Questioning my FA-dom......

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KerryNation

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*Le SIGH*

After the less than enthusiastic response to the first thread I ever tried to start here at Dimensions, I find myself questioning my FA-dom. Is it WRONG for me to like big women? Apparently so, according to many of you here.

Because, as a man, I should NEVER, Eeeeeeeeeeever, tell a women what to do with her body, I am WRONG in being an FA.

Because I like big women, but women don't like being big, I am a-GAIN, wrong in being an FA.

Because I'd rather look at a healthy, plus sized woman, than a rack of ribs, I AM WRONG in being an FA.

Because I am a man, I am wrong in being an FA.

Because I am a man, I should have no opinion on what attracts me to a women, because she can look any way she wants.......I am wrong in being an FA.

Because I am a man, I should have no opinion on FA-dom whatsoever, I am wrong in being an FA.

Because being an FA is sick, wrong and gross, and wanting a woman to eat until she becomes fat is sick, disgusting and gross, I am wrong for being an FA.

Because liking big bellies is wrong, since women don't like having big bellies, I am wrong for being an FA.

Being a man is wrong. Therefore, I am wrong by birth.



These are but a few of the sentiments that have been impressed upon me during my short time here at Dimensions. And let me tell you.......this has me more than a little confused. But I guess the bottom line is...........I just don't fucking know anymore.
 

SamanthaNY

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Dude - you're too young to be this uptight.

No one has said ANY of what you think they have! If you'll calm down and discuss things without throwing f-bombs, people will be happy to talk to you.
 

KerryNation

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Dude - you're too young to be this uptight.

No one has said ANY of what you think they have! If you'll calm down and discuss things without throwing f-bombs, people will be happy to talk to you.
If people will CALMLY talk to me, instead of ganging up on me and slamming me for being a man, then I'm happy to TALK.

And YES, many of those things HAVE been insinuated. So much so that I am currently in this state of confusion.

And sorry for the F-bombs, but I am ex-NAVY and when I get super stressed, they come out like nobodie's business, LOL!
 

Fuzzy Necromancer

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Well, nobody will attack you for having a penis and a y chromosome.


However, there may be certain behavioral patterns and ideologies you associated with "being a man". If those are offensive, sexist, or misanthropic, people may attack you for them.
 

KerryNation

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Well, nobody will attack you for having a penis and a y chromosome.


However, there may be certain behavioral patterns and ideologies you associated with "being a man". If those are offensive, sexist, or misanthropic, people may attack you for them.
Right, but when I say I like someone bigger.....then get BLASTED with " As a MAN, you have no right to say what looks good on a woman. She can look however she wants. SEXIST PIG, forcing your likes on a poor defenseless woman!"

How do you explain that? I just feel that whatever opinion I put forth here will be met with scathing hatred from every female on the board.
 

lipmixgirl

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the big apple speaks...

RIGHT: appreciating and finding fat girls attractive

WRONG: all women don't like being big

RIGHT: digging on the big belly

WRONG: feederism without mutual consent and taking on adult responsibility

please note that
it is NEVER acceptable to coerce, cajole, force, brainwash, guilt, or create a reality for another person so you can get what you want - in any way, shape, or form - PERIOD.

my bet is that is where the flaming comes from...

the big apple has spoken...
::exeunt:: :bow:



 

KerryNation

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the big apple speaks...

RIGHT: appreciating and finding fat girls attractive

WRONG: all women don't like being big

RIGHT: digging on the big belly

WRONG: feederism without mutual consent and taking on adult responsibility

please note that
it is NEVER acceptable to coerce, cajole, force, brainwash, guilt, or create a reality for another person so you can get what you want - in any way, shape, or form - PERIOD.

my bet is that is where the flaming comes from...

the big apple has spoken...
::exeunt:: :bow:




And I agree with you....but people just jump all over my case and ASSUME that I'm into those things that you said are wrong, without even giving me a chance to explain! I never said I wanted to FORCE my way of thinking on anyone....but I guess since I am a guy, it's just assumed that I'm an asshole who forces my sick fetish on everyone.

*SIGH*
 

Jon Blaze

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1. You shouldn't tell a woman what she is to do with her body. There's a big difference between saying you'd appreciate it if someone would stay a certain weight or gain/lose (In a respectful manner), and calling them a fucking hypocrite because they lost weight. Expressing your opinion maturely is different from demanding and pressuring someone to change for you.

2. Being an FA is not defined by attraction to weight gain. It is a preference or requirement of someone you intend to be romantic with being a larger size. There's no rule of exclusiveness, nor is there a rule for weight gain pressure or weight. Well... there's a guideline for weight, but we all carry weight differently.

Fat Admiration is a preference for some, A "Kink" for others (Because SlackerFA rules ^_^), et cetera. Fat Fetishism is a whole different concept.

