Never been approached by a BHM

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dwesterny

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I didn't know people looked for those things on Craigslist. Honestly, on occasion I get mistaken for a catfish on sites like these.
That quote is unbelievably true.
Well there was this one woman looking. She ended up being an FFA but I never went through with it, there were other issues that mad it seem like a bad idea. It did get me searching for other women like that which was how I found dims and feabie.
 

ouroboros

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Well there was this one woman looking. She ended up being an FFA but I never went through with it, there were other issues that mad it seem like a bad idea. It did get me searching for other women like that which was how I found dims and feabie.
At least it opened you up to this wonderful world of ffas. Although just it being on Craigslist seems sketchy to begin with.
 

bigmac

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CL is a great place to look for a used car -- but I don't think I'd use it to find a date.

Mainstream dating sites (i.e. Match or POF) do indeed have a fair few large people on them. It takes a little more work for people in the BBW/FA and BHM/FFA world to find each other but it can be done.

When I was single I'd send a short note to prospective women, some of them would check out my profile, and a few of those would respond. Sad to say but it can be a numbers game. You'll also notice that its the women who have most of the power -- us guys can put ourselves out there -- but its the ladies who make most of the choices.
 

missourifat

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Since most society doesn't appreciate the attraction to larger sizes, it is easier if they other person can approach them, where it can be a somewhat private conversation. That way you won't have to endure snickers or laughing from the thin people.
 

fat hiker

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Things are awkward when you keep your focus internal, when you're thinking all about how awkward and weird this is, overanalysing silences, constantly worrying about the impression you create. You can flirt more effectively by externalising your focus, by getting curious about other people and thus being the person who keeps a conversation flowing by asking questions and remarking on connections or interesting things. You have, within you, the mighty power to move beyond awkwardness! http://succeedsocially.com/articlesconversation
So true, so well said. Keep the focus on them, not you, and the socialising comes much more easily. Especially if you find an interest in common - what did you have in common years ago, when he was smaller? And it need not be deep - a mutual interest in Starbucks coffee is still a mutual interest, enough for an excuse to get together.
 

Ninja Glutton

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I echo the sentiment about thinking that girls who are strictly into larger men are either catfishing or looking to wind you up.

It wasn't until much later in life that I discovered that there are some women who are genuinely attracted to larger men. Much of the time, it's not even the "size" in particular that draws them in. They're looking for the manly, bearded, hairy chest guys as that's what they see as masculine.

Ever since growing a beard, I've noticed the female attention spiking. Even at my heaviest, I was never opposed to approaching women. I think being fat actually makes it easier because the people who are disgusted by you are easily weeded out. It makes your pool of potential dates much more targeted.

I'd encourage any fat men out there to approach any woman who you'd like to get to know or at least talk to and take that first step. There's no telling where it could lead. If they treat you badly, then move on. Not every key fits every hole.
 

magodamilion

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Wow I see people have revived this post.

Just an update on me from two years after I started this thread. I took everyone's advice and started asking out BHM's on my own. I've gotten loads of rejections or guys who will talk to me for a couple weeks before spontaneously ignoring all my messages.

It's been very opposite of everything the general culture says about fat guys. In my experience they're incredibly picking and impossible to get. I think at least thirty of them have turned me down at this point.

I recently decided to go back to dating thin guys since there are so many of them and they're so much easier. I'm never really physically attracted to them, but I'm hoping I'll find one with a personality I get along with enough to find some degree of attraction. It's worked for other people before right?

Anyways, I think it must at least be a sheer numbers issue, there are a lot less fat guys around than there are thin guys. Though I also think it must be more then that. The rate at which fat guys say no to me is so absurdly high there must be something else to it. I must be doing something wrong but I'm not sure what. I approach them the exact same way as I approach thin guys but the thin guys pretty much always say yes.
 

Ninja Glutton

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Wow I see people have revived this post.

Just an update on me from two years after I started this thread. I took everyone's advice and started asking out BHM's on my own. I've gotten loads of rejections or guys who will talk to me for a couple weeks before spontaneously ignoring all my messages.

It's been very opposite of everything the general culture says about fat guys. In my experience they're incredibly picking and impossible to get. I think at least thirty of them have turned me down at this point.

I recently decided to go back to dating thin guys since there are so many of them and they're so much easier. I'm never really physically attracted to them, but I'm hoping I'll find one with a personality I get along with enough to find some degree of attraction. It's worked for other people before right?

Anyways, I think it must at least be a sheer numbers issue, there are a lot less fat guys around than there are thin guys. Though I also think it must be more then that. The rate at which fat guys say no to me is so absurdly high there must be something else to it. I must be doing something wrong but I'm not sure what. I approach them the exact same way as I approach thin guys but the thin guys pretty much always say yes.
Don't give up!

It is my experience that the ones we want the most come when we're least expecting it.
 

fat hiker

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Wow I see people have revived this post.

Just an update on me from two years after I started this thread. I took everyone's advice and started asking out BHM's on my own. I've gotten loads of rejections or guys who will talk to me for a couple weeks before spontaneously ignoring all my messages.

It's been very opposite of everything the general culture says about fat guys. In my experience they're incredibly picking and impossible to get. I think at least thirty of them have turned me down at this point.

