Question for the FFA's...

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MaryElizabethAntoinette

Beauty is Relative
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xFloggingMaryx,
So, I'm one of those FFA's who is extremely open about what I like. Everyone knows that I think fat men are beautiful; from my very close friends, to my parents, to my friend's friends and so on.

Most of the time when someone finds out that I think fat is sexy, they basically tell me that I'm awful because "fat is unhealthy" and that by giving big men positive attention for their weight, I am contributing to their unhealthiness.

My question is if any other FFA's who are open about it in real life get similar responses from others.

Another example, usually when someone finds out that I love my men fat, the first thing they say to me is, "But don't you know? Fat is unhealthy." And they go on listing every disease they can think of (most of which many thin people suffer from as well), asking me repeatedly and sarcastically after every disease/disorder that they list, "is that sexy?"
Of course with these people, I immediately regret that someone mentioned my preference in front of them, and I don't bother arguing with them because they're the type of person who wont be convinced no matter what I say. I mean, I've had people get passionately mad at me for finding obesity attractive... practically accusing me of being sick in the head (But these people are rare, luckily).

So, to repeat the question, I'm just wondering if you fellow FFA's have gotten any similar responses from people?

Of course, as a disclaimer. Most of my close friends understand my preference and the only time they make fun of me for it, is in jest. The people who are really awful about it are usually people I meet through others during my adventures in the day.
 

Love.Metal

Dr. Bitchcraft
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Well, as ya know from our conversations, I get that reaction all the time.
Sometimes it was easier being an "in the closet" FFA.
My best friends know and respect that I love obese men, but that doesn't mean they understand it. I mean, I'm not asking for them to understand it, I just wish for a little respect. And they totally give me that, and they will ask questions occasionally; and I am always all too happy to oblige.

But there are always the people who get SO ANGRY at me for liking fat...and I just don't get how they can be so cruel and rude and judgemental. A lot of people think I'm joking, and they'll say stuff like "yeah, right!! No one with a brain thinks fat is sexy!" [this happened last week]. To that I usually don't respond, I don't need to dignify their comments with an explaination. If they don't understand and don't want to make any effort to, then that is fine with me. I just don't want them to continue to put me down about it.

There's people who get off on molesting little kids, or having relations with their dogs, for crying out loud. And people want to give me shit about liking FAT???
YES-I know it's not the most healthy thing.
YES-I am aware that it causes disease, but what doesn't these days?
YES-I know that culturally we shun it, and that most people find it unattractive.
I know all these things, I'm not mentally slow or anything. I'm tired of people trying to change my mind about something I love. It's just those ignorant fuck-tards that make me want to keep quiet about my preference.

Sorry...I totally went and rambled xP
Good question though, Mary!!

<3
 

LillyBBBW

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I don't envy you ladies at all. I'm already fat and kinda scary looking so people tip toe around the subject mostly. I do know that guys I've dated who weren't fat at all got the same crap that you ladies have to deal with. The world is full of ignorant toads who will say all kinds of vapid mindless stuff. The trite easy answer would be to just ignore them and let it roll off but the practical application isn't always that simple. It does make it a little easier to do when you can talk about it with others who get it and have experienced it also.
 

mergirl

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Totally!! Though i'm happy 2 say that my closest friends are a pretty liberal bunch and accept my F.aishness as just another wee part of me.
Sadly the only people who have had a problem with me being an FA have been my partner and also my parents.
I think though its getting a bit better with my partner..though when shes had a few glasses of wine will talk about my "fat fetish" ..which used to exasperate me.. but now i just say "yup.. then you must have a medium sized person fetish" and other things of that ilk. its different i suppose because from a lot of the things she says its not that she is giving me grief for liking big women.. but is struggling with a lot of her own insecurities..
My parents on the other hand .hhmmm its maby a bit early to get into it all.. but to cut a long story short..:
mer at 15-mum i like women
mum-thats disgusting
mer at 15-boo hoo (leaving home and becoming a lonesome busker)

mum-"some random disparaging comment about big women"
mer now- never say anything like that again i LOVE big women
mum-your disgusting
mer now- no you are the disgusting one...i'm off home and if you ever want to see me again you will keep nasty things under wraps!

