Public idea of "Chubby Chasing"

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superodalisque

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someone passed this post on to me and i found it extremely thoughtful. what do you think of the public preconceived notions of what they call "Chubby Chasing" and what impact do you feel it has on you and other people you care about. is there anything you think we can do to adjust the public notion? what do you think we could do? should we do anything at all?

The Myth of the Chubby Chaser

http://powderroom.jezebel.com/the-myth-of-the-chubby-chaser-1579120277/+joshuaadavidd

Joshua David

Some people prefer to fuck thin people. Some people prefer to fuck fat people. Many other people place no importance on the size of the people that they fuck. All of these are valid choices, but we only pretend that one is abnormal. Chubby chasing is bullshit.

Of course, as stated above, there are plenty of people that have a preference for larger people. There may be a physical reason, a chemical reason, a societal reason or a psychological reason for that preference. The important thing is that the reasoning behind said preference is entirely immaterial. Chubby chasing as a concept is steeped in the idea of othering fat people, especially fat women.

I'm going to get heteronormative here and talk almost exclusively about chubby chasing as it pertains to men dating women. This is primarily because as a cishet white guy, I want to keep this to my lived experience and avoid speaking for people that already have enough people trying to speak for them. Full disclosure: I am a fat man and I've dated women of all sizes.

Fat people (in particular fat women) have been deemed unacceptable by the cultural zeitgeist. As such, a fat person dating - having the audacity to imagine themselves as attractive to a person to whom they are also attracted - is considered an offense to the that same cultural zeitgeist. There's tremendous pressure for fat people to be either apologetic or defiant for their size at the same time that they're meaning to find a partner, for sex or love or anything else.

There's not a thing wrong with being fat and proud; I make no apologies for my size and no one else should, thin or fat. The issue is that thin people aren't asked to apologize for their size* on anything resembling a regular basis, and pride and fat are considered mutually exclusive, particularly in the dating realm. While fat-shaming of men is a very real and problematic thing, the most virulent fat hatred is reserved for women that dare to find themselves desirable while straying outside a social standard that is defined so narrowly that supermodels are deemed to be in violation.

The idea of chubby chasing appears on its face to be an attempt to stigmatize men who have a preference that falls outside the accepted norm, and in many ways it is. A man who shows an interest in a fat woman is not expressing a personal preference but committing an unpardonable transgression against manhood and decency and is accordingly branded.

But chubby chasing as a concept isn't really aimed at men. It's one more method of stigmatizing fat women for existing and framing that existence as both morally wrong and entirely disposable. Fat women are simultaneously viewed as unattractive and as easy, a sort of booby prize when an acceptable woman is unavailable. Dehumanization and is the norm and it's used as a weapon.

Then there's the flip side. With marginalization comes exoticism and fetishism; men project their own ideas of what a fat woman is and should be. Fat women are treated as nothing more than a vessel for validation - it's not uncommon to see fat women talked about as though they "appreciate it more." It's a preconception fueled by a fundamental view of fat women as lesser, as lucky to be receiving the attention of a man that views her as below his station. It's not rare for a man to be legitimately surprised to find that a "big girl" would draw attention out of proportion with her attractiveness, as perceived by him.

The idea that we should respect everyone's basic humanity and that our attractions are shaped by something outside ourselves usually sets off (to be kind) a strong defensive reaction. There's nothing immoral about preferring to date slender people, but check out the comments on any article even discussing fat-shaming as a general concept and the hostility and derailment is intense. Fatphobia is so pervasive that even an article whose main thrust is "fat people are people too" is instantly set upon by fatphobes.

Of course, there are trolls everywhere, but trolls aren't created in a vacuum. They often mirror prevailing (if unstated) cultural biases and attitudes. The idea that our judgment of people is based on a criteria that has no real definition and bears no indication of a person's inherent worth is very threatening to those who base their assessments of other people - and often themselves - on such an arbitrary measure as weight.

Chubby chasing is a term firmly grounded in the language of dehumanization and dedicated to the further marginalization of fat people, most especially fat women. While the concept deserves derision and dismissal, it's important to engage and break down the parts of our language (and there are many) that exist as a method to maintain power structures. We're all just people that are attracted to other people. Chubby chasing is bullshit.

