that. An IM is a throwaway thing, almost as easy as blowing your nose.

This sounds like more relationship laziness on his part. You can do much better. Keep on moving on and don't give it another thought. Don't let careless people mire your life in their fecklessness. Take care of yourself and look forward to better days.
 

Miss Vickie

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I agree with everyone else. Do you seriously think that he's changed? And if he had changed, is there some way he could prove that to you? An IM because he's lonely or bored or misses you is hardly evidence of change. It's the same sort of laziness that he exhibited before.

My advice is to do what you can to enrich your life without a guy, and then when you're ready, to seek out a man who loves you as you are.

I think it's interesting how you worded your thread title. Your ex wants you back. But do you want HIM back? And what do you hope to accomplish by continuing to have contact with him? Don't you think you deserve better?
 

ssbwjedisweetheart

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I agree with everyone else. Do you seriously think that he's changed? And if he had changed, is there some way he could prove that to you? An IM because he's lonely or bored or misses you is hardly evidence of change. It's the same sort of laziness that he exhibited before.

My advice is to do what you can to enrich your life without a guy, and then when you're ready, to seek out a man who loves you as you are.

I think it's interesting how you worded your thread title. Your ex wants you back. But do you want HIM back? And what do you hope to accomplish by continuing to have contact with him? Don't you think you deserve better?
I think ur right. I think he was bored and it did not sound like he had change. and i know i dont want him back and that i deserve better. As for continuing to have contact with him, i dont know yet.:confused:
 

Observer

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I obviously don't know either him or you, so I can only speak from the vantage point of decades of life - nearly seven of them.

What you have related is very typical of ex-relationships where no one did anything truly cruel like fooling around with someone else. He wanted you to do what you weren't comfortable with, so you broke up. But you apparently had more than that in the relationship so now there's remorse.

Buit remorse based on what? He's lonely and you are too?

That combination is sooo typical - and a recipe for heartache.

If you're absolutely sure there's no basis for getting back togerther then no contact is the only way to go.

If there is a questionmark as to whether there is a basis then, as some have already said, he needs to show that he now understands that you have a right to define limits and expectations and he has a duty to respect them (this of course also works in reverse).

One "I miss you so much" email isn't enough. You could offer him a frank "I understand your feelings but ..." letter oferring to detail your boundaries and expectations and see if he is willing to give you a similsar one in return.

Undecided between the two choices? Then try to list for yourself twenty things you apprecited and liked about the relationship - most people find this fairly difficult to do even with a spouse; it gets hard after the initial 10-12.

A real key - you no doubt know his top five worst problems and/or habits. Could you be happy with him despite those problems for the rest of your life if they never changed as long he was loyal and kind to you?
 

Seth Warren

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What's worse than having to dump someone? Having to dump someone over and over and over again.
 

Scorsese86

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You seem like a nice, beautiful girl. You deserve better. If he is the same, just don't go there.
Believe me, if my ex had wanted me back, I would have to think. I know I should say no, but there's also a yes inside me... I understand very well, just be strong. Remember, you deserve better.
 

Les Toil

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Yeah, that will never happen he's always going to the gym.:(
He's always going to the gym? He undoubtably believes consistant exercise will mean better health and better shape in the eyes of the world. He wants the absolute OPPOSITE of that for you. I'd have to guess he's not hoping you'll gain weight with salads and skinless white chicken meat, correct? And I'm also assuming he's not begging you to join him at the gym? That speaks volumes about how much he cares for you and your length of time spent on this planet.
 
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