Nothing else but fat will do?

Discussion in 'Fat sexuality' started by Unbasher, Oct 14, 2019.

  1. Oct 14, 2019 #1

    Unbasher

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    I haven't been "out" as an FFA all that long and my - skinny - husband is still trying to wrap his head around it. Yesterday he asked how it was possible I've NEVER been enthusiastic about sex except with my only fat partner, when it's possible for him to enjoy women in a variety of sizes.

    What are your thoughts? What is it like for you?
     
  2. Oct 14, 2019 #2

    happily_married

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    keep in mind part of the reason it may be a challenge for him is it’s really bad news for him. That’s tough and maybe makes it harder for him to accept.

    Now as for him being able to appreciate a variety and not understand why you have a more hard set preference, that is probably just a matter of how each of you are wired. I would do my best to explain that to him: just because he has a slightly more inclusive preference doesn’t mean you do. It’s an easy concept but surprisingly difficult for some people to grasp, especially when the preference is for fatties.
     
  3. Oct 14, 2019 #3

    Unbasher

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    Thank you for your thoughts. Of course it is tough on him
    Back when you were still dating skinny girls, were you able to get excited about sex with them?
     
  4. Oct 15, 2019 #4

    alk27alk27

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    I’ve never been exclusively in to any one body type so I must admit I’m a little perplexed at what you mean. I have a preference for chubby girls, but I’ve never turned down a girl because she was too skinny. As long as she had a sweet and empathetic personality an at least a semi nice looking face I’ve never not felt energetic about having sex. I guess I’m sexually attracted to personalities more then the average person?
     
  5. Oct 15, 2019 #5

    happily_married

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    Sometimes, but not always. Little picture I got excited but big picture I wondered “is this it?” If that makes sense.
     
  6. Oct 15, 2019 #6

    Green Eyed Fairy

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    I don't know why it's a mystery to him if he just flips the coin over to the other side. There are LOADS of people that only feel attraction to people that are bigger than X-Y-Z. You just dont feel attraction to people that are UNDER X-Y-Z.
    Nothing wrong with your preference other than his realization that he's not cutting it for you (yeah would bother me quite a bit too in his situation).
     
  7. Oct 15, 2019 #7

    Unbasher

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    that makes total sense. up until I figured out what I was into, I never understood what the hype was about. I even thought myself a sexual for a while.
     
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  8. Oct 15, 2019 #8

    Unbasher

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    It sounds like you're like my husband in that regard. I really love him as a person but my body just can't get aroused, never could.
     
  9. Oct 15, 2019 #9

    loopytheone

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    For me only fat people will do, so I get you. I can appreciate the various qualities of slim people and they can be good looking etc. But only fat people get me excited and eager to touch them.

    I guess I'm lucky I've never had to really explain that to anyone.
     
  10. Oct 15, 2019 #10

    LifelongFA

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    In the end, you can't control how you are wired. Some people are able to be attracted to various types, but I am not one of those individuals. Big beauties have always given me that breathless heart pounding level of excitement that is on a completely different level. You know in your heart that this is just so. Fighting it is a no-win proposition for all involved.
     
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  11. Oct 16, 2019 #11

    Unbasher

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    Thank you, everyone, for sharing. It helps to know I'm not being unfair but just being me.
     
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  12. Oct 16, 2019 #12

    happily_married

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    You can’t force preference. I think it changes over time but you can’t force it.
     
  13. Oct 16, 2019 #13

    agouderia

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    Although definitely identifying as a FFA, my tastes are what I would call slightly downwards flexible.

    For me, a guy has to be at least hunky - meaning broad, muscular build with a nice flesh covering (no body-builder look, please), to have the potential of being attractive. It doesn't have to be outright fat-fat.

    The older I get though, the more I feel something like true repulsion towards very skinny people, be it men or women. I don't mean people who naturally have a slim/petite build - you can see that if the overall proportions fit by looking at hand or head size. It's more the strenously starved look which has become more of an ideal over the past years.
     
