Should I be ashamed for who I am?

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Angelette

Chris Farley's fiancee.
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I am sorry for venting again. I feel like I should stop being myself and stop liking fat men. I shouldn't chase my dream of being in 3D animation and just be stuck doing a boring job forever.

This is why I don't think life is worth living. My family grew up poor and I don't have a degree in anything. I should fit in society's mold and stop chasing after a goose chase dream. End up likey parents.
 
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I am sorry for venting again. I feel like I should stop being myself and stop liking fat men. I shouldn't chase my dream of being in 3D animation and just be stuck doing a boring job forever.

This is why I don't think life is worth living. My family grew up poor and I don't have a degree in anything. I should fit in society's mold and stop chasing after a goose chase dream. End up likey parents.
Don't feel sorry for venting out your feelings. I'm 55 and still living in poverty, but I still trying to reach my dreams no matter my situation.

About your attraction to fat men, it's okay to be sincere about what you want. Don't try to hide your attraction. Someday, that someone special will appear. You're still young.

And the most important thing, you are in need for help about your relationship with your father. It's obvious that you're engaged in an abusive relationship with him.
 

Anomaly

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I am sorry for venting again. I feel like I should stop being myself and stop liking fat men. I shouldn't chase my dream of being in 3D animation and just be stuck doing a boring job forever.

This is why I don't think life is worth living. My family grew up poor and I don't have a degree in anything. I should fit in society's mould and stop chasing after a goose chase dream. End up likey parents.
No, you shouldn't be ashamed for who you are.
But sometimes you do have to let dreams go if they don't work out, and dream new ones. That doesn't mean 'being stuck in a boring job'. It means being open to new possibilities and trying out new things and potentially retraining if the career you've planned isn't working out, whether it's because of the jobs market or competition in it or whatever.

The career I originally trained for didn't work out. I've done many other things since then. I've developed a rule. If I've done something for two years and I've stopped improving at it, and I'm not making money out of it, I stop and I try something else. I've learned many skills from everything I've done, including the ventures that I failed according to my own rule. Learning something new is in itself rewarding. I'm even contemplating embarking on a formal course for retraining in my 40s (mainly because of dissatisfaction with my life at the moment, but also because this might be my last chance before I'm too old!). The other thing is, many of my previous interests that didn't work out, I've later returned to with a fresh insight from the experience and the time away from them.

You can't stop liking fat men. You can't help what you like, and you can't make yourself like what you don't like. All you can do is come to terms with the hand you've been dealt and try to play it the best you can.

You do not want to be like your parents. People who become parents without dealing first with the trauma of their own childhoods go on to repeat their parents' mistakes. If having children is something that's an ambition, wait until you are happy in yourself first. If having children is not an ambition in particular, there is no reason to do it. I didn't want children and as I get older I am more and more thankful I don't have them. Even with the best intentions, children are going to suffer just as everyone else does. It's not worth bringing them into the world unless you are prepared to love them unconditionally and you feel you really need to have them to be complete.

You should not have a relationship with someone you are not mutually attracted to. It's not fair on yourself or the other person (and I wish someone had told me that when I was young, instead of being told that looks don't matter and if I liked his personality the rest would come). Settling for a compromise in a relationship with someone isn't quite what you wanted because nobody is, definitely happens, but you need to be mature enough to be able to discuss it properly and reach an agreement of what you're both expecting to get from it.

I'm sorry for what you're experiencing and I hope things will get better for you soon. What another poster said in another thread about housing options in the USA and how to plan for independence I thought was good advice.
 

Donna

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I am sorry for venting again. I feel like I should stop being myself and stop liking fat men. I shouldn't chase my dream of being in 3D animation and just be stuck doing a boring job forever.

This is why I don't think life is worth living. My family grew up poor and I don't have a degree in anything. I should fit in society's mold and stop chasing after a goose chase dream. End up likey parents.
The short answer is no, you should not be ashamed, you should absolutely not stop being attracted to BHM, and you should absolutely chase your dream career.

I wonder why you feel ashamed for being yourself? Why do you think your life would improve if you stopped being attracted to fat men (and do you really think it’s possible to just stop?) Why do you not want to fight for your dream career and just settle for some boring job?

Happiness is rarely found in the safe choices we make. And it only very rarely does not require a ****-ton of patience and hard work. I strongly encourage you to talk to a professional counselor/therapist who will ask you pointed questions like I’ve asked above. Someone who will guide you away from the suicidal thoughts/depression. I’ve been where you are and at almost sixty years old, I live daily with the regrets that come from settling for less than I truly wanted.
 
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Angelette

Chris Farley's fiancee.
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Short answer to your question: No.
I grew up poor with mentally ill people.

Stop feeling "Unworthy", ask yourself what it is you feel you're lacking and start working on fixing those things.
Your life is worth it.
Unfortunately, depression, loneliness, and repressed memories are what made me feel unworthy. It's not easy to turn off my sad thoughts. I wish I could.
 

Anomaly

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Good luck! You deserve this job. :)

It is hard when you're in a rut, and people who are fortunate enough to never have experienced depression just don't 'get it' when they say things like 'pull yourself together' or 'you should do xyz' when you are having difficulty feeling any enthusiasm for anything. But it does get better.

