oy, it's letters to people and things, part deuce!

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RobitusinZ

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Jul 1, 2008
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Dear Retard-in-a-Civic,

Thank you for jumping onto the highway this morning going 35 miles per hour. I'm sure that you were very tired from the night before. I hope you die.

Love,
RobZ
 

Sugar

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jan 21, 2006
Messages
1,527
Location
Colorado
Dear Little Dog That I Love So Much,

I don't know what it is about snow storms, but your constant single yelps ALL NIGHT are going to earn you a one way ticket to outside.

OK we both know that's not true, but could you please stop barking randomly? You woke me up no less than 6 times. You woke up your co-owner up in another room with earplug 3 times. It's really too much. Let's face it, you run this house so maybe you could be nicer to your minions?

Love,
The Person Who Treats Her Dog Like Her Child
 

sirGordy

Contemplative Soul
Joined
Aug 15, 2007
Messages
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My dearest daughter and other women I love,

Please receive this in the spirit of truthfulness and full disclosure with which it is delivered.

Men are scum.

No, not all men. Not me.

And if I'm not scum, then surely I must not be the only one.

But I am a man. I've raised a man who I hope is a good one. Emphasis on "hope," because he still has to prove himself. Every day for the rest of his life.

I've been around boys and men for 43 years in their most candid moments -- like football locker rooms, the inner sanctum where we really do reveal our true characters.

Most of you wouldn't like most of us if you knew what we are thinking. What we say about you when you can't hear us.

No, not all men. Not me.

But the number of men in this world who I can guarantee you will not hurt you, who will treat you with respect and not just say they respect you because it's what you need to hear before or after "giving it up," I can count on one hand.

And have four fingers left over.

Yes, me.

So when I try to caution you about someone, even about yourself, it's because I know "him" better than you do, even if I only just met him. Even if I've never met him and you're only telling me about him -- what he's said to you, and how he interacts with you. I know him because his actions and motivations are transparent to me in a way they can't and won't be to you until you are much older. Maybe not until you've fallen for every trick and there's simply no way left for a player to play you.

I know him because he's me -- the baser me that I don't allow to rule my life. The man that's inside all men unless they're unusually sensitive to right and wrong or until they really do find the "right" woman. And that still comes out sometimes in some men even after they're with that woman.

Yes, a woman will come along eventually to change most every man.

What are the chances you're that woman? ... It could be true, but be very careful until you find out.

I'm not trying to be a man-basher. I am a man; I don't want us to always be portrayed in a negative light. Most of what we men do is admirable.

Most of us are brave. Hard working. Strong. Loyal. Reliable. Honest. Even kind.

But when presented an opportunity for casual sex, most of us are none of those things. We’re cowards who hide behind a mask of a faux-caring smile and complimentary words. Short-cutters who don’t want to put in the hard work of a real relationship. Weaklings who give in to our own base instincts and who will turn on you in the morning -- or soon enough, whenever it is -- and leave you in a lurch. Liars who will tell you anything, and from whom even the kindest-sounding words are cruelly fashioned to achieve one goal.

If you understand these things and are happy to participate in this game anyway, then that's your choice. But if your happiness or contentedness with that choice is in any way predicated on the misguided belief that such men "respect" you afterward, it is my obligation as someone who loves you to say that virtually none of them really do.

Some men will deny these truths until they're old enough to understand that it's just how life is, and maybe even to wish that they'd shown more restraint in their youth. ... Often that happens after their own daughter has been hurt by someone who behaved exactly as the poor girl's father knows he would have behaved when he was 17, or 20, or 24, or 30 ... or Bill Clinton.

Many men will try to tell you I'm lying. That's because it's better for their scoring average if you don't know the truth.

And some men will say these are fighting words and challenge me to put my money where my mouth is -- or in this case, my fists where my fingertips are.

Fair enough. I'm completely prepared, my dears, to defend my honor.

And yours.

But that's just me.

