One rude comment can ruin your whole night...

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bella929

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I went out barhopping last night with a group of friends to celebrate one of their 21st birthdays-since I'm still not of age, I was the DD and ended up mostly waiting outside while they got our friend properly liquored up.

We were in one of the more questionable/raunchy neighborhoods in my city, and I was waiting outside alone wearing a tank top and shorts...so I got quite a few individuals trying to buy me drinks or have me accompany them to a different bar. One guy even tried to grab me and take me to his place....eeep. Made me wish I hadn't lost my pepper spray. :doh:

Now some of this attention was unwanted and annoying, but there were times it was sort of flattering.

What ruined my night was a couple of drunk guys passing by in a taxi. I was running after one of my drunk friends, and they started yelling things at me. "Don't do it, you're fat!" "You gotta burn off some calories!" ...among other things i couldn't quite make out.
I know they were drunk. And stupid drunk guys say/do stupid things when they're together. And that I shouldn't let hurtful things strangers say to me get to me...

But I can't really help it. Later that night two of my friends noticed I was sort of upset, and I told them what happened. Then, because they're my friends, they promised to kick the crap out of the guys, and assured me that I was beautiful the way I was, etc etc. Now I know I should listen to my friends, and that it's their opinion that really matters, not those guys from the taxi...yet...since they're my friends, I feel that they were obligated to tell me those things. Even if I was unattractive, they would've still told me that I was beautiful, because since I'm their friend, I AM beautiful to them.

I'm still a little upset about it. Am I really so big to you that you need to yell at me to lose weight? I already know what I look like. I'm already trying to lose weight...I don't need you to bring me down even more. ::sigh::
Just when I was starting to feel more self-confident, something like this happens and I'm starting to feel really self-conscious and insecure again. Perhaps it was my fault for wearing clothes that showed so much skin. If I had been wearing a sweater/jeans or something, I doubt I would've drawn as much attention to myself.

Very conflicted right now. I want to love the skin I'm in, but some people make it very difficult. :(
 

Fat Brian

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Don't let the rantings of drunken idiots get you down. You were probably not their only target that night and they obviously can't handle their booze. They most likely yelled at everyone on the sidewalk between their bar and home because they were trying to forget their miserable, can't get a girlfriend lives. I find that things yelled from moving cars are rarely things to reexamine your life over.
 

mossystate

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" Am I really so big that you need to yell at me to lose weight. "

Nobody " needs " verbal abuse...not even really fat people. ;)

The assholes in that car ( along with the piece of shit who thought he had the right to grab your body ) moved along to spew at many others that night, whatever they looked like. Doesn't make the sting of it all go away, I know. They went home and puked on themselves and have huge headaches this afternoon. They don't remember you.......try not to remember them.
 

MissAshley

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I'm sorry that happened to you. The way I see it, every single person in the world has critics... people who think you aren't their cup of tea. Even extremely thin and supermodels have an audience who think they aren't attractive. But I guarantee that for every person who think you aren't attractive, there are 100 or more that do find you very good looking.

But I know how it can only take one negative comment to ruin it all. If you don't mind, I'll share my story. A couple years ago, I posted a blog about my competing for Miss USA and needing sponsorship funds to help me buy my wardrobe. Some random guy comments laughing at me and saying that I am not Miss USA material. When I asked him why he thought that, he replied that although I have a nice body, I look too old and tired in my face judging by the photos I have posted on my site. The old part really confused me because people in real life never can believe I am over 20 years old. Bouncers usually inspect my ID for a good 10 seconds whenever I go to a bar or club while barely glancing at my friends IDs. Maybe I photograph older than I look in real life. But I can understand why he thought I look tired since I work 60 hours between 2 job, one of them being graveyard shift. I work my ass off at both jobs so of course I am tired.

But anyway, it did hurt. Especially when I looked at his facebook that he linked, he was no prize himself lol. But then I realized that everyone has haters and that you can't have fans without haters so I shrugged him off and realized that not everyone is going to think you are attractive, but that doesn't mean there aren't plenty more people who think you are.