which worked..that last convo was a few years ago (by mer now..i ment as an adult) and we have worked through those issues..i think too many glasses of wine had been consumed and some reactionary feelings came out...
but anyway... my point is..
Not everything you do or are is going to be met with positive reactions but what you are and who you do (lol) is important enough to hopfully be able to not worry about the stupid or negative arseholes. Its your life and no-one else's so you just have to live it to the best of your capabilities, honestly and with pride.
It does bug me when people say stuff about "health" when you are talking about your sexual preferences though.. what gives anyone that right.. but erm..i think i remember replying to a post that was kinna along that same wavelength so i shall let that rest..

xmer
 

Melian

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When people find out my preference, I get one of 3 responses:

1. indifference
2. agreement
3. mild disgust

The first response is the most prevalent ("should have known...you're weird, in general"). The second response usually leaves the responder looking vulnerable and embarassed...LOL! The third response is usually quick, but they don't proceed to nag me because they know I will be forced to school them mercilessly. Hehe...don't enter into health debates with a former anatomist/neuroscientist and current PhD of molecular biology - you will not win :p
 

mergirl

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When people find out my preference, I get one of 3 responses:

1. indifference
2. agreement
3. mild disgust

The first response is the most prevalent ("should have known...you're weird, in general"). The second response usually leaves the responder looking vulnerable and embarassed...LOL! The third response is usually quick, but they don't proceed to nag me because they know I will be forced to school them mercilessly. Hehe...don't enter into health debates with a former anatomist/neuroscientist and current PhD of molecular biology - you will not win :p
lmao..i have a friend that EVERY time he gets a bit drunk goes on about how he loves big men..and then he forgets that he's told me till the next time he is drunk.. i feel like an FA agony aunt in groundhog day! lmao
xxmer
 

LillyBBBW

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When people find out my preference, I get one of 3 responses:

1. indifference
2. agreement
3. mild disgust

The first response is the most prevalent ("should have known...you're weird, in general"). The second response usually leaves the responder looking vulnerable and embarassed...LOL! The third response is usually quick, but they don't proceed to nag me because they know I will be forced to school them mercilessly. Hehe...don't enter into health debates with a former anatomist/neuroscientist and current PhD of molecular biology - you will not win :p
Shit. I've given out too much Rep. :mad:
 

Tad

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Totally!! Though i'm happy 2 say that my closest friends are a pretty liberal bunch and accept my F.aishness as just another wee part of me.
Sadly the only people who have had a problem with me being an FA have been my partner and also my parents.
I think though its getting a bit better with my partner..though when shes had a few glasses of wine will talk about my "fat fetish" ..which used to exasperate me.. but now i just say "yup.. then you must have a medium sized person fetish" and other things of that ilk. its different i suppose because from a lot of the things she says its not that she is giving me grief for liking big women.. but is struggling with a lot of her own insecurities..
My parents on the other hand .hhmmm its maby a bit early to get into it all.. but to cut a long story short..:
mer at 15-mum i like women
mum-thats disgusting
mer at 15-boo hoo (leaving home and becoming a lonesome busker)

mum-"some random disparaging comment about big women"
mer now- never say anything like that again i LOVE big women
mum-your disgusting
mer now- no you are the disgusting one...i'm off home and if you ever want to see me again you will keep nasty things under wraps!

