ChickletsBBW
Mostly a Voyeur :)
First off, I'm sorry for the loooong explaination but I have to explain it all first.
I have dilemma that most days I'm at the point of feeling like I will forever be this miserable.
This is not something that I generally share with anyone and it's not something I've shared with or mentioned to anyone here on Dims except a handful of very close friends that also chat or post here too, but perhaps at this point someone else may have the answer that I am in desperate need of.
I have had 2 slipped/bulging disks in my low back for about 8 yrs now (between L3 & L4 and the other between L4 & L5).
I first discussed this with a PA-C in my "doctor's office." I was fairly new to Austin and I didn't have a regular Dr so my friend suggested I go to this medical clinic where you can be seen by any of the PA's, RN's or Dr's with our insurance.
This particular man, (a PA-C) was tall, slender, kind of a runner's build and you could just tell he was athletic (or he sure as hell looked it). After me telling him what my pain was, how I think it may have happened (over multiple instances), and the fact that at this point, I really couldn't get out of bed in the mornings and be an functional independent person. At this point, I couldn't even tie my shoes and I've always been able to do this. My BF (at the time) was having to help me wash my body from hips down because I couldn't bend over, then he'd help me put my clothes on including my panties, socks, pants or shorts if I wanted to wear them and then help me tie my shoes. For a 27ish yr old woman that has ALWAY been independent (even way before the BF) was extremely frustrating and demeaning to *me*
My BF didn't have a problem helping me (at least he said he didn't) but this went on for about 4 months before my new insurance kicked in and was finally able to get to the medical center I'm currently talking about.
Back to the male PA... after all my explanation, this man asks me if I've had any x-rays, Mirs, CAT scans etc.. I said no. He then told me something I actually had to process in my brain more than once what he had just said to me.
This man looked at my chart, looked at my weight, which was about 50 lbs less than I am now, and told me that I needed to get an MRI but there was no place in Austin that could scan me because I was too big and wouldn't fit and I would have to go down to San Antonio to Sea World to have them perform and MRI on my back.
O. M. F. G.
Yes, again, I had to process a couple of times to realize what he just had the nerve to say to a patient, not just to me, but a patient period.
All at the same time I was pissed, mortified, embarrassed, dumbfounded and a few other things.. but most of all, I just couldn't believe what he said to me.
All I could do was look at him and the tears just started to roll down my cheeks. I said nothing. This man just made me feel like I was worthless, at least that's how I felt at the moment. I'm not exactly sure what I said to him at that point but obviously I left.
After driving in my car a while I thought seriously??!! WTF??!! I know at my weight at that time (which in most weight standards on here) I was not technically considered a 'ssbbw.'
So I'm thinking wft?? J know there are MRIs that would work because my Mom had one a few years prior but I remember (afterwards) that she had what is called an "open" MRI, which in my opinion is not really any different other than the fact the new regular MRI machines dont make you slide through a full-body tube thingy lol (yes, my Mom & I were about the same size at that point).
Anyway, I *should* have reported him to someone but I didn't, I honestly didn't even think about it until a couple yrs after that. I'm sure I repressed that day in his office. FYI his name is Jim Howard. I don't recommend him.
I did end up going back to the clinic to see a different PA and worked with some suggestions this person had for me, all I believe are in order of suggestion.
We initially talked about surgery and I was under the age of 30 and most doctors will not do unnecessary back surgery to someone under 30 due to the possibility of things going bad and the person ends up immobile.
* I have tried bed rest (haha yes i still had to get up and go to work so obviously that didn't work)
* I tried a chiropractor - made me painfully worse; one time I was in so much pain I couldn't walk to my car so they chiropractor me out to my car.
* I've tried massage therapy, didn't work or help
* I've tried physical therapy, didn't work or help, including the exercises you can do at home and while laying in bed.
* I've tried water aerobics to help strengthen lower back muscles, guess it didn't work after 2 yrs but i still enjoyed it.. just to get out and exercise and be around other ppl than the ones I work with everyday.
