Quantcast

Single and/or childless in your 30s

Dimensions Magazine

Help Support Dimensions Magazine:

Keb

Princess
Joined
Jun 8, 2007
Messages
924
Location
,
I wonder what makes a woman a "good" one. Besides, you know, not being a complete jerk.
 

veggieforever

High Carb Low Fat Vegan
Joined
Aug 16, 2010
Messages
399
Location
,
I am nearing 34 and made the choice as a teenager that children were certainly NOT for me. When I first met my partner of 9 years now it was very difficult to bring up the subject as it is normally a "deal breaker" as most people see children in their future. It was so refreshing to say "I dont want children" and have someone say "ME TOO!!" with a great big smile on their face!! hahaha!

We much prefer our "furry babies" and also our freedom is priceless. Kids are a must for some and I totally respect that but for me, my partner, our fluffy companions and our peaceful times together are what life is all about. I don't like it when "childless" translates as a negative. For many it is our CHOICE. I have friends who are run ragged and utterly miserable with their children and that to me is not something I wish to ever pursue or contend with. Peace, tranquility and freedom is my life's motto in life and I am sticking to it! ;)
 

Jasminium

sippin' beer thru straws
Joined
Dec 25, 2007
Messages
126
Location
,
I’m 34, no kids, never married. I do want a family, but I'd have to put my education on hold if that ever became a reality. I decided some time ago I’m not going to worry about that ticking clock anymore. In five, ten years I may have my Ph.D or I may have couple rug rats running around. Either way I’ll have what I want, so I'm good.
 

april celeste

Active Member
Joined
Apr 4, 2012
Messages
34
Location
,
Hi everyone

My first post and I just wanted to share my story with you.

I have always been a large person, from a small child, through to where I am now (SSBBW) - and so I have lacked confidence and self esteem, as I am sure some of you can relate to.

Anyhow, at 22 I rushed into marriage with the first guy that ever showed me any attention, and although that marriage lasted 13 years it wasnt meant to be.

We didnt have kids and looking back now I am so very glad that we didnt because I dont think that it would have been fair to bring children into a relationship which obviously wasnt working and had some big difficulties. Life is hard enough as it is and I would want to raise my kids in a warm loving stable home, be it with one parent or two, and this wouldnt have been possible.

But as I passed my 30th birthday and the years moved on I did feel as though I had missed out on something - something big and life changing, and it was a sad feeling.

I have neices and nephews that are close to me in age as I was the youngest of 5 - and most of them have gone on to have families and I am so very proud of each and every one of them - I can see how being a parent has been so fulfilling to them and they are great at it - very proud auntie here!

But life is funny - as that famous saying goes - life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get!

And I got a partner who was a single dad, raising his 6 year old son - and I am now a mum - not a stepmum, a mum - helping to raise a now 12 year old boy who is my life - I cant express how I feel about the joy and happiness he brings me - and it is hard work at times, and yes I am definately greyer, but I love each and every minute of being a mum - from cookng, cleaning, nagging, homework etc - to the rare times when he gives me a kiss for no reason, or tells me I am cool!

I guess I am very very lucky and just wanted to share my story with you all. I chose not to have children when I was younger because it wasnt the right time and I honestly thought that it was too late for me after my divorce - but it seems that there was hope for me after all!!

April
 

Ample Pie

Fattitude Problem
Joined
Aug 15, 2006
Messages
2,532
Location
, Undiagnosed
I am 36. I've never been married and I have no children. I have never *wanted* to have children and, with one exception, never considered myself the marrying type. I'm not saying I'm not open to changes, just that being unmarried and child-free is what I want for myself now (not to mention what I have wanted for almost all of my 36 years).

There has certainly been a lot of "you'll change your mind," "it'll be different when you have your own." etc when it comes to kids. But...the thing is I know it'd be different if I were to have my own and that's why I don't want my own. I'm glad to be an aunt.
 

curlyrachel

Member
Joined
Apr 13, 2012
Messages
24
Location
,
i'm going to be 37 in just two weeks. wow! when i was in my teens, i thought i wanted to get married and have babies asap. when i was in my early twenties, i just wanted to have a good time. and then, in my mid twenties, i got really, deathly ill. (nothing to do with being fat, so suck on that haters! ;) ) i spent almost 8 years on the brink, just fighting to survive every day, so romance was not on my mind. i assumed i had no future.

now, i'm coming back, in a big way. but i find that my dreams are very different. i've been indifferent about having children for quite some time. with my health issues, i worry that i wouldn't be able to care for a child like i would want to, and i hate the thought of bringing a child into such a messed up world. i think my body is going to make up my mind for me pretty soon and i won't be able to have a biological child. i'm not ruling out adoption, but i just don't know right now. i'm open to whatever comes, because i know that things often turn out differently than we expect. :) but if i never have children, i'm ok with that. i give love and nurturing in so many ways. i do not feel as though i "lack" or am "less" because i don't have children.