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  14. Oct 16, 2019 #14

    extra_m13

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    i think i could be happy with some role playing and stuffing , now a real skinny person i think will not really do it for me, feels like a kid and that is not good in my book
     
  15. Oct 17, 2019 #15

    Shotha

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    I find that only fat guys will do for me. I didn't realize this until I went with a skinny guy and found that he didn't have the right equipment to arouse me. I only find fat men with big bellies attractive. I look at it in the same way as sexual orientation. Some of us a gay and some are straight. Those people are narrow-focus people. And then there are bis, who are wide-focus people. Some of us only find thin people attractive and others only fat people - narrow focus. Some of us like a variety of sizes and body types - wide focus. I'm convinced that for me fat is part of my sexual orientation.

    I think that all of these preferences are hard-wired in us. They can't be changed and why should they be? They're all part of our beautiful diversity. Without "thin" there would be no "fat" and vice versa. It's no different from some of us preferring tea and others preferring coffee and some just can't make their minds up. I don't think we will ever know why we like certain things more than others. I like fat guys, because I like there big bellies, because I think big bellies feel good and then I get stuck, because I don't know why they feel good. "There's no accounting for taste."

    Interesting point. I know that I'm greatly influenced by personalities. When a good-looking person turns out to have an unpleasant personality, I suddenly don't think they look very good. When a plain or even ugly person turns out to be sweet and kind, the start to look quite attractive. I can't speak for everyone but that's how it works for me.
     
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  16. Oct 17, 2019 #16

    Maize

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    For initial attraction, I think there are a huge number of factors for me, but being fat is one of the big ones. So there have been people who have been thinner who I've been attracted to because they stacked on a whole pile of other factors that are also positive, but by and large almost everyone I've been attracted to has been fat. Also, in scenarios where it's just about raw physical attraction rather than about a relationship (for example, porn, or thinking that a random stranger that I'm never going to talk to is cute), then by and large the people are fat. That and reading to me as "nerdy" are far and away the two biggest factors for me.

    That said, once I get to know someone, their personality has a big effect. It's not even really just a "Once I get to know them, their physical appearance doesn't matter that much." If I get to know them and really like them, they actually become more physically attractive as well. The brain is an amazing and flexible machine.

    I've never had a partner who was fat when we met become thin (some have become thinner, but not THIN thin), and I've always wondered how that would affect physical attraction for me. Would it go away? Would they have enough other factors that it wouldn't be a big deal? Would our personal connection render it irrelevant? I genuinely don't know. But since it hasn't happened and it doesn't seem likely to happen, it's kind of a moot point, I suppose.
     
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  17. Oct 17, 2019 #17

    LarryTheNoodleGuy

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    Put it this way...I love and adore women, love to hold hands, talk, walk, share and cuddle.

    But that's where it ends if my partner is thin or, Goddess forbid,
    "toned."

    I want, need, love, desire rolls and folds, someone who is very "heavy" and big and...(swoon.)
     
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  18. Oct 18, 2019 #18

    AmyJo1976

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    I couldn't agree more with Loopy. I feel the same way. I've never had to explain it to a thin partner. I don't know that you should have to though. If it's that much of a deal, I would move on and find a fat partner that satisfied me. Not being attracted or aroused by your partner is to big of a deal to just live with for long.
     
  19. Oct 20, 2019 #19

    Blockierer

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    I'm exclusively into fat women. I do not have the option thin, something between or fat. I guess you realized that fat men are your object of sexual desire. I think the best is to find an win-win-situation instead of living in a loose-loose-nightmare.
     
  20. Oct 20, 2019 #20

    ChubbyPear

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    I am personally not really attracted to fat men. I'm at the smallest I've been in a while but still identify as a fat woman. I'm sort of demi-sexual to sapio in that I find it difficult to become sexually aroused, no matter how hot I find someone, if I don't know them and have a real connection with them. Even if the connection is there though, I have to be physically attracted as well. I prefer hard-bodied men. Slim but muscular or really muscular are the most appealing to me but I've occasionally dated guys who are just slim and toned, or hefty but solid. I can't be aroused by a male partner who's soft and squishy like me. I wish I could! Lots of great, plump guys out there!
     
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