Not sure if it's my insecurities talking or I am seeing a red flag.

Discussion in 'BBW/FA Board' started by FatBarbieDoll, Jun 14, 2019.

  1. Jun 18, 2019 #21

    Starling

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    I think it’s telling that you used the phrase “standards may be more forgiving” re: non-fit guys being into BBW. As a fit woman who has never been attracted to fit men, I think you are missing the “A” part in (F)FA pretty majorly.

    People who are attracted to BHMs and BBWs aren’t attracted because they’re “forgiving” - they’re attracted because a big man/woman makes their head spin, because a flirty encounter with a large barista makes their entire day, because rolls and chins and bellies make their pulse race. It’s not something they have much of a say in, the way you don’t have much of a say in who you are attracted to. It’s generally not related to how they view themselves - for instance, a very masculine presenting man who prefers very feminine presenting women usually doesn’t secretly try on his girlfriend’s makeup, nor does his girlfriend usually wish she could grow a beard. What we like in ourselves and what gets the blood racing can often be quite different.
     
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  2. Jun 18, 2019 #22

    Unbasher

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    Exactly. We FFAs aren't any less shallow than the rest of the world. We just like different things ;)

    "rolls and chins and bellies make their pulse race" - God, yes. Damn, I'm such a word nerd that a simple line as this makes me tingly...
     
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  3. Jun 18, 2019 #23

    BigElectricKat

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    Wait. Am I missing something? You say you like the guy and the way he looks. You say the guy likes you. Yet you question whether his feelings are genuine?
     
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  4. Jun 18, 2019 #24

    Bama

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    Very well said, @Starling. Our desires and attractions often has very little to do with what we look like. What we are attracted to and what we are is quite often polar opposites. That is probably where the saying "Opposites attract" comes from. @FatBarbieDoll, you should give this guy and this relationship a chance. What's the worst that can happen? It doesn't work out and you move on to someone else. The best that can happen? Everything works out, you get married, and have a bunch of rugrats. Give it a chance to work out.
     
  5. Jun 18, 2019 #25

    Tad

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    I think thethe posters above hit thethe nailnail on the head withwith thethe point thatthat FA exist, andand somesome of them areare happy to be openly with a super - sized partner.

    I'll just add that you are not dating men in general, you are dating one man. PLEASE don't confuse general trends with specific preferences.

    Maybe more to the point, tell him your worries ! "Dear, I have a hard time, some days, believing that a guy like you wants to be seen with a woman like me. It just seems impossible sometimes."
     
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  6. Jun 18, 2019 #26

    LifelongFA

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    As a long time FA and observer of this wonderful slice of life, I can honestly say that I have seen a fascinating variety of couples who may not look at all like what central casting would have us believe is "normal". Focus on the individual, forget about your preconceived ideas and let his actions show you his heart!
     
  7. Jun 19, 2019 #27

    FatBarbieDoll

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    Ask if you wanna be friends.,

    I also have to ask myself if any of these fit men -- and men in general -- would be open to committed relationships with fat women if there was no stigma attached to it.
    Even if, in reality, there is no stigma for certain men to be with fat women, all they have to do is perceive there is one and they will not commit to us -- perception is reality, after all.

    Regarding the desperation, that is something I worry about: I have tons of matches on Bumble, but wonder how many, if any, of these men are actually attracted to me or just want an easy lay and figure a fatty will do just fine. However, when they want loving, committed relationships, they will put in more effort and go for the thin and/or fit gals.

    It shows a lack of some kind in those men in that forum that they will automatically discount your opinion just because you have a fat wife. I could be wrong but they may be using a circumstantial fallacy against you.
     
  8. Jul 18, 2019 #28

    FatBarbieDoll

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    Ask if you wanna be friends.,
    I have a fear that people are trying to trick me/manipulate me to get something/mess with me. I don't want to waste my time on someone who is just giving me lip service; talk is cheap. Problem is that it's often soooooo hard to tell if someone is genuine.
     
  9. Jul 18, 2019 #29

    FatBarbieDoll

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    Ask if you wanna be friends.,
    Yep. Even men who like fat women or VERY fat women still want a "pretty" one, as in one who has traits that are considered to be universally attractive -- or nearly so. This includes shiny, healthy hair, straight white teeth, clear skin, et cetera.
     
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  10. Jul 18, 2019 #30

    Emmy

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    i have to say this is something8 everyone [b4 finding mr./mrs.right] grapples with! True as a fat girl you may be a bit more jaded.. However I have plenty of thin friends who have been burned.... Figuring out if someone is genuinly into you ...is a hazard of the dating game.
    as far as "leagues" go.. i wouldnt put someone in a lower league because of weight. If you are a nasty person in general, THATS what puts you in a lower league..and yes.. they tend to be attracted to other like minded "lower league" people.
     
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2019
  11. Aug 3, 2019 #31

    GeeseHoward

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    Some people just love body contrast. Quite a few people see fat as a feminine feature and believe to be toned is more masculine (just look at the ancient Greeks art work). I know it's an outdated concept (and I expect a little bite back on this) but that's how I personally see things myself, so in no way should you feel unattractive to him, he just may have expectations/ standards of how he should be for you...
     
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  12. Aug 3, 2019 #32

    happily_married

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    You’ll get no bite back from me. I am with you 100%. Love being fit, work hard to stay that way, and love having a wife who is an extremely feminine plus size woman. That contrast is to me the single best combination a couple can have.

    But I’m biased!

    Also, welcome to Dims!
     
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  13. Aug 3, 2019 #33

    rickc1970

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    Well I have been into bigger women my whole life. even back when I was in shape. BBWs are not any less beautiful than thin women. In my honest opinion they are more beautiful. for me it is not a fetish but a preference. I am also attracted to thin women...the decideing factor for me would be what we have in common...like hobbies, sense of humor, the deep stuff.
     
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  14. Aug 13, 2019 #34

    Jimevil2000

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    There may be red flags, but that generally isn’t one. I’ll use myself for an example. I’m a gym rat, although after passing 40 my six pack is not a defined as it once was. I have ALWAYS dated or been with larger women (like size 22 to 28 range). It’s what I’m attracted to and it has nothing to do with my appearance.

    I’ve always been of the belief that men should be muscular and women should be fluffy. If I wanted to see muscles on a woman, I’d be gay!
     

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