I recently decided to go back to dating thin guys since there are so many of them and they're so much easier. I'm never really physically attracted to them, but I'm hoping I'll find one with a personality I get along with enough to find some degree of attraction. It's worked for other people before right?

Anyways, I think it must at least be a sheer numbers issue, there are a lot less fat guys around than there are thin guys. Though I also think it must be more then that. The rate at which fat guys say no to me is so absurdly high there must be something else to it. I must be doing something wrong but I'm not sure what. I approach them the exact same way as I approach thin guys but the thin guys pretty much always say yes.

Do a lot of thin guys blow you off the way the fat guys did?

This is one of those times when it would be nice to be a 'fly on the wall', to watch and hear what you and he say and do, so as to be able to help you figure out what's going on when you meet/try to pick up a fat guy.
 

ouroboros

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Do a lot of thin guys blow you off the way the fat guys did?

This is one of those times when it would be nice to be a 'fly on the wall', to watch and hear what you and he say and do, so as to be able to help you figure out what's going on when you meet/try to pick up a fat guy.
Honestly I feel the same way. I've never had any issues with dating/meeting fat guys.
 

bigmac

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... I must be doing something wrong but I'm not sure what. I approach them the exact same way as I approach thin guys but the thin guys pretty much always say yes.

Therein lies the problem. Fat guys (and fat women too) develop protection mechanisms to limit the chances of being hurt yet again. Personally, if a pretty thin woman approached me my first instinct would be to assume that she had some ulterior motive.

Getting approached by a pretty thin woman is something that just doesn't happen to fat guys. Its never happened to me. I've had fat women approach me but the only time I ever had a pretty thin woman approach me was during a period when I wasn't fat
 

Tad

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Hey Magodamilion, on the one hand presumably you care about more than the guy exceeding some minimum amount of adipose tissue, and on the other on these boards you have a pretty good resource in terms of both other FFA and a variety of fat guys (not to mention a few people who just hang out here 'cause their cool like that). So I'm thinking maybe you could get some more useful advice and support if you gave a little more information?

For sure there may be personal details that are not wise to share, but this is a place where you can actually be fairly open about what you are looking for in a guy and know that you will be safe in saying it. You like tall, strong, burly types? Fat frat boys? Guys who are really, really, fat? We've heard it all, and and think it is all good. Likewise types of relationship, guy's personality, the more you explain what you want (or you think you want, or that maybe you want but there could be more you aren't sure of but definitely not this other thing), the more we might understand.

And likewise about yourself. There are skinny FFA here who struggle to resist eating disorders, there are BBW-FFA here, there are FFA of more average size. There are students, there are women whose kids have finished their student years. There are guys who have been long married, and ones who have been actively dating recently. There are guys who are chubby and guys who are pretty darn big. There are people of from different countries, parts of the US, ethnic backgrounds, religious and cultural denominations, etc.

It is totally up to you, but the more that you are willing to share about your situation, the more useful the feedback is apt to be -- and the more chances you get of having that lovely feeling of 'hey, she is like me!'
 

ouroboros

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Yeah, yeah we fatties are a dime a dozen. I see how it is. Just be glad we don't sell by the pound.
Haha fatties may be a dime a dozen, but its still hard to find a good person who's compatible.

Therein lies the problem. Fat guys (and fat women too) develop protection mechanisms to limit the chances of being hurt yet again. Personally, if a pretty thin woman approached me my first instinct would be to assume that she had some ulterior motive.

Getting approached by a pretty thin woman is something that just doesn't happen to fat guys. Its never happened to me. I've had fat women approach me but the only time I ever had a pretty thin woman approach me was during a period when I wasn't fat
Actually how didn't I pick up on this as well? Like I've noticed if a fat guy catches me checking him out, they often get uncomfortable. I guess I'm pretty, but I am thin. Normally when I approach them I make sure I come across as genuine as possible, you'd be surprised how much genuinely smiling and laughing can help.
 

Ayanna

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It's easier for a FFA to identify and pick a BHM out from a crowd than the other way around.
:p
Really? I find them so shy! If they would take my flirty looks seriously and come on over they would see that it's worth it! What's the most comfortable way for a slim woman to get a BHMs attention and amorous looks?
 

BigChaz

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Really? I find them so shy! If they would take my flirty looks seriously and come on over they would see that it's worth it! What's the most comfortable way for a slim woman to get a BHMs attention and amorous looks?
Approach said BHM and introduce yourself. Unless you have landing strips and runway lights pointing right at you and a ground crew waving me in, I probably won't take your flirty looks seriously or even more likely, notice them at all.
 

Dr. Feelgood

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Approach said BHM and introduce yourself. Unless you have landing strips and runway lights pointing right at you and a ground crew waving me in, I probably won't take your flirty looks seriously or even more likely, notice them at all.
It's not just you, Chaz: these are words of wisdom. Women seem to be much more aware of body language and subtexts in conversation than men are. The Great Male Dream is a gorgeous woman who approaches you and says, "Wanna fuck?" thereby relieving you of the frustration of trying to figure out what she herself wants (with the possibility of relieving you of additional frustrations later on :rolleyes:).
 
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