On top of all this mess, from the very beginning, I went to see a pain management doctor who gave me rounds of injections that never worked so, I have been working with one of his PA's trying to get me on the 'perfect' concoction of medications to make it so I can be mobile and functional in my daily life.
After about 3 yrs of increasing, changing, trying new medication with a different combination of something else, I am now on an enormous amount of pain medication/muscle relaxers etc.. and yes I'm talking the hard-core morphine stuff. (I have a very high tolerance for medication, always have had). I wont even mention the amount of money I have to spend each month on all my different medications plus my $40 co-pay every month to go get another 30 days of controlled substances (yay me). It's a hellova lot of money lol
I've also tried dieting.. well.. we all know how that goes so I wont even go there.
I had gotten to the point where I was realizing how much money is wasted (yes I said wasted) on myself just so I can get out of bed and be some what functional, yet still having constant pain and never completely pain-free. I was realizing how miserable I've been since I can't walk as far aa I used to, I can't do things in my yard that I used to among many other things that I'm less able to do and if I do them, I'm in horrid pain the res of the day and in other instances after hard work in my yard, I'm almost in immobile pain the following day but I suffer through it. I started getting really bummed and finally told the pain management PA that I can't handle all this mess anymore, I want to be drug free and pain free.
So I went to see an Orthopaedic surgeon a few months ago and he tells me that I have to be under 200 lbs before he would even consider surgery and states that no doctor will do it unless you're under 200 due 'yadda yadda yadda'...etc. Somehow I'm thinking this is a bit bogus but regardless, another bummer for me and I left feeling very down, helpless and hopeless.
I'm surviving day to day, same drugs, same chronic pain, sadly, I've just learned to live with it but I hate it.
Does anyone have any legit suggestions to alleviate the pain without me having to magically loosing enough weight overnight to get me down to 190ish (which i dont ever see happening) so I can get surgery?
If it's something you don't wish to post publicly, please send me a message on here... I have plenty of room for messages.
In hope for some miracles..
~Chicky
I have dilemma that most days I'm at the point of feeling like I will forever be this miserable.
This is not something that I generally share with anyone and it's not something I've shared with or mentioned to anyone here on Dims except a handful of very close friends that also chat or post here too, but perhaps at this point someone else may have the answer that I am in desperate need of.
I have had 2 slipped/bulging disks in my low back for about 8 yrs now (between L3 & L4 and the other between L4 & L5).
I first discussed this with a PA-C in my "doctor's office." I was fairly new to Austin and I didn't have a regular Dr so my friend suggested I go to this medical clinic where you can be seen by any of the PA's, RN's or Dr's with our insurance.
This particular man, (a PA-C) was tall, slender, kind of a runner's build and you could just tell he was athletic (or he sure as hell looked it). After me telling him what my pain was, how I think it may have happened (over multiple instances), and the fact that at this point, I really couldn't get out of bed in the mornings and be an functional independent person. At this point, I couldn't even tie my shoes and I've always been able to do this. My BF (at the time) was having to help me wash my body from hips down because I couldn't bend over, then he'd help me put my clothes on including my panties, socks, pants or shorts if I wanted to wear them and then help me tie my shoes. For a 27ish yr old woman that has ALWAY been independent (even way before the BF) was extremely frustrating and demeaning to *me*
My BF didn't have a problem helping me (at least he said he didn't) but this went on for about 4 months before my new insurance kicked in and was finally able to get to the medical center I'm currently talking about.
Back to the male PA... after all my explanation, this man asks me if I've had any x-rays, Mirs, CAT scans etc.. I said no. He then told me something I actually had to process in my brain more than once what he had just said to me.
This man looked at my chart, looked at my weight, which was about 50 lbs less than I am now, and told me that I needed to get an MRI but there was no place in Austin that could scan me because I was too big and wouldn't fit and I would have to go down to San Antonio to Sea World to have them perform and MRI on my back.
