Peer Pressure?

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CarlaSixx

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Anyone else feel this way?

I'm only 22, but many of the people I grew up with are either engaged/married, having kids, or both! It feels like I'm the only one who's not and I'm starting to feel pressured. It's really bothering me.

Anyone else feeling this way? Anyone else feel like even though they're young, their clock is ticking? How do you handle it?

I just wish I had something that could stop me from feeling like a failure because I'm not even close to having what they have, even though I want it.
 

Jeeshcristina

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Anyone else feel this way?

I'm only 22, but many of the people I grew up with are either engaged/married, having kids, or both! It feels like I'm the only one who's not and I'm starting to feel pressured. It's really bothering me.

Anyone else feeling this way? Anyone else feel like even though they're young, their clock is ticking? How do you handle it?

I just wish I had something that could stop me from feeling like a failure because I'm not even close to having what they have, even though I want it.
I am right there with you!!! I have very few single unmarried friends and those that are married have kids and whatnot. It's a constant struggle, because you want to fit in, but don't want to cut your 20's short. You want kids and a family, but then realize it's a hugeeeeeee undertaking. I guess the way I look at it is the longer I wait, the more I'll appreciate it, and it gives me time to really solidify my views/beliefs, so I'm not 40 and decide I had the way my life has turned out. I know it sucks, but I think all we can do is wait, and try to enjoy life as we have it now, with late nights and no real responsibilities.
 

Hozay J Garseeya

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hozaygarseeya,
Anyone else feel this way?

I'm only 22, but many of the people I grew up with are either engaged/married, having kids, or both! It feels like I'm the only one who's not and I'm starting to feel pressured. It's really bothering me.

Anyone else feeling this way? Anyone else feel like even though they're young, their clock is ticking? How do you handle it?

I just wish I had something that could stop me from feeling like a failure because I'm not even close to having what they have, even though I want it.
I am right there with you!!! I have very few single unmarried friends and those that are married have kids and whatnot. It's a constant struggle, because you want to fit in, but don't want to cut your 20's short. You want kids and a family, but then realize it's a hugeeeeeee undertaking. I guess the way I look at it is the longer I wait, the more I'll appreciate it, and it gives me time to really solidify my views/beliefs, so I'm not 40 and decide I had the way my life has turned out. I know it sucks, but I think all we can do is wait, and try to enjoy life as we have it now, with late nights and no real responsibilities.
What Cristina said.

I think everyone that doesn't get hitched at 20 goes through that. But it's always a sigh of personal relief when those same friends come up to me an tell me enjoy it while I can because once you have kids/get married it's not the same.

I wouldn't say I've ever felt like a failure, but I definitely have felt like I was doing something wrong.

At one point i decided to wake up and do ONE thing everything that either scared me, or that I wanted to do; it has been grand. I also remind myself of the luxury of having my own time and being able to do things on my time and not having to check in with someone or ask permission. Just keep your chin up and remember it is what you make it.
 

LinathSuru

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This is an interesting topic. I guess maybe I'm wired a bit different. When I was younger I didn't want children. That didn't change until I was 20, when I held my middle sister's newborn daughter in my arms at the hospital and sang her a lullaby I'd written for her. That moment was a turning point for me. It melted my heart and I decided someday I wanted a child... But I also decided not until thirty at the absolute earliest, but probably more like thirty-five.

I think about this... Most people I know who are my age (25) or younger are not financially stable enough to justify children even if they do have them. They may be making it by with a little money for fun, but usually they aren't really secure in their future, let alone the future of their children. I know that if I had a child right now I would have to seriously change my living conditions. I'd have to have a higher paying job or a smaller place, which wouldn't be fair to my two dogs. I'd have to afford sitters for the day while I was at work or find some other way to be sure they were taken care of by someone I trusted with my life.

And in twenty years after paying all the expenses for their stuff (school, sports, recreation, band, toys, etc.) how would I help them through college? No. I don't feel at all pressured. In fact most of the time when I find out someone I know who's twenty-five has kids I wonder how on earth they plan to afford the child's future, let alone if I find out one of my younger friends has tied the knot and had a child.