You know, Horseman, I read your post this morning, and I looked at my lifelong career being a man. I have been called everything from the best and nicest guy around to a creepy and strange fellow. Been through the best and worse from the ladies I have encountered during my life. Being a guy who has a heart, and those who know me well, acknowledges I have one, its just heartening to know that I am not the only one pondering these facts about men.

Some of us laugh, some of us cry, some of us do both. We are not all macho, we are all not all soft, we are what God made us to be, and some of us follow what God made us to be, all of us capable of reaching the pinnacle of human greatness.

All I can say is as as a member of the XY Chromosome crowd, I am a person of alot of facets and alot of depth. As a guy, and one that my sainted mom raised well (especially in the way to treat women), I am happy that as she looks down from heaven, that hoping she is proud of the man that I have become, and still evolving into....
 

Horseman

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All I can say is as as a member of the XY Chromosome crowd, I am a person of alot of facets and alot of depth. As a guy, and one that my sainted mom raised well (especially in the way to treat women), I am happy that as she looks down from heaven, that hoping she is proud of the man that I have become, and still evolving into....

Welcome to what, as a father and friend of used women, I fear is the 1 percent.
 

JoyJoy

Well-Known Member
Joined
Sep 30, 2005
Messages
3,327
Location
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Dear You,

You have an MD after your name, so I'm pretty sure you can read and have a high level of comprehension. Why the "Please Knock" sign on my door escapes you, though, I'm not sure. Perhaps you feel that because it's not your typical door, that it's just there for appearances, but when I have the door closed, it means I would like some privacy. For you to just walk up and slide it open without warning, ignoring the sign, is rude and infuriating and potentially embarrassing for both of us. It's one thing when my boss does it - he's the boss. But from you, I expect the same courtesy that I give you in regard to this issue.

Also, to your colleagues who at least acknowledge the sign - the purpose of a knock is to gain permission to enter. Why you feel that knocking and entering without waiting for a response is acceptable is beyond me. I guess being an MD does entitle you to some privileges, huh?

Signed,

Lowly Assistant Girl

___________


Dear Other You,

I know. I can't let you know that I know yet, but when the time comes, you'll know that I know and it won't be pretty.

Signed,

Quietly Fuming
 

Flutterby68

My Cups Runneth Over
Joined
Sep 27, 2009
Messages
182
Location
, female
Dear Fascinating Geek Boy:

I have no idea what you look like and I don't care. I'm enjoying our late-night discussions very much, and I think you're wife is a lucky woman and is behaving like a complete idiot.

Signed,
Unconventional Conventionist

____

Dear Economy:

PLEASE let me find a job in the next week or two, at the latest. My unemployment is going to run out, and we'll then be homeless. I do NOT want to be homeless.

Signed,
Desperate Woman

_____

Dear Breakfast:

Why are you so GOOD?? You are by far the most fattening thing I could possibly eat and I know this, and I know I should avoid you. But the siren song of sizzling sausage coupled with cheese and eggs and hash browns.... belly-busting, but blissful. If I ever want to lose weight, I will need to give you up. WHY is my metabolism so slow? Darn it, I love you so much. *sigh* Meanie.

Signed,
Annoyed BBW
 

RobitusinZ

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jul 1, 2008
Messages
286
Location
,
Welcome to what, as a father and friend of used women, I fear is the 1 percent.
Ya know, as a kid, I was exactly the kind of guy I would've wanted my daughter to date, and I got that certified by my father-in-law.

In my old(er? I'm only 29) age, though, I've become way more of a womanizer. At least at this age, it's easy just to be up front and say, "Casual sex?", and there not be any repercussions, woman are perfectly capable of making their own choices.

I'm not sure if I'm the 1% of super holy dudes, but I know that at least I'm not in the "predator" camp. I think that's good enough.
 

TraciJo67

Well-Known Member
Joined
Dec 11, 2005
Messages
4,873
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Dear Fascinating Geek Boy:

I have no idea what you look like and I don't care. I'm enjoying our late-night discussions very much, and I think you're wife is a lucky woman and is behaving like a complete idiot.