O. M. F. G.
Yes, again, I had to process a couple of times to realize what he just had the nerve to say to a patient, not just to me, but a patient period.
All at the same time I was pissed, mortified, embarrassed, dumbfounded and a few other things.. but most of all, I just couldn't believe what he said to me.
All I could do was look at him and the tears just started to roll down my cheeks. I said nothing. This man just made me feel like I was worthless, at least that's how I felt at the moment. I'm not exactly sure what I said to him at that point but obviously I left.
After driving in my car a while I thought seriously??!! WTF??!! I know at my weight at that time (which in most weight standards on here) I was not technically considered a 'ssbbw.'
So I'm thinking wft?? J know there are MRIs that would work because my Mom had one a few years prior but I remember (afterwards) that she had what is called an "open" MRI, which in my opinion is not really any different other than the fact the new regular MRI machines dont make you slide through a full-body tube thingy lol (yes, my Mom & I were about the same size at that point).
Anyway, I *should* have reported him to someone but I didn't, I honestly didn't even think about it until a couple yrs after that. I'm sure I repressed that day in his office. FYI his name is Jim Howard. I don't recommend him.
I did end up going back to the clinic to see a different PA and worked with some suggestions this person had for me, all I believe are in order of suggestion.
We initially talked about surgery and I was under the age of 30 and most doctors will not do unnecessary back surgery to someone under 30 due to the possibility of things going bad and the person ends up immobile.
* I have tried bed rest (haha yes i still had to get up and go to work so obviously that didn't work)
* I tried a chiropractor - made me painfully worse; one time I was in so much pain I couldn't walk to my car so they chiropractor me out to my car.
* I've tried massage therapy, didn't work or help
* I've tried physical therapy, didn't work or help, including the exercises you can do at home and while laying in bed.
* I've tried water aerobics to help strengthen lower back muscles, guess it didn't work after 2 yrs but i still enjoyed it.. just to get out and exercise and be around other ppl than the ones I work with everyday.
On top of all this mess, from the very beginning, I went to see a pain management doctor who gave me rounds of injections that never worked so, I have been working with one of his PA's trying to get me on the 'perfect' concoction of medications to make it so I can be mobile and functional in my daily life.
After about 3 yrs of increasing, changing, trying new medication with a different combination of something else, I am now on an enormous amount of pain medication/muscle relaxers etc.. and yes I'm talking the hard-core morphine stuff. (I have a very high tolerance for medication, always have had). I wont even mention the amount of money I have to spend each month on all my different medications plus my $40 co-pay every month to go get another 30 days of controlled substances (yay me). It's a hellova lot of money lol
I've also tried dieting.. well.. we all know how that goes so I wont even go there.
I had gotten to the point where I was realizing how much money is wasted (yes I said wasted) on myself just so I can get out of bed and be some what functional, yet still having constant pain and never completely pain-free. I was realizing how miserable I've been since I can't walk as far aa I used to, I can't do things in my yard that I used to among many other things that I'm less able to do and if I do them, I'm in horrid pain the res of the day and in other instances after hard work in my yard, I'm almost in immobile pain the following day but I suffer through it. I started getting really bummed and finally told the pain management PA that I can't handle all this mess anymore, I want to be drug free and pain free.
So I went to see an Orthopaedic surgeon a few months ago and he tells me that I have to be under 200 lbs before he would even consider surgery and states that no doctor will do it unless you're under 200 due 'yadda yadda yadda'...etc. Somehow I'm thinking this is a bit bogus but regardless, another bummer for me and I left feeling very down, helpless and hopeless.
I'm surviving day to day, same drugs, same chronic pain, sadly, I've just learned to live with it but I hate it.
Does anyone have any legit suggestions to alleviate the pain without me having to magically loosing enough weight overnight to get me down to 190ish (which i dont ever see happening) so I can get surgery?
If it's something you don't wish to post publicly, please send me a message on here... I have plenty of room for messages.
In hope for some miracles..
~Chicky