Again, maybe I'm just wired differently, but those are reasons that the 'peer pressure' just doesn't even touch me on this issue. :)
 

dynezt

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A few people I went to school with are married now. Luckily most of my friend's aren't...yet. Most of them are in stable relationships and talking about their futures and I guess it does bother me a bit from time to time.

Just think of all the things they can't do now they're married or have kids. It's a lot of responsibility they you'll have for the rest of your life. Travel and see/do things that you personally want to do, party and be immature while you can :)
 

The Orange Mage

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I don't feel pressure, just a tinge of jealousy that they found someone so simply, because for me it isn't simple at all.
 

Your Plump Princess

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My best friend [who is my age] is engaged to be married next september. My other friend is married with kids [granted, SHE'S 29]

It's sort of stuck in the back of my head, and it gets to be a lot sometimes, but I too remind myself of how easy I have it. Having the freedom to be selfish with my time if I choose so, not having to worry about certain things, not having as many responsibilities, etc.
then again, growing up I told myself I wanted to have kids and find real longterm love by age 30 or I was tossin' in the towel
 

NoWayOut

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Actually, no, I don't feel a bit of pressure. While my friends are getting married and having kids, I've been seeing everything I possibly can. During this year, I've visited Minneapolis, Chicago, St. Louis, Springfield, Kansas City, Milwaukee, Portland, San Francisco, Sacramento, Denver, Phoenix, Boise and Des Moines. About half of those were for work, but still, most of my friends never even left their own state.

Maybe it's different for me because I'm unsure on marriage and know that I never want kids, but at almost 24, I don't feel the least bit of pressure just because my friends are married and having kids.

In fact, I really pity them because they seem trapped to me. The best way I've summed it up is, "Almost all of my friends have either have a spouse, a kid or both. I have an apartment and a Slovakia flag. I think I made the right decision."
 
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Melian

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Nope, don't feel any pressure. I got engaged at 26, married at 27 and we have agreed that we will never have kids - just hang out and do whatever the hell we want until we drop dead. Actually, I never even wanted to get married, but it just kind of happened.

That being said, I am envious of some friends who didn't bother with grad school and have been working REAL jobs for the last several years, while I'm going to be finishing my PhD at 29. Seems like years of wasted income, but at least they'll have to call me "doctor." :p
 

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That being said, I am envious of some friends who didn't bother with grad school and have been working REAL jobs for the last several years, while I'm going to be finishing my PhD at 29. Seems like years of wasted income, but at least they'll have to call me "doctor." :p
I so remember the syndrome. In Switzerland we finished academic high school at 19, then military, then 4-1/2 years of college plus a mandatory full year of practical field experience, then grad school and doctoral studies, and I was 29, too, when I got the Ph.D. By that time, friends who had chosen the European-style trade school/learn-on-the-job apprenticeship system had already 15 years of practical work experience and a well-paying career.
 

CarlaSixx

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I guess for me it is a bit different. I'm having friends and family say "You'd probably feel much better if you were seeing someone." or "you'd have so much fun if you were a mom." and stuff like that. I guess because they actually verbally pressure me, it's a little different than just seeing everyone hooking up and having kids.

Mind you... I'm very behind than a lot of my peers. I never went to college and have only had 3 jobs. None lasting that long, which I recently found out what makes that happen for me. Sure, some of my friends were drop outs, too. But that's cuz they had kids.

I guess I just feel like too late of a bloomer that it actually makes me feel more like a dud. :(
 

Jeeshcristina

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I guess for me it is a bit different. I'm having friends and family say "You'd probably feel much better if you were seeing someone." or "you'd have so much fun if you were a mom." and stuff like that. I guess because they actually verbally pressure me, it's a little different than just seeing everyone hooking up and having kids.

Mind you... I'm very behind than a lot of my peers. I never went to college and have only had 3 jobs. None lasting that long, which I recently found out what makes that happen for me. Sure, some of my friends were drop outs, too. But that's cuz they had kids.