*Yes, thin-shaming is a thing. No, it's not what we're talking about here.

Joshua David can be found on Twitter at @joshuaadavidd.
 

loopytheone

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I agree with this totally and this is the reason why I have never called myself a chubby chaser and why I dislike that term. It implies that there is something odd or wrong with liking bigger partner and that those who do are unusual and predatory.
 

mediaboy

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I identify as some one who likes fat chicks.

If anything, identifying as the aforementioned has only objectified thin girls.

Every one wants to be liked for who they are on the inside. Even me. Desire is more than just who you are on the inside. It's also what you are on the outside. Romantic love is a marriage of the two.

Stop thinking about it and love fat chicks you slackers. You could've taken all the time and energy to examine objectification ands written some one a love poem or a dirty text message.
 

superodalisque

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I identify as some one who likes fat chicks.

If anything, identifying as the aforementioned has only objectified thin girls.

Every one wants to be liked for who they are on the inside. Even me. Desire is more than just who you are on the inside. It's also what you are on the outside. Romantic love is a marriage of the two.

Stop thinking about it and love fat chicks you slackers. You could've taken all the time and energy to examine objectification ands written some one a love poem or a dirty text message.
you didn't read it did you? ;) lol :)
 

bigmac

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The term "chubby chaser" is totally innocuous. I've been known to refer to myself as such.
 

musicman

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The quoted article is excellent, and I thank the OP for posting it. I urge everyone to take the time to read it. Unfortunately, the author conflates two different issues. The first is whether cutesy-poo language like "chubby chaser" is meant to be demeaning. That is debatable and mainly depends on who says it, and on the spirit in which it is uttered.

However, the second issue is undeniable, and I applaud the author for recognizing it. The stigmatization of fat admirers, whether by language or other means, is quite clearly an assault on fat people. Belittling those who love and respect someone is one of the most powerful ways to attack the self-respect of that person. Everybody needs a support system, and taking that away can be very damaging, especially to a person who already feels undervalued by society. When sexual attractiveness is part of the equation, the results can be devastating. This drives many people into self-destructive relationships, and also leaves them open to exploitation by weight-loss scammers. The media, fueled by those scammers' advertising dollars, know this very well, which is why you hear nothing but stigmatization and de-legitimization in the media.

There are many other consequences of this. I believe that the stigmatization of fat people and their admirers is reponsible for a lot of the BBW/FA issues we discuss on this site. Due to societal prejudice, many fat people and fat admirers do not date much in high school, so they don't get to make the usual dating mistakes at an early age. This leaves them with unreasonable expectations and awkward anti-social behaviors when they finally meet later.

So, what can we do? Speak out at every opportunity, not just against fat shaming, but against the shaming and de-legitimizing of fat admirers, which is becoming a regular feature of every article and TV show that pretends to deal with the phony "obesity epidemic". As people have reported on this site, we now routinely hear fat admirers described as disgusting enablers and filthy perverts, and even compared to child molesters. This hurts fat people and admirers alike, and it must stop.
 

KHayes666

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My response to people who considered me a chubby chaser, "I don't have to chase them, they come to me."
 

CurvaceousBBWLover

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Superodalisque posted as part of the article "With marginalization comes exoticism and fetishism; men project their own ideas of what a fat woman is and should be. Fat women are treated as nothing more than a vessel for validation - it's not uncommon to see fat women talked about as though they "appreciate it more." It's a preconception fueled by a fundamental view of fat women as lesser, as lucky to be receiving the attention of a man that views her as below his station. It's not rare for a man to be legitimately surprised to find that a "big girl" would draw attention out of proportion with her attractiveness, as perceived by him."

I do not like the labels "chubby chaser" or "fat admirer." So many of the guys who espouse these labels also take the attitude that they are doing the women favors by being attracted to them. This is disgusting. I value a female human being who happens to be fat. I will value her personality and if I like the way she treats me and others, we can have a relationship. The woman's fatness is a key part of the physical attraction, but two people who want an LTR cannot make sex the foundation of the relationship.




 

KittyKitten

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Being ashamed for liking huge asses, tits, and curves as compared to salivating over someone with the figure of a 12 year old child? If anything, that's more weird to me.