which worked..that last convo was a few years ago (by mer now..i ment as an adult) and we have worked through those issues..i think too many glasses of wine had been consumed and some reactionary feelings came out...
but anyway... my point is..
Not everything you do or are is going to be met with positive reactions but what you are and who you do (lol) is important enough to hopfully be able to not worry about the stupid or negative arseholes. Its your life and no-one else's so you just have to live it to the best of your capabilities, honestly and with pride.
It does bug me when people say stuff about "health" when you are talking about your sexual preferences though.. what gives anyone that right.. but erm..i think i remember replying to a post that was kinna along that same wavelength so i shall let that rest..

xmer
Hey Mer, and I guess for any other openly gay/bi female FA too, do you find people have a harder time with you being gay, or you being attracted to fat people? Or does it vary by beholder?
 

cammy

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Before I was married, when I came "out" to girlfriends, at the most they'd nod their heads, thus indicating absolutely nothing at all - but now I'm married to a BHM, so really, what could they say and still be considered a friend? Besides, my husband is such a great guy, they all just love him.:smitten:

I think the younger you are, the more objections you may get.
 

BLUEeyedBanshee

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eh, I haven't gotten a ton of opposition for my preference. Those that know though are at times ignorant and just point out any big guy in the vicinity and ask if I think he's hot. When I started responding, "Hmmm, I'm not sure, why do you?" they pretty much stopped.

Family wise, I've had negative comments about the guys I was with when the guys were not around, but that's been handled.
 

mergirl

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Hey Mer, and I guess for any other openly gay/bi female FA too, do you find people have a harder time with you being gay, or you being attracted to fat people? Or does it vary by beholder?
you know what edx..it really can vary. I think on the whole people get lass hassle for being gay/bi than being an Fa because these days its seen as less acceptable to harrass someone for being gay/bi but theres not so much of a social strigma attached to attacking someone for liking big men/women. i Dont know if its because socially the gay/bi lifestyle has been represented more in the media, in films and on tv whereas its very rare for Fa's to be represented that way.
In my experience any homophobia i have encountered has been at the really nasty side of the spectrum whereas the Fa side of my sexuality has generally been met with a more jokey feel, or one of surprise.. but never usually anything agressive.
i suppose its two different issues, but for me wrapped up in one because i feel both my gender and size sexuality are equally strong and important.. though i think sometimes people have real confusion if i think a fat guy is hot and not a thin woman ..which sort of contadicts the schima of me.. i suppose people feel the need to place people in boxes sometimes though..
There is a bit of an Fa subculture in the gay community though ie. with bear lovers etc and i have found that gay men seem to be a lot more open when it comes to what they want sexually and what turns them on than the majority of hetroxexual peeps and gay women. Though i have noticed that a lot of anti fat "jibes" can be pretty prevailant among gay men.. sort of to the same degree that women might be a bit harsh when talking about other women..it seems that in the hetrosexual community its regarded as more acceptable somehow for men to be fat and in the gay community it seems more accepted for lesbians to be fat...this is just an observation though and i'm sure there is some reason for it! lol
anyway..i am drifting away from my point..
there will be bigots hiding away (or smackin you in the face) in all walks of life.. gay bashers in the fa communtiy and fat o phobes in the gay community..
personally though i'm happy to say, as ive got older and have chosen my friends more wisely i rarely experience a hard time for being either..
but the homophobia has definatly had a bit more poison to it when it has happened..whereas the hassle for being an Fa has been more joking... maby because people dont belive its a thing! we need more shows like "will and fat grace", Fa frasier" and "fat friends" (oh..that already is a show!).

xxmer
 

mergirl

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eh, I haven't gotten a ton of opposition for my preference. Those that know though are at times ignorant and just point out any big guy in the vicinity and ask if I think he's hot. When I started responding, "Hmmm, I'm not sure, why do you?" they pretty much stopped.

Family wise, I've had negative comments about the guys I was with when the guys were not around, but that's been handled.
oh lmao! whenever i am single my friend when trying to set me up will be all..."oh.. you need to meet so and so you will LOVE them" and i'm like "there fat right?" ...haha i do like personalities too you know!! lol

xmer
 

Melian

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lmao..i have a friend that EVERY time he gets a bit drunk goes on about how he loves big men..and then he forgets that he's told me till the next time he is drunk.. i feel like an FA agony aunt in groundhog day! lmao
xxmer
You should just call him on it sometime when he's sober. See what he does.

