Sexual deal breakers or What do you require sexually from a lover?

Discussion in 'Fat sexuality' started by olwen, Feb 1, 2009.

  1. Feb 1, 2009 #1

    olwen

    olwen

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    So the coochie coochie coo thread got me thinking about this. We all have requirements that are like deal breakers from our lovers/partners, play mates, fuck buddies, ect. So I'm curious to know what are yours and why? Could these deal breakers be things you think you might change your mind about? Have there been deal breakers that you did change your mind about?

    Discuss.
     
  2. Feb 1, 2009 #2

    olwen

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    To get this started, here are mine:

    1. kissing. I just hated it. Thought it was the grossest thing ever. Then I had a lover who changed my mind about it. It's a very intimate, very sexy act, and I could see why a hooker would not allow this, but would allow penetration sex.

    2. Cunnilingus. There was a time where I just could let this slide. If a guy didn't want to do it, I just sucked it up, but not anymore. A guy who won't go down needs to get off the ride. I'm willing to give oral and he should be too. For a chick, the orgasm from this is so different from a vaginal one...I just couldn't imagine not being able to cum this way.
     
  3. Feb 1, 2009 #3

    AnnMarie

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    It's funny because while I do consider these things dealbreakers, I've dated and had wonderful relationships with/dated guys who didn't do one or the other. I don't think I could EVER date anyone who did neither though.

    And while #2 was absent from relationships/fwb, I never stopped wanting it despite it being clear over time it was never coming.

    1. Kissing. Hard, soft, slow, deep, wet but not drooling, playful, teasing... like oral in your mouth. The tongue should just make you want to climb on their face. (Although when it makes you want that and they don't (see below) it's just a horribly painful reminder of what you're not going to get.)

    2. Receiving oral. Love it, love it... it's the only way I really get off with a partner. I still have fun doing hosts of other things, but there's something about the intimacy and actual physical feeling of all that intermingling that makes my head swirl. Combine that in a guy who's sort of orally submissive and just wants to be used like a machine for it.... whoo boy. Sign me up!

    That's sort of it... the rest is good, fun, negotiable, etc. I have things I certainly won't do, but they're pretty well within the bounds of what 95% of the population wouldn't want to do either, so that's not a big deal.

    I hope to do this all again someday! hahaha
     
  4. Feb 1, 2009 #4

    Green Eyed Fairy

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    I love giving oral...if it's one of those guys that says he doesn't like getting it, then I need to reconsider the whole relationship if he doesn't like getting head.
    On the other side of the coin....I'm okay with not getting oral most of the time....but wouldn't want to be with a guy that had a problem giving it as well as taking. Selfish assholes make lousy lovers.

    A guy that isn't "rigid" or judgmental....I want someone that doesn't mind to try new things and is open about sex. I should be able to tell him what I want without feeling like I did something wrong. Who wants a prude in bed? *yawns and quickly walks away*

    Too much of a fetishist.....I can handle some quirks/kinks/turn ons not exactly like my own.....but forget it if he cannot do other things without it. I'm not a fetishist........just have some distinct preferences...bottom line.

    A guy that likes to give massages and foot rubs....either/or/both works for me. Best foreplay in the world, IMO. He gives me a backrub.....he is soooo getting laid ;)

    And yeah....he better be an adept kisser. Don't eat my face or suck my lips....that's just disgusting before we even get started :doh:

    Oh, and MOST IMPORTANT....he needs to be a patient man that allows me time to get to know him and establish trust. If that's too hard of a requirement for him to meet, then he needs to keep stepping and not waste anyone's time.
     
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  5. Feb 2, 2009 #5

    gnoom

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    Haven't been in a situation like that yet, so this is more theoretical.

    The only deal breaker wich pops into my mind right now (aside real grossness, illegality and skinniness) would be a compulsory kink i'd HAVE TO fulfill. E.g.: She ONLY comes after i spanked her right bum cheek exactly 14 times, stirred a glas of milk three times widdershins, poured it over the nightstand and sang "Glory glory halleluja".
     
  6. Feb 2, 2009 #6

    cinnamitch

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    Well FINE, be that way. :p
     
  7. Feb 2, 2009 #7

    Zandoz

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    What do I require sexually from a lover?

    No cringing and/or hysterical laughter accompanied by pointing.
     
  8. Feb 2, 2009 #8

    Cors

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    I don't even dare to post my deal breakers and requirements in this thread, but I agree with you on kissing and cunnilingus.
     
  9. Feb 2, 2009 #9

    Crystal

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    *sigh*

    So, apparently...oral is absolutely amazing. At least, according to the ladies in this thread.

    I have never really experienced it.

