question about hugs

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likeitmatters

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I come from a very huggy type family and I grew up with the notion that it was quite normal to hug man women and children and being italian it was quite normal. Now that I am living down in south carolina for many years(good luck new york), I have noticed something over the years which sort of disturbs me somewhat. When family members see each other, they rarely hug or even kiss on the cheek(that is normal for me too) and I do not understand that at all.

To me a hug is a hug and not meant to be sexual at all or am I am from another time and place? I have a new roommate living with me and he is totally straight(thank god) no drama or requests for sex and he works but that is another matter. And every night he walks in he gives me a hug to know he is glad to be home.

I just do not understand people these days. If I was to meet anyone from this site, I would give you a hug or is not PC these days? or are you going to call the police for possible sexual harassment? (that is somewhat over used these days with people in general)

anyone thoughts...

:bow:
 

BLUEeyedBanshee

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I'm a hugger...as are most of my friends and family. I don't see anything overtly sexual in it.

There are some people who aren't comfortable with that, in fact a close friend of mine just made the comment a few weeks ago that we don't hug each other all the time but all these other people hug me when they see me or vice versa...she said I don't love her. I always got the feeling that she wasn't a person who was comfortable with hugging because she seemed to shy away from others when they did it.

Heck I was "guy hugged" last week for putting up a poster in a women's bathroom for a dude in a band. This same friend made fun of me because I was "guy hugged" Ya know the hand shake, pull in, arm around the shoulder with a big ole' pat on the back. Yep..."guy hugged" lol

Now, the one thing I never got used to, when I was younger a good friend of mine came from a family of mouth kissers. And they kissed everyone on the mouth, even when they just met you. I didn't like that and would turn my cheek really quick, though it took me a little while to get the timing down right.
 

TallFatSue

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Oh it's probably not a question of right or wrong, PC or not PC, but rather it is what it is. People grow up with different customs. Customs which are perfectly fine in one family, region etc. may simply not be done in another. Imagine the opposite: someone who grew up in a non-huggy environment might be far more shocked to be surrounded by people who hug all the time.

No biggie. When in Rome (or wherever), do as the locals do (within reason).

My family is seems to have a middle ground. Sometimes we hug, sometimes we don't. It's no indication of better or worse feelings for each other.
 

Jes

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I come from a very huggy type family and I grew up with the notion that it was quite normal to hug man women and children and being italian it was quite normal. Now that I am living down in south carolina for many years(good luck new york), I have noticed something over the years which sort of disturbs me somewhat. When family members see each other, they rarely hug or even kiss on the cheek(that is normal for me too) and I do not understand that at all.

To me a hug is a hug and not meant to be sexual at all or am I am from another time and place? I have a new roommate living with me and he is totally straight(thank god) no drama or requests for sex and he works but that is another matter. And every night he walks in he gives me a hug to know he is glad to be home.

I just do not understand people these days. If I was to meet anyone from this site, I would give you a hug or is not PC these days? or are you going to call the police for possible sexual harassment? (that is somewhat over used these days with people in general)

anyone thoughts...

:bow:
I'm not sure I get your question. You're saying no one hugs where you are now, but your straight male roommate hugs you every day which, personally, I find pretty weird. So either there's non-sexual hugging there or there isn't... Can you maybe explain further? Thanks.
 

TallFatSue

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Sayyyy, speaking of "to hug or not to hug, that is the question"... One of the ironies of my family is that my brother (and we dearly love each other) married a very thin woman who is, or was, very fat phobic. She's the poster girl for air kisses, she's always impeccably dressed with every hair in place, and she doesn't like to be mussed up. Our family is a "sometimes we hug, sometimes we don't" kinda family, but my sister-in-law absolutely positively does not like to hug -- not no way, not no how -- especially by someone like me who is literally quadruple her size. But like a cat who zeroes in on people who don't like cats, I've tried to be close to her at family gatherings. Not that I jump in her lap, but given her fat-phobicity, I always make sure to give her a big enveloping hug. ;)

Well, at Christmas ya coulda knocked me over with a feather when my S-I-L sought me and, even more surprising, SHE gave ME a great big hug, not once but twice. Let me tell you, it was more than a little refreshing that my sister-in-law didn't behave as if my mere presence put her in danger of being crushed. On the other hand, the abrupt albeit positive change in her behavior makes me wonder if she wants something from me. Oh well, I'm more than happy to give her the benefit of the doubt. After all, she's my brother's wife, and even if she is a control freak, she has a good heart. Wow, my tiny S-I-L coming up to me and wanting a hug! Never thought I'd see the day, but I like it! She just might become a FFA yet. Nahhhh.... :)
 

toni

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I am not a hugger. I hate it. I only hug my children and my boyfriend. That's it!

I am Italian and I come from huggers (and cheek kissers YIKES!). Family functions are very uncomfortable for me. They know I hate it but they still force themselves on me.

I don't know why people feel they can just touch me and hug me. It sort of annoys me. Some more than others. I can tolerate a hug from a friend at times. Depending on my mood, I can flip out.

I went out to dinner with 6 girlfriends last weekend. At the end of the night, they all wanted to hug. UGH! My reflexes told me to run and I did! They know my issue, so they all thought it was funny. I was just happy I got out of there without being hug assaulted.