There is nothing wrong with having preference but too often males who only like the thin women become so arrogant and think there attraction is the most right.

And I agree, with marginalization comes fetishism and eroticism. Very good point.
 

spiritangel

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Its so well written

we need to get to a point where your not labeled for what is merely a preference after all there are no nicknames for people who like blondes or brunettes or tall people or nerds or dancers etc

This needs to be shared as many places as possible
 

RabbitScorpion

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It is. Some of the folks in the fat community decided to appropriate the term.



Not the other way around?

I heard it used 40+ years ago - referring to straight men pursuing heavier women. It was pejorative even back then, as it referred to men who perceived heavy women as desperate and sought no-commitment sex from them (as opposed to men to actually prefer a woman they can give a really big hug to - and know they're harder to woo than Barbie dolls)
 

CastingPearls

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Not the other way around?

I heard it used 40+ years ago - referring to straight men pursuing heavier women. It was pejorative even back then, as it referred to men who perceived heavy women as desperate and sought no-commitment sex from them (as opposed to men to actually prefer a woman they can give a really big hug to - and know they're harder to woo than Barbie dolls)
Interesting. I heard it over 40+ years ago when I was a child overhearing my mom and her gay friends talking. It was a gay term then. In either case, 'chub' or 'chubby' dates back to the 1600's describing a short round-ish fish used as bait.
 

RabbitScorpion

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Going back many, many decades ago, clothing for overweight boys was openly sold as "Husky" (my mom bought me a 12 Husky sportcoat to wear at a 1975 wedding), and for girls, the accepted standard term was "Chubby".

When my office was downtown, there was a building on Woodward (our main street) that had a fading sign painted on the brick wall about 60' off the ground: "CHUBBY GIRLS". I jokingly would think to myself "maybe I should take a look" LOL
 

superodalisque

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Its so well written

we need to get to a point where your not labeled for what is merely a preference after all there are no nicknames for people who like blondes or brunettes or tall people or nerds or dancers etc

This needs to be shared as many places as possible
i agree. people need to feel normal and the tendency of the whole construct unfortunately is not making them feel that way. what really convinced me is that the people who don't associate with that kind of that labeling IRL or don't allow other people to put them in that box tend to have a much better self image when it comes to their relationships. they don't tend to feel as much like a freakfest. i don't label my LGBT friends for the same reason either, unless we need it to talk politics for some reason. as far as their relationships go, to me they are just people who love each other. i call them by their names. i would never say my friend so and so is a this or a that because it doesn't matter. it's like someone introducing me as their black friend. to me it's just stupid. i think my favorite part of the article is when he said : We're all just people that are attracted to other people.
 

bigmac

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Going back many, many decades ago, clothing for overweight boys was openly sold as "Husky" (my mom bought me a 12 Husky sportcoat to wear at a 1975 wedding), and for girls, the accepted standard term was "Chubby".

...
I hated those damn Sears "Husky" clothes. I out grew the largest boys' "Husky" size in 1974 -- I was 10.
 

Bafta1

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Very interesting article. Thinking of fat admiration outside heteronormativity is fascinating and actually creates space for acceptance of our subculture as another feature of cultural alterity. It is a little confused in places however.

Hate the term "chubby chaser" too.
 

CastingPearls

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When I was a child, I was frequently brought to a shabby corner labeled, 'chubette'. My mother, herself a BBW, made some of my clothing, especially special occasion outfits, First Holy Communion, flower girl, etc., but I never forgot her frustration with finding things that fit me. As I grew older, the market grew too, and I began wearing clothing for 'plus size'. I felt self-conscious that I couldn't wear trendy things, but I could wear stylish and classic pieces. I didn't know it, but I had a reputation for being well-dressed, as I later discovered after graduating grammar school.

I have always loathed, even hated euphemisms like 'chubby', 'fluffy', etc. I know it brings comfort to others, so I don't begrudge those terms to anyone else who finds it cute. But I always relate to being relegated to a neglected corner of a store that didn't want me and salespeople who tsk'd because I couldn't fit into the meager offerings and didn't like the crumbs offered as if they were gold nuggets.
 
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