I am sorry for venting again. I feel like I should stop being myself and stop liking fat men. I shouldn't chase my dream of being in 3D animation and just be stuck doing a boring job forever.
This is why I don't think life is worth living. My family grew up poor and I don't have a degree in anything. I should fit in society's mould and stop chasing after a goose chase dream. End up likey parents.
No, you shouldn't be ashamed for who you are.
But sometimes you do have to let dreams go if they don't work out, and dream new ones. That doesn't mean 'being stuck in a boring job'. It means being open to new possibilities and trying out new things and potentially retraining if the career you've planned isn't working out, whether it's because of the jobs market or competition in it or whatever.
The career I originally trained for didn't work out. I've done many other things since then. I've developed a rule. If I've done something for two years and I've stopped improving at it, and I'm not making money out of it, I stop and I try something else. I've learned many skills from everything I've done, including the ventures that I failed according to my own rule. Learning something new is in itself rewarding. I'm even contemplating embarking on a formal course for retraining in my 40s (mainly because of dissatisfaction with my life at the moment, but also because this might be my last chance before I'm too old!). The other thing is, many of my previous interests that didn't work out, I've later returned to with a fresh insight from the experience and the time away from them.
You can't stop liking fat men. You can't help what you like, and you can't make yourself like what you don't like. All you can do is come to terms with the hand you've been dealt and try to play it the best you can.
You do not want to be like your parents. People who become parents without dealing first with the trauma of their own childhoods go on to repeat their parents' mistakes. If having children is something that's an ambition, wait until you are happy in yourself first. If having children is not an ambition in particular, there is no reason to do it. I didn't want children and as I get older I am more and more thankful I don't have them. Even with the best intentions, children are going to suffer just as everyone else does. It's not worth bringing them into the world unless you are prepared to love them unconditionally and you feel you really need to have them to be complete.
You should not have a relationship with someone you are not mutually attracted to. It's not fair on yourself or the other person (and I wish someone had told me that when I was young, instead of being told that looks don't matter and if I liked his personality the rest would come). Settling for a compromise in a relationship with someone isn't quite what you wanted because nobody is, definitely happens, but you need to be mature enough to be able to discuss it properly and reach an agreement of what you're both expecting to get from it.
I'm sorry for what you're experiencing and I hope things will get better for you soon. What another poster said in another thread about housing options in the USA and how to plan for independence I thought was good advice.