But when all is said and done, what others think doesn't matter. It's what you think of yourself, which is no one else's business and they have no right to inflict on your self image. And what do those idiots have? A shitty personality and I bet girls aren't beating their doors down for a date, right?
 

bella929

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Don't let the rantings of drunken idiots get you down. You were probably not their only target that night and they obviously can't handle their booze. They most likely yelled at everyone on the sidewalk between their bar and home because they were trying to forget their miserable, can't get a girlfriend lives. I find that things yelled from moving cars are rarely things to reexamine your life over.
Probably very likely that I wasn't their only target...but what you say rings true-since they didn't even have the guts to say it to my face, the less reason to pay any mind to what they said. :)

" Am I really so big that you need to yell at me to lose weight. "

Nobody " needs " verbal abuse...not even really fat people. ;)

The assholes in that car ( along with the piece of shit who thought he had the right to grab your body ) moved along to spew at many others that night, whatever they looked like. Doesn't make the sting of it all go away, I know. They went home and puked on themselves and have huge headaches this afternoon. They don't remember you.......try not to remember them.
"Nobody " needs " verbal abuse...not even really fat people. ;)" That's very true, I didn't mean to imply that it's any more acceptable for fat people to be put down! Just expressing my frustration that their idea of having fun was to harass someone who didn't do anything to them. Thank you both for your perspectives-it's very reassuring, and it's nice to hear it from individuals who aren't obligated to make me feel better. (But I already am feeling much better about the incident!)
 

NJDoll

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I'm really sorry that happened to you as well. It's really sad how immature especially men can be when put into a group with a few glasses on beer.

I could sit here and tell you some of my stories as well and also tell you some inspirational moments of when I realized "ahh I am cute!" but I will leave you with this final thought...

Most likely if you spoke to one of those cruel guys alone, they would be hitting on you, it is only in a group when men find the need to be assholes. When men are around other men (or shall I say when boys are around other boys) they find the NEED to be like each other, while girls do the same we tend to be less judgmental towards men and more towards our OWN gender.

Just remember, you are beautiful at any size and given a second chance I bet you 100 bucks one of those guys would have tired to take you home... and if given the second chance you could have kicked them in the balls!

:)
 

Zandoz

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Stupidity and cruelness tends to grow exponentially in numbers...and doubly so with drunkenness. There is no reason to take anything anyone in that state says to heart.

I think I've said this before, but it still applies...from what I've seen you are a beautiful young woman. Give yourself a break, there is no grounds to second guess that.
 

penguin

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People like them are asses. They think they're funny and tough for hurling insults out of a moving car (which, BTW, makes them incomprehensible most of the time, and defeats the purpose of the act), but they're immature wankers who don't deserve recognition.

I've had abuse hurled at me as I was walking down the street since I was 10, mostly along the lines of "fat bitch" or "lose weight, fatty", so these guys really aren't too bright or imaginative. One night, as I walked home from work, I had it happen four times, from four different cars. That really hurt. I was in tears over it by the time I got home. But over the years I've learnt to ignore it. It can hurt if I let it, but why should I let it get to me? They're clearly not the sorts of people I would want in my life, so their opinions have no weight (pun intended). I would tell myself that they're clearly not very evolved and are a waste of my time.

They have no idea who you are or what your life is like. They have no idea if you're walking down the street to get somewhere or to exercise - and it really doesn't matter. They don't care. They'll tell you to lose weight and expect you to exercise once and have it be magically gone, because they are just that stupid.

If any of them had the balls to say it to my face as we were walking down the street instead of hurling random words from a moving car, I'd want to say to them "Congratulations for realising I'm fat! Tell me, when you look at yourself in the mirror, do you find yourself shouting "stupid wanker" too?" But they won't.

TL;DR They don't matter. It hurts, sure, but they don't matter. Their opinions and their actions aren't ones to welcome into your life. Water off a duck's back, man.
 

randomjenerator

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Off topic, and I'm sorry those dudes said something that upset you...but what the hell kind of friends do you have?

I'm sorry, I'm just rather taken aback that you were driving them around all evening and standing outside bars ALONE while they were inside having fun/getting drunk.

I'd be more pissed at my so called friends for treating me like a free car service.
 

Gingembre

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Off topic, and I'm sorry those dudes said something that upset you...but what the hell kind of friends do you have?

I'm sorry, I'm just rather taken aback that you were driving them around all evening and standing outside bars ALONE while they were inside having fun/getting drunk.

I'd be more pissed at my so called friends for treating me like a free car service.
My thoughts too.
 

MissAshley

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Yeah I was kinda thinking that too. I know you aren't of age but they should feel really lucky that you agreed to be their DD.
 

Seda

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Try not to let them get you down. I've spent all my early life surrounded by people who've told me I'm beautiful and I've been married to a man who worships the ground I walk on for a long time regardless of what I look like...

