Mary,
This is a good question. I dealt with those criticisms in the worst possible way, almost four years ago. When I was eighteen, I was in an emotionally, financially and sexually abusive relationship with a larger man, the first fat guy I was seriously into. I told him that I was into bigger guys, I guess I thought it would make him feel better about his lack of confidence, but he always took it as an opportunity to yell at me and tell me it "wasn't healthy" and that I "wasn't normal". After I managed to get out of that, I renounced the scene and denied it, but luckily I recovered to become the open FFA I am today.
Its always hard for me to be open about the whole FFA thing with bigger men I'm dating, because there's the lot of them that have low self esteem and would rather pin me as a freak to make themselves feel superior than actually deal with internalized fatphobia, and it hurts to hear that from a partner.
For the first time in my life I'm in a relationship with a BHM whose open minded about it. The other night, I was giving him a belly rub and he was telling me how much he liked it, and teasing me about liking fat guys. In the words of the Ohio Players, "Fiiiiiire." In all seriousness, it feels good to be in a relationship with someone who is secure enough with their body, and secure enough to play a little bit into my preference and kinks.
For the most part, the only shit I get is from my family. My friends all think its cute, and tease me about it, but all in fun. My dads side also teases me playfully, and I think my aunt on that side has FFA tendencies, but my mom's side has always either ignored me or treated me badly, so when I date fat guys, they think I "can't do any better" and that I'm socially awkward (Most of them honestly don't care to get to know me that well, so fuck 'em)
My parents think I'm "too pretty" to date fat guys, and think I have low self esteem when I do. One day, my dad asked how much my ex weighed, and how tall he was. When I told my mom she flipped out. They never met him, but didn't like him because of his weight (Not because he was a douchebag, or anything....). With my current boyfriend being a smaller BHM, and because my parents like him I don't really get that much trouble from them anymore.
However, if anyone brings up the health issue, I point out that it's lifestyle and genetics over weight, that the BMI index is a useless outdated tool, and that a skinny person with a freakish metabolism who eats oreos and plays WoW all day is going to have more health problems than a fat person who eats healthy and exercises. For me, since I'm frequently hiking, biking, camping and in general running around like a squirrel with ADD, I need someone who can keep up.
I think after this post, the score in the health vs weight debate is:
Rabbit: 80000000 +
Fat phobic haters = -15
Its lonely at the top.