Shit. I've given out too much Rep. :mad:
Tee hee...I <3 you. And I hit a rep wall yesterday, too.

But yeah, I've unleashed a verbal onslaught on the very few individuals who tried to *explain* to me how fat people are all terribly unhealthy, destined to die early deaths, etc, and it's all their fault. My main argument is this:

I've been a researcher for several years, in which time I've read thousands of papers in all fields of life sciences (neurosci, endocrinology, molecular bio, biochem, chem, immunology, etc). Obesity has been a hot topic for at least a decade, and pretty much every study tries to throw in some obesity angle to target future funding.

Two overarching findings are responsible for my disbelief that obesity is a significant cause of many health problems* Firstly, obesity is often a confounder in most studies, much like smoking, gender, race, age, and many other characteristics. A large number of these are innocuous, yet still manage to skew many a normal curve. The old science mantra "correlation is not causation" can be applied. Yes, some obese individuals got that way because they are incredibly unhealthy (this can also be the case for people of any weight); this is likely the TRUE cause of their associated health issues - I would not be dating such a person.

Secondly, almost any physical trait or behaviour can be linked to some disease, somewhere, as either causative, predisposing or phenotypic factors. Here is a short list:

aging - cancer, hyperlipidemia, Alzheimer's (and sooo many more)
blue eyes - recessive abnormalities of chromosome 15
short stature - osteoarthritis
tall stature - bladder/prostate/lung cancer
red hair - melanoma, basal cell carcinoma, squamous cell carcinoma
being underweight - organ failure (as a function of severity), transplant rejection

So who is to say that obesity is any better or worse than say, natural aging or having blonde hair?? The point is: fat people CAN be very healthy; it depends on their lifestyle. Every aspect of our physical and chemical makeup contributes to overall health status....so screw off, haters :p

Sorry to derail....you may now return to the thread :)

*I say "many" because I'm sure there are some issues directly linked to body fat percentage itself, but nowhere near the number estimated by the general public.
 

mergirl

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You should just call him on it sometime when he's sober. See what he does.



Tee hee...I <3 you. And I hit a rep wall yesterday, too.

But yeah, I've unleashed a verbal onslaught on the very few individuals who tried to *explain* to me how fat people are all terribly unhealthy, destined to die early deaths, etc, and it's all their fault. My main argument is this:

I've been a researcher for several years, in which time I've read thousands of papers in all fields of life sciences (neurosci, endocrinology, molecular bio, biochem, chem, immunology, etc). Obesity has been a hot topic for at least a decade, and pretty much every study tries to throw in some obesity angle to target future funding.

Two overarching findings are responsible for my disbelief that obesity is a significant cause of many health problems* Firstly, obesity is often a confounder in most studies, much like smoking, gender, race, age, and many other characteristics. A large number of these are innocuous, yet still manage to skew many a normal curve. The old science mantra "correlation is not causation" can be applied. Yes, some obese individuals got that way because they are incredibly unhealthy (this can also be the case for people of any weight); this is likely the TRUE cause of their associated health issues - I would not be dating such a person.

