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New to Me (fun fat stuff at airport security)

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Cat

Gone baby gone
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When flying to Minneapolis last week, I walked through the metal detector at the SLC airport and was told to stand off to the side. The guard manning the detector then called for the woman to come over for a "bulk check" on my legs.

At 4:30 in the morning, I thought it was more fascinating than anything.
So, the woman comes over, kneels in front of me and proceeds to feel up my "cute legs." (Those were her words, not mine!)

As she's kneeling down there I say, "Wow, I didn't know they provided this service." A quick way to deflect my sleepy awkwardness and at least she got a giggle.

Anyway, this is just my word of warning. It could happen to you if you have fat legs and look like you're packin' drugs/weapons/TNT in your tights.
 

Webmaster

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This whole airport "security" stuff has gotten WAAAAY out of line. At this point it's probably more a self-perpetuating, lucrative bureaucracy than anything else. Does it have some benefit? Probably, but so would mandatory governmental safety guards in front of your shower or bath tub.
 

99Haints

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When flying to Minneapolis last week, I walked through the metal detector at the SLC airport and was told to stand off to the side. The guard manning the detector then called for the woman to come over for a "bulk check" on my legs.

At 4:30 in the morning, I thought it was more fascinating than anything.
So, the woman comes over, kneels in front of me and proceeds to feel up my "cute legs." (Those were her words, not mine!)

As she's kneeling down there I say, "Wow, I didn't know they provided this service." A quick way to deflect my sleepy awkwardness and at least she got a giggle.

Anyway, this is just my word of warning. It could happen to you if you have fat legs and look like you're packin' drugs/weapons/TNT in your tights.
Same thing happened to me a few years back! It was equally perplexing. I was pulled aside after going through the detector by a female officer, who called to a male one to come "check the bulk". When he dallied, she gave me a nice belly rub herself to insure it wasn't a removable weapons cache. I would've been much more supportive of the patriotic act if they'd written in that kind of belly play, liberties be damned!:D
 

Cat

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Because of the inconsistency of the rules that are enforced, the feeling of "security" is lacking.

If I knew that every time I went, my legs would be felt up, that's one thing, but never knowing exactly what to expect from the staff is unnerving.

In addition to the legs thing, I've gone through security 8 times this past year and never had my tiny contact solution removed from the suitcase. This time, however, it was an "issue" and my carry on had to go through twice because of the infraction. This was after the leg fiesta. It was good times all around!

By the way, I'm looking for some guards for my tub...it's slippery in there!
 

TallFatSue

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Sometimes I wonder if inconsistent rule enforcement is part of the idea, so any would-be criminals can't know what might catch them. Nahhhh, it's probably just the inefficient bureaucracy perpetuating itself. Maybe the airport security could improve their image if they hired some slick public relations firm to say that "frisking isn't a hassle, it's a service!" And if the airlines offered in-flight leg massages I might fly more regularly, because I'm always "packin' fat." ;)
 

stan_der_man

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Just an off the wall tangent to this Cat... The oddest thing I ever saw regarding airport security was in Oakland. There was a family of Sikhs (I believe...) that were on my flight. They were wearing turbans and carried a couple of swords and wore kirpans (ceremonial daggers) which is traditional attire. Needless to say they were heavily scrutinized in the security area, and after being searched and cleared, three TSA security officers followed them to the boarding area. Upon entering the plane, the family was again patted down and searched, and other "random" individuals who were not part of their group, were also patted down and searched before they boarded the airplane. The TSA didn't want to appear to be profiling I suppose... ;)
 

SocialbFly

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When flying to Minneapolis last week, I walked through the metal detector at the SLC airport and was told to stand off to the side. The guard manning the detector then called for the woman to come over for a "bulk check" on my legs.

At 4:30 in the morning, I thought it was more fascinating than anything.
So, the woman comes over, kneels in front of me and proceeds to feel up my "cute legs." (Those were her words, not mine!)

As she's kneeling down there I say, "Wow, I didn't know they provided this service." A quick way to deflect my sleepy awkwardness and at least she got a giggle.