Signed,
Unconventional Conventionist
Well, that's if his version of Ye Olde Marital Woes matches wifely version of same ... right? ;)
 

TraciJo67

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Messages
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You know darn well that people do NOT lie about their situations and actions of their spouse online. ;)
Speaking only for myself, as a hot (HOT HOT) young unmarried woman with more cash than sense, I honestly cannot think of any reason why people would lie to each other online. I mean, what would be the motive? :p
 

mergirl

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Joined
Mar 28, 2008
Messages
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Speaking only for myself, as a hot (HOT HOT) young unmarried woman with more cash than sense, I honestly cannot think of any reason why people would lie to each other online. I mean, what would be the motive? :p
You sound beautiful. I have a huge HUGE cock! Also, my ugandan Lawer needs $5000 to release my $100000000 inheritance.. if you send it i will split it with you.. please help.. i really need a penis reduction. x
 

TraciJo67

Well-Known Member
Joined
Dec 11, 2005
Messages
4,873
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You sound beautiful. I have a huge HUGE cock! Also, my ugandan Lawer needs $5000 to release my $100000000 inheritance.. if you send it i will split it with you.. please help.. i really need a penis reduction. x
Dear mergirl,

I am suspicious. Your username has the word "girl" in it and when I looked at your profile I saw a picture of a girl. I'm a raging homophobe, and I don't want to invest my money if you aren't exactly who you say you are -- a man with an enormous penis. I don't want you get the wrong idea -- I'm a girl with VERY HIGH STANDARDS, and if you can't meet them, then I can't give you my account number so you can wire the $10000000 to me. Please prove that you are a man with an enormous penis. I will accept pictures of your penis as proof, so long as you substantiate by saying "I swear to Dog that I'm telling the truth".

Love (well, I *want* to love you, anyway),
Traci
 

Sugar

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jan 21, 2006
Messages
1,527
Location
Colorado
Dear mergirl,

I am suspicious. Your username has the word "girl" in it and when I looked at your profile I saw a picture of a girl. I'm a raging homophobe, and I don't want to invest my money if you aren't exactly who you say you are -- a man with an enormous penis. I don't want you get the wrong idea -- I'm a girl with VERY HIGH STANDARDS, and if you can't meet them, then I can't give you my account number so you can wire the $10000000 to me. Please prove that you are a man with an enormous penis. I will accept pictures of your penis as proof, so long as you substantiate by saying "I swear to Dog that I'm telling the truth".

Love (well, I *want* to love you, anyway),
Traci
Dear Traci & Merperson,

How the hell did I get pushed out of this love fest. FTR I'm very attractive and rich and I will only call you a fat tub of lard when I really really mean it. That's the Dog's honest truth!

Love,
Chester McCrackinly Esq, MD, DDS, CPA
 

Flutterby68

My Cups Runneth Over
Joined
Sep 27, 2009
Messages
182
Location
, female
You know darn well that people do NOT lie about their situations and actions of their spouse online. ;)
Well, considering the fact that I'm very married myself, I am not interested in other men for naughty stuff. He and I are both geeks, and can talk geekdom to each other. My spouse's eyes glaze over when I start a geekfest, so it's nice to talk to someone who "gets it."
 

TraciJo67

Well-Known Member
Joined
Dec 11, 2005
Messages
4,873
Location
,
Dear Traci & Merperson,

How the hell did I get pushed out of this love fest. FTR I'm very attractive and rich and I will only call you a fat tub of lard when I really really mean it. That's the Dog's honest truth!

Love,
Chester McCrackinly Esq, MD, DDS, CPA
You had me at MD, I teetered at DDS, and you freakin' lost me at CPA. But more to the point, do you have a freakishly large penis?
 

mergirl

Well-Known Member
Joined
Mar 28, 2008
Messages
6,923
Location
,
Dear mergirl,

I am suspicious. Your username has the word "girl" in it and when I looked at your profile I saw a picture of a girl. I'm a raging homophobe, and I don't want to invest my money if you aren't exactly who you say you are -- a man with an enormous penis. I don't want you get the wrong idea -- I'm a girl with VERY HIGH STANDARDS, and if you can't meet them, then I can't give you my account number so you can wire the $10000000 to me. Please prove that you are a man with an enormous penis. I will accept pictures of your penis as proof, so long as you substantiate by saying "I swear to Dog that I'm telling the truth".