Secondly, almost any physical trait or behaviour can be linked to some disease, somewhere, as either causative, predisposing or phenotypic factors. Here is a short list:

aging - cancer, hyperlipidemia, Alzheimer's (and sooo many more)
blue eyes - recessive abnormalities of chromosome 15
short stature - osteoarthritis
tall stature - bladder/prostate/lung cancer
red hair - melanoma, basal cell carcinoma, squamous cell carcinoma
being underweight - organ failure (as a function of severity), transplant rejection

So who is to say that obesity is any better or worse than say, natural aging or having blonde hair?? The point is: fat people CAN be very healthy; it depends on their lifestyle. Every aspect of our physical and chemical makeup contributes to overall health status....so screw off, haters :p

Sorry to derail....you may now return to the thread :)

*I say "many" because I'm sure there are some issues directly linked to body fat percentage itself, but nowhere near the number estimated by the general public.
erm.. i havnt really worked out how to use "multi quote" properly yet.. so i'm not sure if my highlighted bit will work..
but actually my fawd (fa when drunk) friend is actually getting a bit better..
he used to date big guys and say stuff to people like "oh he's so hot cause he's so funny"etc.. and i would say to him "rubbish you think hes hot cause hes got a sexy belly hang and some moobs!" ..i have forced him "out" by gradual exposure to honesty! lmao

xmer
 

mergirl

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sorry.. i'm testing my multiquote ..
did it work?

xmer
 

MaryElizabethAntoinette

Beauty is Relative
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xFloggingMaryx,
These have all been insightful responses. And, now that we've established the different kinds of comments we receive on account of our preference... I'm wondering how often people get the vicious comments.

I mean, I posted this thread because I had begun to notice getting more negative responses than good ones lately. So I'm just curious if there is a trend going on... like whether you've noticed other people's attitudes have changed negatively towards fatness.



On another note, kinda adding to some of the comments... my parents know what I'm into. Which is a little awkward sometimes.
My mother thinks it's just a phase... whereas my father just doesn't mention it or talk about it. But that's just what my dad is like... he's one of those people who takes forever to say nothing, and makes conversations incredibly awkward even if there's nothing awkward about them. (But then again, I sometimes do that too).
But my mother is the more understanding one, she just kinda rolls her eyes when it is brought up. Whereas my dad, ignores it.


Ahh, parental reactions. xP
 

LillyBBBW

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These have all been insightful responses. And, now that we've established the different kinds of comments we receive on account of our preference... I'm wondering how often people get the vicious comments.

I mean, I posted this thread because I had begun to notice getting more negative responses than good ones lately. So I'm just curious if there is a trend going on... like whether you've noticed other people's attitudes have changed negatively towards fatness.



On another note, kinda adding to some of the comments... my parents know what I'm into. Which is a little awkward sometimes.
My mother thinks it's just a phase... whereas my father just doesn't mention it or talk about it. But that's just what my dad is like... he's one of those people who takes forever to say nothing, and makes conversations incredibly awkward even if there's nothing awkward about them. (But then again, I sometimes do that too).
But my mother is the more understanding one, she just kinda rolls her eyes when it is brought up. Whereas my dad, ignores it.


Ahh, parental reactions. xP
Mary I'm a Masshole too and I've noticed a subtle change but maybe not the same way you have. I assume your negative reactions come when it is revealed to them that you are an FFA or it comes when they see you out and about with Chris and if it's the latter there may be an explanation.

I work right in the city and have noticed a subtle reaction to be more self conscious when I'm out on my noon commute. The reason for this is the Red Sox won the World Series and the dollar is worth crap right now. Every freak and foreigner is joy riding on the T, walking through the streets holding maps, chirping in a foreign tongue trying to find Fenway Park, Faneuil Hall or City Hall. They tend to gawk at everything, especially the little ones. They burn a hole in my forehead when I'm sitting on the T -- I don't know if it's because I'm black, I'm the biggest woman they've ever seen in their lives or both. All the young swamp yankees from the unchartered parts of New England come here in packs like they own the place and find the need to giggle at anything from mohawks to moobs. They drive everybody insane. (for all I know you are from one of these places and I just insulted your whole family. :blush: You can run me out of here if you want but in general, that's the mood among the city dwellers here in Boston proper)

I do find that depending on where I go in this state I can get any number of reactions. There might be an influx of new people unaccustomed to much of anything beyond the norm besides whatever freaky behavior they are hiding in the closet.
 

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