Self acceptance as a BHM

Discussion in 'BHM/FFA' started by Lastminute.Tom, Aug 26, 2018.

  1. Jan 10, 2019 at 2:25 PM #21

    AmyJo1976

    AmyJo1976

    AmyJo1976

    FFA for life!

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    Yes it was a complete accident that I found it. I had never even been much of an internet surfer when I found this forum. I didn't even totally understand what an online forum was. This is actually the only place I've ever been really active online. I've definitely been educated on here as well and there's no doubt in my mind that my life would have been completely different had I not found this community.
     
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  2. Jan 11, 2019 at 3:07 AM #22

    Shotha

    Shotha

    Shotha

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    I'm gay, I've always been drawn to fat guys and I've always wanted to be fat. All of these things have a number of features in common.

    1. They're invisible. People can see that I'm fat but there's nothing about me physically that says that I deliberately got fat and that I like being that was.

    2. Traditionally, it's been assumed that no one is or should be like that. Many people still assume that homosexuality needs curing. People assume that your partner is fat, because you can't get anything better. People assume that being fat is some terrible accident frequently caused by lack of self-control.

    3. It's assumed that we can't be happy with being gay or fat or having a fat partner and that, if we are, we shouldn't be.

    4. People assume that all of these things need fixing.

    My first step towards self-acceptance was finding out that there were other gay people and hearing scientific and ethical arguments that there was nothing wrong with being gay. That was the easy part, because back then (1960's) no one really talked about homosexuality.

    The next step towards self-acceptance was hearing talk shows by Ricki Lake, which made it clear to me that there were other people, who were drawn to fat people. She convinced me that there was nothing wrong with finding fat people attractive and with having a fat partner.

    Wanting to be fat was the last and most difficult part. Eventually, I found other people, who wanted to be fat and learned that they were called gainers. Again I heard arguments that it was just a natural phenomenon like being gay and that it was our choice whether we went with or fought against this inclination. This was the last of these three things that I decided to accept and make part of my life.

    With each of these three issues there are a number of things, which help us to be self-accepting, self-assured, self-understanding and confident.

    1. Learning of and meeting others makes self-acceptance easier. When we know that other find fat people attractive or that others like or want to be fat, it is reassuring to know that we are not alone.

    2. Access to information about the issue from reliable sources. This can help reassure us that this is a biological issue and not a moral one. It can also help us to make better choices with the decisions, which life will present to us.

    3. "Coming out". It's not just gay people, who come out. All of us come out all the time about all sorts of things. I found that being open about my preference for fat guys, stopped a lot of the sarcastic comments. It also meant that I no longer had to worry about be caught with a fat guy. Less worry is always a good thing. Coming out as a gainer was the hardest thing. In fact someone else outed we about this. At first I was angry about it but now I'm glad about it, because other people don't interfere in what is my business. Being honest and open about, who and what I am has made my life a lot more enjoyable and a lot easier.

    4. Making use of this site and similar ones is always a great help, because your always in touch with other people of the same mindset. It's great to hear people talking about this on the TV and radio these days, because it makes others more accepting.

    And finally, don't take on board all the negative things that other people say about your body. The only person who has a right to be critical about your body is you. And the only person who needs to be happy about your body is you.
     

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