ODFFA's Antics & Oddities Thread

Discussion in 'BHM/FFA' started by ODFFA, Dec 19, 2017.

  1. Dec 17, 2018 #41

    ODFFA

    ODFFA

    ODFFA

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    So… I get that airing dirty laundry isn't exactly the classy thing to do here, but… There's no way in hell I can afford counselling right now and I just need to get this out. [Read: feel free to hop off here if you're not into the idea of getting on board the Odie drama train.]

    A whole slew of my father's sexual exploits has finally been brought to light and exploded in my mom's face a few days ago. It involves bringing prostitutes around to my aunt's house, to the houses of family friends; and it also involves the sexual harassment of another one of my aunts. This has been an enormous family eruption. Threatening phone calls made drunkenly by him at 2 AM, who believes whom, that type of thing.

    I am safe, I'm in a peaceful environment - if a bit stringent - for the first time in years. But I feel out of place, upside down and coming apart at the seams, especially without my little puppy familiar, who I left to fend for herself amidst the chaos. Basically, this is just a clusterfuck of an adjustment period and everything is up in the air. I'm trying to breathe, trust that my puppy will be ok, that she knows I'll come back for regular visits and I haven't abandoned her, that my new life will be manageable, that my "father's" time of ruining lives has finally come to an end, that my mom and I will get through it together and come out stronger. God knows, I am trying hard to convince myself of all these things. MrSensible has been more incredible in this time than I can put into words. I truly don't know where I'd be right now without him.

    So there are silver linings. I'm holding onto them for dear life and hoping they'll do the trick in carrying me through.
     
  2. Dec 17, 2018 #42

    AmyJo1976

    AmyJo1976

    AmyJo1976

    SSBBW & FFA

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    That sounds like a lot of horrible unnecessary drama that you've had to deal with. It's always nice to have loving people in your life that you can trust to help you through hard times. I sincerely hope everything works out for you girl! :)
     
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  3. Dec 17, 2018 #43

    squeezablysoft

    squeezablysoft

    squeezablysoft

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    Aww *hugs*, I hope things start getting better for you soon. I had been staying with my godparents before I left for college and after I did, they said they were going to keep my puppy for me and I could come visit him and get him back after I graduated, but then they gave him away without telling me. :( So definitely I would say get your pup back with you as soon as you can. My "dad" was a real piece of something too, I'm thankful every day that at least the things he did didn't become widely known to many people outside mom and I.
     
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  4. Dec 18, 2018 #44

    Tad

    Tad

    Tad

    mostly harmless

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    Oh wow Odette, that sounds horrific. But as you said, hopefully it leads to better things for your Mom and yourself.

    And i hope you can be peacefully back with your pup soon!
     
  5. Mar 2, 2019 #45

    ODFFA

    ODFFA

    ODFFA

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    Well hello there, Dimsfolk. Figured I'd write a quick update since tomorrow maaay be a momentous day. After a short stint in hospital just before Christmas and a few other scares, my dad will be back in rehab tomorrow -- hopefully. I'll be taking over the running of his business, which is scary, yet exciting. After the induction I feel I should be able to handle it.

    And since it's been a short while, here's a bonus puppy video!

     
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  6. Mar 2, 2019 #46

    agouderia

    agouderia

    agouderia

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    Here's to boss Odette! You will definitely do a great, successful job - don't let anybody tell you otherwise! Bonne chance - and take good care of yourself.
     
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  7. Mar 4, 2019 #47

    Tad

    Tad

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    Big changes in Odetteland! I hope all is going to plan, and good luck with the business :D
     
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  8. Mar 4, 2019 #48

    squeezablysoft

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    Glad things seem to be looking up! Also, yay puppies!
     
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  9. May 4, 2019 #49

    ODFFA

    ODFFA

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    I don't know how it's already May. It's been quite the year so far -- quite the bloody year. As most who may read this will know, it's been marked and marred by a heap of family drama. I am starting to see more and more of my "dad," as he is in the sober living phase of his treatment and is allowed to go places unsupervised. He continues to lie, manipulate and gaslight at almost every turn. The latest saga in his deception is having some financial ramifications and causing a great deal of anxiety for several of us family members. It gets a liiiittle tiresome.

    My mental health hasn't been great. It hasn't been great in the last few weeks and, for that matter, it hasn't been great for quite some time. If I don't stay proactive and vigilant, before I know it I find myself wondering what the point of living is. There are a few factors keeping me going. One is that there are some amazing and supportive people around me (most notably the absolutely incredible, infinitely loving and patient, MrSensible). The trouble with that is… I'm not easy, lighthearted company. Again, haven't been for some time. I don't want my people to feel used / burdened / exasperated. Therapy has been a lifesaver here. Some weeks I kind of find myself living from session to session.

    I also have my little familiar. Her health's been up and down lately, but aside from that, she's a huge light in my life. Huge.

    And then there's one other factor. Something over which I've been fighting myself for years. Spirituality. I don't have the luxury of fighting myself over it anymore. If I'm going to live -- well or at all -- I need it. It has become my psychological oxygen. I have finally let it back in. Personally, I've never been entirely satisfied with an existence that is nigh-on dogmatically anti- or atheistic. I totally recognize that some people legitimately derive strength and comfort from this way of life. I'm just not one of them. Not that I believe in a theistic god. I don't.

    What I do believe in is the psychological benefit of transcendent experiences. I believe in the value of temporary suspension of disbelief, like when we're invested in a great book / movie / song; the idea espoused by numerous spiritual practitioners that a spiritual rite can be a "self-transformative psychodrama." I believe that a "nature-based" spirituality can be a very advantageous thing in the age of climate change. Above and beyond that? Multiverse Theory? Something from nothing? A conscious universe? Who the hell knows? All I know is, I need… a little something extra. I'm no great fan of science denialism. But equally, I don't have the right personality for a 7-on-the-Dawkins-scale, hard atheism.

    Here's a thing that further explains some of my views quite well.

    And here are two Maori songs, because I've been obsessed. Every time I listen to these songs or get to see the sea, I get an inexplicable -- and possibly incorrect -- sense that everything's going to be okay. This is the kind of shit that's been keeping me alive.





    And so, may the force or forces -- whatever they are in your life -- be with you.
     
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