So yeah, I am a non hugger. If my room mate hugged me every time I came through the door. I would move out as fast as I moved in.
 

Melian

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My family doesn't tend to hug each other, but my friends and I engage in platonic hugging all the time, oddly enough.

In general, as long as the person is not repulsive in some way, I have no problem with receiving a random hug.
 

steely

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I am in NC and my family are not huggers. We were brought up with no outward affection in any way whatsoever. I am very uncomfortable at the thought of hugging strangers and being fat on top of that, I never got the idea that anyone wanted to hug me.

Luckily, I married a man who was overly affectionate and wanted to hug me and just touch me constantly. I did come to enjoy it but I still am a bit stand offish with most people. There are exceptions to this but I still don't hug members of my family.
 

cinnamitch

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In the south we aren't all huggy and kissy, unless you are a child or granny. We compensate by calling everyone hun or darlin.:p
 

stldpn

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I'm not a huggy person. It's not that I haven't tried, it's just that it has always made me feel uncomfortable. I'm a snuggler but not a hugger.
 

Jes

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I'm not a huggy person. It's not that I haven't tried, it's just that it has always made me feel uncomfortable. I'm a snuggler but not a hugger.
are you a lover or a fighter? a picker or a grinner?
 

RJI

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I hug it out all the time. Many of my male friends are Italian and African American so i guess i just got used to them always being huggy.

In the South they are just raised as homophobes, at least all my Southern relatives are.

The Hawaiians make fun of the Whites for not hugging and kissing upon greeting. Thats were the word Haole came from (No Breath).
 

escapist

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Ok this is one that is very "culture" centered. In American culture it really depends on how and where it is used. It often display's a form of social dominance (even when polite). I gotta say though, I have no problem with it. I have a lot of close friends and I'm fairly comfortable with it myself. Some people are just huggy touchy people I happen to be one of them too.
 
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I come from a non huggy family. However, in my twenties, I learned to give and received hugs from my Spanish, Italian, and Asian friends.
 

cinnamitch

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I hug it out all the time. Many of my male friends are Italian and African American so i guess i just got used to them always being huggy.

In the South they are just raised as homophobes, at least all my Southern relatives are.
The Hawaiians make fun of the Whites for not hugging and kissing upon greeting. Thats were the word Haole came from (No Breath).
Well gee thanks for that. No wonder we don't hug, we get called homophobes by people we dont even know
 

aaronoshea

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Hand shaker and hugger here. Have met some guys who don't even want to shake hands, which puts me off totally. I spent the rest of our interaction being painfully aware that there has been no touch and self-conscious that I might 'accidentally' put my hand on his shoulder or arm (VERY natural for me to do with anyone).

I've also discovered that my natural 'boundaries' are almost non-existent. Standing right up next to someone does not even occur to me as being unusual. But then there are those who wish to 'retain their perimeters' at all times and try to step away. I always try and read someone before engaging and usually this is an easy task for me, and I never try and 'force' myself on anyone. But it does take a lot of the naturalness out of an interaction when I have to pay so much attention to someone's aversion to what seems the most natural thing in the world.
 

stldpn

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Well gee thanks for that. No wonder we don't hug, we get called homophobes by people we dont even know
Umm yeah... I think it's less the homophobia and more about being a bit more clingy with conservative customs of greeting. I.E. not everyone is comfortable hugging so we don't assume anything.
 

thatgirl08

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My extended family always hugs upon greeting and depature.. I hate it. I think it's because I don't feel close with them so it's awkward. I like hugging close friends and relatives but I'm generally uncomfortable with strangers being that close to me.
 

stldpn

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Hand shaker and hugger here. Have met some guys who don't even want to shake hands, which puts me off totally. I spent the rest of our interaction being painfully aware that there has been no touch and self-conscious that I might 'accidentally' put my hand on his shoulder or arm (VERY natural for me to do with anyone).

I've also discovered that my natural 'boundaries' are almost non-existent. Standing right up next to someone does not even occur to me as being unusual. But then there are those who wish to 'retain their perimeters' at all times and try to step away. I always try and read someone before engaging and usually this is an easy task for me, and I never try and 'force' myself on anyone. But it does take a lot of the naturalness out of an interaction when I have to pay so much attention to someone's aversion to what seems the most natural thing in the world.
I'm also wondering if the southern custom of standing farther away has something to do with the habit of wearing wool suits in a warm climate? Some cultures are very at ease when it comes to body odor. But sweat soaked wool that has been allowed to dry that's a special kind of funk.
 

bigbri

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I am from a non-hugger upbringing. I was introduced to "huggers" by my wife, who is a member of Mensa. Many Mensans grow up feeling separated from their peers because of their intelligence or have suffered taunts because of their geekiness, so when they meet each other they want to show mutual acceptance by hugging. I am not a member, but when I attend an event, I do end up hugging many of the people when we are introduced. There is a protocal that if the person you meet has a nametag with a red colored sticker, they happen to be a Mensan that either does not hug or would like to be asked first. I have found after ten years of exposure to that environment, I am much more apt to hug members of my family when we meet than I was before. I can appreciate the platonic side of a hug now, rather than thinking of it as always being romantic.
 

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