As for feederism (Which is a fetish): That's different. If you mix them around in yourself, that's fine, but don't try to make the claim that weight gain is something that is automatically advocated in fat admiration. It is in feederism, but someone doesn't have to gain in order to prove that they are confident in their skin.

3. If you express yourself like a zealot (See the comments you said about Jennifer Hudson), then it is wrong. It is no different from what society does: The sizes are just swapped. You don't have to like a "rack of ribs," but you also don't have to express your hatred for something like that. Have you ever heard of being neutral? Or possibly being respectful of something that you don't like necessarily?
I'm not a fan of weight gain. One reason I don't go with the crowd is because 90% of time: It's coupled with thin hatred and weight loss hatred. No one wants to get any perspective on anything before they blindly judge a woman that may have lost weight for whatever reason.

Obviously some people can't help but put on the pressure, but I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate (WITH A PASSION!!!! :p) when the pressure is coupled with weight loss hatred of all sorts. It's kind of like supremacy.... Something like black pride stands for elitism, but because of corruption, the movement is coupled with hatred of other races. It's a similar concept: You believe larger people to be elite (Or at a higher caliber than society may set for them), but you then start to believe thinner people to be depraved. You don't have to couple the two concepts in order to express yourself.



4. What gave you that idea?

5. You should express yourself in what attracts you and what you may not like, but like I said: How you express it is what matters.

"I liked Jennifer Hudson when she was heavier."- You express your dissapproval of her weight loss, but... You're being respectful. There's no sugar coating in that comment: It's straight to the point.

6. You have every right to do that, but there are certain things we don't all agree on when it comes to the topic. Trying to impose that what you say are laws of fat admiration is invalid.

7. Again: What gave you that idea?

8. Plenty of women like being large, but they don't have to want to get larger in order to prove their worth and confidence.
On the contrary, many of the women you pressure to get larger (Or to stay the same) don't like the pressure! If you can fight that: Don't pressure them. If you can't: At least try to be respectful before you pass judgment upon someone whom you don't know about/whom's intentions of weight loss( Or weight maitenance and not gain as you may wish) you don't know about.
If you know a bbw that wants to gain: I think you have every right to pressure her if she's already expressed her attempt at getting larger. If you don't know, however, I think you should ask about it before you start making calls.

9. ????????????
Are you saying being a man is defined by demanding and pressuring your partners to change to fit the perfect mold of human? Have you ever of heard of coping with flaws? We all have them.
 

lipmixgirl

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then i must agree with Samantha... gotta chill.. gotta relax...

the dim board is a place where one must tread lightly if one is sensitive to the flames...


gotta give mad props to my fa, jon blaze... couldn't have said it better myself...

speaking of props... ::calling out:: JON BLAZE! JON BLAZE!


 

stan_der_man

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I agree with the others who posted that you are sounding a bit mellowdramatic here, setting that tone probably isn't going to spur productive conversation about what appears to be a classic case of the FA blues.

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on the sincerity of your feelings about being a FA and give you my 2¢...

Maybe I'm being pessimistic here... You are probably going to get squat support for your preference of being a FA outside of Dimensions (and maybe only partial support here also, depending on your attitude...) Unless of course you speak Turkish, Spanish or a host of other languages in places where fat women are appreciated. That's been my experience. Here's your dilemma... You are physically attracted to fat women, but many of them don't like being fat, so you are going to have to deal with their self-acceptance / self-esteem issues. You can lay praise upon these women (with low self-esteem) tell them how beautiful they are and they may very well crap on you about it. A blow to your self-esteem.. you betcha. Be patient, sooner or later you will find a woman who may very well appreciate her beauty, or at very least, appreciate your praise of her beauty. You may live happily ever after with her until one day she watches "The Health Channel" and decides that she wants to be skinny. You'll be right back to square one. You once again give her praise and support that big can be beautiful and healthy, and she craps on you anyway. The life of a FA my friend... Maybe things will go better for you who knows, you won't know until you give it a try and have a positive attitude about it.

Trust me, I get tired of the lack of support, the blank looks when you try to explain to people that you are attracted to fat women, and honestly don't find thin women attractive. There have been many times that I wondered if I really am a pervert for liking fat women and have given up on dating them for long periods of time. Until society embraces fat-acceptance and FAs are respected as an acceptable preference, life is going to be tenuous for us FAs; you are going to need to learn how to better articulate your opinions or else risk a verbal flogging if you don't. If you don't like that, than try to be an activist by going out and changing attitudes. Your alternative is to just shut-up, pretend that you like thin women and make everybody else happy excluding yourself.