Love (well, I *want* to love you, anyway),
Traci
Dear Traci & Merperson,

How the hell did I get pushed out of this love fest. FTR I'm very attractive and rich and I will only call you a fat tub of lard when I really really mean it. That's the Dog's honest truth!

Love,
Chester McCrackinly Esq, MD, DDS, CPA
*generic mailing*

Dear beautiful ladies

I am using my sisters computer because in my country it is against the law for a man with a very big penis to use computers because the king has a small knob and we men of large peni have few rights. Very sad.
As you can see, my sister is a handsom woman..so you can only imagine that i am also handsom.. but a man.. Don't worry about any wiffs of gay you get.. only last week i beheaded someone for wearing a pink t-shirt.. so i am a MAN.. you understand...
Also, i am willing to call you any receptical based items when we are in the marital bed. I would like you to be my wife... its not about the passport... its that in this past msg i know we are ment to be together.. as we have the same interests ie. romantic name calling and gay hatred.. Soon i shall send you a pic of my freakishly huge knob and we shall be married yes?
 

Sugar

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jan 21, 2006
Messages
1,527
Location
Colorado
You had me at MD, I teetered at DDS, and you freakin' lost me at CPA. But more to the point, do you have a freakishly large penis?
I have a huge penis. I'm a charter member of LPSG.org and I had to become a CPA so I could afford my special banana hammock. All of this is besides the point. You know you want me...so when are you going to cook me dinner?

*generic mailing*

Dear beautiful ladies

I am using my sisters computer because in my country it is against the law for a man with a very big penis to use computers because the king has a small knob and we men of large peni have few rights. Very sad.
As you can see, my sister is a handsom woman..so you can only imagine that i am also handsom.. but a man.. Don't worry about any wiffs of gay you get.. only last week i beheaded someone for wearing a pink t-shirt.. so i am a MAN.. you understand...
Also, i am willing to call you any receptical based items when we are in the marital bed. I would like you to be my wife... its not about the passport... its that in this past msg i know we are ment to be together.. as we have the same interests ie. romantic name calling and gay hatred.. Soon i shall send you a pic of my freakishly huge knob and we shall be married yes?
I'd love to be married to you. :batting:

Since we're already engaged I was hoping you could help me with something. My Uncle was very wealthy and left me a huge sum of money upon his passing. The bank needs a European bank to deposit the money into. I was hoping we could use your bank account and of course I'd pay you handsomely with lots of lovin' and some cash if you could help me. Please call me at 091-029747343-322343-1778 and ask for Mr. Bombay.
 

TraciJo67

Well-Known Member
Joined
Dec 11, 2005
Messages
4,873
Location
,
I have a huge penis. I'm a charter member of LPSG.org and I had to become a CPA so I could afford my special banana hammock. All of this is besides the point. You know you want me...so when are you going to cook me dinner?
That sounds promising, but how are you with your fists? Because sometimes, I do get a little mouthy and need to be taught a lesson.


I'd love to be married to you. :batting:

Since we're already engaged I was hoping you could help me with something. My Uncle was very wealthy and left me a huge sum of money upon his passing. The bank needs a European bank to deposit the money into. I was hoping we could use your bank account and of course I'd pay you handsomely with lots of lovin' and some cash if you could help me. Please call me at 091-029747343-322343-1778 and ask for Mr. Bombay.
I don't mean to nitpick, but ... well ... you're declaring your love for me, yet you can't even stop hitting on other women ... and in the same freakin' post??!?! Are you effing KIDDING ME??!?! Oh ... wait ... not my place to question. Sorry. I'm calm now. It won't happen again.
 

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