i've been single for a long, long time, but i would love to get married. i'm just really picky, likely pickier than i should be, and being on death's doorstep, i haven't been getting out much. ;) but, i'm making progress and moving forward. i'm so glad that i never married before now. i hated myself. HATED. i'm just now learning confidence and strength. only now am i beginning to be ready for the kind of partner that i want.

but, if i don't end up getting married, that will be ok. life will end up as it should, and i know that i can and will be happy and live a full life whether i live it married or single. :)
 

ChickletsBBW

Mostly a Voyeur :)
Joined
Oct 2, 2005
Messages
775
Location
Shelly Austin,
Just my chime in here..

I'm 35, never married or engaged and no children.
Not by choice. Just cant seem to meet someone interested in the same things and/or wanting a long term relationship and at least open to the idea of marriage someday..
Why does the "M" word scare men so much?

Oh and for the record, there *are* good girls out here looking for a good guy.

I basically could copy/paste just about everyone's comments and say I agree to them. It seems so many of us are in the same boat. I'm very loving and nuturing and after I finally said no more to my last bf over 5 and 1/2 yrs ago, mother nature decided to start banging at my door about 6 months after that.
Before that point, I had only wanted to get married and didn't necessarily want children but oh gosh I sure do now.. but I'm pushing the age limit and have pretty much decided 36 is the end. My mom had me when she was 36. Maybe it sounds weird.

I would totally be open to adopting if that's something my (hopefully someday) partner would be open to or wants too.

I kind of figure by now at this age I won't end up getting married for multiple reasons. The main ones are most men my age have already been married and already have children and are now divorced and not looking for marriage again.
The other being that we now live in a society of instant gratification and anytime men (and women) get bored or whatever, they cheat, break up or just have no regards to a relationship.
Now... with that said, I am not including *all* men in this. I know there are men looking for marriage and/or marriage with children.

II dont think any of those men are in Austin, but in reality I suppose there are just not many men in this area that actually want to date bigger women since Austin is now considered one of the healthiest cities in the US. Gosh knows I certainly don't "fit" in around anymore even though Austin's motto is "Keep Austin Weird" and I certainly think I'm at least a little weird lol
I also dont really know where to meet any men anymore that might like bigger women. Even our monthly bbw get-togethers rarely have new men come to meet the lovely single ladies. I'm also very shy and don't talk to men I don't know simply due to rejection from men the majority of my life due to my size.

My mom used to ask me all the time when I was with my ex bf if I was going to give her a grandbaby and I just kept telling her no. Although she never pushed the marriage subject with that boy lol (go figure.. Moms know best lol). It sucks now because in my mom's eyes, I seem hopeless (yes, i know my mom too well and she can never understand how any man could be attracted to a fat woman like me)

But.. I try to keep a positive outlook even though most days I think it royally stinks being single. I still do hope to meet the right man for me to have a great friendship and lasting loving/caring relationship. :)

I will say I'm grateful for the internet to have the opportunity to talk to some really wonderful men that love their gf's and wives. I've also talked to many single men that I have made friendships with, some much better than others. A few I would have loved to meet but things just never seemed to work out. And yes even still someone I'd truely enjoy meeting.. but.. who knows what tomorrow lies. I just keep on smiling :)

oh.. quick side note.. Mr Right.. if you're out there reading this say hello! lol
 

KuroBara

"She Coo"
Joined
Oct 13, 2006
Messages
486
Location
geralyn holmes,
I'm 32, and I know I do not want to have children. I don't think I want to be married per se, but would not mind being in a long term relationship, with him living in his own place. I have yet to meet someone I want around me 24/7, and I'm probably not someone anyone wants around 24/7. This flows into one reason why I couldn't be a parent. I cherish my peace and privacy, and especially my freedom. I may decide to go overseas at anytime, and I need to be able to do that without worrying about drastically another life who has no control or say over my actions. I would be perfectly content with a few cats and an iguana, with a boyfriend whom I see often, and stays a few nights a week.
 

LadyDeelicious

Finally Back Again!
Joined
May 23, 2010
Messages
49
Location
,
I am going to be 38 in a couple days, and still single...not so much loving it right now...feeling a little lonely lately

My daughter turned 18 last week, I got a promotion at work, moved into an apartment I LOVE, happy all the time, but still something seems missing.....oh well one day :)
 

Critters

Active Member
Joined
May 23, 2012
Messages
30
Location
,
I'm 36, female, single, childfree, and voluntarily sterile.

I'm luckier than some in that my parents were rather ahead of their time and told me that whatever I did with my life was up to me. I didn't have to marry if I didn't wish to. Some of my friends were pressured relentlessly by their families to marry, but I was allowed to live my own life with a minimum of interference into my romantic life by my parents.