Stan
 

Tad

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Some academic figured out some way to measure how hard people hit someone, then did the following experiment:

1) Person A hits person B on the arm.
2) Person B is told to hit person A on the arm, as hard as person A hit them.
3) Person A is told to hit person B on teh arm, as hard as person B just hit them.
repeat steps 2 and 3 a few times.

What the study found was that people tended to hit back 30% harder than they were hit. They think that we have this natural instinct to think what happens to us is worse than what happens to others, which is why when kids squabble they so often escalate so quickly. We adults are not immune. When we feel attacked and try to respond in kind, we tend to hit back harder than we were hit--whether verbally or physically.

I think you have hit on one of the issues that is often swept under the carpet here—that most of the big folk generally want to be accepted and admired for who they are, as they are, while the admirers tend to come here specifically because they are attracted to big people, and a good portion of them either have an ideal that is very large or enjoy seeing gain. (you are seeing it here with the BBW and male FA, but to a lesser degree this is sometimes seen on the BHM/FFA board—the exception being that a higher portion of the guys there are into gaining—but the same issue comes up with the guys who are not. To avoid the really tortured language I’ll carry on just talking about BBW and male FA). So there tends to be a bit of a schism on the subject of very generalized size acceptance (all sizes are good, be any size you want) versus something more like fat pride (fat is beautiful and people should be proud to be fat).

Most of the women don’t like messages that imply guys have a specific physical preferences. This could be, like in your other thread, disapproving of someone’s weight loss, or it could be being specific in what you like in terms of size, or talking in glowing terms about weight gain, or talking about how some specific very large lady is your ideal—especially if they don’t post here anymore. On the weight board these things tend to be tolerated a bit more, because by definition it is for discussing the erotic sides of fat, and it is hard to say “you should not find that erotic.” But on the other boards all of these things will tend lead to the death of a thousand cuts.

The problem is that escalating just makes it worse. You might have people who are sympathetic to you but who are not saying anything—but who may eventually step in if you are getting unfairly slammed. But when you escalate, striking back in stronger language, pushing your points more strongly, really you just invite more cuts, which are also escalated. It is probably not in your nature, but the best tactic when you make this sort of post is to say nothing else and let it fade away, or at worse say very politely that you are sorry people take your views that way—but even that will just prolong the situation.

So pretty much, no matter how reasonable you think your opinions are, on this board they will not generally go over well, and fighting that battle will not get you anywhere.

Sorry.

Regards;

-Ed
 

SamanthaNY

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People were calmly talking to you. On forums like this, people say what they feel, and some are passionate. Don't mistake that passion for an issue as yelling at or jumping on you - it's not.

I stand by everything I said in the other thread, and feel the need to address what you're alleging here (remember - we're calm, right?) since none of the things in your original post here are what I feel, or what I said. So that we're perfectly clear, here is what I feel:
  • FAs are not 'wrong' by nature. They're also not gross, disgusting or sick - but telling a woman what to do with her body is wrong for anyone, FA or not. Admiring the body she has is differnent (and a good thing, too) from dictating how it should look. Admiring = good. Dictating = bad. Also - I hope all FAs keep in mind admiring a 400 lb body is a lot different than living in it.
  • A lot of women DO like being big. Some of them aren't as comfortable. Some dislike it. None of those women are wrong in having their own feelings, and each gets to make their own choices on how to deal with their own bodies.
  • There's nothing wrong with being a man. There's nothing wrong with being an FA. Both are awesome.
  • You should absolutely have an opinion on your preference. And opinions on size acceptance, fat people and FAs are all great. It's how they're expressed that makes a difference.
  • I don't personally agree with wanting a woman to "eat until she becomes fat", but I recognize it is a feeling many have.
  • Just because someone is a celebrity and may be a role model, it doesn't mean they have to live their life a certain way, especially if it's counter to their own wishes.
I encourage you to post, but to read responses with a grain of salt, and not read any judgements or labels into them. I didn't agree with what you stated in your other post, and you didn't agree with me - that's okay. It doesn't mean I've formed any opinions on anything else you believe, or say, or do. We're here to have fun, interact and learn some stuff maybe.

Oh and to look at the pictures :D.

So pull up a bong and chill. S'all good.
 

KerryNation

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OK.....But as I said before, is it or is it not hypocritical to say one thing, and turn around and do the other?

I believe Websters' defines that as hypocrisy.


I should not have been so passionate in my earlier post, and I would not have been, had I not posted right after seeing something about that cover on TV.

Getting hammered on by about three different people, one of them bashing my gender (What the hell does that have to do with anything, anyway?) only exacerbated my anger.

But you bring up some excellent points, that I agree with entirely. Such as the thought that liking a woman who is 400 pounds is a lot different than having to live in that body.

The fantasy and the reality are two entirely different things, and I know that. I just feel like a slimeball for liking what I do.
 