I guess I just feel like too late of a bloomer that it actually makes me feel more like a dud. :(

I know for me, after high school, I just wasn't ready for college. I had no clue what I wanted to do in life, and took some time off. I worked some fun but low paying jobs, and then I finally figured out what I wanted to do and went back. It takes lots of time and patience. Not every career requires a degree, as I'm sure you know, but it is hard not to feel left out when you see everyone talking about finals and classes. Still, you shouldn't feel bad about not having those things. It's overrated. Lol. At the end of the day, you have to follow your own path. It's no fun to live someone else's life!
 

Tad

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It can vary so much depending on who you are around, I think? A friend of mine had a several year relationship with a woman from a little northern ontario town, and her peers and family had all pretty much gotten pregnant right after high school, (some got married first), while she'd gone off to university. In her late 20s she just felt SO much pressure to get married and have kids, that she was pretty much an old maid by the standards of her town, that it really contributed to the demise of the relationship (my friend was no way ready for that at the time).

On the other hand, when we had a kid in our late 20s, we were the first of any of our friends, people thought we were crazy to tie ourselves down that early, and we pretty much got left behind for years because what our friends were doing wasn't compatible with a toddler.

So no matter what you are feeling, try to remember that just because those people feel that way, it doesn't make it some universal truth.
 

Happenstance

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Actually, no, I don't feel a bit of pressure. While my friends are getting married and having kids, I've been seeing everything I possibly can. During this year, I've visited Minneapolis, Chicago, St. Louis, Springfield, Kansas City, Milwaukee, Portland, San Francisco, Sacramento, Denver, Phoenix, Boise and Des Moines. About half of those were for work, but still, most of my friends never even left their own state.
But this makes me jealous too. I don't have the family or the relationship, nor all the freedoms that the lack of a family supposedly affords.

I've been single for nearly three years, (that's right, Kiyera,) and while I finally feel ready to enter a relationship again, I don't have a clue as to where to go with that. The chances of my meeting someone who I'd be interested in dating, who would be okay with dating someone like me, are not terrific. For a while I was able to dismiss my peers who had spouses and children as not being ready for it, not understanding what they were getting into, but as the years go by that position becomes less valid, and shows itself to be the sour grape it truly is.
 

Weeze

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Honestly, it's not my "peers" giving me that kind of pressure, it's actually my family. I've never been serious enough with someone to do the whole "meet the fam" stuff, but my sister is serious enough with her boyfriend that they're talking about getting engaged and such. It's unspoken, but there's definitely a "what's wrong with kris" undertone, especially since i'm the older one.
 

Surlysomething

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I'm not in a relationship currently and I don't have any kids.

My family has never given me pressure about either. (they know better)
 

LinathSuru

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Oooh! That kind of peer pressure. I get that to a degree cause each of my two sisters has provided my mother two grandchildren and she wants to see grandchildren from me before she passes. I told her the same thing I said earlier though. Not til at least 30, probably more like 35.

Still don't really feel the pressure on the topic.
 

NoWayOut

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I guess for me it is a bit different. I'm having friends and family say "You'd probably feel much better if you were seeing someone." or "you'd have so much fun if you were a mom." and stuff like that. I guess because they actually verbally pressure me, it's a little different than just seeing everyone hooking up and having kids.

Mind you... I'm very behind than a lot of my peers. I never went to college and have only had 3 jobs. None lasting that long, which I recently found out what makes that happen for me. Sure, some of my friends were drop outs, too. But that's cuz they had kids.

I guess I just feel like too late of a bloomer that it actually makes me feel more like a dud. :(
Nah, everyone hits things whenever they're ready, or sometimes not at all. Just because you're single doesn't mean anything's wrong with you. It's your life, and it's different from anyone else's.

I do have to say, I am shocked anyone's telling you that you'd have so much fun if you were a mom. From what I see, I don't think you'd have any fun if you were a mom.
 
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