    Maybe I should start demanding it instead.
     
  10. Feb 2, 2009 #10

    AnnMarie

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    Nah, not everyone likes it... you never know. I figure for every girl who's not in to it, I've got their interest covered. :D

    And I've never demanded it, I'm just not that type of person. I'm not even one to ask, if it doesn't happen I figure it's because they have no interest, and I sure as hell don't want anyone down there who's not in to it. There's nothing worse feeling that someone going through the motions. I have to totally trust and believe their desire in order to get in the right place mentally.... so if I'm feeling guilty/self-conscious about them doing it it's never going to work.

    But yeah, try it sometime. :D
     
  11. Feb 2, 2009 #11

    Crystal

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    That's precisely why I've never really "insisted" that this guy do that. I know he doesn't like it...and, if he were to do it just because I wanted it, I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about how much he hated it.

    I'd be thinking about that instead of enjoying the feeling...and it would never happen.

    But...I definitely have to try it sometime. :happy:
     
  12. Feb 2, 2009 #12

    exile in thighville

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    that she cooks me some damn breakfast real talk
     
  13. Feb 2, 2009 #13

    troubadours

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    it is REQUITED that man call me pig. THANK
     
  14. Feb 2, 2009 #14

    Mini

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    This is mostly theoretical, but here goes:

    Oral - If I am drunk enough to consider this doable, I am also in the hospital having my stomach pumped. To be fair, I would never request it, either, so no guilt trips!

    Anal - I don't know if girls actually like and/or request this, but yeah, not happening.

    Bondage - I have a rather severe dislike, bordering on phobia, of being restrained or confined. Nothing kills the mood like a panic attack.

    There's probably more, but that's all I can think of right now.
     
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  15. Feb 2, 2009 #15

    olwen

    olwen

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    True, not every woman likes it or needs it. I would hate to have a guy doing something for me that he absolutely hated too. That's no fun for anybody. This is where communication comes in. I like to talk about sex, so whether or not the guy liked doing it is something I'd know about before we even hit the sheets. If he didn't like doing it, I wouldn't force him, things just wouldn't go very far. I think I'd be really frustrated to put in the time and effort of getting to know each other only to find in the heat of the moment that he didn't want to give me head....any vanilla sex that would come after that would just be lacking and boring for me.
     
  16. Feb 2, 2009 #16

    olwen

    olwen

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    Mini, some girls do like anal - I'm one of em, it's not something I've ever been denied tho, and I've yet to meet a guy who didn't like it, so I've never thought about anal being a deal breaker.

    And bondage, I think is something you probably wouldn't have to worry about too much....I wish I had statistics for the number of people who do and don't like it....
     
  17. Feb 2, 2009 #17

    AnnMarie

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    Agree on that last half... I had the cutest guy... oh my GOD so hot... casual thing, etc. Real electric chemistry thing and all, I found out he wasn't in to oral and I just dropped it. It wasn't a love connection, really just a fun/physical thing, and I just couldn't even see the point in putting in the time/effort at that point.

    Although I did see him recently (in the mall of all places) and I thought .... hmmm.... making out would still be fiiiiinnnneeee. But... ehhhhh... would just be frustrating.

    :D
     
  18. Feb 2, 2009 #18

    Weeze

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    No shitting.

    Seriously.

    Shit is the only thing I can think of right now that seriously crosses the line.
    I'm sure there are others... but this is it right now.

    Edited because justin's a smart ass: I will not pee on you, either.

    EDITED AGAIN: ... No vomit.
     
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  19. Feb 2, 2009 #19

    Canonista

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    For a first sexual encounter a woman must remove those last bits of clothing herself. Force is a funny thing to me and I want there to be no doubt at all that she's giving consent. Words are not enough. I'll kiss and rub her all over all night long, but more won't happen unless she can remove her own bra and underwear. One of my greatest sexual fears is being informed the next morning that she "really didn't want to, but..."

    Once trust is better established (sex with me is a good way to earn my trust) then I'll be more comfortable with ripping off your clothes. Until then, she has to "spell it out " for me.

    Also, any hint at all of another man in your life and sex isn't happening. I'm not interested in women in "open relationships" or outright cheating on their men. I have to know I'm the only one in your heart and your bed.
     
  20. Feb 2, 2009 #20

    Canonista

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    +1

    It's not the oral itself, it's having something warm and humid in my face. I feel like I can't breathe. I don't like kissing women during sex either, especially if they have long hair. When they're breathing heavily in my face I feel trapped.

    I have sleep apnea. Breathing is an issue with me.

    I've done it before and I'm sure I'll do it again, but there has to be lots of air flowing in the room. I have to feel a breeze on my face.
     

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