I was unemployed at one point in my 20s and it was very rough on my mental health. I also have a problem in that because I so rarely meet people I find attractive both physically and personality-wise, when I do meet someone like that and he's not interested I get really hung up on it and end up in a slump. The last one was probably a year ago and I cut off contact as soon as I realised I wasn't getting anywhere and he would only interact in a 'professional' way like I was a client, but I think part of the problem is I'm still in it. I keep telling myself about the last time this happened years ago and how it did go away eventually. I'm rambling about my own problems but I want you to know you're not alone and that other people go through similar times. It will get better and you need to try to take care of yourself as best you can while still staying open to opportunities without making any rash decisions.
 

Angelette

Chris Farley's fiancee.
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is hard when you're in a rut, and people who are fortunate enough to never have experienced depression just don't 'get it' when they say things like 'pull yourself together' or 'you should do xyz' when you are having difficulty feeling any enthusiasm for anything. But it does get better.

I was unemployed at one point in my 20s and it was very rough on my mental health. I also have a problem in that because I so rarely meet people I find attractive both physically and personality-wise, when I do meet someone like that and he's not interested I get really hung up on it and end up in a slump.
Thank you! To be honest, that one comment didn't make me feel any better. The tone seemed passive aggressive to me. I felt like I was being scolded while going through a mid-life crisis. But then again I usually misinterpret text and I do have thin skin.

I had a fair share of big crushes throughout the years at my job. My most memorable one was an ex-coworker named Jose. Unlike the other ones he seemed genuinely interested in me. I swore he said "baby" under his breath! Sadly, he didn't work there for a while. :(

Yeah it seems work isn't your more ideal settings to form relationships. Even I have trouble making friends in general haha.
 

Angelette

Chris Farley's fiancee.
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No, you shouldn't be ashamed for who you are.
But sometimes you do have to let dreams go if they don't work out, and dream new ones. That doesn't mean 'being stuck in a boring job'. It means being open to new possibilities and trying out new things and potentially retraining if the career you've planned isn't working out, whether it's because of the jobs market or competition in it or whatever.
I was told that I should have a backup career if I ever wanted to aim for a more desired career that is competitive. I'm planning to take coding courses for IT jobs. Oh, if only my parents taught me SQL at a young age! /j

My mom was 20 when she had me. Which is very young and I do feel bad on how less freedom she had. She was also a hard worker and I remembered she was always working night shift. I am fortunate to not have children at a young age.
 

Angelette

Chris Farley's fiancee.
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Washington state
The short answer is no, you should not be ashamed, you should absolutely not stop being attracted to BHM, and you should absolutely chase your dream career.

I wonder why you feel ashamed for being yourself? Why do you think your life would improve if you stopped being attracted to fat men (and do you really think it’s possible to just stop?) Why do you not want to fight for your dream career and just settle for some boring job?

Happiness is rarely found in the safe choices we make. And it only very rarely does not require a ****-ton of patience and hard work. I strongly encourage you to talk to a professional counselor/therapist who will ask you pointed questions like I’ve asked above. Someone who will guide you away from the suicidal thoughts/depression. I’ve been where you are and at almost sixty years old, I live daily with the regrets that come from settling for less than I truly wanted.
Around that time I had some demons lowering my self-esteem. Repressed memories made me think pessimistic. Reading complaints about people's lives and going through my dad's rants about his day didn't help either. I finally stopped scrolling on Reddit.

Right now I am feeling optimistic and currently not as depressed. But I have a bad feeling my depression will return sometime.

I don't want to point fingers. But I was feeling down when I read that one rant thread. Yes, as a plus size gal, I get where OP is coming from. But personally even I can be attracted to personality regardless of the body type. I mainly came here to share my attraction of cute chubby guys. But I've also talked about my weight more than once.

I wish you well on your mental health. I'm planning to see a physical therapist someday. Though, I'm afraid of the big bills.
 

Green Eyed Fairy

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Unfortunately, depression, loneliness, and repressed memories are what made me feel unworthy. It's not easy to turn off my sad thoughts. I wish I could.
Remember my mention of growing up with mentally ill people? They abused me daily. I was diagnosed with PTSD, depression, anxiety. I was later sexually molested by a family friend. I won't go into my very abusive first marriage or any of my other dysfunctional relationships.
I've been to Alanon, OA, several counselors, contemplated suicide and currently take four pills a day for my anxiety/depression.
No one said it's easy, I said you and your life are worth the struggle upward to become a survivor instead of a victim.
 

Angelette

Chris Farley's fiancee.
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Remember my mention of growing up with mentally ill people? They abused me daily. I was diagnosed with PTSD, depression, anxiety. I was later sexually molested by a family friend. I won't go into my very abusive first marriage or any of my other dysfunctional relationships.
I've been to Alanon, OA, several counselors, contemplated suicide and currently take four pills a day for my anxiety/depression.
No one said it's easy, I said you and your life are worth the struggle upward to become a survivor instead of a victim.
Oh I'm so sorry about that. I forgot about your old posts. I haven't been active in a while until these past weeks. I'm terribly sorry for misunderstanding your advice. I usually jump the gun instead of stop and thinking.

I unfortunately can't remove my previous comment nor even edit it. I just hope I avoid a mistake like this one in the near future. I apologize if I made you upset.
 

agouderia

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To play devil's advocate here - how exactly do you expect your life to change/improve if you stopped liking/loving BHMs??
Which postive implications could liking skinny/average men instead have on the practical real life challenges you are facing?
 

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