Open relationships.

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kilo riley

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So my wife approached me about having an open relationship. Our sex life the last few years has had it's ups and downs. My size has presented some obstacles. She's a big girl herself but she's tall so the weight is spread out. I'm 5'5 430 lbs with a belly apron that can get in the way. Penetrative sex isn't impossible by any means it just takes more effort. My libido also isn't what it used to be.

So I agreed but said I was much more comfortable if she was with women instead of men. She's bisexual. She agreed to this. Btw I have no fantasy whatsoever about my wife with other women. My discomfort with the idea of her being with other men probably has to do with my own insecurities.

So this was like three months ago and my wife goes out every Saturday night and I don't ask any questions. She comes home but often very late. My wife is also a feeder so in some way I think she's living her best life right now. A huge house hubby in bed and a sexy nightlife. She seems much happier and we don't argue.

I do feel kind of left out at times. And to be honest I'd rather be the sole focus of her sex life. But it got to a point where she said I wasn't meeting her sexual needs.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation?
 

gordito19

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Well maybe you can try to find some casual encounters in ff,lfeabie or tinder... You might feel jelous if she is the only one having fun. I'm sure there are plenty of womans interested in you if you show yourself a bit...
 
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Yeah that's a no go for me. I guess I'm old school, but I prefer a monogamous relationship. I've known people that have tried that and were happy for a while, but it always ended badly. Usually with one finding someone else that they wanted to be exclusive with. Relationships aren't easy at all. Anyone that tells you different is lying. Things get stale at times, but it's up to both parties to make it work. One wanting to go back into the dating scene means that they are unsatisfied with their current situation. The fact that they want to maintain their relationship with the other is love. That will fade in time if nothing is done about the problem.
 

kilo riley

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Yeah that's a no go for me. I guess I'm old school, but I prefer a monogamous relationship. I've known people that have tried that and were happy for a while, but it always ended badly. Usually with one finding someone else that they wanted to be exclusive with. Relationships aren't easy at all. Anyone that tells you different is lying. Things get stale at times, but it's up to both parties to make it work. One wanting to go back into the dating scene means that they are unsatisfied with their current situation. The fact that they want to maintain their relationship with the other is love. That will fade in time if nothing is done about the problem.

Yeah I'm regretting that I agreed to it because it has not made us closer. The opposite has happened. Now I have to figure a way to bring up that im no longer okay with it. And I know she's going to bring up having certain needs. But she wanted me this size so I feel like we need to find a way to make our sex life work.
 

Donna

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If you’re looking to get creative with different positions that work for bigger bodies, you can’t go wrong with Hanne Blank’s book Big Big Love. It’s basically a fat sex manual.
 

tracii 4591

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From my experience open relationships never seem to work out for both parties.
One gets what they want and the other gets nothing.
My ex husband was a cheater. With me and his second wife.
He entered an open relationship with a woman and was taken to the cleaners by her and one of her partners.
They screwed him out of his home and property as well as maxing out all his credit cards leaving him in debt for over 100k.
I'm not saying open are all bad but someone always loses.
Not to mention the risk of contracting an STD are higher.

I have chatted with women that love their open relationship but I tend to think they not being totally truthful.
I'm old school I guess and jaded to some degree because I have been hurt in several relationships.
My BF has been hurt several times as well so we understand each other on that stuff.
 
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loopytheone

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Just chiming in to say that there is a big difference between being in an open relationship with someone and being poly. Being poly genuinely does work for some people, and it's not good to judge people for having different wants/needs to us.

Open relationships rarely work well long term though, for various reasons. Chances are that if you agreed to a monogamous relationship with someone in the first place then you aren't poly, you are just looking for something different to what you get in your current relationship. As with everything, communication and honesty with your partner is key.

If you aren't happy, you need to tell her, even if it is hard. She's an adult and you should be able to discuss your feelings with her without it being an issue. I admit, it really grates me up the wrong way that she would encourage you to gain weight and then complain that you aren't fulfilling her sexually. That's... yeah. That's not good behaviour or a good way to treat someone you care about. Regardless, I hope you manage to get to a place where you are happier.
 

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