I dated some when I was in HS and uni., but I was a very shy girl who was (looking back on it) dealing with a measure of PTSD from abuse in my past (child sexual abuse, severe bullying, and mental and physical abuse by a teacher). I was an epic wallflower. Through HS, I practically hid in my locker! The funny part of it was that when I look at old pics taken of me in HS, I was really very cute, in a geeky-girl sort of way, quite thin (though I didn't think it at the time!), and I had great legs from my figure skating. If I had that figure now, I wouldn't be shy at all! We never realize what we've got until we've not got it anymore!

I was finally given a confirmed autism diagnosis when I was in university. It explained so much! And with access to the internet, I also discovered that I fit the profile of asexuality. I have no sexual desires. For me, relationships are emotional. I can have intellectual crushes, and I can quite enjoy the way a person looks, moves, dresses, etc. but it really doesn't go any further than that.
I enjoy physical closeness, cuddling, hugging. But I don't require or crave sexual contact. I have done it simply to give my partner what he needed, but it did not do for me what it did for him. For me, it was just absurd and a little gross, and it was hard to keep from laughing... you must admit, the process of sex really is ridiculous. But since I cared for him and wanted him to be happy, I went along with it. But it wasn't something I ever initiated.

I am solitary and independent. I can be difficult, persnickity, perfectionistic, and obsessive over my interests. I generally prefer the company of my pet rats to the company of people. I do not do well when living in close quarters with another person for any length of time. I need my space. I require silence the way I require air to breathe. There are times that any sound, even my own voice or the voice of someone I really do love, can make me angry or panicky. I need an astonishing amount of absolutely human-free time, especially when I have been forced to be social all day at work. Autistic people have a limited social reserve, and once that has been used up, we need to be absolutely alone and uninterrupted until we feel able to face humanity again. If someone intrudes onto my vital private recharging time, that person is going to get the verbal equal to a nuclear bomb going off in their face. If the person's an idiot and still intrudes, they're going to find out that I have an absolutely EPIC right uppercut. People only make this error in judgement once. Being knocked out by a fist to the jaw isn't an experience many are keen to repeat.

Living with someone like me is *hard* for people who can only see autism from the outside looking in. It is just as hard for me to live with someone who isn't autistic too.
I am content being single. I know that it would take a very rare individual to take me on as a life's partner and actually make it work out for us both. My hermitish nature means that I am quite happy to remain on my own. If that rare person should happen to come into my life, I would be open to seeing if a relationship could bloom, but I'm still content to stay single and won't feel bad if I never come across the right person.
 

RaccoonInc

New Member
Joined
Jun 30, 2012
Messages
2
Location
https://www.facebook.com/aaron.jepson,
Yeah, I'm totally up for this topic. I'm 31, relatively mature, single, and totally childless. Got a couple of awesome kitties, but yeah - no family. It's, like, I feel like I'm a the age where, like... It's like I'm driving down the highway and way off in the distance you can see this sign. You don't know what it says and it's still blurry and a ways off, but this dread that it says "YOU ARE NOW TOO LATE" and not, like, "STILL GOOD" or something. That's the mortal fear, you know?

I had a nice nine year relationship, marriage, and everything was cool, but I knew going in that she couldn't have kids, so I sold myself on resigning early. Eventually, though, we split amicably (we're still awesome friends and I get kitty support! :D) when she came to the conclusion that she should be with a woman instead. Her new girlfriend's awesome and life is O.k. for her, so that's good.

After her I had a girlfriend for two years, moved in together, and kinda hung onto the relationship way too long cause it really wasn't a good relationship. It was rocky kinda from the word go, but I had this thing in my head that said to fight and try and make it work. In the end I was hurt pretty bad afterwards. That was, like, yeesh, eight months ago now. Doesn't seem that long, but it is, and I've been perfectly alone since then.

I feel over it now, but is it ever discouraging to start from scratch two months shy of 32. It's a total, total downer, ad everywhere you look people are holding hands and playing catch with kids and you just feel like the plane took off without you. So I dunno where to go from here. It's difficult, you know? It's hard to have any self-esteem about these things. I totally empathize with everyone in this thread. You're not alone. Not at all. It's nice to see that I'm not alone, either. Thanks! :D I'll keep up the good fight! Yay us!
 
  • Like
Reactions: Tad

largenlovely

Still a Fat Girl lol
DimensionsModel
Joined
Sep 29, 2005
Messages
5,557
Location
Topeka, KS
I'm 37 and Have no children..and single. I'm actually pretty glad I never had any children being that none of the previous relationships worked out. So right now I would be a single mom and that is one tough job that I don't wanna apply for. Still hoping to find Mr. Right one day though
 

Latest posts

Top