Russian Officials Will Give You a Truck Full of Coal if You Lose Some Weight

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Iannathedriveress

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http://jalopnik.com/russian-officials-will-give-you-a-truck-full-of-coal-if-1749595693


Lose weight in America, and your friends will give you a nice pat on the back and make corny jokes about how thin you are. Lose weight in Siberia, though, and a giant truck will come by your house and dump 3,000 pounds of coal on your lawn. Wait, what?

Getting coal on Christmas sucks. I means you’ve probably been a giant asshole all year, stealing money from your mom’s purse or beating up your little brother for no reason. But in Siberia, coal keeps your phalanges from falling off in the brutal winters, and therefore makes for a damn fine gift.

That’s why heavyset governor of Russia’s Kemerovo region, Aman Tuleyev, issued a plan to slim down his citizens by using coal as an incentive. Russia’s Business FM radio station says Tuleyev got the idea from the United Arab Emirates, whose officials issued gold coins to locals who shed those pounds. But instead of gold, Tuleyev promised his citizens something his territory has plenty of coal.

But the big governor didn’t just stop there. No, Tuleyev wants to make a reality show out of the weight loss program. Anton Gorelkin, Kemerov’s Head of the Department of Media, issued a statement to Business FM radio station, saying:


The governor is very concerned about the health of Kuzbass, and we on our part have come up with in response to the request of Haman Gumirovich TV project, which will be launched at one of the local channels. The participants of this TV show will burn kilos will play sports, use a variety of diet and get a wealth of important Kuzbass - quality, high-calorie coal. We have not yet fully decided how much we burned coal per kilogram to give, but, given the difficult situation in the global coal market much - so I think that a prize will be no problems.
The government decided to reward citizens with 1.5 metric tons of coal for every 10 kilograms lost, according to the AP. In American units, that’s 3,300 pounds of coal for every 22 pounds of girth-shedding.

The AP says that yesterday, the day before Christmas eve, a nurse named Yelena Salnikova got an enormous truck full of coal after shedding 66 pounds off her her massive 247-pound curb weight (see topshot). In addition, the AP says authorities gave the nurse a framed “coal certificate.”

Upon receiving her prize of “high-calorie coal,” Salnikova spoke what can only be described as the most Russian sentence of all time:

This will save me up to 8,000 rubles ($100) if it’s colder than -30 degrees Celsius (-22 degrees Fahrenheit) and will surely last for at least half the winter.
 

Ho Ho Tai

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Clutching -
That's funny, in a sense. About the opposite of what I might have expected. I'm forwarding it to Mrs Ho Ho because it relates somewhat to one of our rituals.

I refer you to this post from last year.
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?p=2073663&highlight=andromeda#post2073663

Since then, we have had our 25th anniversary. We speculated that all those start would need a lot of coal in the boilers to stay lit. In order for the angels to dance among the stars, other angels must to the dirty work of keeping the boilers filled. The galaxy and the stars represent our lives together and we are both kinds of angels.

We bought two little Sterling silver sugar scoops, fancying they look a bit like little coal shovels. Every night we stand under that picture and sing a few lines for Tennessee Ernie's "Sixteen Tons'.

"Did you shovel lots of coal today?" (Yup!) "Did we have some fun?" (Yup!) With Christmas in the offing and relatives with problems to resolve, we've been shoveling a lot of coal. But it will average out.

Recently, we bought some little pieces of candy 'coal' to put by our shovels. Corny, huh? But that's love.

View attachment Hummingbird bouquet and galaxy : hands pic.jpg
 

loopytheone

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...is the logical response to this not to repeatedly gain and lose weight then? :p
 

Deannie

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Unbeleivable. I guess those of us that cannot or will not loose weight are supposed to use our body fat to stay warm.:rolleyes:
 
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