Anyway, this is just my word of warning. It could happen to you if you have fat legs and look like you're packin' drugs/weapons/TNT in your tights.
you know what i love?? if you go thru their screen and your ass accidently touches the wall, they make you do it again, and again, until you do it right....dont be too sleepy and do it...you might have to do it over and over again like me, lol...
 

SocialbFly

I am keeping Tina!
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Just an off the wall tangent to this Cat... The oddest thing I ever saw regarding airport security was in Oakland. There was a family of Sikhs (I believe...) that were on my flight. They were wearing turbans and carried a couple of swords and wore kirpans (ceremonial daggers) which is traditional attire. Needless to say they were heavily scrutinized in the security area, and after being searched and cleared, three TSA security officers followed them to the boarding area. Upon entering the plane, the family was again patted down and searched, and other "random" individuals who were not part of their group, were also patted down and searched before they boarded the airplane. The TSA didn't want to appear to be profiling I suppose... ;)
how in the hell could they carry knives aboard??? someone needs to explain that one to me...
 

Tooz

sweet chocolate christ
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Excuse me, ma'am, but it looks like there's an AK47 under your gut. I must check. *grope*
 

Linda

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This whole airport "security" stuff has gotten WAAAAY out of line. At this point it's probably more a self-perpetuating, lucrative bureaucracy than anything else. Does it have some benefit? Probably, but so would mandatory governmental safety guards in front of your shower or bath tub.
Uhmm.. I hate to interrupt this serious conversation becasue I agree...things are way out of control. But I was simply wondering where I might get me a couple of those shower guards?? :blush:
 

stan_der_man

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Uhmm.. I hate to interrupt this serious conversation becasue I agree...things are way out of control. But I was simply wondering where I might get me a couple of those shower guards?? :blush:
Actually, I'd like to get me one of those air spritzer devices that they have at the airport in Newark NJ, which they made me walk through many years ago... might be nice on a hot summer day... ;)

how in the hell could they carry knives aboard??? someone needs to explain that one to me...
I don't really know too much about the Sikh religion, but I believe the knives are ceremonial (a duty to defend one's community, or something like that...) The knives may have been blunt, but their religious beliefs require the knives to be carried with them at all times if I remember correctly.
 

LovelyLiz

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Thanks for the heads up. Knowing I might get a free body rub out of the deal makes me look forward to flying a tiny, tiny bit more. ;)
 

stan_der_man

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Excuse me, ma'am, but it looks like there's an AK47 under your gut. I must check. *grope*
Gut bombs will soon be on the TSA's list of banned substances... mark my word.... and they'll be feelin' for them.
 

sunnie1653

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Yet another reason why I don't fly -- I'd be absolutely *mortified* :(
 

sobie18

Bass playin' scuba diver
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Yeah, I just spent some LONG hours flying from Georgia-Palau and back...

I remember when my military ID card meant something. Not anymore...
 

liz (di-va)

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This happened to me in Manchester, NH. They took me off to a side room (!). More privacy. I could not stop cracking jokes (it was hilarious, as well as pretty yoiks). I think it might have happened another time too.

I M BULKEEEEEEEEEE
 

Littleghost

Oh, Frickenstein.
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Sometimes I wonder if inconsistent rule enforcement is part of the idea, so any would-be criminals can't know what might catch them. Nahhhh, it's probably just the inefficient bureaucracy perpetuating itself. Maybe the airport security could improve their image if they hired some slick public relations firm to say that "frisking isn't a hassle, it's a service!" And if the airlines offered in-flight leg massages I might fly more regularly, because I'm always "packin' fat." ;)
It can be, sometimes. There's actually been studies done that seem to support that random spot checks are the most efficient in both preventing trouble and things flowing smoothly. I don't remember all the reasoning behind it, but it makes sense at least from a psychology point of view. Doesn't seem like it'd actually work to catch the person in the act if the person wasn't intimidated, though.

Frankly, Cat, you don't strike me as the shifty type. What are the odds that the searcher was an FA? ;)
 

Paquito

don't July to me
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Is that an AK-47 in your pocket or are you just happy to be frisked?


HIT THE DECK DOUCHENOZZLE
 

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