BUT

one random dickhead who sees me for 15 seconds and makes an assessment on me based on that (and only on physical appearance) can make me feel like shit for aaages. And it's absolute bullshit.

Sorry I have nothing constructive to add/
 

Shosh

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People like them are asses. They think they're funny and tough for hurling insults out of a moving car (which, BTW, makes them incomprehensible most of the time, and defeats the purpose of the act), but they're immature wankers who don't deserve recognition.

I've had abuse hurled at me as I was walking down the street since I was 10, mostly along the lines of "fat bitch" or "lose weight, fatty", so these guys really aren't too bright or imaginative. One night, as I walked home from work, I had it happen four times, from four different cars. That really hurt. I was in tears over it by the time I got home. But over the years I've learnt to ignore it. It can hurt if I let it, but why should I let it get to me? They're clearly not the sorts of people I would want in my life, so their opinions have no weight (pun intended). I would tell myself that they're clearly not very evolved and are a waste of my time.

They have no idea who you are or what your life is like. They have no idea if you're walking down the street to get somewhere or to exercise - and it really doesn't matter. They don't care. They'll tell you to lose weight and expect you to exercise once and have it be magically gone, because they are just that stupid.

If any of them had the balls to say it to my face as we were walking down the street instead of hurling random words from a moving car, I'd want to say to them "Congratulations for realising I'm fat! Tell me, when you look at yourself in the mirror, do you find yourself shouting "stupid wanker" too?" But they won't.

TL;DR They don't matter. It hurts, sure, but they don't matter. Their opinions and their actions aren't ones to welcome into your life. Water off a duck's back, man.
That's living in Australia and being a BBW/SSBBW for you. Some people are disgusting in the abuse that they hurl at you if you are a big woman.

Australia is seriously behind the times when it comes to size acceptance.
 

HeavyDuty24

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I went out barhopping last night with a group of friends to celebrate one of their 21st birthdays-since I'm still not of age, I was the DD and ended up mostly waiting outside while they got our friend properly liquored up.

We were in one of the more questionable/raunchy neighborhoods in my city, and I was waiting outside alone wearing a tank top and shorts...so I got quite a few individuals trying to buy me drinks or have me accompany them to a different bar. One guy even tried to grab me and take me to his place....eeep. Made me wish I hadn't lost my pepper spray. :doh:

Now some of this attention was unwanted and annoying, but there were times it was sort of flattering.

What ruined my night was a couple of drunk guys passing by in a taxi. I was running after one of my drunk friends, and they started yelling things at me. "Don't do it, you're fat!" "You gotta burn off some calories!" ...among other things i couldn't quite make out.
I know they were drunk. And stupid drunk guys say/do stupid things when they're together. And that I shouldn't let hurtful things strangers say to me get to me...

But I can't really help it. Later that night two of my friends noticed I was sort of upset, and I told them what happened. Then, because they're my friends, they promised to kick the crap out of the guys, and assured me that I was beautiful the way I was, etc etc. Now I know I should listen to my friends, and that it's their opinion that really matters, not those guys from the taxi...yet...since they're my friends, I feel that they were obligated to tell me those things. Even if I was unattractive, they would've still told me that I was beautiful, because since I'm their friend, I AM beautiful to them.

I'm still a little upset about it. Am I really so big to you that you need to yell at me to lose weight? I already know what I look like. I'm already trying to lose weight...I don't need you to bring me down even more. ::sigh::
Just when I was starting to feel more self-confident, something like this happens and I'm starting to feel really self-conscious and insecure again. Perhaps it was my fault for wearing clothes that showed so much skin. If I had been wearing a sweater/jeans or something, I doubt I would've drawn as much attention to myself.

Very conflicted right now. I want to love the skin I'm in, but some people make it very difficult. :(
bella you are a gorgeous woman with a gorgeous body.that being said,im sorry this happened to you.i was once walking to the mall once and some guys in a car yelled "fatass!" loud and clear,and i thought "yeah,say insults in a moving old ass car,cowards".it really didn't bother me,but i know where your coming from.also kids have called me fat before although i know there kids and may not know better.people don't even have the guts to insult folks in there face,not saying people should insult at all.it's funny people that insult have no room to talk,there far from perfect at all.i always think you know people like that don't last long in this world,people like that are going to bark up the wrong tree and get a rude awakening one of these days.
 