SamanthaNY

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You win.

*leaves the bong and goes to look at shoes*
 

kerrypop

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OK.....But as I said before, is it or is it not hypocritical to say one thing, and turn around and do the other?

I believe Websters' defines that as hypocrisy.


I should not have been so passionate in my earlier post, and I would not have been, had I not posted right after seeing something about that cover on TV.

Getting hammered on by about three different people, one of them bashing my gender (What the hell does that have to do with anything, anyway?) only exacerbated my anger.

But you bring up some excellent points, that I agree with entirely. Such as the thought that liking a woman who is 400 pounds is a lot different than having to live in that body.

The fantasy and the reality are two entirely different things, and I know that. I just feel like a slimeball for liking what I do.
I think you're bringing stuff from outside the forum... into the forum, and letting people who could be the people that side with you turn into the people that you're using to vent.

It's okay to like the idea of women getting bigger, or just big women in general. I am happy that someone likes them... or else I'd be kinda screwed.

It's hard being a big girl. For all the shit you get for being an FA, it gets exponentially worse when you're wearing the weight. It isn't just about sexual preferences, it's about where you can buy clothes, and how you take up too much room on the bus, and how the plane charges you for 2 seats... etc.

The fact that you feel like a slimeball for liking big girls... well... I don't mean this to be harsh or anything, but it makes me feel like you ARE a slimeball, because you don't consider big girls to fit into the same category as regular girls.

NOTE: I don't REALLY think you are a slimeball, but that's how that last sentence came across to me.

I feel like sometimes you might be forgetting that these fantasy girls are... well.. people, and that's easy to do when you're all in the heat of the moment and shiat. I understand! I really, genuinely do.

I guess what I'm getting at is that, you can't blame big girls for feeling objectified when it happens to them every day. And you're in a forum full of big girls... who get objectified or judged and generally not treated like regular everyday people, despite the fact that we are regular everyday people.

Don't take it personally. A lot of people around here will bite back hard if they get a whiff of what feels like objectification, or judgement, or non acceptance in any form. And why shouldn't they? This is a safe haven, one of the few we big girls have.

Don't give up on big girls, just take it slow, chill out. It's all good. :D
 

Ned Sonntag

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*Le SIGH*

After the less than enthusiastic response to the first thread I ever tried to start here at Dimensions, I find myself questioning my FA-dom. Is it WRONG for me to like big women? Apparently so, according to many of you here.

Because, as a man, I should NEVER, Eeeeeeeeeeever, tell a women what to do with her body, I am WRONG in being an FA.

Because I like big women, but women don't like being big, I am a-GAIN, wrong in being an FA.

Because I'd rather look at a healthy, plus sized woman, than a rack of ribs, I AM WRONG in being an FA.

Because I am a man, I am wrong in being an FA.

Because I am a man, I should have no opinion on what attracts me to a women, because she can look any way she wants.......I am wrong in being an FA.

Because I am a man, I should have no opinion on FA-dom whatsoever, I am wrong in being an FA.

Because being an FA is sick, wrong and gross, and wanting a woman to eat until she becomes fat is sick, disgusting and gross, I am wrong for being an FA.

Because liking big bellies is wrong, since women don't like having big bellies, I am wrong for being an FA.

Being a man is wrong. Therefore, I am wrong by birth.



These are but a few of the sentiments that have been impressed upon me during my short time here at Dimensions. And let me tell you.......this has me more than a little confused. But I guess the bottom line is...........I just don't fucking know anymore.
It's called being a heterosexual. Anything you try to do is going to be wrong. Just keep breathing and do it anyway. They'll thank you later.
 

elle camino

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ahahah what's your problem, dude? lighten the heck UP, seriously.
you made a thread and people posted stuff you didn't like in that thread, and THAT's making you question your like entire sexuality? time to get off the internet, for real.
 

wrestlingguy

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Karnage, I don't know you, but I have a feeling that you're younger than me. I've been here on & off for almost 10 years.

I'm of the conclusion that you're wrong about several of your assesments which has you questioning your FA dom. I think we should talk privately (talk with Dr. Phil), and I will be more than happy to discuss outside of this forum.

What I DO agree with is that there are times when some here jump all over you, often the ones who say they are temperate in their responses. In most cases, I ignore those people, as in their "temperance", they have chased many people from the boards over the years. Several have even posted in this thread. It's for you to decide whose responses you should heed and whose you should dismiss (mine included)

Don't give up so quickly. There are many here who are more than worthwhile to befriend (and date, if you're inclined). My only comment about your comments is that all people here wish to be treated with respect, provided they earn it. Choose your words carefully, be yourself, and learn about this wonderful place through intellegent discussion.

I hope you can be happy here..........Phil
 
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