Jes

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I was walking to the gym the other day when someone in a car came around the corner and was clearly annoyed to have to wait for me (I had the right of way). I'm pretty sure he said something and then, when he'd rounded the corner, called me a piggy.

What he didn't know is that I was next going to walk through the very parking lot he'd pulled into.

So as I walked past him (which I made sure to do even though I could walk anywhere in that lot), I stared him down. I wanted him to know I'd heard him and knew exactly who he was and that I wasn't going to hide from his rampant douchebaggery. He stared back at me and even though he was a big, tall man, I just kept looking with a scowl on my face. When I got close enough, I made a point of looking him up and down, very intensely, and making an 'eww, gross' face, like I thought he was a piece of filth on the bottom of my shoe.

I didn't have to say a word and I definitely felt better for it.

But don't think I didn't consider keying his car. I would've liked doing it b/c he would've KNOWN it was me, which would've been much more satisfying and point-making than if he hadn't known who had done it.

Sometimes, I'm ashamed but sometimes, I just face it and show my disdain. I think that can be pretty powerful.
 

MissHoney

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I will never forget the time I was walking into the doctor's office with my little girl and a man in a car drove by and yelled "FAT BITCH!" at me. I was absolutely crushed inside. It caused me to be depressed for days. That was probably three years ago and it still hurts to think about. So I can definitely relate to you taking it to heart but life is just too short to give a damn about what a stranger has to say about you. I wish I had known about this community when that incident happened...
 

superodalisque

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i wouldn't take it as personal about your weight.that was woman hate pure and simple. driving around and commenting openly about something you have no access to or real power over is some kind of misplaced anger. a lot of guys feel that the worst thing they can say to a woman is that we are fat. for a lot of us that's probably more than right. they did what they set out to do. they wanted to control you and how you felt. they wanted to make themselves powerful or important to some woman. think about that next time. i know its hard but try not to let them win if you can. if you knew them personally you'd probably wonder why you ever cared about anything they could ever yell out of a car window.

its not easy, but maybe if you can think about it that way whenever it happens, then just maybe little by little you can totally discount them the way they need to be and not have your entire night ruined.
 

HeavyDuty24

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i wouldn't take it as personal about your weight.that was woman hate pure and simple. driving around and commenting openly about something you have no access to or real power over is some kind of misplaced anger. a lot of guys feel that the worst thing they can say to a woman is that we are fat. for a lot of us that's probably more than right. they did what they set out to do. they wanted to control you and how you felt. they wanted to make themselves powerful or important to some woman. think about that next time. i know its hard but try not to let them win if you can. if you knew them personally you'd probably wonder why you ever cared about anything they could ever yell out of a car window.

its not easy, but maybe if you can think about it that way whenever it happens, then just maybe little by little you can totally discount them the way they need to be and not have your entire night ruined.
i think people who insult others are probably getting insulted themselves from someone else,or they are damaged themselves in some way.
 

bella929

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Off topic, and I'm sorry those dudes said something that upset you...but what the hell kind of friends do you have?

I'm sorry, I'm just rather taken aback that you were driving them around all evening and standing outside bars ALONE while they were inside having fun/getting drunk.

I'd be more pissed at my so called friends for treating me like a free car service.
My thoughts too.
Yeah I was kinda thinking that too. I know you aren't of age but they should feel really lucky that you agreed to be their DD.
After reading your responses, I realized that out of context, it seems like my friends screwed me over, lol...! My friends are amazing and I was actually the one who offered to DD. When we left the house, we were hoping that we'd be able to find some bar-restaurants that would let me in without checking ID. Alas, most of those were closed by the time we got there. My roommate periodically came out to check on me to make sure I was doing ok, and one of my guy friends (who was also DDing) insisted that he'd wait outside with me multiple times, but I made him go back inside and have fun. It was our other friend's 21st, and I wanted to make sure he had a great time, with most of his friends...and I got to join in on the festivities once we all made it back home safely.

That was a pretty long explanation lol...simply put, my friends don't suck. :) They're awesome, I didn't really mind waiting outside, any of them would've done the same for me. Just sucks that I'm the baby of the group...lol!
 

bella929

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....They have no idea who you are or what your life is like. They have no idea if you're walking down the street to get somewhere or to exercise - and it really doesn't matter. They don't care. They'll tell you to lose weight and expect you to exercise once and have it be magically gone, because they are just that stupid....
I know! I really hate how fat people are perceived to be lazy and unmotivated.
 
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